ProblemSolving

Thank you. You really give good advices. I was getting lost in this experiment. And I completely forgot where I want to be. I remember my mother always telling me that I should stop playing video games. She did that since I was 15-16. But the first time I truly decided to reduce my video game consumption was in the age of ~23. Because I made the choice. And I don't think that all the gaming in the past was a complete waste of time. It all made sense back then. I wanted it. So here I am with my porn consumption. I enjoy it. I like tits. I like women acting sexy. It arouses me. And nothing external like a nofap community can really change the way I am.

I need a little bit more of an advice here. I messed up and use porn again. And I just feel happy. I don't know what I should be doing. I have this urge to have a lot of sex. Because it is fascinating to me. The intimacy. Imagining myself having sex with other women that I don't know yet. I have a big sex drive. My girlfriend usually was the limit. She loves sex as well, but she is sore on a regular basis. Probably just too much sex. She comes everytime. The thing I like about porn is, that it creates a lot of dirty fantasies and therefore spices up my sex life. On the other side I decided nearly a year ago that I should change my attitude towards porn. I watched all the videos about bad effects of porn. And still here I am. Am I alright or am I doing wrong?

I think that it is not that easy to understand the difference between tears and anger. While tears can have a direct effect (like relaxation) on you it can also make people have compassion for you. But some immature people might see this as a weakness and abuse you even more. Anger has a more reactive feel to it. People will fear you. But at the same time you might attract similar people and get into real trouble. Also, one of the biggest differences probably is, that tears is an accumulation of negative impulses. While anger can be expressed whenever you want. But in case of accumulation the anger outburst can have serious consequences. But you also have to realize that there is more to it than this negative aspect. People cry sometimes because of happiness. Anger is just negative. And to be honest, crying should be a little bit more accepted by the society. Men should cry whenever they want to. Football players do. So why should I not be allowed to? All my life I used to see people who express their anger radically as very "stupid" people. And actually I still think that. Because it is a nice thing to treat other people the way you want to be treated. There is some sort of karma in this world. The anger of one person can make another person also angry or cry. Evolutionary it had the purpose of defense. Whenever you were attacked by another animal you would have to defend yourself. But the times have changed. We don't go out and fight for our lifes. But still we have this component inside of us to feel this anger. Like an emergency button. But some people tend to use this emergency button way too often.

Imagine yourself being a mediocre dude in a big city. You compare yourself to others and you make yourself drown in a self image of mediocrity. Imagine what would happen if you go to the poorest city in the world. You will be treated like a god, probably. Your self image suddenly becomes totally different. You look in the mirror and see a god. That is just an example that doesn't have to be correct. But what I am trying to say is: You can let people influence the way you see yourself or you can go your own path. Just be what you want to be. If you have a negative self image, then you will be a negative being for the rest of your life. This negative self image doesn't serve you. It serves people that try to control you. Doesn't matter whether the person is somebody in your family or somebody working for a company that is trying to sell a product by making you believe that you are a failure. Don't wait for something external to give yourself the power to create an awesome life. Go forward and therefore every step you take will transform you and your self image.

You basically stumble from one thing to another. And that is completely understandable. I lost my virginity to a prostitute. And right now I even think about pickup sometimes, just as a demonstration of what is possible for me in life. I think that the biggest problem is that you make it a big problem. Do whatever you want to do. You can have sex with a hooker or do pickup. Maybe you will enjoy it or maybe you won't. Sometimes learning a lesson means to make a mistake. Because, let's face it, the greatest emotions when having sex probably will happen when you find someone who really cares about you. Intimacy is all that matters. Realize that we just live in a fucked up world, where sex is made a bigger thing than it actually is. Biologically it means to reproduce. In our society it became a status. Advertisement exploits sex to the max. Each blockbuster movie includes at least one sexy woman. Even the way that women dress is just a sexual overdose. We don't respect small cup sizes. They have to use push up bras to show the world that they have something to offer. Biologically it means, that a woman uses a push up bra to raise the chance of getting fertilized.

