Marinus

Day 23 for me

Hi everyone, I'm also in for the fun, on day 11 atm!

So I feel lonely and I don't have friends in Belgium where I study, besides a girlfriend, my friends live in the Netherlands where I'm from. The thing is that I don't want to invest in people that I don't want to be friends with, which is almost everyone I meet. Friendship is something special to me and in my opinion this is something you work towards together. Many people seems to have shallow friendships. I'm more interested in the deep stuff like the topics of actualized.org. Unfortunately not so many people I meet know stuff like this or are interested enough to learn it. Besides this I'm very introverted which I don't have problem with, but this makes it hard socialize and go out to meet people. Everyone has strengths, but socializing isn't one of mine, except when discussing deep topics or one on one conversations. I also don't like chatting and wasting time with social media. When I talk with people they usually are surprised by my authenticity, openness and of course the understanding of my self (please don't say the self isn't real, I'm not advanced enough to grasp this yet). So impressing people is fun, but I don't have many points to relate to another, many like drinking, going out, tv, games, social media and small talk (at least the students I meet). I think I'm at stage green with some shades of orange and yellow. I only have one friend that is at a similar level, consciously who gives me energy when I talk and listen to him. The biggest road blocks to get friends are: Not wanting to waste time on people that I don't have common ground with which is most of the people I meet; Being very solitary, doing solitary stuff; Introverted; Serieus about friendship; Struggle to keep in to touch with friends; very focused on my own growth and introspection. I want to know how you guys make friends that are worth it, or please give me some feedback on how I perceive friendship as far as you understand the picture that I see. Thank you in advance!

@SageModeAustin The first sentence made me laugh, that's true. Keeping it to myself is indeed much better. A year ago I tried to convert people into self-development by preaching about it., which ofcourse didn't work and soon people had expectations of me that I couldn't live up to. I like to be in the moment when eating. How did you changed the way you looked at this?

Hi guys, I'm a student and I struggle to combine self actualization and studying for college. I think it's because doing proper elf actualization work looks like studying for college, especially, because I study applied work & organisation psychology. I have some parallels with self development, like positive psychology. So I want to ask you some tips too be better at combing the two. Currently I have a morning routine of breathing, western yoga and meditation. Besides this I only watch videos to gain knowledge. Doing this makes me tired and stressful.

@Psyche_92 A long time ago yes, maybe time to rewatch it. @Pilgrim Connection is in my experience also one of the most beautiful things in life. I'm not clear on my passion, I think it is related to the deep genuine conversations, there is nothing more that can energize me and fuel me. I have a friend and we can discus anything without shame and we learn so much from each other. I don't know if this would be really a passion, maybe the topics I discus instead, the lessons of life. That is alo why I was attracted to this field and actualized.org. @ajasatya From my observation most people I talk with for a while open up pretty fast with there life and share things with me that are private and it seems that they trust me. Usually this is a result of me opening up first. This is probably not what you mean though. In my case I'm living more in my head then my heart and when making choices I use my head which often results in overthinking. @supremeyingyang Adaption socially is hard, I can't shut up my thoughts, it's like being hyper aware about my self constantly, unless it's one on one, then I'm all ears. @Charlotte I think it depends on the people. People with strong values that they live up can have a positive effect on friendship. Maybe what you refer to are the people I avoid and don't invest time in and that's why I don't have many. Honestly I have the need of friends to have deep conversations and learn from them, how would it be to not need them? @Shin I like everything I do in my student room . Last year I went to meet ups and I liked that. Unfortunately there aren't that many hosted here. Thank you for the replies everyone.

@NoSelfSelf@NoSelfSelf I like this idea, I'm on it already. @supremeyingyang Thank you for sharing your story! I was very anxious, but thanks to self-development it has reduced a lot. I do feel very much like an outcast in society ever since being a child. o told that the path of self-development leads toward loneliness and it sure feels that way. It's true that I pressure myself a lot and it's difficult let that go. I like your list, this to honest is going to be hard, but I don't really see another way. I only don't understand number 4, you mean speaking spontaneous thoughts out loud? @Psyche_92 last year it was harder for me since I live alone. My family is toxic and I don't visit them often, my wellbeing has improved fortunately since leaving. I heard people that seem very developed say the same, but how do I embrace this? And your right it feels like having a void in me.

