Raphael

Lack Of Consistency My lack of consistency is hurting my work and results. I have concentration issues, my organization is messy, and procrastination is a huge problem. I need to fix that seriously and as soon as possible. My next practical journal will be about work, organization, and becoming a result maker. I'm planning to start it in the next 2 - 4 months.

28 November 2019 Time 45 minutes Summary: The session went well and I kept my eyes closed for the entire duration. I tried to do some mindfulness today, I lost it many times because I was a little sleepy, then came back to it again. My back was very straight for all the meditation, I don't remember moving my body. In the end, I felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

27 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: The session went pretty well, I felt very happy and didn't open my eyes for the entire duration. I did have a lot of thoughts but didn't move my body a lot except at the end that was a little more difficult. I didn't felt a lot more conscious when I opened my eyes.

26 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed for the entire session. I felt like today's meditation went really fast, maybe like 20 minutes. I think that it was caused by the insane amount of thoughts I had today, I also searched my nose a little, and had some burning feelings in my body. I didn't felt any difference of consciousness when I opened my eyes.

25 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This meditation went well and I kept my eyes closed for the entire duration. I had a lot of thoughts and searched my nose at a moment. The ending was a little more difficult and I did a weird movement with my body when approaching the end, however, I felt calmer and more conscious when I opened my eyes.

24 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I found this session a little difficult but kept my eyes closed anyway. They were some external noises including a hen jumping on stuff in the house. I had a lot of thoughts but didn't move my body that much. I felt a little bit calmer when I open my eyes.

23 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: The session went well, I kept my eyes closed and didn't move my body a lot, but still had a lot of random thoughts that I don't remember now. I feel like these 45 minutes went very fast. I was a little calmer when I opened my eyes.

Silent Happiness, Noisy Madness I recently noticed that when I'm really happy I don't feel so many needs: no needs to share stuff, to blame others, to want people to know me, to go back to my addictions, to distract myself with bullshit. I can just sit and enjoy life without caring about anything. Whereas unhappiness is noisy because I need so many useless things: people appreciation, porn, movies, video games, the need to feel superior, the need to blame, etc. All of this costs a lot of energy, doesn't help me, and attracts a lot of shit. When we are happy we are aligned with the universe and we easily flow with everything around us. I need to make happiness my priority in life.

Thanks again! @Raptorsin7

22 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I initially opened my eyes at 10 minutes because I got distracted by a message on my phone, so I decided to redo it. I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, except at one moment where I blinked, but I don't consider this as a failure as it was very subtle. I had a lot of thoughts, some burning feeling in my chest that also went to the left side of my neck and left shoulder, I felt some tensions here. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

21 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I had a lot of thoughts and also some burning sensations in my chest, I did a little pause without opening my eyes in between where I moved my body a little. I feel like these 45 minutes went very fast, it felt more like 20 minutes. I'm not sure if I were more conscious in the end, maybe a little.

20 November 2019 Time: 44 minutes 30 seconds Summary: I originally did my meditation this morning but failed because I opened my eyes at 27 minutes. My goal was to do 45 minutes without opening my eyes for 30 days and as I didn't want to restart from zero I decided to try again in the evening. I opened my eyes at 44 minutes and 30 seconds because I fall asleep, this is a failure if I want to be extremely strict, but at the same time 30 seconds is not that much and many times I take maybe the same duration to put myself into position. So I'm going to let it go for this time, and continue my challenge. Concerning the meditation, I didn't move my body a lot but had many thoughts and some burning feelings in my stomach because of stress, nothing exceptional happened and I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I opened my eyes.

19 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed for the entire session. I had a lot of random thoughts, and move my body a little, this was a little easier than yesterday, but not easy yet. I didn't felt a huge difference of consciousness when I opened my eyes.

18 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, but I was sleepy, tired, and paradoxically at the same time very agitated. It was probably one of my most difficult session in the last few months as I moved by body a lot and scratched myself many times, it was quite painful for me. When I opened my eyes my body was sweaty and I only felt a little more conscious compared to the beginning.

I don't too, but I'm a quite addicted to Youtube.

@Raptorsin7

@Raptorsin7 I will maybe try it in the future. I'm planning to do a 1h+ meditation when I will be comfortable with 1 hour, but it will be only on a break day and after several months. I don't have enough time to do 2h+ or even 1h+ of meditation for a few days.

@Raptorsin7 Hi. No, I never tried self-inquiry.

17 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I kept my eyes closed during the entire session, but was emotionally agitated hearing my depressed grandma crying because she was unable to understand how to use the shower. I focused on the meditation anyway, I know it's selfish to focus on myself where a close relative near me needs help, but at the same time, I need to focus on my practice to attain my objective. My mom came to help her anyway. Enduring her and my dad almost every day is challenging, but I currently have no best option considering where I want to go, so I have to deal with it. Anyway, if I come back to the meditation, I felt a little more conscious and calmer in the end.

Thanks @Raptorsin7 ! I think that taking simple and concise notes of our progress helps build consistency and motivation. I avoided that in the past by relying too much on my memories and feelings, but it was too approximate so I needed a tool to equilibrate my practice.

Probably, but it's always how it goes and it's necessary. There is a lot of example like this in history books. Sadhguru is doing this with stage blue Indian.

16 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: Today's meditation went incredibly smoothly. I kept my eyes closed, almost didn't move my body, and felt very blissful during the session. Only the ending was a little more difficult, but I felt very calm and peaceful when I opened my eyes.

15 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: This session went pretty well overall, I kept my eyes closed for the entire duration. I had a little more difficulty in the middle, I also searched my nose, however, the 5 - 10 last minutes were very smooth. I felt calmer and more conscious at the end.

Indoctrinated By Stage Blue After spending two years with stage blue communities, I feel like I got a little indoctrinated by them. I feel like I take more care of good manners, where I would not give a fuck in the past about using kind words. I also feel like I'm a little more afraid to speak up and a little uncomfortable when someone points out what's not working properly, where I would often notice what's wrong in the past and try to improve it. I need to be careful and more conscious when spending time in those communities. If I don't and just consider that we are all equals (which is the case in the absolute sense, but not relatively speaking), I will unconsciously let them bring me down to their level of consciousness.

14 November 2019 Time: 45 minutes Summary: I was a little agitated today and they were a lot of noises outside, but I still keep my eyes closed. I meditated with my palms facing the sky this time rather than the ground. I had a lot of random thoughts and the ending was a little difficult, but I felt more conscious at the end of the time.