Raphael

I'm sure that you all know this kind of people. However, let's be clear by what I mean by 'Donald Trump' style of people: Stubborn people who never change opinion even if they know they're completely wrong People who treat others as shit, humiliate them, put them down People who get angry quickly, who are bipolar People who can start doing illegal things People who know how to subtly manipulate others to their advantage You got the idea here. The fact is that I've recently started a new job as a software developer and our boss is making us working from 8 AM to 6 PM, and also making me work Saturday with the same schedule. I don't get paid a lot, and feel like it's unproductive and making tired. At the end of last Friday I've asked him if it would be possible to stop at 12 PM or 1 PM, he told me that he already answered this question to previous employees. Saturday morning he didn't even let me the time to ask anything and start clashing me about this and conclude for everyone that it will not be possible. So now I'm planning to find a new job that gives me more time for self-actualization. However, the fact is that I'm also like this kind of people sometimes. I got critics in the past and I'm trying to change that even if it's sometimes very hard for me. I have been educated by a father who had the same behavior, so I had a lot of personal issues while growing up and still have today. The problem is that there's a lot of different people on earth and I will never be completely safe from not meeting this kind of people in the future. So what can I do to start to manage them? When my boss clashed me, I was feeling a lot of fear and my heart was beating a lot. How can I learn to face this type of people and not let them dominates me? I don't want to be a victim forever in my life. Thanks

@Dan Arnautu I forget to tell you that I am experiencing an existential crisis for almost two years now. Quick money in order to become independent fast. It's not so much about the passion, but it can also be very interesting for me. The concept would be to create a youtube channel and educate me on different subjects. Make videos on what I am learning and after becoming good enough in one domain create a paid online course. After that, I would like to invest the money into traveling, personal development, discovering myself, and creating more interesting businesses. I am already reading The Six Pillars Of Self-Esteem and I downloaded How To Win Friends And Influence People on Audibe. Concerning the issue, I don't have a lot of problems to speak in front of a public. Most of the time when I meet peoples it's ok at the beginning, but then it collapses after days, weeks, in the middle and long-term. I hate small talk, even though I can deal with them if they are quite rare, but it's not the case most of the time. I like to speak about interesting and deep things, where it seems to me that people are always complaining about their life and gossiping about irrelevant stuff. I never felt integrated anywhere and have difficulties to understand people, so I'm afraid to say what I'm thinking about because they will judge me and tell me that I am abnormal. I'm also afraid to show them what I really know about some subjects because most of them don't like to admit that they're wrong and then attack me for that. I find out that a lot of people like to speak about things where they don't know anything (food is a very good example, they speak a lot about it, but never read professional studies or books). That's why I'm very quiet most of the time and listen more in order to analyze better and share less nonsense. Telling a lot of stupid jokes all the time because I was new and young. Telling me to wash their dishes. Rejecting me because I didn't know about a popular ice cream company, where I told them that I never eat ice creams. Telling me that I am not normal because I don't want to spend time with them, but prefer to stay home alone. Joking on me because of my eating habits, where I wanted to be healthy and gain weight. Being angry with me because I didn't want to eat their food (they were not thinking that it was because of the food, but that I had something against them). Not liking me because I sometimes forget about social conventions, and not being very traditional or not having a specific culture or group to belong. I am a high sensitivity person and have trouble managing strong emotions, so I tend to hide them. The list is huge, I'm not putting everything here. BTW thank you for what you are doing, it's awesome However do you think that you will be able to maintain this thread? If it continues, it's going to be enormous and all of these questions could have more visibility and obtain more answers by being asked in the appropriate forum.

I want to make money to become financially independant. I know theorically how to do it, I already sold something on the internet. However I have something deep inside me that is blocking me, and make me unable to take actions and be consistant with my work. I suppose there's a lot a fear, but I'm wondering if there is not something else. I also grow up with social anxiety and extreme shyness problems with a toxic father. However, I did a lot a progress during the last three years until I get my first job. These progress then collapse because of my inability to deal with my coworkers behaviours

Hello, I am trying to improve my productivity by working better, smarter, and more effectively. I would like to know what are from your perspectives the best productivity books. If you also have personal tips feel free to share them here

Already read this one!

