PiotrW

Hello actualized.org forums, I am new here, thought I have been watching Leo's videos for several months. Today i faced something extremely emotionally Painful and I do not really understand myself, I hope some external insight will help me analyze the situation without my own the personal affect. First of all I am sorry for my English as it is not my native language. I will try my best to express myself and if something would not be clear please let me know. I am 28 years old office worker, on my current position for over a year. Lately i noticed a problem in my company that is not really scope of my position and I wanted to take the initiative of solving it. My office is divided into two locations, I am working in the smaller one holding more or less 20 employees, and as I had great success solving that particular issue in my location I wanted to ask one of the employees from the bigger site who is responsible for this particular case ( I will call him C from now on, C is my real life friend for a several months) in the other location if action could be taken there aswell - as a reply i was actually asked to do it. Later on C gave me a few times on how to approach the task, it was more like insisting on doing it his way or not doing it at all, I asked few questions about his way of thinking but I did not get any kind of explanation, except for "because this is how its supposed to be done" so i kindly refused his help. Therefore after consulting it with my direct manager I have dropped an e-mail to my work colleagues from the other site explaining the situation and my will to solve it ( solving it wouldn't be a hard thing as it was only about making a contact with other department ) As a reply I did receive an e-mail explaining the whole process, and the reply from C that he will take action himself. As I reply i only wrote "Thanks for letting me know, I don't have any more concerns. Have a great rest of the day" Later on in the private conversation i got bashed several times by C of how unprofessional I am, how bad and rude my mails are, and how much anger there is on it how poor my English is, and that he feels sorry for me. That comment made me extremely angry. And here are the reasons why: - I got taken away initiative that i really wanted to accomplish after identifying the problem - I got bashed by my friend ( who is on the equal position like me) - I got criticized for the way I am writing, expressing emotions, spreading hate while I cannot see anything wrong with the way i write, and my work attitude was discredited Until this point i know how I am feeling this way. The one question I do have right now and that thing really bugs me. I am old grown guy, I do have most of my life sorted out, but yet i still care about the opinion of others, I still need others people approval and acceptance. And i still cannot handle opinion about myself from others. Did anyone of You had this problem ? How do You actually face it and get rid of it once for good. Regards, Joseph from Poland

Hi There Again, Sorry for not responding for quite some time. I was being too lazy to respond @charlie2dogs @Ayla After some thoughts i realized that I required too much approval from C, and in general from others around me i started to build my independent inner personality that seeks no approval - obviously it will take time but at least i know where I aim heading. ( We are good again, he confessed to me that he had a very stressful day, however i warned him not to talk to me like that ever again ) @khalifa I did watch the videos but I do no understand the general purpose and how to start it. It is very hard for me to sit still and think about emotions, I am getting easily distracted and anxious. May bye ill give it a try other time, but in general i think meditating is not my thing.

@charlie2dogs I do actually have some questions I do understand the general idea of Your statements but some are not exactly clear to me. Does this mean that You have no personal attachments? to friends, family, beloved ones ? If Yes How can you fully live for yourself. I know it might sound like an odd question, but this concept of being completely free of the others is something new to me. When I think about rest of your declaration I do agree with other things You said. And I will need to change to put them into my daily routine. I should have not let aggressive, degrading comments that bring nothing constructive get into my head. Nor i should react with anger and self-doubt. @Ayla How do You actually tread a child that is scared? ( I really don't know I never had much contact with kids ). I am not sure if I could see this situation from this point of view. C has always been very grounded about his duties and position, I do not think that he would be ever threatened by this kind of actions, our positions are same paid and are same in company structure ( C's position has a bit more prestige ) and I would never want to replace him as his duties are not appealing me at all. It could be that he did not feel that well for himself that i found the issue that is under his scope he was not aware of. It could be that he didn't felt that good because he was not first to act. But those are only my assumptions. Outer manifestation of the fear is quite clear to me, but responding to the inner fear ? What do You mean by that @khalifa Can You explain and tell me more about the perspective you are referring to ? ( I would be glad if You provide some example on it ) I heard about meditation but thinking about sitting in silence for several minutes makes ma anxious. How do I actually start, and what are the benefits of meditating ? Thank You all for the responses I think I am getting somewhere. It is amazing how little gave me so much. Regards, Joseph