ProblemSolving

only pain? i thought that judging can have some benefits like putting certain people or situations in one drawer and simplify future actions. or do i mix up something here?

@ppfeiff I think that every person on their own have to figure out what they really want from nofap. I know for sure that nofap gave me a tunnel vision. It really was easier to talk to girls. Simply because I was totally horny. Long story short, because of nofap I had the realisation that prioritising is important in my life. Pretty much everything in life drains my energy. But it is my prioritising that decides where I put my energy in. As a consequence I dropped video games, movies, weird people etc. Nofap can be a huge topic. I wont go into much detail now. I think that most people who do nofap have the goal to have more real sex. But the real growth happens not when having sex but the whole journey that involves you changing.

why do you have the same pic? thats not fair...

@Clint Eastwood I had a dozen wet dreams throughout the last 13 years. And only the last one (which is like 3-4 months ago) it was without actually dreaming of something sexual. I was on my nofap streak somewhere between week 2-3 when it happened. What you experience is good. You cant control your dreams completely. You can lucid dream and control your dreams to a certain point but I think the beauty of dreaming is to just let go and enjoy the ride. Because dreams can tell interesting new things about you. Nofap most of all is about letting go of external stimulation like porn and/or excessive masturbation. So I dont see anything bad that you experience while dreaming.

I can confirm some of that. Made the girl curious when telling her about my awesome nofap streak. She probably felt very honored when I decided to have sex with her. We had sex for many many hours. Then I kinda came a little and kept going. But I didnt cum properly, so in the night I woke up and had this terrible pain in my balls. In the morning I decided to get my proper "release". It didnt feel as great as everything that happened before ;D Long story short, I am getting back to nofap. It is not the solution to everything but it is a great step towards changing your life in pretty much every aspect.

Easier said than done. I will try/see. Thx for your feedback. Its just such a big thing and I kinda am afraid. This is not only about connecting with people but also in particular about getting back to the dating scene. I feel really rusty. I am in my late 20s and I already feel like I should just chill and not care about it.

Hey guys, I have a problem with people probably because I usually prefered being alone and play video games. Now that my life kinda turned around and I dont play games of any kind I try to find something new that I might be passionate about. Anyway, I wanna dig deeper regarding " connecting with people". Since I am working I have to communicate with some people. Which is ok. Most of the people I work with are rather nice people. When I am back home I feel tired and want to relax. One of my favorite things to do when I am back home is to actually lie in bed. I dont care too much about making the most out of my day. But still I feel that I am curious about connecting with as many people as possible. Because people are refreshing and they might show me new directions in life that I've never thought of before. So long story short, I think that there are two things that I am struggling with: 1. Getting closer to people. 2. Appreciating them. How can I improve?

if you want to delete your ex from your memories you keep going with your life. you focus on other things. not only other women but other things that you might be passionate about or whatever. you will never forget her, obviously. btw. theres nothing bad about remembering your ex. so before asking yourself how to forget your ex completely you might ask yourself how can you make sure that remembering your ex wont be a problem anymore? because the thought doesnt really hurt you in any way. it is the way how you interprete the thought.

Usually a different attitude towards the whole situation can make all the change. And never forget about the shades of grey when you fall into black and white thinking. Example: I really thought that this personal development is a good thing. Found out that nofap and actualized forum was rather some mental masturbation for me. I could've made more out of it but I created this resistance myself. Now I don't take Leo's words for granted. A few weeks ago I probably thought differently. Now I am at a point where I don't truly believe in his concepts but there will also be no stigmatizing towards him ( I still like some of his videos). I keep him in the shades of grey, where basically everything in life should be. Now to create a connection to your topic: Of couse there will be resistance from people. Resistance is part of life. It is a thing that has so much importance in our life. Doesn't matter whether you see it from a physical or mental perspective. But judging such a natural phenomenon creates no result. See it as what it is. A power that is able to throttle and transform at the same time. When you understand this and you still think that there is just too much inner resistance to actually change certain things in your life, don't ever create an external enemy like a parent or something. Yeah, because this parent manipulated you since you were born blabla. It can be nice when parents support you on the path that you decided to go, but you can't count on others that much. And if so many people tell you that you shouldn't do a certain thing like a very exotic career choice or whatever and you let them influence you, that puts you in this weird position that you prefer regreting your own life choices over going against the flow that others created for you.

I think that this forum has already reached its limit. Am not saying that to upset anyone or Leo. But I feel that there is way too much focus on the word "enlightenment" or "life purpose". This stuff confuses most people. And I cringe everytime when I read something like: "Omg, I had an enlightenment experience" or whatsoever. I always look back at Jiddu Krishnamurti when he once talked about the transformation of the mind. Jiddu died 30 years ago, so his words are at least 30 years old. I look at myself and think that at this point I am surely not the transformation that he was talking about. And I am really curious whether I can do that. But for now the transformation that I experienced were baby steps. So how am I supposed to expect faster transformation from other forum members? I just can't. I see the forum as what it is. It put me in a certain position and from that point I have to walk a very lonely road where no forum needs to be by my side. That is the struggle. I came to this forum because of some inner resistence. Now that I feel better in certain aspects the only thing to do here is to leave this place or help.

