Draconis Chaser

@Will This is your right and nobody has any business preventing you from being who you are. This is actually something you can work on through personal development. An something you should work on, in my oppinion at least... Look, people are different. Some people like being hugged and like to talk and share ideas with others. Some people are more private and introverted and strongly dislike when there is soemone in their personal space. No matter your intention, you have to respect that. Expressing your own agenda is great, and as long as nobody else is affected, by all means- go for it! Talk about yourself, dress a certain way, listen to whichever music you like, read whatever you like, believe what you choose, Smile and laugh as much as you want! That is what makes life beautiful! On the other hand, the moment your expressing yourself starts to affect others, you have to be careful. Like I said, people are different. And if you want to inspire anyone, the best way to do that is by example. I encourage you to work on not giving a shit what others think about you, but since you asked about being considerate of others, my advice is to play it safe and smart. Have a great day!

@Will I'd say that depends on the target audience. Some people legit don't give a shit and you can talk freely with them. Then there are others around whom you have to walk on eggshells. I personally don't like going out of my way to make sure nobody gets offended, but sometimes that is necessery. You of course, have every right to express your oppinions, but you have to make sure that you are coming from the right place. And keep in mind that some topics are more delicate than others. You definitely don't want to, for example, talk about how stupid not attending college is to someone who didn't have enough money to enroll. Just like you wouldn't say bad things to your host at the party, right. Stuff like that. On the other hand, talking blindly like this, I really can't give you any solid advice... Maybe if you shared what kind of topic it was that people were offended by? In the end, the most generalized advice I can give really, is to be as rational as possible when dealing with potentionally inconvenient situation, and use as neutral language as possible. And having strong argumentation is a must, of course, just in case somebody does get unjustifiably offended. Hopefully this helps... Take care!

I'm sorry if this sounds like an overused clishe, but these are literaly the only three things that have worked for me in my entire personal development journey. The first one was Journaling. I would pour my heart out on the pages: cry, throw tantrums, rage, go into berzerk mode, get all gooey, do the whole "what is the point" saga, and then I would be fine. Until I wasn't and the whole process had to start again. BUT it worked for a short amount of time. We have a saying in Serbian- 'Papir trpi sve', which roughly translates to "The paper can take it all" and I quite frankly took it to the extreme... But @Truth talked beautifully about that already. The next one was the sudden realization that I would have to take care of myself, that is take care of my "iner Child" and that I will HAVE to love myself in order to survive. Not that interesting, I'm afraid... What sort of got me through my worst was an "I'll take anything" mindset. And before I end up sounding desperate, let me explain... I wrote once about "Some battles are won by an inch" principle that was paramount in my life. I would do a huge step forward, then two backwards. Then half a step forward, three backwards. You get the idea. Still, every time I slided back, and I did a lot of that, I would grasp for a teeny-tiny bit of progress and hold on to it. True, a milimetre (we use metric here ) but still better than nothing. And milimeter by milimeter, I would crawl into the better phase. If nothing, this keeps you from diving completely down because you lost it ALL. Even if you managed to keep just a miniscule part, hell, a progress is still a progress. I remember when I would go on a diet, and decided not to eat anything sweet for a whole month, I would fail miseraably by Wednesday on a first week. But, if I went grocery shopping on Thursday, I would walk past the candy display and repete over and over in my head: Some battles are won mm by mm; Some battles are won mm by mm; Some battles are won mm by mm..... And I would forget I craved chocolate. Yay! Success! On Friday I ate the whole chocolate bar, but on Sunday, i resisted. Progress. [ I rearly eat sweets anymore. ] If nothing else seems to work for you, especially if you are biting more that you can swallow, I would definitely recomend that you at least try holding on for a piece of success until better days arrive. Hopefully this helps that one miniscule bit. Take care!