@dude Do you think Flow is an essential read?

I also have this problem. I'm on Linux using Chrome

I recently found the Dynalist note taking app. It seems very powerful, does anyone has tried it or use it? There's also a live demo here

Hello, I've noticed a strange behavior about myself when reflecting on my life. I don't know why I'm doing this, but I always want to be different, I suppose that it's an ego defense mechanism. So here are some points: When I was a kid, I've always felt different and oversensitive In high school, I didn't care about my results because I wanted to be a software developer. However, during the final year, I've worked really hard because I thought most of the people in my class were dumb. I also thought I was better and destined to a great future as a millionaire tech company's CEO and I've got really good results during this year I studied Computer Science during the last two years. Nevertheless, my entire reality collapsed during this period because I was so isolated and out of my comfort zone. It's also at this time that I discovered Actualized.org and finally started to found more people "like me" I found a job in a small company, but I quit after less than three months. The boss was abusing me and I was not feeling well integrated into the overly social environment. I've also judged the company activity's ethics very bad as their goal were only to make money with unconscious products Here's my situation now: I'm at my parent's house. I don't like to be here, but I have no other options I'm trying to start a small affiliate marketing business. However, I'm procrastinating a lot and I've started more than five months ago. I'm currently having zero results and don't like doing this, but I need money I'm wondering about doing philosophy studies. However, I'm fearful if the same thing happens and if I want to change direction again. I've always been a deep thinker What do you guys think about this?

I also think like this. I actually feel that I need to study a lot of things including philosophy, but that school is not for me.

Hey there, I'm a 20 years old (almost 21) young man wondering about his life and future. I am currently unemployed as I recently quit my job and return back to my parent's house. One idea that is growing up in my mind since several months is to start new philosophies studies, however, I have both pros and cons on this: Pros: I'm lost in life and have a lot of questions in my mind I'm interested in societies, existential, and epistemological questions I am a very big thinker I would like to meet more people "like me", I've always felt very lonely all my life as I see most people not sharing my deep thoughts Philosophy is essential to self-actualization and the search for truth I consider myself as very open-minded Cons: I work better alone as an autodidact The over social and noisy environment at school drain my energy Studying in college also implies dogmas and a certain way of thinking, even in philosophy I'm interested in a lot of subjects and also like very practical things such as computer programming What's your opinion on this? I'm hesitating a lot and sometimes really think that it will be better to do independent studies. However, I will not be able to stay at my parent's house all my entire life. They will probably kick me out if I just study inside philosophy and a lot of different subjects and not make any money

It's precisely because I don't have any clear goal but I'm interested in philosophy that I'm envisaging some studies

Does someone else have an opinion on this?

I have a question for all INTPs here: How do you deal with your over active mind? I have a lot of difficulties to concentrate and it's really killing all my productivity. It's actually easier for me to work when I'm under surveillance and feel less free, but when I'm alone I go in thousands directions and ends completly unproductive.

Is this legal? @Joseph Maynor Awesome, it's for these kinds of comments that reputations points can be useful

INTP-T It both surprise me and not at the same time. Why it surprises me I don't consider myself as highly intelligent, I didn't have awesome grades at school even if I were not bad most of the time. It was more like a rollercoaster for me, and I was not really good at math. Why it doesn't surprise me I like to be alone, I philosophy and think a lot. I get lost in thoughts and on the internet at a supersonic speed. I always feel misunderstood, I see people doing complete nonsense in their life, complaining a lot, and not taking actions. I prefer to be direct in my approach, I have difficulties to communicate with people that most of the time misunderstood my behavior and my thinking. I hate small talk, I prefer not to speak rather than saying irrelevant things. I consider myself as being open-minded, at least enough open-minded to admit that I can be close-minded without noticing it. I don't try to impose things on people, they do what they want even if I consider that it's bullshit. I try to analyze critics against me, rather than reacting against them, if there some true inside it's better for me to explore that. There are probably more things to say, but I don't have everything in my mind right now. However, I can see that there are a lot of things to improve in myself