So I don't know where put this topic I like MARVEL and many people these do, because the cinematic movies are very popular. So I think I'm mostly at stage green, but I have some orange shades. I don't which stage these movies belong to but the whole Hollywood industry seems to be orange. Superheroes do things for the greater good, but the popularity is more about the action scenes and cinematic experiences. I want to transcend orange, but I struggle to give up action movies like this and similar media, like anime and live action series. The one replacement I can think of is media focused on stage green and above, like YouTube content. The only problem with these videos is that it makes me tired to learn constantly. Also stage orange has valuable self help content, but of course action movies don't belong there. Besides the film industry I like to play Minecraft, because it is a way to express my creative ideas and it gets me in the flow state. Does someone know how to give up (films) this interest and focus more on stage green and above?

@aurum Basically self-development and studying is very similar in workload. Doing all this stuff is stressful with distraction as a result in order to reduce the stress. I want to find a way to combine the two without being stressed, it is very tiring. At the moment my self-development is easy and not of high quality, like listen to videos and introspection here and there. At the moment college is my priority and my second year is a lot more work then a year ago. Besides everything I take care of my self entirely , like cooking which takes time. I'm always very hard on myself and it feels like wasting time to struggle with not doing enough self-development work. I don't want self-development to result in stress, but happiness.

@SFRL I will look into that. Why would rather give up Minecraft, is it a personal choice or does it more harm in your opinion?

@Sahil Pandit Thanks I copied the link in my common place book, that's a lot of traps, good work.

@NoSelfSelf Yes, honestly I'm not interested in most people, which makes me picky. Do you recommend some circumstances? I also I think can make insecure people feel inferior thanks to my attitude which is rather difficult to avoid. For example when doing group work I tend to be the (task oriented leader partly because of the vibe I create.

@Sahil Pandit fortunately I have one, but lately I haven't used it as much. I also use a common place book for my lectures. Can you explain what you mean with the second sentence, I don't think I understand it correctly. Why do advice to skip outside knowledge? Thanks by the way!

What do you guys think about this?

@Antonius Ever heard of comfort zone challenges? My advice is to look into it and start to practice it in a city where you don't know anyone. This gives you result very fast, if you do the techniques. This way you start to notice that people don't really care about you. Your confidence will rise and right after doing it you might feel invincible. This makes you believe in yourself and you will start to think positively. A year ago I had strong social anxiety, but since doing this and becoming more aware this has reduced a lot. Those you challenges make you proud. At least that's my experience, it gives a lot of benefits overall and it isn't as scary as it seems.

@Ingit sounds logical

So when I breath deeply while meditating I can generate a feeling of goose bumbs, why is that?

@Sbilko haha yeah have controle over it even without meditation. I breath in and stop for a mili second then it feels like energy in my body. With some repetitions following I het goosebumps on my arm. It seems focus is key. @ItO are you also able to redirect the feeling through your body? I can even get the sensations around my skull. @PsiloPutty my back is the main place for the shivers.

It's better to expect to live possibly shorter so you can plan to live your dreams until then. More years will be like gifts after your expected your death. Well that's my opinion.

Isn't nothing the lack of direct awareness you currently do not perceive. For example the space behind the wall is not in your awareness, so nothing is behind the wall. When you walk behind it, then the place you formerly stood on doesn't exist in your awareness hence it being nothing. This is as far my mind can take me. ?

I like ropes and tying up the partner.

So since four years now my habits of eating healthy have grown a lot, since 2 years it's so easy for me that I don't pay any attention to for example the cookie department in a supermarket. In my opinion this is next to meditation my greatest habit and my strongest. In my process I have met people and many of them don't mind what I eat, but there are also people that do. I don't eat land animals and I only eat sea food outdoors or at my mom's place (which is like 2 times a month or even less). This is often a topic people bring up and my family doesn't understand why I eat seafood (it's because of fats and it makes my social interactions easier). My step dad and mother try to influence me and demotivate me with eating vegetarian. People label me as such which annoys me. Besides family, people I hardly know or whom I only get to see for a couple of weeks in my life or parents from friends try to get me to eat meat. I learned about homeostasis and this was definitely the case with my father. I want to know why those acquaintances do this. Also for people that try to change their diet, there are many supportive people I encountered that get inspired by my diet and without even trying they get influenced and tart to eat healthier. So don't get discouraged by this post!!!

@supremeyingyang thx. I like that statement of yours.

I'm really overthinking a lot. I'm 21.

@ajasatya Not too long, a week at the moment. I had a period of 1 year when I didn't watch, but I used dating apps to chat with girls, which felt like a replacement. Sounds like a great idea! Why aren't many guys not good at this? @Scholar