Hakuna Matata "Call him Voldemort, Harry. Always use the proper name for things. Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself" "In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice" and my favourite:

@Sukhpaal I'd say that you indeed need a way to release intense emotions and not bottle them up (an exaust vent, so to speak) so that you can push through those attacks. It could also be the case of homeostasis kicking in. You shift to the habit to mediatate and after a while, it sinks in that this is what you are going to be doing for the rest of your life, so the ego gets terrified and hits you with all it's got. It could just as well be the result of something else changing in your life. Maybe if you described your anxiety attacks in your journal, you'd get more insight into what is causing them.

I'm not too sure about the exact titles, but there are bunch of books out there on retorics and also on better writing, so you might want to check those out. I recently bought a book on public speaking. There are a lot of 'how to's in there, such as how to get over your nerves, and only a few things on the constuction of your speech, but if you've nothing, it's a good statring place. In the meantime, would suggest practicing in front of a mirror. Retell the lecture like a public speech, describe your favourite book, introduce youself, act out a scene from your favourite movie, stuff like that. It is easier to assess yourself when you can actually see what you are doing. Also, if mirror is not you thing, maybe you could record your voice on the phone and then objectively criticize the content. In my experience, this, combined with the mirror, is a gold mine. In one of my classes, and not particularly difficult subject, there was a professor who would fail you if you weren't laser precise when talking, no metaphores, no explanations, no examples- bare definitions and precise concepts only! It was a nightmare! I would bust my ass studying all the time, retelling the lectures over and over again, making sure I got every little detail in the book drilled into my memory, only for him to lsten to literally first 5 words that came out of my mouth (and I wish I was exaggerating), and if those were not perfect, he would diss you as if you didn't know a thing. Can you imagine that! He tought I was majorly scientificly illiterate and had zero talent for the subject for the bigger part of the year. I tried the mirror first, then stepped it up with recording and finally saw some progress. He now thinks I might not be so hopeless after all. If you are creative, you might want to start writing short stories, journaling, even fanfiction. When you re-read what you wrote, you get the sense of "this part here is totally skipable. I'll replace it with this one sentence instead". Do that for a while, and you'll start editing your own toughts. Of course, reading good books is like a steroid to this practice. Then there is another possibility that you are simply better at manipulating images than words, you think in pictures so to say. If that is the case, and you don't really care about detailed explanations, you might want to draw little diagrams or sketches for people, but that is another topic completely. Hopefully this helps a bit. Take care!

@JevinR There should be a bunch of books in public libraries, if nothing then huge, popular ones. That is a tad better if screen reading strains your eyes too much.

@Sigma Damn, dude! You are GOOD!

Any suggestions on how to deal with this anoyingness? I tried focusing on work, personal development, art, various forms of chimpery... Nothing seems to work... It feels like a cycle, comes and goes, but then returns even stronger, and I am at my wits end... Any advice is much appreciated... Thank you in advance!

@abrakamowse Oh. My. God. Thank you! Thank you so much! I didn't realize how much I needed this, until I read it... Again, thank you!

@abrakamowse I'll try that. Thanks for advice!

@Sarah_Flagg No. And unfortunatly, I still can't afford Leo's course, I've doing my best with what I've got, though, but either that is not enough, or I'm doing something wrong... What I notice is that I've been going out of my way to force myself into liking things that I'm studying, mostly science, as my motivation to finish college has decreased drasticly. And my family is not to happy about that... I mean, I like learning, but everything seems so dry and unnecessarily complicated and vast... That could all very well be in my head, for all I know... And it might be the origin of this whole mess, but still, I don't know how to break out of it...

@OceanJjb I am SO SO SO happy that this rant of mine helped! I kind of sensed that we were in the same boat as far as those techniques went, and wanted to share what has worked, just in case I was right. And it turned out for the best. I really do wish you all the best, and all the happiness in the world! Nobody deserves to feel alone, depressed and desperate. I know what a struggle that is, especially when you spend most of your life in a nasty place like that, and if I can help someone overcome this horrible state of mind, I will most gladly do so! If you feel like talking, or just feel like you need a bit more love in your life, please don't hesitate to send me a message. I would be honored to try and help. Take care, and all the best to you! <3

@Kelley White Awwww Thank you so much!

