Marinus

@Christian Fortunately I do all those things! Maybe that has an impact to, socializing is something I'm working on right now. A normal workweek here is 40 hours, so it seems doable, but I agree that those other aspects need to be taken care f as well. I have little to no experience with relationships, but yesterday I did comfort zone challenges for the second time and that helps to care less about peoples opinions which will help me to take steps in my social life. @blacksapp Yeah I agree, but in my case I don't burn out. like to keep the weekend free for other stuff. @vizual Seems like I hit all those aspects, something I also apply is diversity, multiple study techniques a day, like reading and underlining, studying notes and watching videos on topics. @K VIL Thanks! How does studying make you resent life? @Serotoninluv I think that's right especially the latter.

@Shadz I know a lot of people that have the YOLO attitude, to me it seems that they use the distructive one as a justification, mainly with unhealthy eating. I like your view on the constructive variant, that is why contemplatingdeath is so effective.

@Ricky Walt Hmm maybe your heart rate is the influencing factor. I do planking and while doing this I need to stabilize a lot which makes my mind go wild.

@Ricky Walt Awesome, that's what I expected. Maybe a topic for an experiment (I study applied psychology) . Does it depend on the kind of exercise and what is your MBTI type (mine INFJ-t)?

How do you deal with chronic seriousness? I don't like being vulnerable and this is, because I always cried up to the age of 12. Since high school I suppressed my feelings and became very serious and stiff, I vowed to never cry again. I denied my sensitive nature and behaved inauthentic. I was bullied in high-school for my stiff walking which I think is the cause of suppressing my feeling. Of course I suppressed the feelings when bullied and appeared very serious and made out of steel. I got the nickname terminator. The bullying gave me a greater dislike for people, mainly males, because I was in a male only class. People around me notice me being too serious and told me about it. It even gave me a reputation at my next school and I appeared like the best student of class (which I was not). I didn't really had a girlfriend, because I'm very idealistic and detect faults and strengths in people. The faults get priority and this prevents me from making friends. I have a childlike side to me. The playful side buried underneath the steel floor. I like this side a lot and I think it's also very attractive, but it rarely comes up, sometimes when I'm with my true friends or when I'm in the flow. I noticed that when I like a girl, I get into this state of being, but I don't know how I do this or how I can get into this playful state of being. I also isolate myself a lot which doesn't help of course, but finding people I like is one of the hardest things in my life. I also don't really have a sense of belonging, except when I was a child, I used to be the leader of a group of friends and this felt good. I'm kind of scared of going down the same road, so I really appreciate the ideas you can share with me.

Yesterday I went to a festival in Antwerp organized by different student counsels in this city (I normally don't go to festivals). There were some fun activities, but also a stage with artists. In my opinion the songs were very low consciousness. I learned in college that almost everything people related is social psychology, so instead of partying I decided to observe people. My insight is that people (in this case students) like parties, because it makes them less conscious and alcohol makes this even more effective. The people behave very differently and I feel like an outcast there. The social boundaries from society seem to dissolve. So I really wonder, what is the core motivation of these people? Why would they wan't to do this? I myself am unable to do go with the flow of the masses.

@mathieu Me too, but since I started with this journey, I realize more and more that they are only deceiving themselves and that they are on the same boat as use, but only in a different cabin. Some people talk and talk to cover their authentic self and someone like me restrains their authentic self. If you look at it like that, then we aren't that different. @Leo Gura Since you introduced psychedelics in your videos I shifted my paradigm (because I had the same paradigm about drugs as many others). I'm open to such experiences, but I have a question. Is something like LSD safe to use when you are alone, or do you recommend a wing man? I myself am very careful so if you can do something like that alone then I'll be fine.

@mathieu Wow, I feel exactly the same. I'm very emphatic and I'm very aware about others around me and I can read them like a book. I have the same thing with enjoying something in public or with people around. I don't allow myself to fully enjoy and I punish myself for it in my mind and keep myself tight up. I recommend you to watch that video above your comment, it helped me to become aware of my ''Over Seriousness''. @Mad Max Thank you so much! I saw the video and I realized that I'm very immature about my own feelings and I that I have a low EQ (about the aspect of my feelings) which is a hard pill to swallow. I resonated with what the coach told. In my case, I take things to literally and perceive some things as personal attacks, like jokes. Last week I had a situation that made me appear awkward (which happened a lot in the past). It was a photo I made with some peers from my new class. In the background was a poster of Ben & Jerry's (Ice cream) and the teacher asked me what it was about (because I looked funny and I wanted to take the lead). I said ''It's B&J'' she asked ''yeas, but what is it?'' me ''It's Ice'' everybody laughed and normally I would take this personal, but fortunately this time I was glad to make the class laugh. I think this is a huge roadblock and I'm going to do some personal development work on this aspect of myself, but I won't take it to serious .

