ProblemSolving

Surely it can improve life. Maybe would also be a good idea for me to start a happiness list. But I can't let go of the thought that a happiness list is something past and also external. The mind is something dynamic. We transform with every moment. By defining the things that make as "happy" we limit ourselves. I think that the best thing to do is to internalize happiness. Otherwise there will be this inner conflict all the time. I would prefer myself not needing a happiness list. The only time I want a happiness list is when I am very old and veeery oblivious and not even remembering my own name. Then I will have a paper sheet hanging in every room with the words: "Don't care about remembering your name. Care about the warm feeling inside you."

So...it is very nice at the beginning but then steadily the good feelings get lesser and in addition to that there is a 50% chance that this is all for nothing (divorce)?

Don't question everything you do as if it was something weird. You know the answers. Hero is something that you learned from movies. Hitting on girls is something you learned especially from society and also from your very humble male gender. Every dude I know acts like a freakin idiot around girls. As if a normal relationship towards a woman isn't possible. It always has to be sexualized. And if that is not enough, the dude should play the alpha male always. I don't know. Be hero or don't be a hero. Hit on girls or don't hit on girls. I like to quote @Mal on a regular basis. He said that one has to do the things he needs to do until he decides not to do them anymore. It is a matter of decisions and not being in a fight with inner resistence.

It depends on your preferences. Don't limit yourself. Don't see your age as a limit. Just be a dude that attracts women. Because the libertine and the long term relationshipper both have to be attractive. But if you strictly just ask for the benefits of having sex with many women, I guess it is all about your confidence. When you had sex with at least 20 women or so, you will never ever in your life worry about women. My problem is only that I enjoy intimacy. So I am not the dude who would just go for a one night stand. Because I am not able to connect with the girl properly. But I would like to do that. To see myself get to the point where I just do something and not worry too much about it. Let the easiness do all the work.

Yeah. The word "hero" shouldn't exist in your mind. It doesn't have a meaning. Be as direct as possible and question yourself, why you were not able to help. Probably because of fear. Fear paralyzed you and you didn't know how to behave. And this is natural. Fear paralyzes. Maybe this was the first time that something like this happened, so how could you be prepared for such a situation? If you want to be a "hero" then you need to learn to be one. And actually you just got closer to become one^^

The title of this thread should've been "Enlightenment is just a word".

Basically everything is an illusion. Especially this forum that we visit using a computer and displaying data on a screen. Well, I used to think about this sine curve for a long time, till I realized that this is also an illusion. Enlightenment isn't an element that does something particular. In my humble opinion this term "enlightenment" is way too vulnerable towards false beliefs. Anyway, I am not trying to go off topic. Emotions are emotions. If we don't have emotions, what do we have? I believe that emotions are everything. Enlightenment in that case would just be a possibility to get closer to inner peace, happiness and all the other things that people truly desire. But that is something that every person must find out for themselves. So: They just do. In case they truly want it.

yeah. i still have a long way to go. my happiness level doesn't really get higher, but my low points basically vanished. appreciation is something that i need to practice on a regular basis.

I remember a few experiences that I had. Really great. Especially when I walk around places I've never been before. I forget all my problems that I used to have and just confront myself with this journey. It is one of the things that I enjoy the most in life. Still want to visit many places on earth. But actually it doesn't matter. I could just go out and head in a certain direction for a few hours. And I am happy.

Also struggling with self love. I don't like the way I look. Don't like the way I behave. But there are two ways out of this misery. I could accept the way I am and just make this problem vanish. Because the reason why I created this resistence towards myself is simply based on comparing myself with other people. Not liking myself the way I am is nothing but a farce. There is no reason why I should not like myself. Because society defined role models and as long as we are not getting closer to that concept we are supposed to feel inferior? That is so wrong. Another way would be to improve in some aspects of your life. But I see that as a rather superficial method, because you basically just escape from the core problem. Depends on what you want to improve in your life. Always ask why you want to improve.