I appologize if something like this exists in another topic, I apparently couldn't find it... So, I rewatched the Knowledge Graph video and for the most part it makes sense. I realize that most of the stuff in there is based on various believes and very little on actual facts. And I also realise that to know the full truth, one has to get rid of the Graph completely. What I don't understand, however, is what is on the very periphery. Is it what we experience on day to day basis? Are our empirical observations raw facts? How do we know? I struggled with this for quite a while, especially while studying things that I could not experience for myself. "Is it even worth studying if there is a possibility of it not being true?", is what I thought. Then I read a post somewhere saying that we will never know for certain, until the knowledge proves itself aka, manifests itself in some way in real world, be that experiment or some practical use. That resonated with me, but still, I think there should be more to it than just practicality. And so, I would be most grateful If you would share your oppinions and suggestions on the subject. Thank you in advance and have a great day!

I suppose it just comes down to how you define cheating. But that may very well be an ego's defence and justification. I think we should think about others first. If you hypothetically woo woo with someone else, and your wife is hurt and feels betrayed, that is cheating right there. If she doesn't give a duck, it's fair game.

@Pinocchio Thank you for your reply! I think (like Leo said, actually) that in order to get rid of the bias of human point of view, we have to get rid of the "human" part, that is to brak the mold completely. And that's cool. But does not come easily. In the meantime, I have to rely on the closest thing I have to truth, which is the lining of the grapf. Still, it bugs me that we can't say that even those are 100% true... As far as practicality goes, yes, it is imortant, but not exclusive. I like to think that my job as a scientist/curious human being/consciousness is to discover the Truth. And if it happens to have a practical side that we can use, great! If not, still great! The truth is the ultimate goal here. I often say that to people and am always, without exception, ridiculed and labeled as a "philosopher" (which is now an insult apparently). I find it cute, in a "ya'll don't know what you are missing, people!" kinda way... Still, I'm glad there are more likeminded pople out there!

@OceanJjb Dear, I may not be able to help you a lot, but I feel like I have to at least give it a shot. Now, I am 20-ish, and this may very well be the result of my inexperience, but, I'll let you be the judge of that. So, for the most of my life, I felt insufficient, pressured into competing, pressured into leaving my country and going abroad, pressured into doing all sorts of things and the worst part was that I put all the pressure upon myself. And when I realized that was stupid, I was left with a "what now" sitation. Now I have no life purpose, can afford no job and hence depend on others (which I hate), no significant other (sometimes I am afraid that I will be alone forever and will die alone), I have panic attacs when it hits me that my parents are not going to live forever, all that beautiful stuff. And because I had been feeling awful for quite some time, I have tried almost everything short from taking meds, and NOTHING worked. Probably because I was too stubborn to give into therapy and techniques. You see, I always thought that affirmations are pretty, but useless, that post-it notes and reminders to smile are stupid, that promises of rewards are ineffective, that practicing gratitude is for delusional people (how could I ever be grateful for my life falling apart?!) and, of course, had no results whatsoever, and spiraled downwards even worse. I still hold some of those believes, even though they are proving to work for others. Not on the smartest side, to be honest... Anyways, I wrote all that so that hopefully you don't think I'm full of it, and have no idea what I am talking about... What I found, when I was at my most lowest state ever, crying and shaking at my living room floor, wanting not to exist anymore, is that nothing was ever going to change, if I don't change first. But how could I? Well. Turns out, that I tend to be very protective of helpless, tortured, weak beings, and I realised that somewhere deep inside of me, asleap and frozen, lie my "inner child", the sead of the Oak that is me (if that makes any sense). All that I can be, all the potential that I carry within, is that oak. And it is merely a sead, dormant, because it had nothing to grow on. And then and there, I decided that my absolute first priority had to be that weak little thing. I had to grow it and nurture it, help it sprout. I had to give it love first and formost, and that ment I had to give some love to myself as well. I would suggest that you try to find your own inner seed. Give it water, food, love! Make it warm. Allow it to grow. Allow it to burst out of its shell. It is most likely afraid to show itself with all the worrying and stress that you feel now, and also with all the negative conditioning that you went through previously. Call it out. It will come to you on its own, no forcing whatsoever. I think that, in time, things will get better. As your seedling grows, you will feel better, and will have clearer picture of what needs to be done. I'm sorry for a humongous post, I really wanted to help, even if just a little bit... I wish all the best to you, and that you find happiness that you so deserve! <3