@Tony Tellez Mr Robot is also very interesting. It questions mainstream society and reality a lot. I've sometimes wondered if the director knew something about enlightenment. More people should watch it

In your last motivational video you said that working at Mc Donald was not work, but bullshit. Then you said that it was the same thing for a programmer. However, I consider programming harder then working at Mc Donald. You need more concentration and solve harder problems. What is real work for you?

@Anakin I agree with you. However, this is life and sometimes no matter how much you want to be responsible and control the situation, bad things can happen to you. For example, I can get killed at any time by a car when walking in the street, just like you and anyone else. In the same way that I can meet abusive people even if I'm doing everything to be around people that push me forward. I've taken responsibility for my situation and choose to quit this job, where other employees are too afraid, stay stuck and continue to complain about their life. This is also why I've asked for pieces of advice on how to manage this kind of people, I'm taking responsibility to not let them dominates me and control my life, but, despite that, shit can still happen.

@NJM50 Xiaomi has a very good quality laptop: Xiaomi Air. It's available in 12.5 and 13.3" It's very similar to a MacBook, but less expensive and it runs Windows. It also has very good characteristics and performances even though we can find more powerful laptops on the market. http://www.mi.com/en/mibookair/ You can buy it on Gearbest: https://www.gearbest.com/Xiaomi-Air-_gear/c_11963/ However, notice that you will have to re-install Windows because it will be in Chinese.

I've finally told my boss that I will quit at the end of this month. I feel great, but now I need to find another job, otherwise, I will be in big trouble. I took a pill to calm down before having the conversation. He acts as I've expected: aggressively. Here's what I've learned: Before the confrontation: do some breathing exercises, stay in the moment, observe the environment, do not focus on the next conversation Go straight to the subject Listen carefully to him, do not try to interrupt him, he will speak a lot Only speak when it's necessary, there's no need to criticize anyone Stay nice to the other person End the confrontation

@HII I think more and more of introversion and extroversion as two extremes of a large spectrum. The extroversion extreme corresponds to people getting energized by stimulative situations and introversion extreme for people who need time alone to recharges. I consider myself more as an introvert as I've had difficulties through my entire life to authentically communicate with peoples, however, sometimes I also want things that we usually associate more with extroverts like sex or popularity. Most people in western society don't understand introversion and associate negative beliefs with it. For example, I've recently received several messages on facebook from an uncle who wants to know if I was "OK" because I moved to a new city. I didn't answer to any of them, until he sends me the following: "You know, you should respond to people sometimes". Then I thought like "Shit, how am I going to explain to him what I'm thinking?" So I started wondering how can I explain quickly and without being rough what's in my mind. And I wrote the following: "There's no need to feel uncomfortable or angry because I don't answer. There's nothing bad in that. The fact is that: - Either I do not have time - Either I don't want, which I think I have the right - Either I don't want to have a discussion to just say "everything is okay" It's a way of thinking that most people don't understand and interprets as negative That's everything " Notice the . And he answered the following: "Of course you have the right to not answer because you think you don't need anyone. Good continuation" Failed. I felt very disappointed as I tried to explain to him what I'm thinking, but he didn't get it. And he interprets my message as I believe I don't need anyone. I've noticed that I also think speaking like that is rough when another introvert does it, but I often fail to see it in myself. The last point that I want to make is that I actually think a lot of introverted people are shy. I grew up as a shy kid, and I still have a little of this issue today. Shy people consume a lot of energy by over-analyzing social situations, stressing, and trying to control everything. This is why they get tired around peoples and have more energy by being alone, that's also why society and themselves think that they are introverted. This also explains why when a person fixes its shyness, it can gradually switch from being an introvert to an extrovert.