Every time you try to seperate yourself from the ego it reinforces the ego.

Maybe the realizations that you had on the trip was something that was inside you from the start? Maybe basically every drug is based on what is inside you? So maybe the drug is just a trigger? Maybe it is time to have all the experiences without even thinking about consuming drugs? Take the responsibility for yourself that you don't need an external substance to have the greatest of all emotions that you can think of. I will be honest with you, that usually I had great experiences with weed. But the way it works is always the same. I get tired, relaxed, funny and hungry. Had my philosophical moments as well. But that doesn't get me any further. So I prefer focusing on other things. I will remember a few experiences I had. I will wait for weed become legal in my country someday, so that I will consume it like once a year probably.

Nope.

Zero passion. She was just doing her job. This experience gave me the certainty that I don't want to do sex with a prostitute anymore.

Of course you are right. Even though i was able to make up my mind about her before paying her, it is always different how she really behaves during the fact. And she was shitty. But freakin pretty.

I paid her in advance.

But I had situations where I went to a prostitute and couldn't get it up. So, I really am a weird dude

If I can get a boner, alright, let's do it. Even when I am not really in the mood.

I am limited when I see a girl for the first time. I am not very comfortable with people in general, when I see them for the first time. Under that conditions I am simply not able to have sex with a girl just like that. But I totally respect people who are very open and have the "strengh" to have intimate sex with someone from the start. I think there is no right or wrong. At least from my point of view. Let the people do whatever they want. Slutiness is just a word. If this slutiness arouses me, who am I to judge. And nothing else matters. About the grooming and shaving stuff, I totally like women with bush. Didn' touch a wet razor in a long time. Trimming is the only thing that I do regularly (like twice a month). I know how much skin irritations I used to have back then. So I am not going back to that.

Would totally stick to the definition of @Matthew Lamot. The moment you think: "Ah jezz, I regret what I did". That is also a "wasted" moment. From that point if you try to do things that are "better" or whatever, you basically are just driven by fear. Be happy or don't be. Or even better, think beyond the boundaries of vocabulary. Be. Just be. If you go outside and there is no war going on and then you breathe in the good air and let the sun shine on your face, if you find absolute appreciation in such very little things then you are very close to something that we might call "happiness". Don't ever see happiness as an object to possess. This is just pure egoism. See it as a process/path that has no beginning or end. And if you are able to throw away that word and never ever think about it again, you might eventually become a happier person There is a very important lesson to be learned on this "self-actualization" journey. We get to know techniques how we are supposed to improve our lives, but using the techniques isn't really the solution. We have to become the solution. The things we decide to learn must be fully accepted to prevent resistence inside your mind. Otherwise it is just one of the things that you have to worry about or so. And this can only lead to more resistence/suffering and whatsoever.

Exactly. What do you really know about science? Have you seen an atom? Have you seen the big bang? Be nothing and therefore become the undefinable something, everything, anything or whatsoever.

don't see the stuff in your past as something that you wasted time on. where you are now is where you are supposed to be. you really circle around this relationship topic. you decide whether you are in a relationship or not. there is no right or wrong. you just do. don't use the word "normal". if the relationship isn't real, then also your life isn't. nothing is real. who cares? as long as you worry about that kind of stuff you shouldn't focus on the question "what am i?" but rather on "who am i?" not trying to answer that question for you, but i think that you are a some sort of a woman that is stuck between different ideas that she heard somewhere. i used to like the ted talks. but i havent watched any recently. maybe because none of it really affected me. all the videos about life purpose, happiness, porn addiction and stuff, i watched it and it didn't change me at all.

The reason why you "fail" is because you have this inner resistence. You fight against yourself to change. And this usually is a losing game. Become the change. Don't identify with the person you were and also not the person that you would like to become. And also don't hide your feelings by helping others. Be honest to yourself and don't help others until you helped yourself. Helping others in general is a great idea, I guess. A lot of noble qualities in there (I want to focus a lot on helping others as well), but you will build your existence on a weak foundation if you don't help yourself. I will use the word "egoistic" now, because noone needs to be afraid of that word. We all have an ego. "Egodeath" usually is a temporary state. Also killing something should NEVER be the solution Anyway, I want you to be egoistic. Ego is a part of you and you need to give it some time to explain to you what it really wants. Sometimes giving the ego what it wants and then realizing that it actually is not that good, eventually brings the realization that the ego is bullshitting you from the start, therefore changing your perspective on life.

Of course. It is your responsibility to give yourself a positive feeling towards life. Never make someone else responsible for your happiness. First relationship that needs to work is the one between you and you. Find your inner peace. Work on your self-worth. If that doesn't go deep enough, you probably still hold on to the past experiences. Turn it around, don't be traumatized by the negative ways how dudes treated you. But start to go deep into that matter. Don't settle. Understand the "why". Don't resist. If you have a really good friend you might ask him/her what might be "wrong" with you. Sometimes external feedback can help to understand stuff. Doesn't mean that you have to change in a way how people want you to, but just get an idea of how much of a difference there is between external expectations and what you are. This is also going a little bit off the good path, because the central idea is to just be yourself and not let anyone influence you. But in this case we go deeper and see different perspectives. Don't lose yourself too much in this.