Raphael

I had the same experience with my dad and he's still authoritarian, narcissistic and very egoistical. The best thing to do (and this is very counter-intuitive) is to accept her and love her. If you hate her, you will feel hate, and hate is not a pleasant emotion. If you love her, you will feel love, which is a far more pleasant emotion. It's as simple as it is in theory, but very difficult in practice. Start doing this as soon as possible and your life will transform. In my case, I was very resistant and so hateful towards my dad that I started to get panic attacks and was unable to sleep at night. This is when I learned to love myself and accept him because otherwise all this hate would kill me. You might also need to distance yourself in the beginning in order to be able to start to accept her, so try to cut contact with her for at least 6 months and take this time to practice acceptance and to introspect.

Afraid Of Death Covid-19 started to hit the country a few days ago. Most of the time I like to joke about death, especially with my mother by asking her if she's afraid of it and by implicitly implying that I don't fear death. However, when the first cases appeared a few days ago, I realized how fearful of death I am as I almost didn't sleep of the entire night as I was thinking about this pandemic. The government chose to lock down the country except for the essential services, but the population is very irresponsible and undisciplined including in my own family. Now the people who don't respect the law are susceptible to get a financial penalty or even a prison penalty if they still refuse to cooperate. This gives me anxieties.

You look like a nice lady!

Damn your hot! (First time that I say this to a girl because I'm too shy in real life lol)

Yeah, I practice acceptance and letting go in my situation too. But sometimes I fail and get pissed off... Thanks for your encouragement

So Much Negativity I'm bored of all those negative and annoying people around me. If you have or had the chance to have a great and supportive family, realize how lucky you are because most people don't have this chance. My situation is not completely bad either, but some people are really annoying and those people usually fuck up the rest of the family.

Maybe when Leo will be back with his healing abilities he will be able to save all humanity.

Screens Are The Enemy Of Sleep It's clear for me now that I have to completely stop looking at screens at least one hour before going to bed. Screens are anti-sleep and I think it explains why many people now have sleeping problems. I have to force myself to stop and not let me get seduced by some little information, video, or whatever because I easily get hooked on the internet and it destroys my nights and makes me unable to rest properly.

I Love Computer Programming I love computer programming, it is both a creative and technical activity, a combination of right brain and left brain. It quickly clicked with me when I discovered the field, it was like my brain was born to code. I wasn't exceptional at school when I was a kid, but I wasn't bad either, most of the time I was a little above average. Programming helped me a lot when I was in high school, I bet a lot on it and it paid off as I graduated as the first in my section because I was so good at it. Programming also helped me to build a complex and nuanced mind as they are a lot of subtleties to take into account when developing an app, practicing a so nuanced activity then helps in dealing with other life problems.

Challenge Completed I did it! I successfully completed my challenge of meditating consistently for 30 days for 1 hour without opening my eyes. It wasn't always easy, but I made it! I feel like I grew a lot during these meditation sessions, my mind is more complex and nuanced, I feel less reactive, more loving, and I'm also more tolerant of others. I'm going to stop journaling here, but I will continue to meditate for 1 hour every day on my side. My next practical journal will be coming soon and I will do my best to push myself to excellence in my daily life.

I'm going to use this journal to track my meditation habit. My days go better after meditating in the morning and I can now see how important this habit is. I'm currently at 30-45 minutes of daily meditation which is already challenging for me. Many times I open my eyes in between and stop for a few minutes before restarting. The process will go in two steps: Step 1: 45 minutes of meditation per day Step 2: 1 hour of meditation per day My goal is to be able to do 1 hour of daily meditation without opening my eyes, scratching me and of course, stop in between. I will write a post per day until I feel successful enough in my practice.

7 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I practiced letting go today too, but it was more difficult than yesterday. My thoughts were more intense so I had more difficulties to let go. I moved my body sometimes but kept my eyes closed during the entire session. I felt calmer, lighter, and more conscious when I opened my eyes.

6 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I practiced letting go today, I succeeded sometimes, but my thoughts also took over a lot of times. I feel like it's much easier to calm the mind by letting go rather than resisting. Letting go doesn't attract thoughts, letting go empty the mind and body of its impurities. It's like being a water source without a container that expands more and more where resistance is more like having a shield that protects from thoughts attacks and starts to break after some time. The more we resist something, the more the thing is susceptible to happen. I felt becoming quite empty while letting go, I also felt quite lightweight sometimes. I didn't move my body a lot during this session and felt more conscious and lightweight when I opened my eyes.