@Ayla "Maybe a heavy rain is not what you'd prefer, but .. you watch it pass, and you adjust to it and you continue your life" Words to live by... Love it! <3

@Anna Konstantaki Forgive me if this sounds all turned upside-down, but is it really that improtant to you to be in the system? I mean, really, truthfully... The system kinda wants you to (depending on where you live and what system we are talking about) obey the rules and bring income into it, be it money, art, positive attitude, whatever. So long as you don't shake the boat, the system is pretty happy. But even if you have to obey its stupid rules, there are plenty of things that you can go around, dig under the fence, if that makes any sense. In my oppinion, retaining your connection to the system is sort of a lifeline, because you are scared to leave it. Maybe you need a bit more security? I like to think of myself as being indifferent. As long as my wishes, goals, work and desires are congruent with what the system wants, we are good- aka I stay. But should the tables turn, I know that I will be able to turn my back on it and never look back. If that means that I have to move to a top of the mountain, grow my own food and keep goats, that is what I will do. But that really is an exaggaration. It would more likely be the case that you move, or change lines of work or people that you associate with. That is my take on it, anyways.. Take care

@Natasha Well, thanks for that... Now there is a third option.... Hear that? That is the sound of my head exploding from all the possibilities and no answers... I guess this is a good exercise for enlightment training, though...

I have a wierd one, but it's been bugging me all day, so please, just bear with it for a little while... Is your name Leo as in Leonardo (da Vinci) or Leo as in Leo Tolstoy? I recently found out that russian name Лев (in Serbian Лав - Lion) is also Leo in English, and the thought of that is not leaving my brain anytime soon, it seems... I know... So random...

@JustTom I am a woman by birth. And identify as a woman. If I evaluate my level of femininity vs level of masculinity, I would probably place somewhere around the middle, maybe a bit more on the masculine side. Now, even though I personally wouldn't go through a sex change procedure, I can absolutely understand why someone would. There are so many annoying things about being a woman (that you can neither change nor ignore) and you most definitely din't choose. Like periods. Freakin' periods. Everything hurts and you feel like crying and murdering someone at the same time with the same knives that are stabbing you in your ovaries. There are also slight issues like giving birth, being scared to walk alone at night, not to mention getting paid less or being looked down on as the weaker sex (that's at least how it is where I come from). I realise that most of this can be changed, given enough time and resources, but I can also see why some people would like to avoid all that nonsence in the first place and switch teams. You are, after all the same person. And no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to fight against the whole grain and still see the fruits of my labour in my short lifetime. We aren't there yet. Sometimes sex change is not about (not)having a penis, but something more complex than that, and not necesserily of psychological nature. That's at least my view on it...

Moved to another city, left my sheltered life behind, and now struggling to keep all dem threads in my hands, balansing lwork, financies, chores, cooking and personal development. Quite a ride....

I group my fuck-it (totally stealing that one) list by categories. I have bunch of boring vanilla stuff on there, like buy a beach house for my parents and have a loft in a metropolis, but there are a few more interesting ones: Win a lottery Meet JK Rowling and ask for an autograph Go to a comicon in a cosplay, unrecognizable Build a library with a secret entrance Build a lab in my basement, also with a secret entrance Experience zero gravity Learn to speak Japanese Try Drag with my friends Make a foundation for college education for people who can't afford tuition Adopt a child and help them get on their feet Have a Gypsy read my palm Open Nail art studio Go speed dating Kiss under missletoe Experience lantern festival See Aurora borealis Kiss a girl Visit Harry Potter studio museum Learn how to make all sorts of jewelry Help someone learn Serbian Paint a mural Learn how to saw clothes and make my own fashion line Cure cancer Visit Louvre Meet Leo in person Those are some of the more interesting ones..