Pallero

Hi! First of all, your emotions about marriage, relationships and kids are totally valid and understandable. Since your parents' marriage set a bad example, of course you don't want that for yourself! Who would? There's nothing crazy or strange about the thoughts and feelings you are having. I perceive a lot of shame in you, because you repeat over and over again, how you know that marriage/kids are positive things, but yet you feel negative to you. It's okay to feel this conflicted. It's completely understandable. I'm so sorry you feel that way. Hasn't your therapist assured you that there are masses of people who are feeling the same way? Because there are. Maybe a support group could be something you would like to consider? To feel like you are not alone. But I understand. Of course you feel alone. The nature of suffering is such that it tricks us into believing that we are alone. Simply put, this is the reason that you feel ambivalent about marriage. A part of you wants to get married, wants that closeness and connection, but the traumatized part of you obviously doesn't. It perceives relationships as draining, a burden, a threat and anxiety-inducing. Is he your therapist? In any case, falling for a married man in your case is probably the safest way, because he is not an option. If he is your therapist, there's another reason why he is not an option. Do you see how genius that is? It's unsafe for you to have a relationship but you have a desire to feel love so you fall in love with someone unavailable. That way your safety needs get met. But the need for closeness and connection unfortunately might not get fully met... This is likely due to the fact that when you were a kid, you felt sad, suffocated and trapped in your home. Ask yourself, how this might be true. (Hint: All kids are basically trapped in their homes, because they are dependent on their parents.) One more thing: What if a relationship is exactly what you need to heal your mental health issues? I hope this helps! Let me know if you want any clarifications about what I have written here.

Yes, that’s true. I didn’t take that into consideration. But isn’t it true that men feel vulnerable and exposed after ejaculation? Also true. I agree. I meant that there are suppressed feelings that are just as true as all the other ones and they are coming to the surface after ejaculating. Well, let the thread starter decide. He can try both methods and decide what works for him.

Just wanted to say that I’m loving this perspective and I agree. I was actually surprised to find this kind of post on this forum. Thank you for sharing. I would want to add something though. When you say “He also seems to have (unacknowledged) contempt towards his audience and people in general.” I would take it further and say that he has subconscious contempt towards himself. Or some parts of himself. If I was him, I would closely examine this self-hate and contempt. What happened that made him feel that it’s not okay to be unenlightened? I feel like there’s some sort of fear of confusion there. Maybe a belief, like “It’s not safe to be confused. Confusion equals death.” Maybe an unenlightened state is so threatening to him because he doesn’t want to end up like his parents. I don’t know but I hope that Leo is contemplating these things. The way we talk to other people is usually how our parents talked to us when we were children. So when Leo says things like, “You don’t understand, you’re unevolved, you just want your carnal pleasures, you’re the devil...” it really makes me wonder what happened to him. (The above was obviously not a direct quote. I’m simplifying here.) Also a comment to when you say ”it really shouldn't take dozens of 5-MeO-DMT trips to realize he's inauthentic” I disagree. I have found that it can sometimes be very difficult to become conscious of these things, especially if your whole spiritual practice is an escape from them. ? Expecting for this post to trigger some people... ?

Free will and no free will are both true. They are two different perspectives. Having a desire for awakening means it has been created for you. If you surrender, it happens.

Sex is a powerful release. It disarms you and opens you up. You have to be completely surrendered and intimate in order to have an orgasm. The reason that you feel bad after sex is that your real feelings are coming to the surface. How you feel after sex is how you actually feel about yourself and your life all the time, but you're suppressing it. So next time it happens, look into it with compassion. Sounds to me like you're depressed but you don't want to admit it.

He's putting more thought and work into each video. He can't release them as often, because they're so deep.

Okay, here's some questions for you to contemplate. When you got triggered, how did you feel? How did it feel to have someone nice and gentle say those things to you out of the blue even though you were perfectly nice to them? What kind of things is that out of the blue rudeness triggering? Surprise? Shock? Feeling betrayed? Helplessness? Hate? You can look into your past and ask how did that same thing happen when you were a child? In what situations did someone you trusted and thought of as nice and gentle spring verbal abuse at you even though you had done nothing wrong? (Hint: it's probably your mother or another primary caregiver.) And how did that make you feel? It's normal, if you don't remember anything at first. We tend to block those memories - that's why they remain undealt with and manifest later in life! This is a trauma that you didn't know how to deal with when it happened. That's why you pushed in into subconscious. But it's there and it wants you to look at it now. If you don't, it won't go away. You said correctly that your emotional issues will manifest just like you described. You know this to be true. They manifest, because the universe wants you to heal them and move on. I know it's not easy, but you can do it. I don't know how this will be healed in you, because there are many different paths. But if you set the intention to heal it, the universe will help you to heal it. The important thing is, don't treat this as something to fix in yourself. If you do that, it won't go away, because fixing is resistance. You're looking to allow it to heal, so approach this as an opportunity to understand yourself better and a chance to love yourself as you are. Hope this helps!

No. Do take it seriously. If you don't address it, it will get worse. This. Those confrontations are manifesting to make you conscious of your own self-hate. You need to address that.

