Kelley White

Bonjour! Merci!

I Like Alan Watts and you aren't offending me. I like reading Bukowski... brilliant poet; I wouldn't want to live with him. Giggles. @kkk I found this: I suspect he had a different outlook on substances than others. I'm listening to it along with you, so I guess we will both figure out what he thinks? LOL I've never done Acid, I know lots of folks who have or do. He does seem to have different notions about drugs.

You are very welcome and thank you @kkk I can only say as someone who is wholly comprised of flaws stitched together with good intentions; shit happens, we seek healing from our inner demons, we achieve some epiphany and we attempt to point to others so they can step out of their individually self created cages? Or I could be full of shit? I'm not Alan watts, but just a guess. Alan, like all of us, loved much because he was (self) forgiven much? What do you think?

@ShubhamHahaha I don't know? In a self actualization forum where one would come for growth, I would actually hope to find some self conflict in belief and action occurring, that is what authentic change appears to look like. What @Cabot said! My observation thus far is the majority of folks here are sincere and seeking to improve themselves and be of service to others. That's pretty awesome.

I can resonate with that feeling. LOL You are very welcome. Good for you.

@Connection, Thank you. Very informative post there about EFT. I found it very interesting. Thank you for sharing all of that.

Hi @100rockets. Its nice to meet you. Thank you so much for sharing. I understand this; the fine balance between rehearsing a trauma and re-triggering yourself and examining something long enough you can grow beyond surviving and begin thriving. I find understanding what happens during a trigger or emotional flashback helpful to know. I found this helpful: http://www.nicabm.com/vanderkolk-treatingtrauma-2016/confirmed/ I re-listen to this video quite a bit... I also recommend this in addition to some of the awesome resources offered b y others: http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/

@Philip I would theorize by observation you can, through the use of hyper-awareness states, be in the flow of one consciousness to the degree everything becomes serentypical where you can actually begin to see the subtle subconscious reflected back; that said be careful what you wish for? You see things differently enough its painful and rewarding all in the same experience. I love this thread I think about these things all the time. I think everyone might find this of interest:

What an encouraging thread @An actualizer @Isle of View. Great work.

@Anna, you are very welcome. I get this. I have had more growth in the past several months between this forum and Leo's work, the work of others, and some amazing friends and therapists than I have in a long time. I've been doing this very intensely for five years now, but this has taken it to a new level for me and I am very thankful. I have to agree with it being beneficial.

@WarPants I agree. Some can, some perhaps cannot. I tend to find this more accurate. I am not certain this is true. Mental illness is complex, some causes can be physiological or due to brain injury and are not related to the aforementioned issue at all. I find this true to a degree. Yes you heal you. That said? Tools are great to have and not all tool boxes come equipped with the same tools. Therapists, life coaches, wise friends, advisers, mentors, all of these folks give us tools, support and accountability which hopefully set us up for success, whatever success means to you. Great thread, lots of good ideas, I've learned quite a bit myself, thank you.

@Anna I regret you experienced many of these things. It sounds like you are doing a rather good job yourself. Thank you for being so encouraging and sharing some tools that really worked for you. I haven't listened to this particular video of Leo's yet so I will check it out. Thank you for bring it to my attention.

Gold @MIA.RIVEL

I love this movie...Its kind of like this....

Hi @yimno07. Nice to meet you. Which video of Leo's are you referring too? "Filling the empty hole....." Which empty hole? What does that feel like? Where does that feeling come from? I can relate to this. I had to ask myself if it was true? What is success? What does success look like for you? What is self image? Are you attractive and outgoing? I don't know so I am asking? Maybe you are attractive and being outgoing is challenging? Is this the self you are or the self you believe you "should" be? Are you really chasing fake growth? You are here. That is more than many will do in a lifetime. If you really think you are? Where do you feel your most inauthentic? What do you avoid the most? Where are you wounded? These might give you some clues? "Get what?" What "It" is there to "get" in your mind? If you are feeling depressed what triggered the feeling? What can you do to shift your own focus. This began my shift about five years ago....

@Hengame what a wonderful comment and suggestion. Awesome suggestions! Thank you so much.

@Hengame Baby steps. I love that! "...especially internally" that is a gem there. I'm so glad you mentioned anger. I wonder if anger really is a negative emotion or a response to perceived injustice and its the action we choose to use to vent or release the anger which is more precisely the issue? Anger is a natural response to grief and the grieving process. That is very courageous and strong of you to examine anger. Thank you for sharing so transparently.

