Kelley White

@A way to Actualize, I tried to listen to this yesterday and ran out of time. Thank you for sharing it and I will try to listen to it all today.

@Pallero great point. We also never know what the other person is really experiencing. Thank you for your comment.

I really find when I start focusing on what I have and what I am grateful for? That tends to re shift the focus for me. Just another thought @Jonathanz.

@Rob Great thread. Thank you for sharing and for posting.

Good Morning @Ryan_047. No worries, no apology required. We are here to be of help to you. Thank you for checking in so I know you are doing better. I really appreciate that. So you had cake and family visit. That sounds like a nice Birthday. Wow! I hear tons of positive things in this statement: Helping family Helping country Feeling motivated to live (that's a huge one there) Wanting to practice my hobbies/passions AND feel pleasure from them. Those are some great goals. I am glad to hear that your folks are doing better. I am sure that would help with some of the stress you were feeling. I am glad you have a daily routine, so being true to you is a good thing! I am really happy for you and proud of you for doing some very mature internal work on you. You take care of you and if we can be of help, well we will be here.

Being of the Gee U R U mentality, I like to be pragmatic. When tools work, they work. If they happen to be Leo tools I don't mind. Its working for me at the moment, but I also mix things up.

Good Morning Aman. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing. Do you have things in common with your family? Is there a reason you cannot talk freely to your family?

@8LanguageStud, thank you. That is very kind of you. I got a copy of Haidt's book last night, I'm about 70 pages in. I'm finding it very interesting. Thank you for suggesting it. It's nice to have met you as well. Finland? I have learned to never say never. I must confess, Ireland is definitely on the wishlist. I hope you have a great day.

Hey, that might be helpful if you have one for smoothies. I like your spreadsheet project for self actualization. That sounds like a useful tool. I am happy you could get something positive out of what I was pointing out; it was meant that way. I really wish you the best.

@Spiritjunkie, Thank you for sharing. Its interesting, I think it would be more precise to call the law of attraction the law of selection. Are you merely attracting something simply by being aware of it? I mean its already there...all you are doing is focusing the focus to fit the pattern; whatever pattern you want to see. Now, because you are looking for the thing that's there, you see it? IE; I buy a red car, now I notice all the red cars like mine versus before I might never noticed red cars. The flaw? When we credit causation with correlation. I buy a red car, I see more red cars, leap to the reasoning more people are buying red cars, or I'm attracting red cars. You could just be more aware of red cars. It also wholly negates improbability. Other players within the game with differing intention and outside variables... Thank you for sharing the reasoning behind the process though. I appreciate you taking the time to do that. I'm glad it works for you. Its definitely an interesting process.

You and I must have the same coach? @joegarland I have to agree, I have been doing the same thing, its not always fun, its not always easy, but it does help you make that inner critic shit up. Its a process, I remind myself daily. @JeffR1 Wholly agree. @Pallero Looks like I good book, I checked it out on Amazon. Thank you for sharing. @Vamptacular @DanoDMano Good Stuff there. Thank you.

Yeah @Sarah_Flagg, what you are describing reminds me of EMDR and I'd advise doing that with someone, maybe even more than one someone depending upon the person.

I'm curious where you learned this technique @Spiritjunkie? Personally it sounds like rehearsing a trauma. First I have to agree with everyone, I think without being under the care of a professional to pull you back to reality, this one can backfire and cause some folks harm. It seems like you are trying to make the perpetrator faceless, change the visualizations and thus alter the patterns of perceptual reactivity? I may be incorrect? I get the notion of the shock to the system or the rewire/re frame approach in this? Some components of Dialectic Behavioral therapy have you trigger yourself with film or music to feel, but wholly different than specifically going to a space of trauma which might trigger some to suicidal ideology. That is why I am wondering if this is a technique that actually has worked specifically for you? Do you observe success with this technique for yourself?

Yeah, I'm crying and it is fucking beautiful and perfect @Keyblade Viking Thanks for sharing.

