sleepyj

Exactly! haha

@Aakash Thats a wonderful and true realization. The first part I mean. I personally believe the Buddha reached full enlightenment but of course we cant know for an absolute fact. I don't internally have doubt (related to the second fetter funny enough) in it because I think that all lack of seeing the truth comes from selfishness in one way shape or form. Selfishness, individuation, all come from fetters 1 through 9. But you are absolutely correct that there is no way to know for sure. What we can know is that the buddhas path of dissolving the ten fetters through the eightfold path is what all three of us could use to grow. I don't worry about there being no absolute end, because I'm content in my journey. I know what issues I have to work on and am in that process. It's possible that I dissolve all ten fetters and realize there is more, but I think its best for us to focus on our journey and not try to speculate on what the supposed end will be like without us reaching it. But I do feel you, those feelings you are having are a natural part of the uncertainty to life that everyone feels. It is a very natural and human way to feel.

Meditation can suck depending on how many issues are coming up. If it gets too chaotic and you get overwhelmed it can suck. Meditation is basically slowing down and processing your fears at its best. Self reflection can be good as well (by that I mean taking the time to be more honest with yourself about yourself and your fears and issues). If there are too many things, it can get overwhelming and suck, but it doesn't inherently suck, it just sucks for you at that moments because its too overwhelming. Don't force yourself to meditate. Just follow the eightfold path minus the meditation aspects and focus on becoming a better and kinder person for now. I'm sorry that you have such terrible experiences though, that must really suck. Focus on the eightfold path and I promise you, you will find the peace you seek. Please actively push yourself to do the first six aspects of the path though in order to truly get better. Look at some of the other stuff I've posted too maybe and feel free to ask any question, hopefully I can be of assistance. I'll try for sure, might not be able to answer in a way that will help you because I don't understand your experience fully and I still live in delusion myself. But maybe could be helpful @GafaRassaDaba

@Aakash Yes, you never really know exactly where you are at haha. I enjoyed it as well! No questions currently, but I am very interested to see how your break from the forum goes and the update with your path. Please do post about it. Looking forward to keeping up with your path.

I think you've just convinced yourself that you don't exist, when clearly you do still. Pretending you don't exist while clearly lacking emotional depth is the telltale sign of extreme numbness. Just deflecting questions with "What is this?" "What is that?" makes no sense. For your own good and for others good, I hope you will stop this. If you are in fact numb and not enlightened, you will have mislead countless people on here.

My friend @Aakash I appreciate your perspective on this. You seem like a very genuine person. I do think you are wrong in one facet of this though. During the Buddha's journey, he was a student of a teacher who showed him the "eternal self", eventually, the Buddha discarded this concept later on his path as he realized it was delusion. Here is why: there is nothing constant in this universe. Absolutely nothing, everything is growing, evolving and changing. The only thing that does't change (from my non arhat perspective) is the cycle of change and growth itself. The Buddha realized that this eternal self couldn't be eternal because it was a product of his changing, growing, and ultimately limiting form of individuated consciousness. Perhaps there is all this stuff that we can't see yet, that we won't be able to see until we become arhats and are no longer an individuated egoic self on any level. The issue is that claiming we have found an eternal self while we still have growth ourselves to do doesn't work. Its impossible for us to see the whole picture. Whatever is in your experience is fine and cool. But don't assume that its the end, that you've found something constant. Don't reject it, but don't cling to it as eternal, because like I said we cant see the eternal fully while we are still fettered on any level. Not saying that there isn't anything eternal (I dont know if there is), but pretending anything in our experience is eternal is delusion. As long as you are still and individual with fears and such, you can't know for sure. These eternal selves that we attatched to, I have attatched to one in the past as well, are just mind creations mixed in with certain aspects of truth and aren't the full picture.

Man @winterknight you should stop this business of saying you are enlightened. All I have to do is look at you asking who suffers and its crystal clear that you aren't. Telling people "who suffers" is dismissing your own pain and other people's pain and just becoming numb. It shows a serious lack of understanding of life. Even if you didn't suffer, you wouldn't respond to people with "who suffers" if you were enlightened. You would show compassion and offer support in a genuine way. Trying to teach the people how they can learn from their unfortunate circumstances. An enlightened person would also not make such a bold declaration that he is enlightened. That also shows you are not enlightened. I'm concerned for you because I used to talk in a somewhat similar way. I think you might be very emotionally numb and you think you are enlightened, but you aren't. Please try to reconnect with your emotions. People get tortured in this life, animals do too. Try to feel compassion don't just disregard suffering. If someone came to murder you or rape you or whatever, you wouldn't be able to detach from the suffering, you would suffer a lot.