@Bittu, How does that feel to have made and kept that commitment for yourself? Congratulations! I regret you are still experiencing symptomology but hopefully that will continue to dissipate over time. I wish you the best of luck as you continue to recover.

Hi @kkk, Its nice to meet you, thank you for sharing. Addiction usually stems from childhood trauma. Not always...but quite often. You might begin looking in your childhood? Usually addiction is related to intense emotional pain. I am a recovering addict. I used to smoke cigarettes, I stopped. I used to be addicted to prescription opiates. I've been clean now since 2009. Balance is still a challenge I have to agree with @Henri on this one. For me? Self inquiry helped me with many of my addictive behaviors before I knew the process was called self inquiry. For example with smoking? I made a conscious choice to bring into my awareness the impact smoking a cigarette was actually having on my body. I observed when someone was unkind to me or I was faced with a stressful event my reaction was to default to self harm. Smoking. My next thought? "How odd." "Why do I hurt me in response to someone else hurting me?" I had this illusion it alleviated the suffering in the moment and than habituated the practice. It became self comforting. Its then faulty causation and correlation but my brain feels stress, reacts, craves a cigarette, alleviate suffering. (Like Pavlov's dog? ) Once I realized how the smoking actually made my body feel? I felt sick. I no longer wanted it. I was aware that the physical addiction was gone after three days. I knew if I can make it 72 hours without one? I had it beat physiologically. The rest? Its all in my head. THAT? I can change. It was the same with opiates. I kicked them originally because I knew if I kept doing what I was doing I was going to die. It was literally that simple. I had to understand I was killing myself and desire to live. I realized what my addiction was doing to others I loved. I felt tremendous remorse and attempted to make amends. Then I began to deal with why I was self medicating all the pain and avoiding it and begin sitting with some really uncomfortable feelings for awhile. I personally suspect addictions are so challenging to kick because they mean sitting with feelings we've avoided and if allow all those feelings to surface at once? That might feel even more unsafe. Why I suspect its a process; the feelings surface as you gain the tools to cope with them so you can continue to function. A internal balance of healing and self preservation. Not all resistance is negative, sometimes we are not afforded the luxury of feeling when survival is more critical. When I first attempt a significant change related to addiction? I expect a non linear process. Addiction to substances, gambling, so many things, very high relapse rates even within 12 step groups. There may be relapses. Will you allow the relapse to be an excuse or will you get up and begin again? Small daily steps focusing on a few items at a time until you attain mastery, new habits and can shift focus to a different facet or aspect. Are you willing to do the self actualization work and deal with the traumas or issues that are the causation behind the addiction symptoms? Will you merely abstain and eventually just become addicted anew to either the same or a different substance/activity? I can only speak for myself but I am observing the self worth self love thing to be at the core of the addiction issue; a desire to make very intense daily pain subside for awhile. Unfortunately, it just makes things worse which reinforces the original faulty self talk and negative logical consequences which continue a vicious cycle. Mediation, music, self inquiry, self actualization research and exercises, creativity and artistic endeavors; all these tools can assist with the process of observing the minds inner landscape to identify the roots of the core issues. Feelings are not facts. It can take 20 to 30 days just to make something a habit. It can take longer when dealing with core issues to feel paradigm shifts which lead to epiphanies for internal corrections which manifest outward lasting changes. Be patient with and kind to yourself. It actually sounds like you are doing a great job and on the right path for you. Best wishes and keep us posted on your progress.