Thank you guys, I will be more open to these experiences when they arise. Maybe this was my way to separate myself from everyone else or something. I would like some psychedelic experiences, that might shatter my judgement about reality and everyone else in it or as how I perceive it as you would say. @Shiva That is a nice way of thinking I will remind myself of it when I do something I judge as unconscious. @Joseph Maynor I agree with you. @Leo Gura Maybe even better. @cetus56 That looks kind of awesome. @Amit This makes sense, it is my goal to do this, but apparently I was deceiving myself in that moment. @pluto I think Shiva is right, but I agree that the music (at this festival) was low conscious or at least retarded music. BTW I like colors.

@Nahm Interesting, it might indeed be huge opportunity, thx. @Brimstone Do you mean my own shadow? A sneaky desire to blend in or something?

Thanks for the replies, I feel inspire to start a new topic . Your right it's easier. I think I'm very stiff and I want to control the situation instead of changing my attitude. So basically my attitude needs some adjustments. Unfortunately I have a liver disease, but I get your point. I think I have a trunk in my ass though. Next time I'll try to loosen up a bit.

@Arman My paradigm of fun is different, that's why.

@sleeperstakes To me it is weird, because I feel comfortable within minutes, but my thoughts still come up. It's like I'm multi tasking. Maybe resistance has something to do with it, especially the cold showers.

@Siim Land Thanks, I shared it on my Facebook. Good job.

@Akshay I really underestimated this, but I agree that this is the most powerful way to change. Information is useful, but being self observant takes you away from theories and makes more in the moment. I'm still a rookie, but this helps and it also gives you more bliss at that moment. Eventually you'll realize that nothing can touch you and that is a powerful realization. I still deal with difficulties, because that realization isn't always with me in the moment, but practice makes perfect.

Alright I want to share my story with you! @Vitamine Water As mentioned; @Sarah Marie You helped me with my previous story; @Soulbass I thought you would be interested. Practice Yesterday I felt like I didn't want to do anything, because I had my first day at school which was fun, but drained me. So I practiced an astral projection technique: So I tried the gum technique with no success. I didn't expect to, because everything normally needs training. A while later I tried it intuitively and I fell asleep. After some dreams I woke up again at 3 am, this isn't rare, I wake up a lot, which makes remember my dreams. I felt pretty energetic, I was awake for half an hour I wanted to just live life. But being awake that soon will have consequences this day, so I decided to try (intuitively )astral projection again. To me this is a different form of meditation. The beginning It took me one hour, my experience makes me able to shut of my body and when I do that my sense of touch changes drastically, very pleasant. Often I thought I was finally in the astral realm, but that wasn't the case. I stopped trying and contemplated a bit about it. I tried again, but this time on my left side. It was 5 am. I did my ritual again and after a while I noticed all my senses being muted, this is also what I would describe as the meditative state while being successful at meditating. It feels like if you were an onion, you would normally feel like the peel, but in this state I feel like the core. So being half awake/asleep I felt the muting go deeper, like if a document is converted into another file. Two days earlier I experienced something which probably was sleep paralysis. That story: This time something similar happened. I sense it coming before it begins, so I thought, well lets give in to it this time. I felt presence again and my head felt like if it was a Rubiks cube: It is the same object, but it changeable which makes it appear different. Another reality Now the real stuff happened. I woke up and I felt weird. I felt on the ground and my sense of touch was so bad that It didn't hurt. I also heard a sound in the background and I couldn't hear the sounds in the environment. I thought , am I astral projecting? I looked at my bed, but it was empty. I was sad to see this, I thought the head shifting feeling gave me brain damage and that was the reason for the muted hearing and feeling. I tried to walk, but I felt and bumped often. It was like if there was less gravity. I walked to the mirror and I was shocked! I didn't saw my face, the face I was born with! I saw another man's face, the only similarities were my hair and eye color. My face was also slightly deformed. I was really shocked. To test if I was dreaming, I tried to phase my hand through the window after opening the sheets. I punched it. The only effect was a faint sound, I worried my neighbor would wake up. To test If this was real, I tried to find my penis. Fortunately I was a man. I tried to speak, but I couldn't, I wanted to wake up again, with no success, so I accepted my reality. I have brain damage and from now on this is how I will live my life. After that Things get blurry, maybe I walked to my bed again or not. Suddenly I woke up and I was so relieved. I couldn't believe this, My real body still exists, I was fine. I was so glad with this experience, I had lucid dreams before, but this was different. Still I can't think about anything else. This confirms to me that reality is indeed your own creation. I accepted a fiction within mere minutes, because it felt so real. It makes me think about being awake. Would enlightenment be the same scenario as this? Could life be a dream which is so clear that you wouldn't doubt it. This really changed the way I see reality. It brings me great joy to experience something so amazing! There were differences in my environment. In reality The sheets were already open, it was dark and there was less free space in my room. I wanted to try again, but I was so exited that I couldn't relax I only don't know if this was a lucid dream or an astral projection. Can someone with experience tell me their insights about this? Thank you for reading!