I really liked the new video about the distinction between success and happiness, the addictiveness of success and the cultural illusion. I have been seeking success in my life as well. I have thought that getting a certain kind of job would make me happy (this was very important to my family). I have also thought that getting a certain amount of money would make me happy. I have been suspecting for a while that these things cannot really make me happy, and Leo's new video is making me suspect even harder to the point of giving up on these "dreams" (unless I forget this feeling in a few days and get sucked back into my old ways). How can I start seeing through the illusion of success? That success in not, in fact, happiness. I look up to successful self help gurus who seem very happy to me, very happy. How do I start questioning it? How do I see it for what it is, which is just addiction and that they're tricking themselves? Can successful people be happy too? It seems that in theory, why not? But in practice, why would they even seek the success if they were happy as things are? Yet some happy looking successful self help teachers seem to imply that they aren't really seeking success but that the success has manifested in their lives because they are so happy and let go of all resistance. Is this true? I'd love to hear your thoughts. I think this illusion of success has been making me confused about my life purpose for a long time, because I have been thinking that life purpose is something that has to be considered successful by others. What is life purpose anyway? So many questions...

You don't kill him. Watch this video. She explains why and how the possession by a fragment of your personality happens. What you do is you meet his needs and he becomes happy and then you're happy!

@Freakyboo Why don't you watch this video? Sorry, it's a bit off-topic, but this video is great.

Thanks for letting us know and I'm looking forward to it. ? Even though I'm a little disappointed, because I was looking forward to my Sunday (Monday) fix. ?

@brugluiz Have you watched Leo’s video “What is Art?”? But yeah, I agree with you. Leo’s style that he chose for his videos is quite specific and you rarely see him being sensitive, loving or soft. He doesn’t address many soft topics either. He likes talking about science, the society and stuff like that. And even if he does talk about something soft, he does it in a hard way. That’s why I watch Teal Swan and Lisa Cairns.

I really hope it’s about shadow work, but knowing Leo he’s gonna release a 15 minute video on shadow work, and this long one is going to be about some never-heard nanomicrophysicist’s never-heard particle consciousness theory. Sending love to our Leo.

I feel like time stopped and my whole life is on hold. It's still Sunday and I'm waiting...

No, it doesn't. It's very good that you've become aware of this fact. Beating yourself up doesn't get you anywhere. Like @Brittany said, we learn to beat ourselves up from our culture. We are taught that we have to force ourselves to do things that we don't want to do, to get to places where we don't even want to be, to please people we don't like. LOL When we beat ourselves up, we are working against ourselves, in resistance. It feels difficult and bad. This is not the fastest way to where you want to be. The fastest way is to work with yourself, not against yourself. Blame feels bad - that's resistance. But taking 100% responsibility always feels good and empowering. But you cannot take responsibility for something you are resisting and disliking, right? So don't force yourself. First try to understand those things. Look within and find those things inside yourself and look at them with compassion. Responsibility will come naturally. It's not something you do. It's something that appears naturally when you learn to love yourself and every possible person, behavior and circumstance that there could possibly be.

You're confusing responsibility with blame. It's very common. But the fact that you're 100% responsible for everything that is occurring in your reality doesn't mean you have to assign blame to anyone. In fact, assigning blame makes taking responsibility harder, which is exactly what's been happening to you. You can think of responsibility as ability to respond instead of react. Blaming someone is a reaction. Responsibility is seeing things for what they are and choosing an appropriate action to take. Don't blame yourself for not being able to take 100% responsibility. It's a hard thing to do. Requires very high consciousness. For example, if you have a problem with other people half-assing their work, the problem is that you have a problem with it. Look inside for the part within you that half-asses work. Learn to love that part and you will stop blaming others. Regarding equipment break down, how does that make you feel? Why is it not okay? Can you see the goal here? The goal is to widen your range of what you find acceptable so much that you will accept everything at all times and then taking responsibility becomes easy and natural.

I was just about to say, parts work is A-MA-ZING! It has helped me awaken more than anything else.

@Applejuice Very cool, congratulations! Keep working!

@Solace That was beautiful and amazing. Thank you! <3

I understood it like this: Concentrate on medulla (the point where the neck meets the skull at the back) while looking (with your eyes closed) towards the point between your eyebrows, but without straining the eyes. Then, if you see a light or hear sounds (or feel sensations, I might add), focus on them and try to hold the focus there.

Exactly. These people carry very deep emotional trauma. To believe that a whole (made-up) group of people is to blame for their suffering? These people carry so much pain inside them and they would do anything to make others see that pain. How could we help them?

@Slade Follow your heart and follow your bliss. Do whatever makes your heart sing, but don’t indulge in low-consciousness pleasures. You’ll know the difference by how you feel.

Not while doing mahamudra as I’m not that far yet, but I’ve had head aches from focusing on medulla during the concentration practice. I think they’re normal when the third eye is concerned. ?

@MM1988 If you don’t want an arranged marriage, be prepared for competition as you’re trying to find a partner and keep them. This concerns everyone. I myself looked for 13 years. Intimacy is not a right. It is a privilege reserved only for those prepared to work for it. And the work is extremely hard. Don’t expect any intimacy from an arranged marriage either. It is how it is. Why should intimate partners be handed out to anyone who wants one, like objects? No. Work hard, be humble and then maybe one day you get lucky. And this is how it should be.