I personally have been using the Who am I question for this yes. I was introduced to Byron Katie online. I definitely had resistance initially. Just to tattle on myself? I did five to ten initial judge your Neighbor Worksheets and ALL of them I judged ME. About the same time I ended up finding a free copy of one of Byron Katie's books at my therapist's office in the free books section. I'm reading the book, looking at my sheets and some of the things I literally put in writing and I thought Marquis DE Sade would be nicer inner critic to have than my internal self talk. In childhood when we lack core constancy, higher cognition, the ability to process abstractions, we are often exposed to trauma we have no words to express. No conceptualization to express. (I also highly recommend Peter Walker C-PTSD from Surviving the Thriving which is available on Amazon.) We can end up with subconscious triggers to sounds, smells, colors, etc which are not accompanied by visualizations or allow us to make concrete connections between a sudden shift in mood and a trigger. Spartan Life Coach and Peter Walker both discuss how the survivor of childhood trauma can habituate such negative self talk that they can trigger themselves with their own thinking. (Once triggered we tend to loop or spin in the same "issue" until either we or someone else can redirect our focus.) So for me inquiry about childhood trauma is asking if those negative beliefs I have of self are really true? If they are not really true where did they come from? Who would I be if I stop believing the story of who I was told I was, or the story of who I tell myself I am? Its work. Some days its victory, its wonderful. Other days? Its work, it slogging through pain, and facing unpleasant self defeating beliefs that need correction. Its a process, its not linear, things come and go; reappear, disappear. Childhood trauma takes time, it takes a balance of being gentle and yet firm with your inner child versus letting it run amok. I am still really working on all of this myself. Byron Katie for me is a nice mix of someone who loves you and will laugh with you and get your pain but she will also call you on your bs and not let you cheat. I personally like that. I'm too smart and I buy my own BS at times. (100% responsibility ) So the Who am I question is very healing when looking at childhood trauma because you realize...you were a kid who could not consent. You realize the whys behind the whats and once you can identify that you can FEEL. When you FEEL you can choose to let it go and realize that event no longer defines you, it is not your story it is a page in the story. Once I could grasp that? I could begin the process of self forgiveness. I could also see what was my business and what was other people's business and stop owning everyone's business. You might enjoy this Ted Talk.

@beckycox You are very welcome. Keep us posted and we are here for you.

Hi @DrMatthewsausage , I suspect its challenging to make progress with a mental health issue with a professional you don't like? Can you trust her if you don't like her? It's okay to not click with a therapist and to find a different one that you do like and trust. Is this a possibility for you? Good? Perhaps you will like the psychiatrist and they can recommend or refer you to a therapist that they think will be a better fit? If you don't want it, you choose to not want it. That's okay to choose but it is a choice. I don't know this for certain I don't know your folks as well as you do? Its okay to make the time about just you right now, again I would try to at least find a counselor you like though so it has benefit for you. Does it benefit you at all at present? How does this make you feel? Can you visualize the plan and make small steps towards making the plan a reality? Do you feel any pleasure or hope from having a plan? The sleep thing is huge. I had a Dr. Explain that if we don't get a full 8 hours, we don't get the REM sleep we need where the brain processes events cross referencing both lobes of the brain. In other words, no sleep and the brain actually loses some of its physiological ability to function well. Alcoholism is a very unkind disease and it creates much trauma and chaos for all involved. Its normal to minimize the impact its having on us even to ourselves. It sounds to me like you have very normal feelings for the struggles you are facing right now. I regret you are facing such profound challenges but I am very happy you are here, that you are focusing on reaching out for support, and I sincerely hope you can find a professional you like and a plan to get a space of your own. This will pass, you can take the small steps to become independent and heal, it just may take time. Thank you so much for being brave enough to share so openly and I wish you the best moving forward. Hang in there, be patient and kind to you.

@Sarah_Flagg Hi! Pain is a sensation, grieving is a process. I wholly appreciate having to remind yourself this sensation is a part of growth and will lead to a positive sensation. (personal empowerment?) I'm sorry. It is heart wrenching. I acknowledge your pain, your grief. I regret you are facing radical acceptance of this. I have some direct experience with this one. I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It sounds to me like you are coping with a multitude of very stressful events. I'm glad you are here. I hope you are eating and getting rest. I'm going to talk about what is from direct experience and legal standing. Unless Dad is ""unfit", joint custody will be the norm. Radical acceptance is reframing the loss as a win. The first time I had to give my kids to their dad for visitation my therapist at the time suggested I reframe it as time to focus on me. He told me to go to the movies. It was still challenging to do...but by forcing myself to refocus on doing a positive activity the time passed more quickly, I was more rested, and I had more patience once my children returned. You are sick. Could you choose to look at it like you have time to take care of you so you have more strength and health when you do have him? This could actually be a real win in for everyone? I don't know. I don't know all the specifics of the relationships involved. Its challenging. Its a process. Be gentle with yourself, you're dealing with quite a bit. There are no easy words to offer that are going to make it easier. It depends on the individuals; sometimes its easier with time. At first? Its challenging. Get together with friends, do things that take your focus off it. Do what you think will work best for you to get you through that time, and allow yourself to grieve. Please keep us posted on how you are feeling. I wish you the best. (now I feel like a real asshat for being depressed the other day when you talked me back to some semblance of sanity. ) You're awesome.

@zenny