Marinus

Habits streaks week 14 I keep making mistakes, last week was week 13. For now this will be my last "habit streak post". I will think of another way to post on here. The streaks are getting messy and chaotic to me. I also discovered that there is milk powder in my muesli bars, so my vegan day were vegetarian day. I felt sad about it for a moment. Day Game I suffer a lot from approach anxiety. I decide to do practice drills. I want to approach Day game the smart way, by recording my voice, reflection and a system to reduce my anxiety by approaching. I finally achieved the set goal of at least 30 approaches. I did 32. 10 drills, 10 warm ups and 12 approaches. I classify these differently, because the goals aren't the same. Warm ups are to prepare for the ''real approaches''. Practice drills are similar to warm ups, but here the focus lies on handling my anxiety and training nonverbal skills. This is my tool to deal with the anxiety:

Habits streaks it starts to get a bit messy with all the streaks relapsing. This week I watched a lot of films en series +- 8 hours, maybe more. Also I made a mistake in the previous streaks with exercise. I also come close to almost 6 months of nofap.

I finished my internship and now I broke up with girlfriend (2 months ago) who is in the same class as me. My internship was hard, but I felt happier then when I was in a relationship. Now I have classes again and I feel so down when being around my peers. It feels so painful and I get very self aware. I feel alone, I feel as a stranger (I'm the only international student), I feel like not belonging there. My education also feels very stage orange. This issue goes way back to my elementary school. +- at age 8 I did have no friends in my own class. Instead my friends were one year younger then me and a class lower. I had no friends in my first year of high school. At 14 years old I got a great friend, but since we didn't go to the same class anymore we grew apart. I also feel like I developed a lot (actualizing) and he didn't which makes it difficult to find common ground. Since starting pick up I notice my social skills to evolve, but I still feel disconnected from people. It feels like fighting an army alone, with no one to watch my back. In the end of the journey the hero tells about his tales, but who is there to listen to my story? This inner blockage is so strong, I think I have a problem with giving and receiving love. People need groups to survive,. Something in me feels like dying when I see groups of students at school. A big problem is also meeting the right people. I know students, one wants to convert me to Islam and the other isn't reliable if we go hang out. Also the pick up dudes aren't really friends, but more allies. I honestly don't know how to get friends. The ones I have I bonded with them over time and all of them are some sort of outcast like me. I don't want to die prematurely, because I lack strong relationships in life. Are there people here with similar stories? How did you evolve?

@bejapuskas that time will come, but not right now. I'm just starting with pick up, I haven't experienced an insight to transcend it. Also pick up makes me feel less attached right now. It's more that I feel like an alien in my college. I know I need mistakes, but I do experience fear of failure which sucks. I do see my overall growth improving, so things will work out naturally if I keep on track I think.

@28 cm unbuffed visualize your energy in your dick and balls to move up into your lower belly. breathing as if your longs are flames that grow more intense with every inhale. Then do something brave like comfort-zone challenges or try to do something like sports/excessive. Add some motivational music to the mix and you'll feel like a beast!

Week 12 The last weeks I didn't comment on my posts, but now I will. Tomorrow I will upload my Habit streaks for this week. Daygame Finally I see some growth in this work. It's feels I'm not on a plateau anymore with my attraction skills for now. A visual representation of numbers: Daygame insights: The more approaches a day, the more I get into the flow, the more chance of getting a number, the more fun. I take it with a grain of salt for now, because I can only speak for 2 instances. In week 9 en 13 I did 10+ approaches a day and I got 3 numbers in that time. The difference between 9 en 13 is my skill level. 3 out of 4 girls in week 13 replied at least once. One girl seems to be really into me and we chatted yesterday for the whole evening. She agreed to see me again, so hopefully she will be my first date. This week I noticed a shift in my conversation style. I was more playful, funny and creative and less serious and logic. Also credits to the Belgium pua's for inspiration. My success rate is higher if doing solo Daygame. This week I did 20 approaches. 10 yesterday and the other 10 spread over 4 days! A wing and I went to do approaches with a "stick" method. We gave each other 2 euros and if we saw someone to approach we needed to otherwise we would lose our 2 euros. It does work, but it's a external motivator. When I'm alone I have no distractions except my own thoughts. Daygame is similar to cold showers. I'm talking about the psychological challenge. I do cold showers for +- 2 years now and a couple months ago I got the ability to just do it, without resistance. I'm not immune to resistance, but I discovered that it is easier to flip the switch and do it. It still sucks and it's very uncomfortable, but now I can just do it. I expect the same from Daygame. I have to be patient and struggle a lot to get this ability. Text game isn't as difficult as I thought. I noticed my skill to be good enough, because the initial interaction went well. To me this opens a door to creativity and texting isn't to hard. I just need to avoid bad texting and focus more on infield game. Age is a big barrier. I'm 22 and most girls I meet are older then me. It's difficult to guess, because in Antwerp we have so much diversity. I really don't mind, but my smv can turn girls off. I want to make up for it with game. One girl flaked, probably because of a 7 year age gap. One rejected me, because of a 7 year age gap. I got tips for fellow pua's who are older and more experienced then me. One thing to say is ''So you prefer sugar daddies?''. The girl I text with is almost 3 years older and I tried this on her, but I also said that 25 is a beautiful age. My impression was doubt, but also insecurity about her own age compared to mine. She said that I didn't have my life together (I see this as a judgement, because she doesn't know all the self-development work that is internal, but I also agree with her). I took the frame by saying ''Life is about the journey, not the destination. '', this was the right move.