Hi @electroBeam! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and consider my point of view. I wish I could take credit for crafting it, but I am flow, Like the progressive girl. I have to laugh...I wouldn't even think to put that in a poetry book. Giggles. Sure, I hear you. Guess what? There are also women that are that smart out there in multiple other fields and disciplines who still might have the same interests. For example? I am a poet. I study science. I'm not an engineer. I hang out with many engineers. I think what engineers can do is JFM. (Just Fucking Magic) I know a dragon in engineering, no shit. That's some fun shit right there for a girl, engineer or not. That shit right there makes you unlike all the other dudes who do what some of wee poets would call boring shit. I am a pragmatist. I can relate to this struggle. The scientific concrete mind that deals with the what is and thinks it has control. Engineers have to believe in controls to do what they do right? So yes, there is a positive form of manipulation, I can agree with that. I can agree we all engage in the conduct its the intent. I did somewhat assume this since you are here. (I'm glad you are here) It was a great post. Your article? Now, I'm going to just share my own direct experience for what its worth in the face of this proven expert advise and precise break down of statistical data. The map may not be the territory. Personally, and this may be my bias from my own experiences, but as a Realtor? (I was a top producer for over 8 years, I sold many a home.) The most challenging clients I dealt with were engineers. They killed more positive deals than any other clients statistically. They were the hardest clients to get through a negotiation process. When it came to pragmatism they ended up with over-analysis paralysis and it drove their partners, women who are emotive creatures and all about the kitchen, bonkers. Their expectations were often inflexible and unrealistic. I suspect you want cake; the formula to get the right girl the first time with risk reduction for collateral damage, mainly your heart? Don't we all? My gut reaction when I look at that list? I think of my exes animation programs and creating the perfect mate down to the detailed perfection of anatomically correct parts. You Ken? If you are stressing yourself out this much over creating a page to attract women, what are you like to cook dinner with? Are you that guy with mad spreadsheets? If a girl likes you because you fit all the numbers in pixels what about when the numbers don't align in person? You might want to engineer Lucy instead? You know exactly what and who you are getting, you can control all the variables the Japanese are just about there. You can just skip the dating site and engineer the partner dude. She will always tie the room together and never be upset if your drinking white Russians. She probably won't steal your rug in a divorce either. But now I have my Dudism hat on, the Dude abides.

You are welcome @8LanguageStud. I had always heard of hedonism referred to in a negative context. I recently had someone redefine it for me and I have been viewing it as more of a positive. We are essentially beings of sensory experience. After much thought, I cannot find anyway to eradicate the paradox, much like Stephen Hawking states, there is no creation without imperfection. The Buddhists say that evil has its own path. By observation thus far I have to agree with your observation; each emotion has its own purpose. ADHD and social problems? That sounds like an interesting book. I am very interesting in the proliferation of data and its impact on social stress. I'll be interested to hear what you think of the book or what you learn. I just ordered so many books on the reading list I will be reading for weeks once they all arrive. LOL So please, do share as you are reading. I hope you have a great day.

@Diane, you are very welcome. Thank you, that is very kind of you. Good for you! I heard that you recognized you were expecting too much of yourself. I can relate to that. Self care, I am working on that one. I like actualization because its all about little steps. Set your focus, I agree, somehow the way seems to open before us. Just an observation. So I'm happy to support your focus there. Good luck and remember, its not always a linear process, so be kind to you if you don't get something accomplished.

@christianblake, Thank you for reminding me of Nathaniel Branden. I have read so many books, I tend to either remember actual book content, titles, or favorite authors. Once I looked up who you were referring to, I am familiar with his work. I am also familiar with Ayn Rand; very misunderstood author Ayn is. His book, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem was a good read. It made some interesting points from what I recall, but I read it years ago. Good stuff. Thank you.

@Natalya, you are most welcome. I sincerely hope you found something helpful. Please keep us posted on how things are going for you.

