Meretagh

@hyruga would you share some links? I only found a 15min compilation

Hi, I'm going to attend college with the subject programming. I'm sure I'll find it interesting, but it's completely unrelated to my Life Purpose - visual art. Maybe there are degrees more related to my LP, like graphics, but I'm afraid with that I'll be making very little money and won't ever be able to move into my LP fully. I want to do it because it gets a lot of money, at least in my country, and I'll be able to save up and focus on my LP. But I have a terrible feeling on the inside about the idea. Do you have any thoughts or advice? Thanks a lot

I'm about halfway through the core concepts, so right now there are 6 more books there to read. All more or less about how to put Life Purpose in practice, into real life. And since I don't even know what my Life Purpose is, I just can't get myself to read them. For example, all the exercises with visualization - I don't even have anything to visualize yet, so I always wonder whether I should even do these exercises. My question is, for those who finished the course: is reading the books before you know your direction really worth it? Isn't there something I can do specifically to find my purpose? I know Leo adresses it in the intro, but I just can't get my mind around it.

Adam and Eve

True Detective, Black Mirror

surely todays video will be a Reaction to 50 million views, so he has to wait you know

Seems like you just haven't contemplated it enough for it to stick... https://youtu.be/zGDGobqibDc?t=1h13m59s

@Mastral Yeah well tommorow I'm planning on doing 75 gram raw millet... not sure if oral or rectal administration though. Do you guys know where in Europe I could get some rice ?

I feel like this is worth posting about just because of how spontaneous and trivial action led into a relatively big experience. REPORT: After 20 minutes of do nothing meditation I went on my couch and ate a bowl of honeyed oatmeal. It was 9 pm and I was very tired. I started feflecting on how stressful the day was and some wrongdoings from others. Then I started staring at things, having this feeling like I just woke up and that a bit like I don't really know where I am and such - which is not too uncommon for me. Then I closed my eyes, laid my head back and started to look at the blackness before my eyes. I looked at it as a whole, at its center, at its 'borders'. After some time (maybe 10 minutes) I started feeling this specific feeling that the blackness is extremely small and extremely huge at the same time (what I just described is common experience for normal people, especially before falling asleep, here people wrote about it). I gradually started feeling like bigger and bigger field of awareness. Sometimes there was a 'pull' of enormous space in some direction, usually behind my head. After some more time the peak expereince happened - I felt my body disintegrating, rather quickly, and it scared me, but I was telling myself to calm down and surrender to it and that I don't care, if I die (I even wanted to but also felt sad for leaving my story here). My body started shaking and I started breathing fast and deep. I (or the body) was getting ridiculusly tiny while my awareness (or I) expanded extremely, as if into the whole universe. Throughout this there were feelings of euphoria, unimportance of 'my life', laughing at the way I percieve life, ceaseation of time and sort of feeling like I'm the things in the room I was in. At the same time I still had thoughts and heards sounds around me - but maybe not at the very peak. Then it just went away, not by me doing anything - it just wore off. It seems strange, that this happened, because right now I have a terrible lifestyle and am more unconscious than usually, even dropped daily meditation from 60 to 20 minutes. Though this seemed very radical to me, the everyday life after the experience seemed to not change almost at all. Btw when in the past I inquired into 'what do I want right now', the deepest answer was 'to become a peaceful, energetic white light' - and at points this experience kind of seemed to be reaching that. I plan on trying this 'technique' more over the following days, so if I get more experiences like this I will post them in reply. Hope this hleps somehow

cognitive style - INTELLECTUAL organizational style - FLEXIBLE energy style - INTROVERTED stress management style - REACTIVE interpersonal style -COMPETITIVE openness imagination - HIGH artistic interests - HIGH emotionality - HIGH adventurousness - AVERAGE intellectual interests - HIGH liberalism - HIGH conscientiousness self-efficacy - AVERAGE orderliness - AVERAGE dutifulness - LOW achievement-striving -AVERAGE cautiousness - LOW extraversion friendliness - LOW gregatiousness - LOW assertiveness - AVERAGE activity level - LOW excitement seeking - HIGH cheerfulness - AVERAGE neuroticism anxiety - AVERAGE anger - AVERAGE depression - HIGH self-consciousness - AVERAGE immoderation - HIGH vulnerability - HIGH agreeableness trust - LOW honesty - LOW altruism - LOW cooperation - LOW modesty - LOW sympathy - LOW Well, well, well... seems like I'm not very agreeable