Dunno what I am supposed to add here. When you ask us what kind of morals you are supposed to have, you basically behave like a very young child not knowing anything about the world, which actually isn't a bad thing. But being in your age (you are writing a thesis now) you have to have some sort of values. Look at your life. Be aware of what you are doing. What you are doing is what you are. Just think a lot about your own life and don't get obsessed with other people like ted bundy. You are upsetting me somehow. I feel like I am talking with a potential copycat murderer. There are people who are mentally ill, there are people who are/were very unlucky in their life, there are people who just find another reason to live a very dark life based on torturing and killing and whatsoever. But why should I look at such people? I don't define myself as a person that likes torturing and killing, because I have compassion. I have emotions. I believe that being is a great alternative to not being. Torture and killing for me is just some sort of sadistic stuff that is only covering stuff like fear. Defining morals as something very unique this sentence is total bullcrap. Every human being has its very own morals. It always depends on you and the other person. Will you let the other person influence you to become more and more like he is? Do you have some fundamental values that can't be changed that easily? Even if this ted bundy lives in your environment. Why should he influence you? Only because he is present? Do you think that you are soooo manipulative? I am not saying that the perfect human being should not be manipulative at all, but representing your own values or whatsoever is a strong trait, I guess. Well, you don't have to define what is right and what is wrong. This is just a way for human beings to simplify life as much as possible (source: religion or whatsoever). There are questions that can't be answered, in my humble opinion. But if you REALLY want to find an answer, you will. Believe me. Do whatever the fuck you want. Answer the question for yourself or just don't answer it. Having a great quote from my favorite dude Jiddu Krishnamurti: “You know, if we understand one question rightly, all questions are answered. But we don't know how to ask the right question. To ask the right question demands a great deal of intelligence and sensitivity. Here is a question, a fundamental question: is life a torture? It is, as it is; and man has lived in this torture centuries upon centuries, from ancient history to the present day, in agony, in despair, in sorrow; and he doesn't find a way out of it. Therefore he invents gods, churches, all the rituals, and all that nonsense, or he escapes in different ways. What we are trying to do, during all these discussions and talks here, is to see if we cannot radically bring about a transformation of the mind, not accept things as they are, nor revolt against them. Revolt doesn't answer a thing. You must understand it, go into it, examine it, give your heart and your mind, with everything that you have, to find out a way of living differently. That depends on you, and not on someone else, because in this there is no teacher, no pupil; there is no leader; there is no guru; there is no Master, no Saviour. You yourself are the teacher and the pupil; you are the Master; you are the guru; you are the leader; you are everything. And to understand is to transform what is."

First of all I need to mention that there is a weird negative vibe when you write something. This time you mentioned the name ted bundy, who seems to be a serial killer (source: wikipedia). Your morality is your game. If you had another brain you probably would have another morality / another game. Why do you care about other morals? Live your own life. Do what you think is "right". There is no need to answer "what if" questions. What if there never was a big bang? What if existence never existed? What if science is totally wrong about the big bang theory? I am not going to tell you too much how you are supposed to behave. I am only telling you how I see this ted bundy: A dude who killed and tortured people. So that was his morality / his values of life. Good for him. The problem is that often it seems like when you do something to somebody, you have to expect the same thing happening to you. That is not a rule that is written somewhere, this is just instinct. When someone kicks me, I have the desire to defend myself. So I truly think that when someones morality also includes torturing and killing people then this person should see some consequences (ted bundy got a death sentence, source: wikipedia). Becausen often I see that something like a domino effect has to exist. When I do something good to people, like talking, laughing, having a relaxed conversation, helping them, this other person will have the tendency to spread this energy. Even the feeling that you give to yourself doing something good. Everything that you do is a mirror of yourself. And this has nothing to do with the expectations of society, but the commitment one has to a certain aspect of life.

I am in a relationship and while spending time with her I don't even think about watching porn or other sexual content. As long as I have sex. But when I don't have sex for like 3 or 4 days I notice that I become frustrated. Or when I am alone for a few days I know that I will need to masturbate to some porn or something similar. Somehow I would call myself addicted to it. For like 10 years already. I joined the nofap group but I don't really see the point of it, because I can never ever reach 90 days of no fapping. And way too often this nofap journey becomes a torture for me. My question is: Can I work on my addiction by reducing the intensity of the sexual content when fapping? Few days ago I thought that maybe I should quit porn videos once and for all and substitute it with pictures of softcore type? And even when I will feel some sort of dissatisfaction because the pictures just don't seem to be enough for me, I would fap again to some pictures? And make myself get used to this lower type of stimulation? I will go bananas if I try a nofap challenge again.

