Kelley White

Well I think it is really awesome that you are 15 and you have created all of this! What inspired you to begin? @HypSandar

@Iulia, you are very welcome. That is why I am here, to learn from everyone's experiences. You never know when someone can phrase something just so and the epiphany comes. I've been observing numerous communities on social media for years and my own observation is that there are numerous paths/approaches and here almost seems to be an evolutionary progression related to the interdependence of those paths. I am no longer of the notion there is a "right". There is a just is, because...well it is. But a "just right?" I've chased that rabbit and it was related to porridge in a tale about three bears and the "just right: was missing in action in that tale as well if I recall? I definitely have second thoughts, I am still working on releasing shame. I am more making a conscious choice not to allow them to rob me of my now. I am working more on being in the now moment, feeling it, experiencing it, observing how much I am not in the now but everywhere else but. Thank you. It was an old pattern and now I am aware of it I can choose to not repeat it and yes, slowly but surely I am taking responsibility back for my life which is empowering myself. Thank you. I wish you all the best.

For those with serious mental health diagnosis the world can feel like an alienating place. I would like to share with you one of my favorite Ted Talks... I really resonated with her journey and I always find this inspirational. All I Ever Needed to Know I Learned in the Mental Hospital http://momastery.com/blog/2013/06/05/everything-i-ever-needed-to-know-i-learned-in-the-mental-hospital/

@Key Elements I honestly do not know. My observation is that it is a function of language and communication? We label to identify; we hide so we can associate through identification? Labels allow for common definitions to work from? Where I am at currently now. That said...why do some hide? Cultural morality paradigms, self judgement, fear of external judgement, so many reasons. I've really been spending more time of late just reading about morality itself and then meditating and losing all the stories related to morality to see what remains. I find there are multiple ways of viewing, the focus which I seem to returns to is which sight allows for the highest and best probable outcome for the most individuals? Nash's law of governing dynamics still seems to be what is; while other models appear to be what is imagined. I was this kid. I so appreciate what this kid goes through. I was the kid bringing Christmas Cards from the Prince and Princess of Luxembourg to show and tell. My parents thought whatever...I had no idea it was showing off it was my normal. In turn as a single mother, my kids often had to stay home unless I got creative or they were invited to go places with others. I was fortunate enough to be creative and they were fortunate enough to be invited often since they were well mannered and appreciative. Quite often though they were the poorer kids in wealthier school districts being teased for being poor. As a mom that hurt pretty badly to see my kids go through after what I had been through as a kid. I wanted to spare them that. Many people don't understand my reluctance to be harshly critical of others. I've learned by being around very numerous subcultures and those with abundance as well as those without that we are all just humans trying to do the best we can with the understanding we have in the moment to do the best with what life throws at us with the skill set we possess. I've seen as much pain and loss in mansions as I have in ghettos and I've seen as much love and generosity in ghettos as I've seen in mansions. Ultimately... all people; flaws and wonders all. Some we can abide near, some we cannot, but ultimately we all are just experiencing different things in different ways and processing them within the limitations of the language we possess to co create a common experiential framework of understanding. The best understanding I have in this moment.

Very smart for a 15 year old. I'm impressed. You've inspired me and kicked me in the butt both at the same time. (that's a challenging thing for most folks to pull off. ) I'm a well preserved 53... thank you. Now I went to this link and I see its a forum; after that? I'm not certain what it is I'm looking at? Is this related to YouTube? This is really the first online "forum" I've ever participated in.

I wholly agree with @Philip.

@Lorenzo Engel

@Toby I enjoyed your comments previous to this, but this is gold. I just learned that the emotional feeling was not always a fact and to just sit with whatever the feelings were. Thank you Peter Levine is a great reference for childhood trauma whom many folks find helpful. I must confess I had/have the most resistance and yet received/receive the most benefit from doing Byron Katie's "The Work." Thank you very well thought out comment with great concrete tools and ideas. @WHOAMI, thank you for the observation about posture. Body language conveys quite a bit to others about our internal state.

@lulia Thank you for sharing. I am gad you were strong enough to conduct an intervention of sorts and that he has some sobriety. I sincerely hope he can continue on the path. I am not a dream interpreter, nor would I pretend to be. I know that there are times after a trauma we can have vivid dreams and it can be our unconscious or subconscious thoughts surfacing. I am currently separated from my husband who is an alcoholic. He was on the beer-thirty to 3am schedule which featured nightly eviscerations of the emotional kind. I tried numerous approaches before finally conducting an intervention and his subsequent lack of boundaries led to other consequences. I may wish him the best, I may hope he remains sober? That said I am going to fly far far away. The trust is gone. I will never put myself in the situation where I am sleeping on a dog bed again to avoid someone screaming hurtful things at me while they are intoxicated at three in the morning. I'm an opiate addict in recovery since 2009. It cost me relationships due to my conduct while under the influence. I violated the trust in those relationships and whether I am different today or not? Those people incurred enough pain they are unwilling to trust in my sobriety. I cannot fault them for that. Addiction is a horrible disease, but ultimately we make the choice to either seek help and live or to continue on in addiction or die. Once we beat the disease we have to take responsibility for our actions as a part of the healing process or we simply will find a new addiction or become an abstaining addict. I sincerely hope that your father can maintain his sobriety, I encourage you first and foremost to care for you. Thank you so much for having the courage to share.