I find that many games have a specific meditative quality to them, that other media (like films, or books) don't have. It's the way that they actually make you enjoy being aware of what you see. (although books and films have their own unique meditative qualities too) The biggest one for me was Witcher 3, the landscapes, the music, the kind of hollow parts in the story, which were for me most enjoyable. Skyrim was simillar, Minecraft is really calm in its simplicity and the music, definitely Dragon Age Inquisition, Bioshock Infinite, Life is Strange, Assassin's Creed Syndicate. And just any games, that are kind of solid, calm and pretty. But I personally couldn't play them in order to meditate. It's just a fascinating and enjoyable effect.

So I fell in love with this girl in my class (I’m 17). It’s been around 8 months now, and it only grew stronger with time. It started when we kind of emotinally connected and since then we communicated not often and not very straightforward, but sort of intensly. A while back I asked her to meet up and talk about it and after a while she finally said she doesn’t want to. For some reason that response made me feel like our communication ended there and it felt like I won’t ever heal again. I felt that way before but this time it was way stronger, at moments it hurt so much I thought I’m going to die. There I realized, that since the beginning I never gave up the possibility, that we would be together in the end. And now seeing, that in the end we wouldn’t, just really hurt. But at the same time I still absolutely didn’t give up wanting her, even after the pain. Now I don’t want to necessarily stop loving her, but my need to get her really directs my whole life subconsciously and I obviously don’t want that. One of the reasons I got so attached to her is, that I have problems with girls in general. I never had a girlfriend, I’m not shy, I just can’t communicate with them very well (e.g., casual conversations and interactions absolutely don't come naturally from me). I did try to get better at it by just forcing myself (for a few months, just before I fell in love with this girl) and it did really help but at the same time it sent me more into deppression about being bad at it and ultimately I ended up in the same place with girls, just gaining more self-confidence. So I have some questions, but while answering them, please consider these things: Since we’re classmates, I see her almost everyday and that’ll continue for another year and a half. I have meditated daily for around two years but I don’t do anything with enlightment yet, so spirituality probably isn’t the way for me to solve this. Also I don’t have my life purpose figured yet, so my life is a little hollow in general. I constantly try to manipulate people (especially girls I like) by them seeing me in some extremely positive way (which one of the reasons why wanting someone in my class is so destructive for me). Anyway… Do you have anything to say to this? Is there something I might not be seeing? Should I even be focusing on this issue? If yes, then what could be a right balance between working on my problems with girls/this specific girl vs. life-purpose and personal development? Could there be a way to face my issues with girls besides socializing in school (which showed rather bad results for me)? Is there a way to stop having/wanting to have hopes about getting this girl? Because that’s probably what keeps the whole thing alive.

@Dragallur The point is that all the models I mentioned are ones that we intuitively assume are true (not necesarilly theoreticly - that's irrelevant here) and so they are how we view world by default. So the whole point is that you do the thought process that I wrote and there should happen an unresolvable conflict. At least that's what happened to me. I mean I assume that since I have a very strong 3D model of reality by default that others do too. Edit: the 3D model of reality is simillar to Leo's naive model of reality (or maybe the same, idk)