Hey Orange, do yourself the favour and forget such words like devil, demon, angel, psychopath and so on. Just focus on yourself. See yourself in your room and that situation that you are in. Writting a thesis or something. Probably a tough thing to do. You are in front of a big task and you might eventually get sweaty balls. Totally questioning everything. That is okay. Just do whatever needs to be done. But don't go crazy with this word "morality". Define your own morality. Don't learn about it by asking others. Because you will only get to know a certain concept of morality, that is not based on your own values. It is like you are a very weak person right now, searching for a purpose of life. People will abuse it by making you their slave by making you believe in a life purpose they've told you. Hope you understand the analogy. The biggest wisdom can be extracted from yourself. Nothing external is necessary.

Really appreciate the amount of replies. There were also some internal reasons of course. Every little thing that I decide to do somewhere starts inside of me. The main reason was how I behaved to other people. I felt like I had a lack of appeal. Lost my virginity somewhere around 22 years or so. And it was a prostitute. Had to wait like two more years to finally have sex with a "proper" girl. I was afraid that my sexuality was just wrong. I loved to masturbate using porn. So there was some sort of craving inside of me. But I usually was a loner. So I never appreciated the presence of people around me. Usually leaving a bad impression with the people that I interact with. Same at school, university and the work experiences that I had. I thought that all this might change a little bit without porn. Now I am here in this forum and all the videos from Leo that I watched and I can say for sure that I transformed in some way. All the thoughts of fear or whatsoever are drastically reduced. I am not afraid that people might think negativelly of me. I will do the "mistakes" till I realize for myself that maybe it might improve my career when connecting with certain people. That my worldview might improve when opening up more and more. And all the other stuff. Anyway, that was a little offtopic. I am using porn. When I know that I will visit my gf soon I stop it like a few days before seeing her, because it does change the way I have sex with her. The thing is, that it has positive and negative aspects to it, on which I won't go into detail here. I still like porn. So I am using it. No more barriers. Maybe someday I will stop. But that doesn't matter for now.

Don't know too much about you @jes but, yeah, as long as your husband wants to learn from you. I just kinda cringed when reading about your husband developing with you and you will teach him stuff. In my opinion that is like an egoistic behaviour from you wanting him to change. But maybe I just don't have enough background information regarding your situation. Good luck with your dude^^ Ahhh, totally forgot what this topic is about: Keep husband happy by giving more than you take. Never expect . Have super wild sex with no boundaries, in case he likes sex. Be his buddy. Laugh a lot. But also find enough moments of detachment to have the feeling of freedom. Because that would suck when you are in a relationship for a long time and you do so much stuff with the other person that you totally forget about existing without this person. Not meaning that you have to keep your "identity" but just to be by yourself and still be happy.

Leo never really said that someone should go his path. Leo rather helps to find your own path. Even in the video about minimalism Leo said that he doesn't really focus that much on minimalism or something like that. I discovered that minimalism path for myself. That started some years ago. I decluttered so much, I actually have only a few things left. But this also opened a door for me getting closer to paranoia or so. After decluttering I feel like new objects coming into my room seem like they should not be there. But all in all the decluttering was just heaven on earth for me. Huge amount of stuff confuses me. Now I can focus on the few things that are left. If I throw away certain things I can eventually throw away a microcosm. For example, I threw away my gaming console and sold my gaming equipment for my computer. I just don't think about what new games I could get, because I don't have the option to play properly. In that matter I threw away a microcosm.

You don't lose, you learn. And because you learn a lesson with every little thing that happens, you actually win. So the words "winning" and "losing" don't matter anymore. It is your choice. You can feel like a victim or you can proudly present your battle scars.

