Pallero

When you fall in love, none of these things matter. This conversation is pointless. Unless you're looking for something other than love. But only love is hard to find, sex is easy.

Ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who plays these kinds of games (and I mean both her and you). 'Cause the games would continue. Do you want that?

I have never liked small talk or been good at it. I have tried to fake it many times, because I thought that was what you were supposed to do on dates. But then I just got very annoyed and bored with the faking. I decided that the person who I'm meant to be with has to like me for who I am. When I was on the first date with my current serious boyfriend, I was actually really nervous, because I liked him a lot. Therefore what came out of my mouth was a mix of bad jokes, bizarre comments and tmi on my past and childhood traumas. I made like every imaginable social conduct mistake ever. The date was a blur of sweating, embarrassment and other emotions. Several months later we started to talk about our first date. He said he had thought that I was absolutely adorable and that he actually fell in love with my frankness and the ability to share deep stuff so soon. He's bad with small talk too.

If I follow the news, I get lost in the negative spirals of despair. That way I can't focus on becoming my best self to actually help the world. That is why I don't follow the news. That doesn't stop me from being curious about the world and life in general. I seek out information that is useful to me, but the news are seldom it. FILTER.

There cannot be any congruency, because there the inner/outer duality is an illusion. You could say they are always congruent. Everything you perceive "outside" is created by what you are projecting from the "inside".

I feel jealous, when I think that somebody is happier than me, because they have something I don't. Then I remember that external circumstances don't bring happiness. So no matter how happy the person seems, they usually aren't. This makes me feel better. ?

This is a good question. Are you asking questions, because you want more stuff to think about? 'Cause you're not going to think your way to enlightenment. On the other hand some amount of radical questioning is required. I guess you have to ask questions until you feel you have exhausted your curiosity and hit so many dead ends that you have to try something else.

Wow, major ego clash.

I loved this. I love Abraham Hicks too, and I felt like this was very similar to that, but without the peculiar vocabulary. On the other hand, the vocabulary lets you know that it's no ordinary relaxation.

Actually I ended up doing this today when I realized that I can choose the temperature that is uncomfortable but not painful. I made it work and felt so alive and energetic afterwards!

@ttm Where can I find a guided meditation that gives results like that?

I understand how cold showers are beneficial to health, but if I just want to get out of my comfort zone, I'll use something less awful. I'm highly sensitive, so a cold shower feels downright painful to me. I can't relate to thoughts like "this is stupid", "this is uncomfortable" or "this is cold". To me, it's more like "no fucking way!" and I'll be screaming like in the shower scene from Psycho.

This sounds so familiar! I was feeling like this for many years myself. I was crazy scared of men and in fact convinced that men are bad and wanted to hurt me, which came from some unfortunate childhood and adolescent experiences. I can tell you what happened then. I also believed that a relationship is something that would never happen for me. I was so scared and frankly just didn't want it. I was really confused about what I wanted and what I was scared of. It was painful to even think about all that so I tried to convince myself that I don't want it and don't need it. A few years passed in this pain and I was becoming more and more frustrated. I was miserable, jealous, angry and depressed. I couldn't talk to men, couldn't even be in the same room with them sometimes. Intellectually I understood that this was silly and something had to be done. When I couldn't take it anymore, I decided that I have to do something, anything to make myself feel better. In time, I finally admitted that I did want a relationship. It was hard to admit, but it was an important first step. I had a few positive experiences about interactions with men, which helped me to believe that maybe I could feel like that again. Then I just went out and sought out interaction with men. I would pick a male cashier at a supermarket et cetera. I noticed my uncomfortable feelings. I also started meditating. This wasn't easy and it didn't happen instantly. After a while I was ready to try dating. I created an online dating profile and went on dates with men. I was anxious, scared and even panicking most of the time, but as I noticed that nothing too bad happened to me, the experiences became less and less awful. I still remember what it felt like when I managed to have a short conversation with a male acquaintance without panicking. It felt like a major personal breakthrough. I got a lot more confidence and will to go on. The experiences with the opposite sex became gradually more enjoyable and almost as easy as it felt to talk to a woman. But even after I overcame most of my worst fears, it took me about two years of dating and learning about what I wanted from a relationship before I finally found one that I wanted to stick with. I met a lot of dishonest, shallow and rude people. I was surprised to notice that many of them were very scared, just as I had been. I lost my faith and found it again. Then I met my current boyfriend and fell deeply in love. What it feels like now was worth every nitty gritty nasty piece of emotional work I had to do to get here, and all the years of pain and suffering. So from my point of view, I would say the following things. There's nothing wrong with you. Everybody deserves and can find a loving relationship. There are no shortcuts. It takes a lot of work but it's worth it. Good luck!

Happy Valentine's Day! Don't worry. It's just another day.