If you really want something then it is not the goal to actually get that thing but going the path towards that thing and therefore seeing yourself how you transform with every step that you take. For example I used to be a wreck when talking to girls. Then a time came where I suddenly had this confidence and I felt so freakin great back then. This resulted in having a gf and then came this shitty stagnation. That turned me off totally. Living a life of solitude and then being bound to this woman. But that is not what I want to say. I can be single if I want to. The key moment in this whole girl stuff happened when I realized what I really want and what holds me back. Less porn, more risk, more humor, more devotion. Just going all in. And then it is not the happiness to actually be with someone but the realization that I have opportunities to be with someone or even with a bunch of girls or whatever. Not being dependent of someone else but the positive feeling that you give yourself. If I were single again and tried to get a girl with my current mindset of being in a relationship and being totally in my comfort zone for way too long, I would fail hard. But when I get to the top of my confidence, when I get the feeling that actually my life is amazing and my body shows that and I have a smile on my face, the women will come to me.

The bad thing about running is that it is very monotonous. And usually the result is that you lose a pretty amount of calories. Something that I didn't care about in my past. So, I will definitely bring some variation into it as it is simply healthier for your body. Less back problems for example. And building up leg muscles usually takes place when you go max speed for a few seconds.

A small feedback here. I really started not using porn anymore. And I think it redirected my mind to some degree. I still had to masturbate like every 3-4 days, otherwise I would explode. I can imagine going back to porn someday, when I have a healthy attitude towards it. Till then I will keep on focusing on the natural triggers that the world has to offer.

If you mean for example projecting your own emotions onto somebody? It is all just internal stuff. Nothing that can be dealt with externally. So introspection usually is the key to many things. We already talked about my stuff with grandma and it helped me to get back on track. There is nothing like an external enemy image. This is all just a projection of fear and other similar negative emotions of oneself. So why should I fight somebody when I know that the real enemy is hidden inside me. This real enemy is the only one that needs to be dealt with. Leo had a nice video about some similar stuff. He was talking a lot about flattening the illusion. So much about the negative aspects of projection. What about positive projection? Basically a free expression of yourself. Like an art form. What is going on inside you equals what you create around you. Surely something that I might want to achieve someday.

Do you guys know those swearword filters that are used in certain forums? When you want to write "fuck you" it displays something like "#### you". I would like to introduce this filter to this forum and ban the word "enlightenment" once and for all. too many people here get so horny when talking about enlightenment. and in the end it has basically no meaning. it is the emptiness itself, if you think about it. and still people make it something bigger than it is. same structures like in a religion fo example christianity. there was a jesus and he was a good guy, so let's make up some stories and tell it to people. now we have billions of idiots believing that crap. but we all forget what the center of the belief is. it is to be a good guy, like jesus. the standards of being a good guy are defined by jesus and probably some other people who came before or after him.

@falobma I thought about why I watched femdom stuff and why I got deeper and deeper into it. I didn't want to take control of my own life. Submitting to somebody feels so much easier than dominating your own life path. Also I had some weird concepts in my mind, thinking that women in the present time are still very sexualized by men. It is not fair how they are treated by men. And maybe my submissive behaviour towards women would create a little bit of balance in this world. I transformed this way of thinking by taking responsibility for myself. Now I still like some femdom-ish stuff, on which I will not go into detail here. But the focus is my emotional expression. Why do I do it? What is going on inside me? Does this really do anything good

It is very valuable to look inside yourself and realize what you like about yourself and what you don't like. When there are things that you don't like about yourself, you should change them, but only if you really want to. But don't see your fetishes as something terrible. Because you are only creating an enemy. And nobody needs an enemy. The enemy is you and not the fetish. You are the only enemy that should be dealt with. I used to have weird fetishes and I dealt with them. Because I did a lot of introspection. But some fetishes remained and I feel happier with them. Another important question in this context is: When does something become a fetish?