@Aakash Can you explain more about exactly what you mean in understanding the true self? I do agree that you can become spiritually advanced without buddhahood. I just view enlightenment as full buddhahood, and curious what your definition is.

What @creede said works really well for some people :). I think one of the best things you can do @Peo is to reflect on how you can be a better person in your life. Like @NoSelfSelf said, neurotically worrying about the technique doesn't matter. I would say just sit and to the best of your ability try to observe what causes that fear of not having the right technique. Allowing yourself to acknowledge your inner fears and neuroticism if you have inner neuroticism is the best technique. No need for fancy anything, in fact the fancy techniques can distract you from the actual growth that needs to be had. I've had to work through a lot of neuroticism in my path and remember obsessing over the best thing for me to do. In fact what I really had to do was just sit and let myself feel the fear. Not sure if that applies to you or not, not trying to say you have these issues, but wanted to reply in case you do and in case I could be of some help.

@Jkris Yeah, what @Aakash said is right. The 10 fetters are the ten things that keep you stuck in mind. The best way to remove them is by practicing the eightfold noble path, while keeping in mind the 4 noble truths.

@Aakash The second fetter is doubt in the goal of becoming an arhat. If you've had some cool realizations but want to stop there and not go the full way into death of the individualized self, then you still have the second fetter I think. In my experience, and in the experience of others i've talked to, its best to focus on fetter number 4 as opposed to 2 and 3. 2 and 3 will naturally go away in the pursuit of reducing 4.

@Aakash You can understand it more and more as you progress, but full understanding only comes once you are an arhat. Anyone who says they understand it fully who isn't an arhat, is missing parts of it. It's impossible to understand the full thing unless you are an arhat. The Buddha gave a speech about the 64 spiritual views of the world (by non arhats) and pointed out how they were all missing parts. Thats why ignorance is the tenth and final fetter. It seems like you've had nondual experiences, am I correct? If so, that means you have dropped the first fetter, but the true nature of the self can only be discovered by the death of the self into the deathless state of arhathood. The death of the ego as you said or the death of the individuated self.

@Aakash I am not an arhat yet haha. I'm still on my path, but it is going well. Thanks for the complement though. Right mindfulness comes down to being aware of your behaviors and even your subtle reactions to things. Looking at the ten fetters can both explain why I'm not an arhat and explain right mindfulness. The ten fetters are the ten major factors that prevent one from being an arhat. Fetter number 4 for example, sensual desire. I personally do not have much sensual desire, but I get tempted sometimes by things like cheese or sugary things or yogurt. Whatever it is, cheese and yogurt being bad for me to eat because I think the conditions that cows are put in to produce those products is pretty cruel, any spark of craving for those things shows me that I still have a fetter there on some level. Even if I don't act on it, the spark of desire shows that I have work to do there. This is exactly what mindfulness is, being aware of all your not compassionate impulses (impulses that harm others or even yourself). Being aware of your fetters. Once you are aware of these things, they will really start to dissolve. What matters is that you are aware of them and you try to do the right thing. Conceit is a big fetter, number eight. The ten fetters go really really deep for each person, what's important though, is being aware of the most obvious ones in your life at that time, and being self honest to see the areas where you have these fetters. Almost everyone on the planet has fetters 4 through 10 on some level.

@Aakash Right speech is different from right action in a key way. If you just look at right speech as not trying to hurt other by lying, then it could be grouped in with right action. The reason that it is its own part of the path is due to the effect that telling the truth has on you. If you push yourself to tell the truth as often as possible, it will help you grow in a very unique way. It will force you to start seeing yourself how you really are. Everyone has delusions about themselves and how they are, so by telling the truth, it forces you to see beyond those delusions fully, because the world will judge you for how you actually are. Imagine those uncomfortable truths that you don't want to tell. In many cases, being honest in those situations is what helps you grow spiritually. The advice people will give you will also get better and better if you are completely honest in all ways. A big part of the path is accepting your faults and being ok with your issues. Ok in the sense that you can be honest and admit that you have them to yourself and to others.

An intellectual concept is only as helpful as it leads you to grow in a deeper way. I feel you though, I fall into the trap of overthinking too. It's not good, it really doesn't help us grow to try and understand intellectually things that are beyond our current experience.