@Elisabeth unfortunately we don't have that. I'm considering psychological help. Currently I'm very goal oriented that also helps a lot. Btw I am going to meet self actualizers in Belgium next Friday, so that's the best support group I can have .

@zambize Thank you. You are right having friends just to fix me is not a smart move.

Habits streaks week 12

@Ampresus what you can do after reading a book is looking into recommended books and read one of them you really like or a book that you think is beneficial for you right now. Also don't worry too much about learning from books. You probably won't remember the majority of the content and this is fine. Just start to love reading. It can be very enjoyable and even meditative. Over time you will get wiser.

Watch out with thinking like this. If there is a moment you are going to feel weak or fake what do you think is going to happen? Will you be able to forgive yourself or will you beat yourself up for it? Maybe a "fake" person needs love and compassion so they don't have to act fake. If you look at the animal kingdom you will notice that being fake can help species survive. For example the hover fly looks like a wasp to trick birds. Isn't that a beautiful and intelligent invented by nature, or isn't it?

I personally try to transition from vegetarian to vegan. A big challenge you will face is social pressure, especially from (stage bleu/orange) family members. Unless you have a very thick skin. If you want to go vegan my advice would to transition slowly. For example have weekend cheat days for meats etc. and family parties. When you feel ready go vegetarian. Then apply a similar strategy to go vegan. This transition will also prepare your family if you see them often. Good luck!

So I haven't read all your post, but I get the impression that you focus too much on this issue. I am somewhere beyond 150 days of nofap now and I don't think a lot about it and I didn't since the beginning. Maybe focusing less on it will benefit you. You can try to post half of what you are doing now in this journal. You don't need to, but maybe this can help you? You say a strength of yours is trying over and over without giving up. I honestly admire this ability!

I recognise myself in your story. Whatever people say to to you, they want to help and say what they think is the best to do. In the end it's al about perspective. Follow your intuition, if your intuition says you need to do it, then do it. Live without regrets. Maybe there comes a time that you'll feel empty and don't need pick up any more, but you can only experience this by doing it. Good luck!

Habits streaks

Currently I have No-faped for 148 days. Keep it up guys, you can do it!

@ZenDancer hi Lucas. Currently I watch a little more then a couple of weeks ago, primarily because my internship stresses me out. I still watch a lot less then I used to. I never watch cable tv. Firstly I don't have cable and I don't want it at my student dorm. Secondly the adds on tv motivated me yo stop watching. I did instead switch to streaming services. If you want to reduce mindless tv start watching educational YouTube videos that don't strain your mind too much, like documentaries for example. Also give yourself permission to watch entertainment as a treat to an accomplished goal or only in the weekends. Over time your mind will adjust. So doing cold turkey isn't the best strategy for me in this case. Also lists like mine in this journal help a lot too. Good luck!

Week 11 So I realized that I have a weak vision for my future. Currently I want to become a life coach and help people with building beneficial habits and reducing bad ones, because currently I'm doing this myself and I think it helps to build towards a better future and self actualization. But something inside me says this isn't grand enough. I want my vision to be bigger and stronger then it is now.

@NilsFlair I did 3 times and my interactions were not to well. I will try it some more, because I might just ran into no girls.

Habits streaks of week 10 The previous streak post is week 9 So this was my first week without the Wim Hof method. I slept a lot more then I'm used too. normally I slept for 7 hours and last week it was 8,5-9 hours a day. I hope this strategy will help me with my internship. I only have 9 work days to improve. Honestly I'll be glad when I finish my internship and I'm looking forward to going back to school. i have some good news too. I really am enjoying reading every morning, more then I used too. When I started to read I didn't understand a lot of English words and I would get tired form reading. Now I don't feel as tired and go very rapidly. I currently read a 350+ pages book and I think I read 100 pages a week, so I burn through it very fast. After I finish this book I'll read the 3 system thinking books form the book list. Day game because of a priority shift I did only one day of gaming. I did 1 warm up approach and 10 approaches. This week I did more full approaches then I did in all the previous weeks except last week. This looks promising for my future. When I told the RSD dudes about week 9 one said that I did more approaches then most of them. I discovered that the group is a distraction for approaching. My biggest successes were without anyone near me. Also the weirdest thing happened yesterday. I was procrastinating on my approaches and when I tried to do my first my legs cramped massively and I have an injury. it's the same as if you over train. It might be because of the cold or it was a homeostasis symptom. I never had this before, never. Diet I finally cooked this beast! I wanted to do this 1,5 years ago. I finally did it and it tasted good, very different from what I'm used to. Finances I also came across this video. I think it useful. I'm very good with money so I didn't spend too much attention to it, but this is also part of the actualization journey. I also notice that I use a lot more spreadsheets in my life now.