@Vitamine Water I meant onion (edited it). I didn't saw a cord, maybe, because I thought it was reality. The way I did it was mainly by body awareness and a little visualization. I think though that everyone has a different kind of trigger. My reality check didn't work with the window, maybe limiting beliefs in dreams prevent that.

@Vitamine Water Dude I discovered what my experience really was. It was a trigger for lucid dreaming or astral projection. I'm going to post my story and @ you there.

@Leo Gura If you know something about the connection of consciousness with dreams, then please read this. I just woke up and I experienced something very creepy. I'm very good at remembering dreams, but this very realistic. First I just dreamed, nothing special. I dreamed about a forest and a lake with lots of people. I was chasing a friend. Eventually I got him and I woke up. I was in a drowsy state and I had the idea to ask that friend (in my dream) why he ran away. So I got back in to my dream. I asked him ''Why did you run away?'' he said to me ''I was trying to protect you''. and then the creepy thing happened. Suddenly my head started to move in shocks ( in real life) and I heard something that sounded like barking, but a dog sounds different. The sound was inside my head! I also heard a mans voice, but I couldn't hear it clearly. It felt like there was a presence beside my bed and I thought there might be a criminal or man besides me. But I stayed calm and thought this was ridiculous. Whenever I think about it, chills get over my whole body. I am even scared to close my eyes. In an earlier dream today I was a burglar. This isn't the first time. I experienced another event months ago, but that time my whole body shook and my vision blurred for a couple of seconds. Lately I'm more involved with enlightenment, so I know that my experience is my own creation, this gives me some relief. In Leo's video ''the dark side of meditation'' he also talked about barking, but is this the same thing? Can someone please explain this to me? Otherwise I would be afraid to sleep again. I only experience weird shit while being in the sleep twilight phase. I also used to try astral projection, so that might be connected too.

@Nahm When I felt uncomfortable I thought about the fact that my perceptions are a creation itself so this made me feel at peace. I'm obviously not enlightened, but what people mean with your true nature, that has to be the very same nature of every individual right? I seek oneness and separation. It depends. Oneness with my perceptions, separation with my personality. The more I am in the moment, the more blissful I am. To me sleep is the most peaceful experience, because I don't have a personality that way. It made me think that sleeping might be necessary to be able to be. What are your thoughts on this?

Within 2 weeks I will be in a class full of girls. The last 6 years I only had guys in my class, so a class dominated by girls seems very intimidating to me. As you might guess I don’t have much experience with girls. In my previous class, we had some girls in class and they got a lot of attention. I wonder how this would be if it was reversed as in my upcoming situation, how would this be for the girls in such a class. Has anyone any experience with this or some advice to deal with this?

@Mad Max The short answer is yes. I am not experienced at all, but pick-up is not my style. My style is being authentic from now on. I discovered my problem, I think only about what they can do for me. And somehow I learned that I don't deserve affection, which is very contradicting. @The Monk To me girls feel like the unknown, because I lack experience. The funny thing though is that when I enter in an conversation with a girl I will be confident, if I don't expect something from her for my egoistic fulfillment. My problem is the classic ''break the ice'' obstacle. My subconscious is still used to the old way of thinking. By the way, today was my first day at college. I noticed the last days that I'm less worried about approval, because I'm more focused on truth. So today I wondered how this would effect me with all those girls around. In the beginning I felt uncomfortable, but when we had a college tour, I felt very masculine. The funny thing was that guys come to me, because we are the minority and they feel more comfortable that way. I actually felt very comfortable, more comfortable then when I had only guys around, does someone know why this could be? We also had a speed date session with each other and I made a confident impression, because I really felt that way. I learned that exposure is way more comfortable than expecting the worst. Thank you for your help anyway.

@Vitamine Water Funny you say that, because that was also how I named that experience. I think it might be, because my low resistance instead of the symbols. Take a look if you want to know my story a little bit better.

@Vitamine Water I had a similar experience before sleeping after being awake for 35 hours. I softly focused on symbols of the third eye and eventually I felt energies surging to my head and BAM suddenly I heard a PLOP followed by intense buzzing. My heart was beating out of fear like if I were sprinting. Alright, this means more research for me.

@Vitamine Water Wow, It is just so strange that a dream character caused this, because I made a conscious choice to ask him something. Thanks for replying, it gives me some relief.