I already thought about that. I understand that to attain this position my boss really pushed himself very hard in the past, but I don't think it's a reason to have disrespectful behavior against other people. Yes, I hesitate, and I actually feel a lot of fear for telling him that I want to quit. But I've already tried to negotiate working hours on Saturday, which is a sign that my subconscious doesn't completely think that he has the right to act like this.

He didn't tell me that I will work on Saturday from 8 AM to 5 PM. He's doing this only for new recruits that have been here for less than one year, so we are just two to work on Saturday. I agreed on Monday to Friday from 8 AM to 6 PM, but I thought that I would be able to manage this with my personal work, which finally is not possible. He's also very good at manipulating fear in people. However, the real subject is about managing this type of people. I will find another job, but it's only a quick fix temporary solution, not a long-term one. In life, I will maybe meet other people like this. If I can't avoid them, what can do to build emotional strength to be able to face them?

Hello, I am currently an intern working in a small team for about one month. At the beginning, I was feeling quite great despite my introverted personality and little shyness. However, it seems that my relationship with my colleagues is becoming more and more difficult as time passes. I was actually expecting that, as I am doing self-actualization work and working on a little online business. But it would be nice to be able to have a decent relationship with the people at work. I see three major obstacles to my relationship with them: business, health & fitness, self-consciousness. Business I am at the beginning of a little Affiliate Marketing business, and all the administrative shit is starting to fall on me. The goal is to earn enough money to be able to quit my job and then invest in a bigger business to become financially independent. I don’t have a lot of time of personal time, and I prefer to spend it here rather than doing things like socializing, etc. But, the fact is that I didn’t tell anybody about this for two reasons : this feeling of looseness when you start telling others about your dreams I really don’t want my boss to know that for obvious reasons So, I don’t tell them how I spend my personal time and obviously, they don’t understand what I am doing in my life. They actually told me that I should not stay alone and come with them socializing, and going to places like restaurants, etc. Health & Fitness I grew up very skinny and had difficulties during most of my life because of my physical appearance. I started to doing sport seriously two years ago and eating very healthy. Currently, I’m a vegetarian and I feel awesome following a very clean diet. I still look skinny, but I gained weight. The fact is that I highly control what I eat, my physical health is one of my main priority in life. Because of it, I always refuse to eat in restaurants with them. I come with them, but I have my own prepared meal with me. Also, I want to sleep at least 8h / day to have enough energy at work and for my business. Self-Consciousness I am not the most self-conscious person, but I think I am above average. I notice things that most people are not able to see. For example, they really see the boss as an asshole. Most people will actually see him like that as he makes us work from 8 am to 6 pm, and is sometimes a little harsh. They say that there is a way to treat people, but I don’t see that. I only see mental limitations here. It also seems to me that they want too much advantages from the boss, for example, they want him to pay for their transport. In my mind it’s more like : "Hey, your boss is your boss, not your father. What the hell should he pay for your transport? If he does, it’s nice. If not, there is nothing bad with this." They often complain about him and his attitude. Despite these three major points, there are also more subtle problems: They don’t like that I am not so well integrated. They want me to act like them. They see me as harsh, impolite. Today I asked one colleague: « Can you open the other door? », just after I saw him on the morning. Another one told me: « Please? » I didn’t understand what the fuck was wrong. Maybe, it’s because I’m a direct person and don’t like to spend time on social conventions or because they were not a lot of emotions when I said this. I don’t know. Another time, a guy who likes to annoy interns said a joke about me. I replied to him: « Shut up! » in the same state of mind (I was laughing), but it didn’t get well interpreted. I don’t really care a lot about what he says as it’s not serious, however, for me, it’s a stupid behavior that can become annoying. One of them thinks that I don’t like them. Actually, it’s more that they are not important for me. One day a colleague brought some special meals and I knew few days before about this. But this day I had to go manage administrative things, and I miss it. But, even if I were here I would not have eaten that. This colleague now thinks that I didn’t come to work this day because I don’t like this person. Because of these critics, I don't feel at work. I would like to be able to better communicate with them. What are your advice, tips?