Thx I will try this out, I like to be open about my emotions, but I haven't tried it when doing Daygame or general cold approaching people.

My Education So my last post was a bit too much. For the remaining two weeks of my internship I made some changes to my plan. I won't do 30 approaches a day, because it takes mental energy that I need to invest in my internship. Otherwise there is a big chance that I might fail it. I need to get my priorities handled first and that's my education for now. I also decide to take more rest by sleeping more. I removed the Wim Hof breathing method from my morning routine and replaced it with 15 min. extra sleep. I want to sleep an hour more at least. My goal is to sleep 9 hours. I really want to do Day game, but it being the cause of failing my internship isn't worth it.

Habits streaks of week 10

@JohnnyBravo What is wrong with being selfish? Honestly think about that. Right and wrong are ideas invented by people. I think eating animals is wrong in a western society were there is no need for it or people throwing stuff on the streets, because they are too lazy to walk to a garbage can. I'm not causing any harm to those girls and there are a lot of beggars and sales people that approach others on the streets, so it is not uncommon to be approached. Some girls don't like it, but some are really happy that I approached them. I won't force them and if I don't get a number then I can accept that and I wish them a nice day with a smile on my face. I don't want to do indirect game, because then it feels like a sneaky way to get what I want and my intentions aren't clear. I'm direct, because the girls know that I want when I talk to them and a man doesn't just compliment on appearance for no reason. I also got a lot more positive responses then 4, 1/5 of my approaches including warm ups result in a girl that feels feminine and radiating with happiness. I also am not interested in a romantic relationship at the moment. I sucked at it and it made me neurotic. Doing pick up is going to give me sensitivity to the feminine that I currently lack. People that say (direct) Day game or PU is wrong sound very judgmental, something I try not to be, because it can backlash. Sorry to disappoint you, but I will keep doing my thing and make progress. And thank you for trying to help me. Btw your nickname is very ironic . Today I got my firsts reply from a girl! The funny thing is that she gave me her business card and she didn't seem enthusiastic in the interaction so I'm very surprised .

My vision on actualizing The vision Right now I got the insight that I dabble a lot with self development. I want to teach/coach people how to develop themselves and actualize their potential up into the spiral. This can only happen if I'm a master actualizer and to become one I have to do deliberate practice. To become a master actualized person, visionary, sage I need to be able to see multiple perspectives. Mastering this is a little bit more complex then something like a sport, it is mastering multiple things. At the core it's mastering the discipline of my all around behavior and adjusting my behavior to achieve happiness. I want to work on building a stronger character and using this to lead people up on the spiral. It will be tough, but now I see there is no other way to live my life. Life is so amazing and we have so much opportunity for growth. I see life as a story, I want to reflect on my story to see my heroes journey in action. I like stories like films and games, but I want my own story to tell so I have to do this the smart way. I want to look back with pride, joy and no regrets. I want to be a superior man, a leader a visionary, a wise sage, an example for others to follow. As someone who always thought about himself as a hero I could be, it is my destiny to become this hero. A prophesy of my own making. For anyone reading this I probably sound very self absorbed and insane. I WANT TO PLAY THIS GAME WITH AL I GOT. Even if this is an illusion, a dream, I rather make it the best dream I've ever had and will have. Looking back Yesterday after writing my post on Day Game I got the insight that I have grown a lot, really A LOT! I read some posts of other actualizers and I was surprised that my discipline and will power have drastically improved. I reflected how I have grown. I made the choice to pursuit actualizing on June 2016, that is almost 3 years ago. Man that has gone very fast! I imagined that I could time travel to the second time I was to lazy to meditate, back then I meditated just for only 3 weeks. If I spoke with my 19 year old self and tell him that he didn't play video games, that he was able to approach random attractive girls on the streets, lose his virginity, have lots less social anxiety, feel energized, be independent, feel like a winner, be brave and have learned a lot about life if he just started to meditate every day without breaks then he couldn't see that this was possible in only 3 years time. How to approach this Currently I have morning routine and I practice getting out of my comfort-zone on a regular basis, but doing things the same way like my routine won't have much impact as deliberate practice. I now need to start connecting dots from all books and videos I read/saw and apply this strategically. Funny enough I think I'm very good at strategic games, so why not use this to my advantage? I can use my gaming experience and apply this on my own game, my life. THIS WAY ALL THAT TIME PLAYING WAS BUILDING MY FOUNDATION FOR THIS VISION, holy shit I just got this insight. WARNING! anyone reading this who plays games, don't use this as a justification, that's a TRAP! My biggest pitfall will be burning out, so I have to be smart and respect my limit. Over time my brain will rewire itself. Currently I'm at day 133 of no-fap and I pretty much have this under control. CHANGE IS POSSIBLE! I still have a lot of work to do to apply my ideas and building my life like this, but If you build stone by stone everyday then the house will become a reality in the future.