Kelley White

@ULFBERHT, sorry I missed this earlier. I will check it out now. Thank you for sharing it.

I observed the same thing about myself. Thank you very much and you are welcome.

@Pallero Isn't it great to not be hostage to it anymore? Good for you.

Is that Kevin Smith and Joe Rogan? This is where I have to be good and remind myself to watch it later. @Simon Zackrisson thanks for the error.

After years of therapy, I have to agree with @The Son on this one.

@Simon Zackrisson Great point! @DrMatthewsausage it could be a good short term solution until you can get into a more stable environment. I personally am very anti meds...after this last experience I am doing short term meds. A referral from your psychologist to a psychiatrist could be good for meds and advocating with your folks for better diet.

Hi @DrMatthewsausage. I'm curious about a few things: 1. You are 18 and going to a Psychologist. What does your psychologist advise and is your psychologist willing to have a session(s) with you and your parents to help you communicate through this issue together? Sometimes taking parents/a loved one to a session(s) can allow the therapist to bridge the communication gap and bring resolution? 2. I can appreciate that it is challenging to change old habits when you feel the people around you are either not supporting or sabotaging you. What are some solutions you can think of that don't depend upon your parent's support? Can you get your own place or share a place with like minded friends? Do you have a job and you can buy/prepare your own food separately? Can you create a plan to make either one or two happen? 3. As an ex sugar/ process foods junkie I personally find a causation correlation between diet and mood regulation. Many psychologists also agree and advocate for better self care/diet as a part of effective treatment. So do family doctors who can also advocate with parents. 4. Remember its not a linear process, remember your parents are older than you and may be more resistant to change especially if they don't see the causation and correlation between diet and mood. 5. The drinking? I understand. I just finished two years of living with someone like this. Its draining, its very emotionally toxic, its very hard to be positive or even function in an environment like that. Please take care of you first and foremost and if you can change your living situation for the better I suspect you will find that your depression, the panic and depersonalization will begin to improve. Are you sleeping? Are you getting breaks at friends homes or time outs? Do you have any 12 step groups for family members living with Alcoholics around you, you can attend for support? Its been nine going on ten months since I did an intervention and I am just now starting to be less hyper vigilant, have longer periods of time where I am not depressed or afraid. I finally managed to quit smoking, I'm recovering from an ulcer and eating much better, I'm not as panicked, I can go out and socialize now, before I was agoraphobic. I am finally reclaiming my life. I suspect much of what you are experiencing is situational at the moment and very normal for what you are living with. Do the best you can, and cut yourself some slack for doing a great job coping with a challenging situation at such a young age. You're here and asking questions, you're in therapy,you sound very wise for your age to me. You're doing great. Worry less about them getting it. You can't make them get it. All you can do is make the best choices for you. I wish you all the best. Edit: You also might find this video helpful

Again, I wholly agree with @Ayla

@beckycox I would like to open by saying I regret the pain you are experiencing at this time. I have done hospice care; I can assure you that all the emotions you are experiencing are very normal. I know many many very enlightened beings who still grieve the loss of dying loved ones. Radical acceptance is challenging and there are many stages to grief and they don't always occur in a specific order; its not a linear process. Be kind to you and patient with you. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/K%C3%BCbler-Ross_model Sometimes when family are in the midst of caring for their loved one, they become numb to keep functioning. Its a coping mechanism. That is normal as well. It seems like you are not in denial but working very proactively to cope with a painful situation. I lost a friend to Brain cancer two years ago. Challenging disease to care for. I wish you and your family the best during this time of transitioning for your Mum.

That is awesome.

@zenny Sounds about right LOL I was learning it while I wrote it. Shhhh don't tell.

@Oleg F Good ideal; I'm not certain yet if it is or is not true. It seems there are moments we can forget and need to remind ourselves? Maybe that's just me? This I wholly agree with. Being present in and grateful for the now. I can't answer this question, I don't do either and I never have done either. I don't perceive "enlightenment" as this grand end state. I perceive it as a lifelong process until you are pushing up daisies. Let me just say, I learned last week there were things I was doing in my "nows" that were self defeating and counter productive. By hearing this critique I could make corrections so my "now" in this moment is more aware and mindful than my "now" in the past moments. Thank you so much. Very thought provoking comment.

