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Am I wrong?

@Outer I think many dictionary definitions are limited in perspective. By special I mean that feeling of fulfillment.

@ajasatya I absolutely don't! But I have realized that expecting something extraordinary as a result of personal development is futile and now I'm left with this really plain reality, which I also don't seem to be having any control over.

What in your mind warrants qualification?

Just an insight I had...

As I meditate, I can't help but notice how unshakeably stuck I am in my perception, and how much suffering it causes. Why is that? How do I break it? How can I be more persistent than myself? Or is enlightenment necessarily produced by an "external" factor? Please offer your different perspectives!

So I took DMT a few days ago and it was a very powerful experience, however the next day, I began to detach from reality in a way that seemed like ego death. And it was not good. I feel like I've lost something vital in the trip, a part of myself. I don't think I was an egotistical person at all, in fact I very much valued personal growth and felt so full of life. Now I just feel damaged. Is this just a phase? Am I not supposed to feel like myself? Please help me if you can... P.S: I am 100% sure that it was real dimethyltryptamine. Also I am in no way discouraging the use of psychedelics, I have watched all of Leo's videos about them and read a lot about how much people have accomplished with them.

So I took DMT a few days ago and it was a very powerful experience, however the next day, I began to detach from reality in a way that seemed like ego death. And it was not good. I feel like I've lost something vital in the trip, a part of myself. I don't think I was an egotistical person at all, in fact I very much valued personal growth and felt so full of life. Now I just feel damaged. Is this just a phase? Am I not supposed to feel like myself? Please help me if you can... P.S: I am 100% sure that it was real dimethyltryptamine. Also I am in no way discouraging the use of psychedelics, I have watched all of Leo's videos about them and read a lot about how much people have accomplished with them.

I have always been able to guide myself so I was confident. I underestimated the consequences, but it doesn't matter now, as I appear to have gone through at least partial ego death and I'm beginning to adjust. My perception has been completely rearranged and it turns out I didn't know myself anywhere near as well as I thought.

@Little Plant I am very grateful for your aid! I'll try to describe myself: I am a 17yo male and I have suffered from self diagnosed bi-polarity/depression and ADD throughout my life, but that's also the time I became more spiritual in nature and I've been making lots of progress lately. I am very open minded and I think I could be an old soul if such a thing exists. DMT is my first real psychedelic but this was the second time I properly used it. The first time I got really scared but I knew it was all part of the process. This last trip was borderline breakthrough: everything lost its name and I no longer recognised my surroundings, I felt like I existed on many different levels and dimensions at once but I still couldn't comprehend most of it. The real shifts began happening the next day and it's been hard to adjust. I felt like I had finally found my place in the world and was quite grounded but now my notions are erased and I'm lost again - I don't know who I am or what I want and I feel alone for the first time in my life.

@Kloof I'm glad you understand. For me, it's this dilemma: "How can I know if karma even exists? But I can't just hope it doesn't, what if it does? What am I supposed to do then? What is right?"

What is conscience and what is its connection to consciousness? Specifically, does either listening to it or disregarding it affect the quality of consciousness? Should you just steal and lie to become successful?

We have to eat, sleep, we forget, we're petty and superficial, everything we do and think is meaningless. When things are going "well", we fool ourselves into thinking life is "good", when in reality, any moment could turn into suffering. Why does the universe exist? We don't think about it, because we're so immersed in it, so distracted by it, and because there is no answer. Logic follows - if one doesn't see the point, then for them, there is no point. I could kill myself, but how can I know "I" will not be reborn? How can I know anything at all? So I can't do anything about it, what am I supposed to do then? Why the actual fuck do I exist and what am I supposed to do?

@Nahm That's actually how I came up with the idea: I looked in the mirror and decided to call that person "him" instead of "me" - instantly noticed a difference.

^ to become more detached from your ego.

I contemplated on it and came up with this: Quality of consciousness means how good it is at being.

@Spiral By success I mean achieving a goal you have set. For example, if your goal is not to starve, does it matter whether you steal food or earn for it other than what your conscience tells you?

@Spiral How? Can't only the ego be hurt?

Yes, we all know about moralization at this point, but is conscience just another part of the ego? What would an enlightened person's thought process be if they would need to lie, steal or kill? And if they wouldn't do any of it, then why?

@Nahm I don't remember. I think so, but they were all temporary states. Also egotistical things.

It's not about feelings. They don't matter and nothing else does either. I know what I say applies to me. But I see the same shit in everyone, and I suspect we're stuck on an eternal cycle of existence from which there's no way out.

I am not depressed. In theory, death is perfection - so why live?

I'm probably just creating these threads for attention. I'll just become a monk...

I just want to clear this up: I am not being pessimistic, but rather, I'm existentially exhausted and feeling rebellious in the sense that I don't want to be a part of any of it, not even spirituality. I guess what I really wish for is to REST. Not sleep-rest, more like die-rest. I want eternal peace.

Are You speaking of god? I can't know anything, so all I have is confusion. How should I know what I'm supposed to do?