Hey guys, trying to understand this stuff. And I need your help with this one. I hate my grandma. I hate her as a person. I hate the way she talks and how she behaves . Her son, my father is kinda the only person that is trying to help her. Otherwise we don't really have a family in this country. So my father feels responsible for her. And he argues a lot with her but still he helps her on a regular basis, drives to her (20min) and buys some stuff (10min) and drives back (20min). My father says that it would be nice if I could help him by driving to her and get her some stuff that she might need. Because my father works and I am finishing my bachelor degree and just longing to get the f*ck out of this house again. And of course I don't want to help. I don't want anything to do with my grandma. My father blames me that I am not supportive. My mom does so too. Actually I just had a discussion with my mom. She said that "wait till you're in the position where you will need help from others". So, guys, please tell me what to do. I kinda have a malfunction when thinking about this topic, because it destroys me a little. I need you to see it from your perspective and tell me what the hell I should do.

Usually in the past I felt like I wasn't really able to do anything without my parents intervening. All my life I just wanted to go my own way. But that didn't really work out because I let them manipulate my own path. Which is just completely wrong behaviour from me. Because when I wanted to do something I should've just done it. Now there is some regret. I used to sit in front of the computer all the time. I was so addicted to it because in these weird times it was my best friend. But it is not too late to be a different person. The current situation is just very exotic for me. I am finishing my degree right now. I am not using pornography for already more than 2 weeks (and I go insane because of that). Being in a relationship also is kinda hard sometimes. I am not used to such things. All these close people expecting stuff and all I really want is peace. People never rejected my request for help in the past, because I am like a freakin cactus. I don't need anything. I try to help here and there. Of course, people help when I need some little help. But what about my grandma? She is very toxic. Keeping my parents busy with some heavy clash each year which destroys my parents to some degree. And she knows exactly what others should be doing to do the right thing. That is arrogant. Always judging others what they should be doing. And of course I should have finished my degree by now. And she is disappointed from me because of that. Still she loves me, I guess. But all in all I am just wishing that she will be gone soon. Because she will die soon, obviously in her 80+ age, but my parents will remain. And the more she manipulates my father the more he will be the same like her. He already is like her to some degree. Manipulating the hell out of people. My mom doesn't really do that. I know that most of the stuff I'm saying isn't very fundamental. I get emotional talking about it. I just see my father, who is not a happy person. I can tell that by looking at him. And I see my grandma, who is also not a happy person. The only thing that I desire is not to be like them. So I choose every opportunity to not spend time with them. Because happiness isn't necessarily found in other people. In my opinion it is found inside myself. Or should I rather say it is crafted inside myself. But hey, I am over it. I see all the things in my life as mental challenges and physical challenges. Such situation ,that I described in the first post, is a mental challenge and I should stand my own ground to make sure that I am not getting knocked down too much. And the answer can be going my own path or it can also mean, as Mal said, sometimes helping is good. Sometimes if you wanna fight fire you should not be using fire as well.

@Mal: There is some truth in this. Thanks. There were some hidden expectations from me that I wasn't really aware of. And I have to find a way to be better than that. Because this is only nurturing disappointment.

@Natasha: A lesson that I need to learn. My negative reaction to the problem that I explained is probably also based on some expectation that I have regarding my father/parents. By not expecting anything from my parents I don't have anything to be angry about, I guess. But I have some problems with Eckhart Tolle, unfortunately. He is talking about consciousness and unconsciousness as if he invented the words and knows exactly what they mean. But yeah, thank you. I will see this situation that I am in as my mental training challenge and when I am "conscious" enough, then I will be able to handle these kind of problems much better. As long as I am not dragged into unconscious behaviour.

@Mal: Thanks for your opinion. But I am not willing "to tolerate members of my family while keeping everybody happy". Why the hell should I do that? I don't want that. Because I don't see these people helping me to become a better person. It is all about them. I don't annoy them with my urges. But you are right. Maybe it is not blaming. Maybe I really make it all a bigger problem than it really is.

