Raphael

I'm not doing anything specific, I don't even know how to name it. Most of the time I only let go of everything, so it's maybe the do-nothing technique. Sometimes I change and do some mindfulness or try to concentrate on a specific thing. It would probably be better to follow a technique.

13 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I did my meditation this evening rather than in the morning as I was also quite lazy today. The session went well, I managed to keep my eyes closed, I didn't move my body a lot, and I only searched my nose in the beginning. I had some tingling sensations notably in my left hand, I was also very sensitive of my body today, I felt the air traveling in my trachea. I felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

I had this realization, it was weird and I feel confused when it happened. From my current perspective, I would say that we don't control anything but life is making itself. Which means that: If you try to control your thoughts by doing some affirmations everyday, you are not in control of trying to control your thoughts If you don't try to control your thoughts, you are not in control of not trying to control your thoughts Think also about hardcore spiritual people who don't have any thoughts and who have an awesome life. They can't control their thoughts as they don't have any, but they still have a good life. After a certain level of awareness you will not need thoughts to improve yourself or take actions on things, consciousness will do what's needed by itself. I'm personally not at this level, but I'm making the supposition that thoughts are necessary only until stage Turquoise. You will take responsibility automatically by becoming more and more conscious, but even that will be out of your control. You are not in control of the thoughts you decide to give attention too and act upon. You are not in control of anything including what you do. Things are extremely tricky and paradoxical here. At the certain level you need to control them and you think you have control where your not, at another one you know you don't control anything but you're flowing with life.

12 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I was quite lazy today and did my meditation in the afternoon, but pretty well handled it and keep my eyes closed during the entire session. I did some mindfulness today by first focusing on my body and then on external noises, but as I was also a little sleepy I lost it multiple times, and then go back to it. I fall on my sides maybe two or three times because I was sleepy, I also scratch my head and clear my throat. I was sweating a little in the end, but I felt more conscious with a clearer mind.

11 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I found this session quite easy until maybe the first half, then it started to become a little more difficult. The lasts 10 minutes was quite hard, but I still managed to keep my eyes closed. I lowered the top of my body on my lap when approaching the end, and I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I stopped.

@Wasem

10 November 2019 TIme: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I tried to do some concentration by focusing on my breath and I find it much more difficult than letting go. I did some movements with my body and also searched my nose a little. I didn't felt a huge difference in my consciousness when I opened my eyes.

Discovering What's Truth Leo's video "How To Discover What's True - A Deep Inquiry" is much more complex than I expected. Most of the time I understand his content logically pretty well, but I had some trouble for this one. I was also a little sleepy and not very focused while listening to it, so it surely played on my understanding. Overall, I really enjoyed the content and was surprised by its practicality. This episode is currently one of the best in my opinion.

I was depressed and anxious most of my life. I felt some relief when I did my first sessions 3 years ago (I was maybe 18 or 19), but this was temporary and the following two years were also quite depressing. My first year of meditation killed some parts of my ego and my selfish dreams with it. I remember one specific day when I was looking at myself in the mirror and not feeling that the guy in the mirror was me. I lose a lot of identification that was causing me suffering. I'm currently much more conscious of my ego, my manipulations, and selfishness so it's easier to correct them now. I'm also more able to understand why people behave the way they behave and if they are conscious or not. I grow enormously by doing meditation and spending time in isolation and I'm only starting to see the results. Even last year at the same time I was very depressed and having panic attacks. If you look at the firsts post I did on this forum and compare them to the current ones you will see a huge evolution in only three years. I currently feel happier than I ever been in my life

@Bridge to Infinity Hey, it's nice to see that you started your journal. Keep it up and stay consistent, you can change a lot with meditation! I also think that I have some sort of ADHD as I get easily distracted in my work. When I'm meditating my mind goes in a thousand different directions. Concentrating on the breath is probably better for that, I'm personally not focusing on a specific technique but most of the time just let go of everything. I'm glad that I can inspire some people.

9 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I wanted to do some mindfulness practice today so I started by focusing on my body, however, after that I got lose in thoughts a lot and I was also a little sleepy. I was very happy during this meditation and I felt that those 45 minutes went very fast compared to the previous session. I opened my eyes feeling awesome, maybe not highly more conscious, but very blissful.

Hey @Bridge to Infinity thank for your support, I really appreciate

Still Burning I'm still having those burning feelings in my chest, but now it's also a little in my shoulders. I'm currently discussing with a potential client and I'm stressing myself because of this. Bootstrapping a business is hard, but I'm sure I will gain the ability to handle stress in business. Leo's video "How To Deal With Strong Negative Emotions" will help.