Hi @AHappyTeddyBear Thank you so much for responding. No one's going to hate you. LOL So aforementioned statement? Is this really truthful? Is it truthful that "everyone" (all or nothing) is having/posting here "because they have never gone through real suffering, pain and were so fucking spoiled as kids?" I just have not observed this to be true so I am wondering what facts or data you are basing this perception upon? Again, I don't find it true that other cultures whether indigenous or other wise experience issues with this. From my study and direct observation the issues merely manifest In other ways I highly encourage you to look at Forks over Knives; the majority of the research comes from China, one of the only countries to create cancer maps and be capable of providing doctors with data to determine direct causation and correlation between diet, ecological issues and cancer. The problem, as you can plainly see, was not limited solely to Western Countries. I do agree however that many of the diets of many Westerners can be unhealthy. I don't think this is wholly truthful. I think some people are pussies and some people are not. I am not certain if there is a causation and a correlation between being spoiled and being a pussy. LOL Do you have documentation or is this a personal theory? You don't sound like a happy bear; I've never heard of this therapeutic approach, I've seldom as either a person or a law enforcement officer seen such conduct lead to anything positive. In some countries its actually a crime. Sounds like the whole "mental illness isn't real, pull yourself up by the boot straps argument." By the way? Being a cu** is actually worshiping the Goddess for her beauty and fertility. @Key Elements I think you have made some excellent points here. I have personally been finding success doing some of these same things. Thank you so much for sharing this. I am working on this very thing and also finding it successful. Healthy boundaries. I have been meaning to take the time to look at this entire graves model as I am unfamiliar. I do agree with the observation it takes a village to raise a child. Sometimes it takes re-parenting by committee to heal an adult. (A Peter Walker Concept from his book http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842 Thank you so much for your comments.

@DizIzMikey Its interesting, I am aware WE are all one while remaining distinct, thus I am also aware that each of us is connected. It seems there are many people working to elevate consciousness within their own framework of understanding. What I I have observed most precisely true? If I assume that we, X individual and I are, aligned for the highest and best service to others? Some how I end up in contact with that being at some point through serentypical timing and means by that very faith. Now for your example one observation? Let's take Jay Z; he's a human man. I am certain he has joys and sorrows like each of us only he is not always given the respect of personal privacy. Many things are more than likely written about him which are not truthful; it also does not appear, based upon my experiences or those experiences shared with me by wealthy and or famous people, that money, "others" (Ie: lovers/significant others) fame, any of those materialistic "trappings" necessarily lead to peace, enlightenment, happiness, or eradicate envy or jealousy. For the "success" and fame Jay Z now has and is envied for, there were/are hours and years of mastery and work no one ever sees. So I have just found after being successful in businesses like Real Estate, if you want to be "rich" you have to do more than believe you and Jay Z are one. You have to be willing to work like Jay Z. I love the notion you shared about oneness though.

@MIA.RIVEL By observation I agree, it appears facing our deepest fears squarely and having the courage to walk through them demonstrates how powerless they in fact are over us. That doesn't mean its easy, it doesn't mean we always succeed, but like any new skill eventually over time we attain a degree of success if we keep practicing. Great comment.

@Natura Sonoris I just found this to be so truthful. @Helge Bravo! That is the hugest step right there! Lets talk about what we are really talking about here...objectification. Western countries are saturated with it. It is natural for us to want to have beauty around us, its healthy actually. Of course we want to be attractive. That's evolution. Does it impair your functioning? Are your friends a good measure? Are you addicted? Is it OCD? I don't know? I'm asking. Is it beauty you are addicted to or being unattractive you are fearing? Again...I don't know I'm asking? Meds/no meds; Therapy/no therapy: My default, when in doubt check with a licensed professional and go from there. No right or wrong. I know both men and women with body dysmorphic issues. Beauty and culture seem to have strong links as well. Having worked in retail ready to wear and the fashion industry I can assure you most folks have something about themselves they feel insecure about. These insecurities can come from numerous experiences. @Emerald Wilkins Love this inquiry process, I've used it myself. @AHappyTeddyBear, I don't by observation find this truthful. Sam Harris does an eloquent job of pointing out how some eastern cultures can objectify with covering in the same fashion that Western cultures can objectify with uncovering. Beauty, issues related to cultural perceptions of beauty are global by my observation even in indigenous cultures. I do however agree that if you frame it in the context of assuming that a non first world country would have more challenges of a higher priority, gratitude can get you beyond just about any situation in a pinch. @Natasha, I agree there is good information in both of these videos. @Helge, I feel you on this one. I can remember being told I was ugly most of my elementary and junior high school "time." I actually paid for modeling school at 14 to figure out if I was really ugly. It's awesome you can identify some of the early sources. I wish you the best of luck with this. It sounds like you are already making progress.