Hi @Pamela Zamora. You are welcome so much. Thank you; writing it about it helps me, so you helped me as well. "Emotions" are a powerful form of energy...why they "move" us. Yes, they are challenging to control. I have huge challenges in that area. I think its why I'm an artist/poet? I channel my emotion into art, its less self defeating than some of my other options in the past. What you helped me see yesterday as I was writing to you? My son is alive. I can Skype with him. I can see him smile. I can laugh with him and cry with him. I can still experience him. I can still love him and feel his love for me. I have seen him grow into the man I knew he could be if he had been given help; if we had been given help or there were tools like this available then. Where he is, he is a leader, he is respected, he bridges the gap between inmates, and inmates and guards. So he has self actualized through his own journey and taken the time of incarceration for study. That is the shift my focus needs. That is some work, yes. Thank you for helping me with this. My son was missing for two months before being found. Having a family member at risk and then having that family member missing does add an additional layer of stress. Its a very helpless feeling. You love your brother, you want him safe. You don't condone his conduct, but you want him safe. I would say that's being a loving sister. Yes, take care of you right now. Sometimes I find I have to shrink my world for awhile and contract my focus. Yes, sometimes we do lie to ourselves. Reality? That's a whole other topic. I would recommend Leo's videos about Knowledge and Enlightenment. If you are asking for this wee poets theory? Reality is a state of mind. John Nash, brilliant man, saw the patterns underlying language. He was the thinker who demonstrated to us, mental illness or no, you can choose through focus, what your real is; one of the reasons I agree he had A Beautiful Mind. I would theorize we create our reality based upon our thoughts. I observed the pattern to be true despite any paradigm shift/mental construct/faith I might choose to apply wholeheartedly. Please, keep me posted on your brother and what happens, and we are here for you.

@christianblake, thank you so much. I will check Nathaniel Branden's work out.

Why thank you @The Alchemist

@isabel I am sorry to hear about your brother. Addiction robs so many of so much. The only experience I have with meth addiction is from the law enforcement capacity and seeing men in prison, or the health issues which result from this addiction. It is my understanding the only other addiction more challenging to quit is smoking cigarettes. So I hear you demonstrated some poor behaviors, You are taking 100% responsibility and you made efforts to be a positive influence and offer help. (Correction/resolution. You did all that is/was in your power to do. I had to want to get well. I had to see what my addiction was doing to me and to people I loved. I had to understand I was a medically induced addict who abused drugs originally meant to deal with an illness to cope with a murder. I had to understand I was going to die if I kept doing what I was doing. I am still working on forgiving myself, having compassion for why I fled to opiates to kill the pain. No one could do it for me. Just like when I quit smoking cigarettes, I had to do it, and I had to want to do it for me. If your brother doesn't want to quit? If he is so afraid of reality he cannot imagine facing it without meth? What must that pain and fear feel like? This is the drugs talking. It could also very well be permanent damage due to the drug use. There is nothing you personally can do to change that, he is an adult and that is now his choice and his responsibility. You can hope he gets to that place; even then, its a process and it takes time. Do you lose your happiness to his choice? (Now I'm speaking as much to you right now as I am to me, so I thank you, because I have a son in prison, and I kind of punish myself for him being there, and I punish myself for my kids struggles....so I can understand that emotion. Just writing this I personally can feel that sorrow now, the self loathing although it last for shorter periods. I'm learning in the whys of some of my choices to see the totality of my life and forgive myself, be kinder, more compassionate to me. The me I am now is not the me I was then. My son also reminded me that when I beat myself up for his action (the murder) I rob him of taking 100% responsibility for himself. That was a gut punch to me. I had to sit with that for awhile before I could really get the magnitude of what he was saying. When I can think clearly? The best tool I've found? Pretend you are your friend, hearing your story and give you the advice you would give your friend. You may find like me, you are more compassionate to your friends than you are to you.

You're very welcome. @isabel Thank you.