Raphael

06 September 2021 Wake Up Time: 08:37 AM (objective 6:30 AM - 7:00 AM) In Bed Time: 11:41 PM (objective 10:30 PM - 11:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 30 minutes of meditation in the morning ✅ No distractions until 8 PM ✅ 1 hour 15 minutes of random journaling before going to bed

Like this:

Sigh...

Weak for shutting up.

Weak for having difficulties giving emotional support.

Weak for having difficulties processing my emotions and emotionally opening up.

I feel weak. Weak for not being able to make a decision, weak for not being able to assert myself, weak for being afraid, weak for being weak.

I currently feel conflicted. I'm not sure what to do nor what to think about. I thought about writing an answer on this forum, then shit happened and thought about creating a post in the Dating & Relationship subforum. I just don't know what to do. I feel exasperated, paralyzed. I cannot make a decision right now. I either want to write an answer, ask some questions or do nothing. I think that I'm just going to stay with myself and do nothing. I'm going to appreciate my own company.

Yeah, I experienced that too. I have been doing web development regularly for at least 5 years now and I'm a bit bored with it. I have difficulties finding my balance because one aspect of my personality is also very artistic and chaotic: sometimes I'm too much analytical, sometimes I'm too much artistic. I'm again blown away with how much I resonate with this. I fall into this trap of being too much independent and wanting to do everything by myself in the past and I threw myself into situations that were too difficult for me to handle only to prove myself to the world. It was caused mostly by bad conditioning and a few experiences where I found myself being the responsible person where others wouldn't care. Leo's views also had an influence on me and contributed to that years ago.

Self-Reflection so that someone's is aware what is going on and develop the wisdom to make appropriate decisions.

What I currently feel that I want the most is to build a few deep, authentic, and genuine relationships with people that I appreciate.

26 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:21 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 10:10 PM (objective 09:30 PM - 10:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 1 hour of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 7 PM ✅ 1 hour of journaling or doing nothing before going to bed

I'm currently getting back into solidifying my core after being a bit lost most of this year, so I'm focusing on basic things: self-esteem, confidence, money, healing, relationships. What I want after having a solid foundation is to get a lot of knowledge and experience on how the world works and interconnects by studying many different fields like: politics, history, geography, ecology, ecosystems, psychology, philosophy, spirituality, etc. I want to help solve world problems and raise human development. I also currently resonate with your need of wanting to be more artistic. Maybe it's a phase, I'm not sure. I'm thinking through a lot of things.

I'm 24 and I'm currently blown away with how well I resonate with what you wrote here. Your thoughts are helping me to self-reflect. I'm currently taking actions to move out of the tech world and get into something more authentic.

I gave some hugs to my sister today. This is far better compared to how emotionally closed I was when I was 18.

Genetics + a shy nature Toxic masculinity: men should be tough, men shouldn't cry, men should take actions first without caring about emotions, etc. An oppressive, hyper-dominant, hyper-masculine dad who didn't let me room for proper self-expression A limited environment Unusual thoughts that aren't commonly accepted Awareness of people suffering while at the same time experiencing the impossibility to help them because they are suffering too much (but this might be a limiting belief) Difficult previous experiences at school and in work environments where I felt oppressed and couldn't healthily express myself Fear of judgments and criticisms because I have been highly criticized while growing up Traumas

Why is it so much difficult for us men to emotionally open up? And why is it so much difficult for me to open up and share my vulnerabilities?

25 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:17 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:45 PM (objective 09:30 PM - 10:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ✅ 1 hour of meditation in the morning ❌ No distractions until 7 PM ✅ 1 hour of journaling or doing nothing before going to bed

24 October 2021 Wake Up Time: 06:04 AM (objective 5:30 AM - 6:00 AM) In Bed Time: 09:40 PM (objective 09:30 PM - 10:00 PM) ✅ Stretching after waking up ✅ Cold shower after waking up ❌ Healing ~ No distractions until 7 PM (Doesn't apply on Sunday) ✅ 1 hour of journaling or doing nothing before going to bed

Goodbye everyone.

Name: Raphaël Date of birth: 27 march 1997 Age: 22 Psychological development: Blue (10%): I think having a good structure and organization is pretty important, discipline is also important. However, I'm not sufficiently embodying these ideas. I'm probably more organized, structured and disciplined then many people of my age, but I have many moments of disorganized chaos and my discipline needs to be improved. I'm a little too concerned about opinions of people on me; Orange (50%): Thinking independently and critically is very important. I also really like the ideas of autonomy, creating results, freedom of speech, innovation, pushing ourselves, and doing what we want in life. I'm going to the gym, and I want to look good and muscular. One of my biggest needs right now is financial independence and breaking out of wage slavery; Green (30%): Everyone have to be treated fairly, we can disagree with other people, but we should do it in a respectful and conscious way. The environment, vegetables and animal species also have to be treated respectfully. Businesses have to work in a conscious manner and not abuse the environment, people, and other nations. Everyone wants to be treated and paid decently including business owners, so it's better if it's reciprocal. I really like to eat healthy, so that I feel clean inside; Yellow (10%): I like to see things from multiple perspective, I have mixed origins, it helped me to see the world from different angles since a pretty young age. I open my mind to everything, I consider myself as being very open-minded, enough open-minded to admit that I can be close-minded without noticing it. I don't take most things personally, but I can still get hurt and angry by other people. I a very solitary person, I like to contemplate and meditate. I noticed that my mind and body works better after periods of empty space; Turquoise (0%): Not there yet. Note: The above notes on my cognitive development are not 100% accurate, there are just where I feel I am. Of course my ego can delude itself by thinking that I'm weaker or stronger. I'm notably thinking that I can be less stage blue and more stage yellow, maybe it's true, maybe it's false, I'm not sure, but it's important to keep this in mind.

@Raphael I forgive you.

@Raphael I see what you have been doing and what you are doing. I'm aware of what happened and what is happening. I want you to know that I understand you, I feel you, it's Ok. It's perfectly fine to feel that way sometimes. This is what makes us human, we are imperfect beings. I know that you are becoming aware too and I know that you will be able to overcome these challenges. I understand you, I accept you, and I deeply love you.

Matt Kahn