Raphael

What are your knowledge in web development?

@Raptorsin7 Yep, I'm going to do the minimal today. Not a lot of work and a lot of empty time.

Ego Backslash I'm currently experiencing a backslash since the last week. I'm very lazy, distracted and procrastinate a lot, I put too much pressure on myself and overstress. All of this is killing my productivity and results. I'm going to calm down for this evening and just do nothing for 30 minutes and then go to sleep.

28 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: This meditation went very well. Even though I had a lot of thoughts, I was loving and happy during today's meditation. I almost didn't move my body, my back was very straight, and I had moments where I felt very lightweight. I felt more conscious and calmer when I opened my eyes. it was almost as if I was a different human being.

27 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went well even though I was tired as it was very late in the night. I had a lot of thoughts and I moved my body a little too much, but I also had moments where I felt very lightweight. I got disturbed by some mosquitoes during the session. It was almost midnight when I opened, I didn't felt more conscious and was a little dead lol. The time was to go to sleep!

26 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went pretty well globally even though they were a lot of external noises. I tried to concentrate on my breath, loosed it a lot and then come back to it. I didn't move my body a lot, except near the end. At a moment I felt like I was merging with everything around me. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

25 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: This session went far better than yesterday. I just let go of everything so I had a lot of thoughts, but I almost didn't move my body and kept my back straight during all the meditation. I felt like this 1 hour went faster than usual, but I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

Hate Of People I have a deep hate of people that comes up a few times per year from the depths of my ego. It generally happens after a bad social experience when someone is very closed/narrow-minded and do some very dumb thing and/or try to exploit/use me. I was morally bullied a lot when I was a kid, it happened at school, but also in my family, so I accumulated some rage deep down into my body. Sometimes this stage red feeling of pure hate against the world comes up, I have very destructive thoughts in these moments, and I hate it.

24 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was angry during this session because I was thinking of a bad experience that happened yesterday. I don't know why, but I always attract shitty people who want to exploit me. The meditation was very painful and I moved my body a lot. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

@lukmi Yeah, this is stage green ideology. Stallman is right on a certain amount of stuff but he seems to lack systems thinking. The world is more complex than that, it's not possible for all software to be open source. He's also demonizing big corporations.

I'm A Liar I'm found a client that proposed a huge amount of money and also some ongoing work. To prove my competencies I showed him a project that I worked on for another client. He asked me: "How can you show me that if it's for another person?", I answered: "I asked him if it was possible". I did ask the other client anything, they were not written contract and I show the work anyway. I should have asked my previous client, I'm a liar. This is what survival looks like, this is selfish and dirty and I'm selfish and dirty. I needed this client to earn some money, this is so selfish.

23 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I did some mindfulness today, I lost it and went back to it a lot. I didn't move my body that much except at two times. I feel like I'm more able to maintain the 1 hour per day. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

22 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little agitated and had a lot of thoughts today. I also moved my body a lot, but I kept my eyes closed all the time. I felt a little calmer when I opened my eyes.

21 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I tried to be mindful during the session, it went well for a certain amount of time, but I then became more and more agitation. The ending was pretty hard where I moved my body a lot, I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

20 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little agitated during the session, I wanted to do some mindfulness, but I was too distracted by my thoughts. I moved my body sometimes, but I was felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

19 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I was a little tired during this meditation as I did it just before going to bed instead of the morning. I was quite agitated, moved my body sometimes and had difficulties to keep it up, but did it anyway by using brute force. I felt really calmer and lighter when I opened my eyes.

18 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: No Summary: I was a little agitated and I had a lot of thoughts during the session. I moved my body at a moment and I also opened my eyes near the end because I received a message on Skype. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

17 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: No Summary: I was stressed as I had a lot of thoughts on my freelancing business today. I opened my eyes at a moment because I thought someone was calling me, but it was not the case. I managed to keep to back straight during the session and I didn't move my body a lot. I felt calmer when I opened my eyes.

16 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I tried to concentrate on my breath, but it went like shit as I had an insane amount of thoughts. I was also more agitated today than yesterday, but I keet it up. I chose to let go of trying to concentrate near the end, counter-intuitively my monkey mind slowed down a lot. It seems like the more I'm trying to force something, the more my mind resists and mess things up. Until now, letting go is what has work best for me, so I think I will continue that way. I felt calmer and more conscious when I opened my eyes.

15 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I initially wanted to focus on my breath, but my monkey mind took control instead. I had a lot of thoughts, but I also had moments where I felt very calm and lightweight in the chaos. I didn't move my body a lot and my back was very straight during all the session, however, I scratched myself quite a bit. I was a little more agitated near the end and I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

It seems like we also have this in common

What 2020 Is Going To Be About This year is going to be about mostly three things: Financial Independence: Freelance web development and if I have enough time I will also start some web application projects. I need to build up discipline and a more organized work system to be successful here. Strengthening Spiritual Practices: I'm going to continue to do 1 hour of meditation per day and I'm also envisaging to start a Krya Yoga practice. When I'll start Yoga I will probably alternate my days with meditation/yoga. Health And Fitness: I'm going to continue to go to the gym, but I think I'm going to change my workout. I would also like to start a stretching routine as my body is stiff. I will maybe switch my diet to a vegetarian one, but I'm not sure for the moment.

Where I Am On The Spiral Red (5%): I have some elements of red inside of me. I didn't put it here before, but I'm more conscious now and I can see it when it's coming out. It's not really bad as I'm in control of it and that part of myself of too small to take over. I never scream at people or get outraged, but at the same time, I feel like I lack a proper integration of this stage. Blue (10%): I'm at the same level as before here, I also lack a proper integration of this stage as I'm quite messy, lazy, and undisciplined. I'm still too concerned about people's opinions of me. Orange (55%): I'm currently starting up the business phase of my life, I'm discovering a lot of stuff, but I'm not very successful for the moment. I have trouble to deal with clients, I accept too many abusive conditions because I want to get started fast, but it always backfires on me and I don't get paid a lot. Green (20%): I'm a little less green than I originally thought. I still think that all people are equals, but at the same time we all have different living conditions and different psychologies, so in the absolute sense we are all equals, but from the human being perspective, we all have a lot of differences that need to be taken into consideration when dealing with people. I'm now meditating 1 hour per day, but I never tried psychedelics and I don't envisage doing it before at least 2 - 3 years. I still think that businesses need to work in a conscious manner that is respectful of the environment, people, and other living species. I continue to eat pretty healthy most of the time. Yellow (10%): I'm more nuanced than ever in my life and I always try to look at things from different perspectives. I also have more emotional mastery than before and I try to understand and be more compassionate towards other people. However, paradoxically I think I have a sense of superiority where I consider that I'm more intelligent than most people and that there's no need to interact with them because they will not understand me anyway. I'm currently very isolated. Turquoise (0%): Not there yet

14 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I tried to concentrate on my breath and it was pretty challenging, I didn't maintain the concentration for the full hour, in fact, I let it go after some time, my concentration is not really good. At a moment, I felt I had a pic of energy in my forehead, it felt strange. I move my body a little, I had a lot of thoughts, and I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

13 January 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went pretty well. I let my mind do whatever it wanted so I had a lot of thoughts, I didn't move my body a lot and my back was very straight all the time. I feel I have some devilish aspects in myself because I had some stage red very destructive thoughts, this needs to be fixed. I felt calmer when I opened my eyes, but I my back was painful.