Syy

Yeah i know that but i dont feel like it. Guess im in between something maybe. I struggle to play my role and dont know how to be. Its so unfamiliar to me, im learning to remove me out of situations. Sry. I think i cant articulate the problem properly. I just have huge issues to function like i did before and creates problems.

I wonder if iam going mad. It somehow feels "unnormal" but i wouldnt know if im going to loose my shit how it would feel to be nuts right? So maybe im just in an awkward phase in consciousness work. Thing is and i dont know if i find the right words to describe it, realtiy feels different something suttle but important changed, i cant pin it down but its likesome sort of realisation of what this all is happend. Downside is that im really struggling in my daytoday life. Interacting with others is unpleasent and i feel like noone is in my "world". I am so unguided in this process that i need people to turn to i guess. I feel like i just want to inquire, meditate, lay on my bed and feel whats going on and that all day long. Its all so upsidedown and without guidelines or rules etc. Hope i dont sound like im bitching around. German is my main language. Can someone relate? Do i need a guru or a therapist? peace, sy

What are the Side effects? Are they unhealthier than to smoke another 20 Cigarettes? I "shocked" my Body by stopping nicotine use from one Day to another. Noticed no Side effects whatsoever.

And do you get sleepy or super relaxed? I read the pineal gland produces melatonin. Breathing is so important. Cool thing that it transfers automatically into your daily Life. Not all the time for me, but i sometimes notice that my breath is calm and natural. Not that flat and fast like a few Month before i started meditating.

Ever since I started this whole self/personal development Stuff. Eating healthier, Exercise, Vitamin and Omega 3 Supplements, Meditation, i get Body Sensations i hadnt had before. Like tickling scalp in different areas and better sense of smell and taste. Its a bit weird. I wonder how long this will last. Anyone got the same experience?

Realy crazy, this feelingnwhen your world falls apart and you discover things that aint true anylonger. I dig selfactualization. Ive been thaught and i believed till today, that the Game everyone plays is real. I knew in the beginning that is is a Game, and i recently remembered it. My guess is that i adopted this believe throught Conditioning of the Mind that this Game is real. Therefor i couldnt play as well as others, because i was anxious in making decisions. Every single decision had auch importance that i was fearfull and didnt want to make any. So i gave up and handed my fate over to "the world". Became unconcious to gain Security, wich is also fake. I see that now. Its hard to admit that " they" want to form and bend me so that i behave how they want me to behave.Its so fucked up. I feel its the same with the Ego, that wants to take over in such subtile and sometimes so obvious ways that one doesnt realize it. I feel controlled, manipulated and abused. Why did i let them do something this fucked up with my Life. I feel guilty and ashamed but also happy that i can make a change now. I hope you understand somehow what i tell and relate to it. Question for me, how to act on this. Maybe just knowing is enough.

Hey Man, its so cool of you that you want to quit. heres how it worked for me. My Dad died with 56, unheathly Lifestyle. I realized that i dont want to end up having an illness related to smoking. I forced myself to take all the pain that came from quiting and became very aware that it would be hard. I told myself that ill take the pain and suffering, no matter what. All pain is still better than smoking. Quit 3 years ago. Best fuckin thing i did in my Life. You can do it to if i can do it. Oh..and quiting is something YOU do. Nothing can do it for you.

I remember as a child with age 8 or 9 was the first time i supressed my Emotions. It was like somebody telling me to try if i could stop my crying. I was by myself and noone there to care about me. I feel the Reason why i cryed isnt important, but the fact i was able to do it. I was curious if its possible. Maybe back than it was the first time i developed my Ego. I guess i started around that Age too to seek approval, love and attantion for selfworth. I defined myself through the Reactions towards me from others. Guess it was massiv conditioning going on too. My Situation is that i discovered this recently about myself and im not able to undo it. I became concious of it while executing this "Program". I cant bring my real Self out, its like an automatism thats not under my control. I always supress myself and put on a mask. Its annoying and i fear that i loose the memory about this, so ill post it here. Dont get my wrong. I want to show my real self, the way i realy am, to the World, i just cant, cause of this old Behavior pattern. And i think because im scared too. Are there some cool Routines besides beeing Concious about it or try again and again, to be me? Damn that sounds so scizophrenic. Sry for bad English, im German.