I'm In Love With Spiral Dynamics

I think I lack awareness here notably about the thoughts. I always lived in my head and always had a hyperactive mind since I was a kid. For the body movements, it's easier to notice them and correct my posture. I also feel like having good nights of sleep with a regular schedule helps me to have good meditation sessions. Most of the time I don't resist the thoughts and get lost in them, but I experienced that consciously letting go helps a lot, so yes it's possible to be aware of the resistance and I'm aware of it sometimes. My life goes more smoothly now and I worry less about mundane stuff that used to get stuck in my head. I feel like I'm much more mature, loving, compassionate, sensitive, intuitive, open and understand much stuff that was not I wouldn't before.

5 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: Today's session was also a little difficult. I was a little sleepy as I didn't have enough sleep last night, I also had a lot of thoughts, and move my body a lot. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

4 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session was more difficult than yesterday as I meditated late at night. I had a lot of thought and was also a little sad while thinking about some stuff, I also move my body a lot. I felt like the session went way faster than 1 hour, but I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

3 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I got distracted again in the morning while meditating, so I stopped at 40 minutes. Then, in the evening, I decided to do the full 1 hour, so in total, I meditated for 1 hour 40 minutes today. The session went extremely well, I felt so lightweight that it was like some parts of my body were disappearing notably my arms. I felt connected to everything and I also didn't move my body during the meditation and kept my back straight all the time. I was really more conscious, calmer and lighter when I opened my eyes.

It clearly exists and it creates more racism in less developed countries. Some white people go to poor countries because they think their life will be better and easier than in Europe or North America which is the case as the cost of living are much lower in these countries so they easily have access to many things that are not accessible to locals. At the same time, many locals prefer to do business with white people because they can charge them higher for housing and some other stuff, but it pisses off the rest of the local population as it raises prices for them and makes their life even more difficult. While looking for an apartment in my own country, I literally saw ads that were reserved only to European people as the local population earns a lot less money and are financially less stable. It does and many people in less developed countries also see white people as a superior race and act differently with them. There have been many cases of begpacking in Asia (young European people who travel in poorer countries without money and fund their trip by begging in the streets where the local population earns a lot less money than them). https://thetab.com/uk/2017/04/11/backpackers-begging-money-streets-se-asia-epitome-entitled-white-privilege-37352 I don't think it would work the same way if they were poor black people from Africa.

Trevor from GTA V

2 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: Today's meditation was really nice. I calmer as I relaxed my body a lot compared to past days, I still had a lot of thoughts, but I didn't move my body and kept my back straight all the time. I felt more conscious, calmer, and lighter when I opened my eyes.

Hi, thank you I'm not doing self-inquiry as I only have some vague knowledge about what it is, but I think I will probably do more concentration practices in the future as I will need it to perform better in my work. I'm now more used to meditate for 1 hour, so it's not that difficult for me anymore, it's just normal. But, I do understand that many people can find it impressive as it was incomprehensible for me 2 - 3 years ago that someone could meditate for 1 hour every day.

1 March 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: I originally meditated in the morning but I got interrupted by some messages on my phone that caused me to stop at 36 minutes. However, as I wanted to succeed in my challenge I decided to meditate again in the evening and did the full 1 hour this time, so in total, I meditated 1 hour and 36 minutes today. I wanted to do some mindfulness, but it went like shit as I was having too many thoughts. I notably had thoughts on an awesome web application that I could build and that could revolutionize the web and make me completely financially independent, I visualized it and it was very compelling. I moved my body at some moment and I noticed that I was a little too tight in my recent meditation sessions, it's probably because of the pressure that I have on myself, but I need to learn to let it go. I didn't felt more conscious when I opened my eyes.

29 February 2020 Time: 1 hour Eyes always closed: Yes Summary: The session went well. I tried to concentrate on my breath today, I succeeded at some times and failed other times where I was having more thoughts, at some moments I had very subtle tingling sensations in my hands. I was a little sleepy as I meditated late at night and I move my body a little too much. I felt calmer when I opened my eyes.

So Much Nuances Each days I realize more and more how nuance and complex the world is. Developing a complex mind is needed to be able to navigate through this complex reality, simple minds will inevitably be left away.