In doing personal development I experienced 2 mindblows caused by inquiry into two default positions at the same time and realizing that they can't be the case at the same time. The default positions (or models of reality) that I talk about here are what you feel deep inside is reality, not what you believe logically. The mindblow is supposed to weaken them a little by showing their conflict in your intuition. Here's how I got them and how you might too, if you follow the instructions : (the bold text is what you need to do, the other text is explaining) 1. conflict of 3D UNIVERSE and BELIEVING IN EXISTENCE OF OTHER PEOPLES REALITY Think about this: There is my reality, which I’m now seeing. If at the same time there is someone else’s reality, then where is it? (literally where in the 3D universe is it right now?) What you should arrive at: If you think of the world as the big 3D place and at the same time believe in others' reality existing, then focusing on others' reality should suddenly bring out the question: where is it. 2. conflict of 3D UNIVERSE and WHAT YOU SEE WITH YOUR EYES IS REAL In 3D reality you can imagine an object at any place. In eyesight reality (what you see with your eyes) you can 'point' at location of any object that you see. But once that object is out of your field of view, not only do you not see it, but you can't even 'point' at its location, because where you should see it, because there is nothingness. Hold your finger in front of you. You can locate it in 3D and 'point' at it in eyesight. Now move that finger behind your head. Now you can locate it in 3D but, besides not being able to see it, can you 'point' at it's 'direction' with eyesight? (there's a drawing illustrating this exercise at the bottom) (the subtle point is in 'pointing' with your eyes, which is definitely not moving your eyes nor creating an imaginary vector; it's more like tapping it with focus) What you should arrive at: When your finger goes outside field of view, you realise that eyesight model directly exterminates possibility of 3D reality, because it's not there. Did you experience a mindblow at all? If you have simillar 'mindblows', please post them here. PS: if I'm just reinventing the wheel somehow, then please tell me

you forgot that he cooked soup for 60 mins.

Yeah in a way it's definitely beautiful! Obviously for one because I'm really grateful for having met and seeing this girl. And even more because the pain, as painful as it is and as tiring its coming back everyday is, is somehow a great 'pleasure', or something like that. Dunno how exactly... I can see that it for the moment completely narrows down life, it feels like feeling, and I'm peaceful for a short while after it.

If every other day I see her and my cycle of depression comes, then how do I ignore her completely? Because then what I found best is to not ignore her, but to let the depression hurt until I'm tired of it. When I didn't do that, the emotions and thoughts seemed to just stay in me undercover. But if you mean ignore her by focusing on creating my life, then I understand.

Well thanks for all the advice... wasn't able to see how spirituality would help me with it yet, but maybe it would have been worse without it. But on one week long holiday in which I intensivly applied the ideas of The Power of Now I did get into peace and maybe more importantly, when the holiday was ending and I started to see myself getting back into the story of "my tragedy with her", it seemed really ridiculous... but also very tempting, and after the first day in school I got into it again. Right now it seems that I need to just sit down and let the negativity come to me, after that I feel like nothin matters, so why not pursue the little stuff that makes me glad. That I'm not able to do everyday, though... I feel like I should. It's maybe one of the best spiritual practices I could have in a way at this moment. Also going on the journey of life purpose and spirituality, as opposed to being in the sad paralysis, gives me the sense of power again. The most surprising thing right now from this is that I thought I would somehow solve this, by doing inner work, by socializing, by working on myself - but no, it probably won't just go away.

@Shin Thanks for sharing your story! I will try to question more deeply how happy having her would actually make me. Of course spirituality goes way further than this and will hopefully help me one day, I just meant, that it obviously can't provide any short term solution for me to move on in life. But I guess I could start appreciating that I even got to know about the existence of these things behind scenes. @Toby Thanks, I haven’t really considered this approach. Since I already tried my best with communiacting with her, I might as well do the opposite now. Surely I can delete our messages, just don’t know, if I can block her from our class... @Sevi Thank you, a really beautiful response! I’m a little bit resistant to what you wrote, cause I’m afraid of having hopes and thus pain all over again – but at the same time it’s really inspiring and I love it! Definitely will try to open to your suggestions and bring them into my life.