@Espen when it gets to the point of feeling overwhelmed... I agree with @Pallero, You have had some traumatic things happen and its normal to grieve. We grieve losses and grief is a process. It will pass. I regret that your father made such a harsh statement to you. I agree with @Ayla I hear and acknowledge your pain. I understand the conflict of feeling that life goes on and seeks results from us even though trauma or tragedy can occur. It can be challenging to give ourselves permission to take down time. I myself struggle with this very thing. I understand what it is like to feel so much pain you have thoughts of self harm. You are 18, I have a 100% success rate from such thoughts since I was 14 and I'm 53. Please don't make a permanent choice based upon a temporary emotion. Sometimes....this right here? Keeps us from doing things that are self harming and actually makes us feel better. Hold on to that feeling right there to get you through. I sincerely hope you are feeling better.

@Anna, The hard work does pay off. I will check out your post, thank you for sharing it in the thread. Congratulations with the panic attacks and social anxiety those are both very challenging to deal with, at least for me.

@Pallero Good for you! It sounds like you have made quite a bit of progress in the area of body dysmorphia issues. That is real growth. Congratulations. How does that success make you feel?

Hi @Parki. Thank you for your question. It seems like several people really enjoyed this video. I am curious...is it really true you have experienced no new growth? Is this a fact or a fear? I don't know, I'm just asking. Is there an area of your life you would like to experience growth in which you are finding very challenging? Perhaps if you can identify an area you would like to grow you can then create four or five small steps you could take to attain growth in that same area? What do you think?

@Isle of View By observation I see this as the most divisive issue, the language used to describe a state of being communicated as "enlightened" which really cannot be communicated with existing language precisely." 8 billion people each in their own reality attempting to use sound to express a concept of unique reality which then becomes a communal reality dependent upon alignment of observation. @jimboJones Disordered and present. Having been beyond the spectrum of normal for some time now I suspect I would find "normal" rather insane.

@MIA.RIVEL This is so true and so challenging for a people pleaser. I've really been working on this one of late. This as well. Great comment.

@Niki Great insight.

Hi! @zenny I like that! Great question. Feelings when I first watched the video.... My first feeling was defensiveness. My second feeling was fear. My third feeling was relief. My fourth feeling was happiness. Growth in every day situations: This is more Gestalt for me; a holistic process. I meditate, I write, I read, I do Byron Katie's the Work with myself and with others. This forum is a part of my growth. There's not a concise list; its more a state of being or living. I approach every situation as a learning opportunity. I look at each person and seek the common thread of connection. I'm constantly seeking new tools to improve myself or to help others. I challenge myself to do things I perceive to be limiting my own growth. I like being around people who can, in a constructive way. call me on my own bullshit. Now that does not mean I bypass the two year old melt down; it just means after the two year old melt down I can say, "yeah I own that and I can see its biting me in the butt. " If I can identify the issue, I can find options to take corrective action. I would say the thing I try to remember the most is its not a destination or a linear process. Some days I make forward progress, some days I "fall" grandly. I think succeeding is just getting up more times than you fall. Or maybe falling and getting back up with style?

@abrakamowse I'm always curious where the balance is? Have you tried convincing a grocer money is an illusion and attempted to exchange meditation points for apples? I suspect self inquiry leads in this dimension to the reality of thought is a necessity for survival and evolution on the pragmatic level? Let's talk about this ego business. If a person had zero ego, if they were absolutely just sitting and meditating all day every day and they did not work, did not eat, did not ask one question, how well would that work out? I can choose to not attach to the reality I need to eat...how will that work out? On one level of reality perhaps not so well, on another I would not consciously care? I don't know. I've not died yet. I have met some folks who have died and returned with assorted tales of the experience but who knows what's real in that equation? I forget the title of the video, Leo mentions if a person loses a few fingers from their hand are they different? I would contend in order to lose fingers one had to suffer a trauma. Since trauma fundamentally changes a being they would technically be a different being internally and externally. Why do missing digits have phantom memory/pain? I haven't gotten through the whole video yet as I have had to deal with the unreality of living today.