@shouldnt, Hi! Nice to meet you. I hear you are in physical pain. I regret that you have been worse since seeing the chiropractor. Have you been able to contact them and reschedule or see if the chiropractor can reevaluate your condition and try to alleviate your pain? Pain seems to make depression worse by my experience. I regret hearing you lost your job; it sounds like this has made you feel not in control? It seems you feel that your mother is critical and now you had to ask for help and that just made you feel more vulnerable? I'm just trying to make sure I'm hearing what you are feeling so I'm asking. It sounds like you've experienced many negative events, you are triggered by your own admission. I would be interested to know where you are right now? How do you feel right now? In this moment? Don't focus on the million years away, focus on the right here and the right now. Are you safe now? Do you have a place to sleep and eat now? I regret you had what I like to call an "oops." I find the defining moment of an oops is not the oops itself, its what you choose to do now you've had the oops. I am a prescription opiate addict in recovery since 2009. I started my journey of recovery in 2007. I had some oopses. I invite you to just re embrace your sobriety and forgive yourself for your oops. Recovery is not a linear process. What would happen if you removed the word can't from this story? Is it a can't or a won't? Is a can't or a "i don't want to because it might mean...? Can you possible know every therapist is the same? Is this really truthful? Sounds like you suffered some major setbacks, it might be reasonable to feel angry, frustrated, upset, exhausted? Might you be being hard on yourself? Can you think of a time you used anger or frustration to motivate you to do something positive for you? A time when you converted the negative energy into something positive? Sometimes someone criticizing me makes me angry enough to get into this, "I'll show you space," which I've used to my advantage. I'm confused as to whether you can or you cannot open up to him? You could before but now you can't? (You chose to before but now you choose not too?) So I want to make certain I understand you,, you were vulnerable and you feel that was exploited by this friend? Where is the personal moral judgement coming from... the... you are not the best moral person? What is the best moral person? What does that look like? I certainly don't know? I hear hurt over his emotional indifference? Am I hearing you correctly? Is that reasonable? You feel used versus comforted which is what you were seeking perhaps? What is pathetic? I don't hear pathetic. I hear anger, I hear pain, I hear disappointment, I hear frustration, I hear the expression of authentic emotion. You are venting, and venting is better than doing something self destructive yes? Thank you for trusting all of us with your feelings and your vulnerability. That takes very huge courage and is far from pathetic. Thank you. I think @Sarah_Flagg asked a very relevant Its okay to fall down, its okay to vent, its okay to do all those things. Now that they are all done? What can you do to forgive and empower you to take some steps forward for yourself? When I can focus on creative problem solving mode? That is empowering. How can you empower you? I sincerely hope you are feeling better now and please keep us posted on your situation. Thank you so much for being so courageous and strong.

@JevinR, I love a good conversation about toys and death over morning tea. Thank you. Technically you are correct by theory that the sun will die. Physical immortality is impossible? Apples and oranges in causation and correlation there related to immortality. I don't expect you should open your mind or have fun with your imagination, I do however invite you to entertain the possibility for fun? @WHOAMI what is death? What is life extension? DO we not already engage in life extension with medicine? I'm curious if you have ever thought of it in that light before? @Philip, love this thought! Interesting observations. Do we really know or do we have to be responsible for creating this? I am really pleased you are all willing to engage in this conversation. Thank you. I think its really important for us to have these discussions to ensure responsible ethics and wisdom prevail within technological development and application.

@JimmySmalls, I love this clip. Love Carl Sagan. Thanks so much for sharing.