Yeah, it is not normal. I will not judge it too much. I would just like to tell how I might feel if I was a parent of three children. Three children can be a little bit too much for me as a father. Depends on whether there is a still a wife that I love, which helps me to raise them. I love my children. They love television. Even though I don't watch tv anymore, I allow them to watch tv for an hour or so. Or a movie. All of them are allowed to watch tv. Maybe sometimes one of them will do some trouble and then I will need to give him or her some punishment by not allowing to watch tv for the day. Or no candy or no other bonuses. Screaming and physical abuse is no solution. It is just error propagation. But this also depends on how happy I am with my life, of course. Am I a total mess when coming home from work? Everything else that I would do is just my opinion. But I would never ever prioritize one child. I would make them grow up so freakin fast. I would teach them the important tools for an independent life and tell them that I am nothing but a fossil to them. But a fossil that loves them as much as nothing else in this world.

Hey guys, I would like to share my thoughts with you. I always thought that the computer is a serious problem for me. And actually it is. I use it to entertain myself. I watch pornography on a regular basis. I browse a lot of nonsense and waste too much time like this. I stopped playing video games and watching tv shows. Even though I try to remove bad habits I still feel that the other habits get stronger because of it. It is like the emptiness that I create is filled with the other bad things automatically. I don't have proper hobbies. Going out for a walk is like an emergency exit for everything in my life. I don't care about my future and at the same time I am so horribly terrified of my inability to change myself. I am 26 years old. I see people making careers and I compare myself to them and then I am sad. Feeling worthless sometimes. I don't even know what to write now. Maybe this is enough for a first impression of me. Really hoping that there will be some answers to this topic.

How do you define yourself? Calling yourself a monster is nearly the same like accepting a certain name that was given to you by your parents. It is all just black stains on white background here on this forum. Some people say: "You monster". And that usually means, that someone did something that is very unusual in a negative way from their point of view. So, you ask us what our thoughts on this is. I ask you what your thoughts on this is. Cause there are a lot of thoughts and nearly none of them matter.

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@Greer I am going serious now regarding this work out stuff. I go away from the computer and all the entertainment possibilities. In exchange I now focus on eating more stuff so that I have enough energy/proteins so that it all pays off. I see how great I feel when I go running for an hour. I will keep that in mind whenever I get the feeling that I might as well go back to my comfort zone.

I started to get away from music more and more. I just want to see how I behave without music. It is tough. But the moment when I appreciate the sounds that exist already, everything seems great. Imagine you are in a noisy place and you listen to music. And your headphones cancel the external sounds pretty nice. Still we have to realize that we only add more sounds to the sounds that already exist. It is like an overdose. Only in very harmonic environments it would make more sense to enjoy music. But still I hate the idea of putting more and more cables around your body. As if we are not able to live life in a more natural way. That is the reason why I threw away my in ears.

Maybe some people find their life purpose in having sex with a lot of women. Theoretically there is nothing wrong about that. But I can't understand it either.

Not including some potential hormonic reasons, I would just say: Many people define their values based on the standards of society. When people tend to get the newest smartphone, probably you will also want to have one. The real question is, what is it that you truly desire? I go to university and I compare myself to others. At the family reunion I compare myself to the cousins that are my age. When I walk on the street and see people that I don't know, guess what, I compare myself to them. Am I taller than him or her? Am I better looking? Comparing isn't something that we can deactivate. Because our brain is just too good. There is only one thing that you have control over. That would be not judging too much. You should realize that there is nothing bad about having a baby. Let's say, you are in a relationship and everything kinda seems perfect. You have a nice job and so does he. Why not try to make a baby? Create a human being. Feed it with your love. Imagine your baby smiling at you. I guess that there's gotta be something good about it. But in the western world this isn't such a popular thought. Because nowadays they all just want to enjoy life a little more and stuff. Just do whatever you want. There is no right or wrong. The only thing that would be wrong is if you worry too much about such things. Find your happiness.