8 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a good session even though I failed at the beginning, but I kept my eyes closed during the meditation. On my first attempt, I got distracted after 5-6 minutes by a text message on phone, so I choose to restart again and I succeded. In the end, if I ignore that little interruption I did 50 to 51 minutes today. I didn't felt a huge difference in my consciousness when I stopped.

7 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I searched my nose at a moment, at another one I struggle a lot and did a weird movement with my body, and the monkey mind was also pretty active today. I'm not sure of the consciousness difference at the end, I was maybe a little calmer, I'm not sure...

6 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a great session and I kept my eyes closed during its entire duration. I let go of everything, I still had a lot of thoughts, but not a lot of parasites moves. I felt calmer in the end.

5 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session even though they were a lot of noises outside at the beginning including a hen in the house. I choose to let go of everything, but at the same time I tried to be mindful to relax my body, I get caught in the monkey mind a lot. I'm not sure of the difference in my consciousness at the end.

4 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: The session went well and I kept my eyes closed during the entire 45 minutes. I choose to let go of everything, not control my mind, nor concentrate on something. The ending was a little difficult, but I felt more conscious, clearer, and lighter when I stopped.

Hey everyone, I was so happy yesterday night that it was overwhelming. I was in ecstasy and I was feeling so much joy that it was difficult to control, I also had some tremors in my body and my heart was beating quite fast. I think that if I were 10 or 100 times happier it could become dangerous. Can too much happiness be dangerous to my physical self? Can it kill me physically?

3 November 2019 Time: 26 minutes 3 seconds Summary: I failed to respect the time. I think this is caused by how lazy I have been this morning as I take too much time doing nothing and playing Call of Duty Mobile. I felt a little stressed because I already used a lot of my available time today. I didn't felt any difference in consciousness when I opened my eyes.

Someone shared the following book one day on the forum: I didn't read it personally, but it's from the Isha Foundation so it should contain valuable information.

Yeah, I did this, but maybe not enough. Yeah, I think the realization was the cause and I also hope I don't die of excitement! Lol That's interesting.

2 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: It was a good session, I was pretty calm globally, but still had a lot of thoughts. I kept my eyes closed during the entire meditation. The ending was a little more difficult and I did some weird movements with my body, but I respect the time anyway. My mind was clearer when I opened my eyes.

@OmniYoga I read a passage of "Think and Grow Rich!", then I decided to go to sleep. However, I liked what I read so much that I become extremely excited. I'm also really more consistent with my meditation habit since last month. Last time something like this happened was at the end of 2018, by just doing nothing and thinking in my bed. And It's not a joke, this is really how it happened.

Hell on earth: My Dad's life My dad just turns 68 today, 68 of an extremely chaotic life. I remember some years ago when I felt like my life was shit when I was depressed when I wanted to kill myself. All of this is nothing compared to my dad's life, the way he lived, especially when he was young is what we can qualify as hell on earth. My dad was born in a very poor family. He lived with his siblings in straw houses and sheet metal houses, they didn't have their own room, they were all sleeping together on the ground because they were too poor to afford a bed. They were living with insects crawling on their body when they were sleeping, they had to hold the walls of their house when they were some bad weather or a storm because it was so fragile. My dad didn't even have a lot of clothes when he was a kid, he told me he went to school naked sometimes. I don't know if it's true, I personally have many doubts about this. He started to do hard physical work at a very young age, he was cutting sugar canes in the fields at the age of 10 - 12. His dad was an alcoholic who abused him, he was also beating him and his siblings. You think your life is hard? Think twice. This really poor childhood reverberated on his entire life. I saw him angry almost every week, I saw him humiliating people, humiliating my mom, humiliating me. I saw him throwing a knife at my mom when I was a kid. I saw him being extremely aggressive and fearful, I saw his negativity, his irrationality, his extreme reactions. I saw his fear of not having enough money every time I was with him. I rarely got kind words from him or high conscious love, but I got a lot of humiliations, critics, anger, and restrictions. I almost wasn't beaten, but I found the few times it happened was very unfair. I also absorbed some of his neuroticism, his negativity, his criticism, his fear of people. I only started to transform myself 4 - 5 years ago without being very serious about it, but even with that, I still changed a lot. Spiritual work is incredible and so damn powerful. So today I was with my dad in the kitchen and I tell him: "Happy Birthday". It was awkward, his reaction wasn't exceptional, but I still told the man that I hated most of my life "Happy Birthday". It's far better than where I was less than 2 years ago, where I had panic attacks thinking about him, and where I was so hateful that I even wanted to kill him. I'm more accepting my dad now, and I'm accepting that he did the best he can with what he had.