@gian, You are very welcome. I understand; opening up can be like re-living the original events. It can be a fine balance between reexamining to make corrections versus pitching a tent, building a house, taking up residence in the past and expecting a different present, let alone a positive future that way. I am certain you are already aware that part of this can be related to cognitive impairment due to the MS? I know that does not always make it feel better in the moment...but it might make it easier for you if you can see that part of his conduct is due to brain impairment from disease versus a lack of personal desire upon his part? I just wonder if it would be less painful for you if you could re-frame it within the context of his illness and then release the expectation which seems to be causing you pain? What do you think? So I hear focusing on you and being abroad, away from your parents taught you much about you and others? It was positive. You were a teenager, I would expect you would be naive ... ...you were coming from a negative situation; it takes time to deal with that and shift gears? Again, do you think you might have approached this with a higher than reasonable expectation for yourself? I mean you seem to allude to that with the, "fix" all my problems reference. I suspect that would be somewhat normal for a teen to think like that. (Brain cognition is not fully developed until well into the mid twenties.) I struggle with this same issue related to family and friends. I suspect it speaks to the fact that you have a kind heart and when you love someone you experience pain watching them struggle? You see potential and think if only they could see what I see then? (I am asking, or wondering what specifically induces the emotions of guilt or over responsibility?) Could it be the contradiction again? Hearing the selflessness but knowing the childhood pattern was at least on some level perceiving responsibility to "fix" the situation? Here is what I am finding helpful with my mother; by assuring her I am taking care of me? She sees me grow and overcome issues. Now I have credibility with her. Now when I offer a suggestion in my 50's to a mother in her 70's struggling with some of the same issues, we can hear one another because we are speaking the same language. Are you clinging to the security of your childhood or are you really wanting to share something with your parents you think will bring them happiness and positive growth? I don't know your motives so I'm asking to clarify. You strike me as someone who just wants the best for your folks. It doesn't seem your desire is to control them? Do you trust them and the larger consciousness in play to give them what they need so you can let go and focus on you and what you need? You trust the self actualization process, I assume for yourself...can you trust that same process to be with them even if the outcomes appears different than what you would perceive for them? I found it interesting that as you said you did not know how it could have been positive, you then shared with me what you learned from it, which is a positive? I get this. I do the same thing at times. Sometimes it can be a positive tool and lead you on the path of gratitude. Other times it can bite some of us in the butt when we deny our own wounds and fail to care for ourselves or put the needs of others over our own. I suspect its finding a balance which appears to mean swinging between two extremes until the pendulum settles in the middle while hanging on for dear life? IDK yet? Its appears relative and subjective at times and other times not; the law of attraction juxtaposed with improbability? What's your observation? My observation related to this one is there is an ebb and flow? I would say if most of the time you are positive and happy in the face of all we discussed? Perhaps again you give yourself less credit than you should? Just wondering??? Good for you. You are very welcome, thank you for sharing so openly, for considering and responding, I'm happy you were able to sort through things. I am happy I was able to offer you some things which proved helpful. Thank you for being open and for your response. I wish you and your family the best of luck. Best wishes- Kelley

Hahaha right? I kind of like that if I think about this just a little more I can stretch my brain feeling. LOL @FindingPeace

@Sarah_Flagg, congratulations on the no cancer. It sounds like you have found a positve outcome to focus on, that's awesome.! I'm really happy for you. I am glad you are focused on you and your progress. That's awesome as well. Good for you. I hope you have fun Hang Gliding. I am so happy for you.

You are welcome! Thank you. Did you know you got me thinking and actually boosted my courage? I've been thinking about making YouTube videos and I've been too chicken. Thanks for not only making a great YouTube on anger but showing an old dog like me a new trick or two. You rock @HypSandar! Thank you!

I like that @Lorenzo , thank you for sharing.

@Lorenzo Engel, Hi! Thank you so much for your response. Let me take a listen to the video you shared, thank you so much.

Journal update: My first entry was February 5th. It seems so interesting to me to look back at the highs and lows, the perceived struggles, and then the growth since beginning both in the forum and Leo's Self actualization course. Concrete steps: 1. Received notice from my property manager, have most of my home packed and a new home located in Spokane. This gets me out of a rural area and in a city where I have more speaking and performance opportunities as well as social opportunities. 2. Volunteering to work at one of the Caucuses. (Public social event coming up the end of this month prior to move.) 3. Met with WA state vocational rehab, found out I can receive a diploma review from one of several colleges here in the state, and perhaps, in less than a quarter, have my Bachelors in Psychology which would move me closer towards my goals or creating a non profit from prison families. I've been concerned about protecting client confidentiality for the population I wish to work with since often these family members are forced to remain silent for fear of their words being used against a family member later in court. Thus my goals require me to have a bit more training to protect my potential client base. I'm very excited that finally I will be able to complete my degree; more than likely beginning in the Fall semester. 4. Took a selfie and posted it to social media to begin taking steps to get over this "selfie" anxiety. 5. Have been doing a journal per my counselor with three positive traits about myself per day. 6. Have been more focused and consistent with daily meditation and diet/exercise. 7. Have made arrangements to get a passport and take training this summer with a vocal/life coach to look at the option of writing songs again, recording, and teaching a specific method which frees and individuals\s authentic voice. 8. Recognized and been working on some negative and self defeating patterns. Huge issues now coming to light... 1. Over committing 2. Automating social media more 3. Time management, particularly during a move. 4. Not beating myself up or feeling the need to explain my personal plans on social media, allowing me to take care of me first and not worry about "other things I think others might think I should be doing. LOL Yeah that. Lots of ifs and shoulds in that. LOL Some steps forward, some steps back, mostly steps forward and thankful I am. I've learned so much from Leo's videos and from everyone here. This has really been a positive experience for me. Thank you so much to everyone I've interacted with.

@Lha Bho, awesome video. Thank you for sharing. You might enjoy this if you have not seen it before. http://www.htwins.net/scale2/

@HypSandar Nice to meet you. I liked your Youtube! Great job!

@Lorenzo Engel, would you like to expand upon your statement? Who? What wakes up?

Awesome stuff right there @Lorenzo Engel. Thank you for sharing.

@Philip, Thank you so much for sharing. It is so helpful when people share their positive experiences. I am so happy for you and the progress you've made.

@Capethaz, Thank you. Seeing a good therapist can be very helpful as well as mediation. Great ideas.