There are several things you could do. It's a very good start that you realized that the voice is there. Chances are it's not there just when you speak to someone, it's there all the time. Try to go meta on the voice. Next time you hear it yelling, talk back to it. Question its opinions, beliefs and assumptions. Ask it: "Why should I be talking more? How do you know what that person is thinking about my smile, me or the way I talk? In fact, you don't know. You just assume and you could be wrong. Why do you assume that I'm not charming already? Why do you think that I have to smile?" And so long. In time, you (and the voice) will start to realize that the voice is not speaking the truth, it's just an opinion. You will also realize that you cannot tell (and neither can the voice) what the person you are talking to is thinking about you. It can also help to notice that the voice can be contradicting itself. Its opinion can change depending on the situation and your mood. You will realize that it's not a reliable source of information. The less you trust it the weaker it gets. Although at the beginning it might feel like it's getting louder. That's because the voice - your ego - is trying to protect itself. It doesn't want to be quiet. It likes yelling. But you are always, infinitely, stronger than it. Meditation will really help you notice the self-talk, listen to it, question it and quiet it down. When you are quiet, use positive affirmations like "everything is OK", "this is going very well", "I'm calm and content" or anything else you want your subconscious to believe. Don't yell positive affirmations back at the voice. They will upset it and it will yell even louder, get really pissed off or start to cry. Although that helps, it's not that smooth transition that you want. Finally, write. If you like. I found this tool really helpful. When the voice starts yelling, take a pen and paper and write what it's saying to you. Don't leave anything out. Write all the nasty, belittling and horrible words and phrases it says. Then read what you wrote. Ask yourself "Would I talk like this to a friend? Why not? Then why am I talking like this to myself? Do I believe I need to beat myself up? Why? Do I believe I deserve it? Why?" And so long until you get to the root beliefs and causes. Usually at the bottom of everything is something like when you were a child, you weren't loved unconditionally. But it won't help you until you realize this for yourself. Good luck!

@Jofishy66 I agree with the others who asked you to stay. I'm sure that it will be of interest to many to discuss the things you mentioned. You can discuss anything that is relevant to self-development. Whatever helps, right? And there are many people on this forum with different stories. You don't have to agree with or understand everything Leo says. Self-development is about asking questions and finding out what is best for you. This forum is a great opportunity for you to do that.

You could say that both of them are theoretical, but psychology is more practical than philosophy. Although there is also something called practical philosophy. I don't know about psychology, since I haven't studied it, but I guess you learn how the human mind and brain works, as least according to the recent studies. You learn about emotions, neurosis, psychosis and different mental diseases. You also learn about human interaction, although that is more social psychology, which is yet another field.

But what if the game charachter realized that he or she was in a game? Couldn't the rules be broken or rewritten? When enlightenment happens, what are the perceptions of 'hand' and 'wall' like? How about the perception of 'solid'? But if there is no 'me' or 'my body', on what level is there 'atoms' and 'matter'?

Oh. Minor disappointment. But is there really blood in my veins? Isn't genetics just another belief? And even if there is, doesn't human body create new cells all the time so that I could technically be without that burden by the time my body regenerates? Where are the historical and genetic beliefs stored?

But that sounds good! Are you sure you know what a sociopath means?

No, psychology is a different subject. Psychology is a science that strives to understand human mind and behavior through empirical study. Philosophy (the word literally means 'love of wisdom') is not a science. It's a lifestyle. No, but Philosophical conclusions are reached and theories constructed by e.g. logical reasoning, argumentation and in some cases other methods, but not so much the study of the physical world. Philosophical questions don't have answers. Leo, I think, has studied both in some form, and uses their combination. A philosopher, who is interested in relationships, would probably ask what a relationship is, what components does it have and why do people have different relationships. But he wouldn't go out to interview or observe people like a psychologist. Instead, he would just think about it. As such, it wouldn't be under any specific area that I listed. It would be under all of them. You could think about metaphysics of a relationship, a relationship as a part of society, the ethics of a relationship et cetera.

That's interesting. What do you mean? Did you want to intentionally cause others harm? If so, what kind of harm?

It's normal for your ego to get depressed when its perception of reality is challenged. It can get fearful, angry, sad... you name it. But nothing bad will happen to you, trust me. Depression is just an illusion. Maybe you can watch one of Leo's videos about depression. Or look up what Eckhart Tolle says about this subject. He always makes me smile.

It sounds like you weren't really confident. When you are really grounded in who you are, you don't care about the opinions of others, alienation, loneliness or fear. It sounds like you were moving in the right direction but got scared and quit. There are no downsides to confidence or self-esteem. When you are doing your own thing, feelings of loneliness are unavoidable. But later you realize that they were just withdrawal symptoms.

I would say, become enlightened and then ask those questions again.