There is actually even more to it. When you have sex while parents are at home, that can be adventurous as well. Imagine sitting in the living room with parents and girl. You have some standard conversation. You all act well behaved. Then you and girl decide to go to your private room and just release all your boundaries. Doing whatever you desire. Yeah. I am getting horny right now

Never understood how somebody can have sex in a car. At home is nice. You have a bed. Lots of space to do whatever you want. Outside you can try to do it in a public toilet. In the night you could try it outdoor. Places that are rarely visited by people. The beach. A bush in a park. But realize that such situations can be very adventurous and you might not get hard if you are nervous.

I am slightly bigger than you. 1,93m and 76-77kg. I still remember when I was even thinner, like 65kg or so. I looked terrible. You were born 87? So you are 2 years older than me. I can tell you how I changed over the years. When I was 65kg or so, I just had the motivation to eat more. And I did, till I finally reached this. Nearly 2 years ago I started eating healthier. And now I am stagnating. Sometimes I even have the tendency to lose some weight. But what helps me is to not take this healthy eating stuff too seriously. Because, god damnit, it is great to just have the feeling of no limit. Make eating healthy food not something that gets you in trouble. There is something positive in everything. Eating junk food is fun sometimes. Still I reached a point where I don't really like sugary stuff, because there is way too much sugar in nearly everything. But I enjoy some junk food like big burgers, chips, instant noodles. But I go very very easy on that stuff. I just do it so that I enjoy it. Moderation is key. But just don't ever feel like "ohh my god I need to eat healthy". That puts you under pressure. You get nervous and therefore burn calories without even doing anything.

Nah. Envy itself is just worth nothing. Envy is a primitive thing. We only see something and make weird conclusions and make ourselves feel worthless. Maybe we should also introduce another term here, something like "unique desire". Authenticity gets close to that term. When you see somebody have something that you want and you feel envy, that is a false belief. Because this struggle that you are in now is not what you want. So why should you envy? That is a losing game. This now goes even further, because it is not about envy anymore but about the things that you really desire. And that is something that can't be damaged by envy. For that matter isolation and meditation is a great way to get to the core of your desires. Don't forget that as long as there is envy then there also is competition, comparison and so on. Which means, when you live your life with envy you are not living your life. You let someones decision dictate you. It helped me to be nihilistic for a while. Because in the end nothing matters, we all gonna die and life itself is worth nothing and everything at the same time. Why should I be worried about stuff that I don't have? We don't own anything. I have this tendency to say anti materialistic stuff. Example: I don't understand how people make it their goals to get a freakin expensive sportscar or whatever. But I am conditioned to have a little bit of envy, because society says that this is such a great thing to have, because yeah, that is what makes you a better person with a better status or whatever. This is all conditioning. And there is just too little appreciation for the fact that we are living in a world where we can drive a car and it can really be affordable nowadays. Appreciation is a good word in this context as well. When you appreciate more you desire less. Less desire means less false belief for most people, probably. And that would be a massive throwback for capitalism. Can't believe that I used the word "capitalism" again.

I guess that we need to introduce the word "curiosity" here. There is nothing wrong about being curious. Curiosity usually has a positive meaning, because it means that somebody wants something. And there is nothing wrong about wanting. I want to do a bungee jump. Not to give my life a meaning but to experience this moment and push myself to the limit. Because I know what kind of impact it had on me when I did skydiving once. I want to visit japan, because I want to feel like a total stranger. I want to live somewhere near the ocean, because I am allergic to a lot of stuff and the sea air can really improve my life. I want to try out mdma once to see what a pill can do with me. I want to make a huge trip just by going in a certain direction. So that I have enough time to process everything that I see. And also show myself what I am capable of. Especially in times where flights are so cheap and everything needs to work faster. I hope that all of my wants are not based on envy, but rather based on something like curiosity and stuff.

You have to see guilt as what it is. It is a tool to make you adapt to the standards of somebody or a system by assaulting you with negative emotions. A freakin good tool to manipulate people. The fun starts when you resist to accept guilt in certain situations. I still struggle with guilt, but sometimes I own the moment. And it feels great. Somebody says something to me so that I should feel some sort of guilt but I just decide to feel good about myself. Because that is what I want to feel.

Wait. This confuses me. Jealousy and envy both have to do with low self worth. But jealousy means the potential loss of somebody that you seem to have or love. Envy means the lack of something or somebody, because of comparison with other people. Right?