Pelin

My husband got a job offer from Singapore, which is like 13 hours by plane so the other end of the world for us. It looks like I could find a job teaching English there as well, so we're considering moving there, and in theory never return to Turkey again. It's a big decision to make, and of course we have some concerns. One of the biggest concerns is family. We haven't told anyone besides my mother-in-law yet, and she didn't take it very well. She's always saying, put your family first, you can't come over when there's a family crisis/funeral etc, I want to look after my children and so and so on. She's going nuts (her other son also lives abroad but it's 3 hours by plane). I know my mother won't be that hysterical, still I love my family and don't want to upset them, but I feel like we need to move on. In Turkey politics is corrupted, although the constitution seems to be secular, more and more it's moving towards an Islamic society and is becoming unbearable, employers are exploiting the employees, giving them ridiculous salaries and have them work way over 8 hours. Streets are not safe, I wouldn't prefer to raise kids here. On the other hand, it's the land that I was born in, and considering I have worked in the two top institutions in Ankara and they probably won't hire me back, if I need to turn back, I'll have to work in a worse place. So will my husband. We are so confused. My instincts always say "go". I left my hometown and my family without a doubt, but it's just one hour by plane. This is a much bigger decision to make. Any suggestions on decision making process? I would also like to hear your experiences of moving to another country and if there's anyone living in Singapore, I would like to hear your thoughts as well.

@Naviy Thanks a lot. Social atmosphere is why I don't want to return to Turkey if I leave. It's like this part of the world has always been full of conflict, even before the beginning of history. I feel we carry all of this in the subconscious of the society. I'm really happy that you made the move and you're happy about it. We applied for a visa and my husband signed the pre-contract. I think I'll still be in TR for a few months but hopefully I'll move there and find a job in the new year.

I tell people that I believe in God and usually end the conversation. It's not a lie really, but what I understand from the word is quite different from the mainstream theism. Although I can't express it clearly, I believe there's a universal order in the chaotic way of things. when I say I believe in God and fate, they don't inquire more. btw, any word you're using misrepresents your ideas, so don't dwell too much into it or you'll miss the essence. Sometimes you feel something and can't word it, and it's okay. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

@Key Elements Thanks a lot for your recommendations. I've watched Leo's Spiral Dynamics talk but haven't read the book yet, will definitely check it out. My husband is quite good at investing, but maybe I should get my hands on it, too. About passive income, I have a blog (on minimalism, mindfulness, consumerism etc) which I'm planning to expand and monetize in the future. Right now I'm just writing once a week and I may need to learn more about blogging, e.g. how to expand it, monetize it without flooding with ads and make it bilingual. If I can't find a job immediately, I will consider it. And maybe with my adventures it will grow bigger. Thanks

@Huginn I don't think it's realistic to hope an ending with a positive message from GRRM. His intention was never to give messages other than that it's a chaotic world and nothing is as seems. I really understand your emotions though. I've known some people who are obsessed with some sort of fiction or RPG games. Consciousness is the best solution in my experience.

I always thought it's a game of ego really. It's fantastic and exaggerated at some points, but much more realistic than Harry Potter or LOTR kind of fantasy. Reasons why I think A Song of Ice and Fire is great: 1. You get to see ego at its finest (Cersei, Olenna etc) as well as what I call the monk state (masters, Samwell Tarly etc) 2. There is no purely good or evil character. 3. Fate is what you make it but not always. 4. Karma works in ways we can't fully understand (in fact what Leo talked about in an early video about Karma matches very well with Cersei and Jaime's state of mind in the last episodes.) I remember that Leo said he saw fiction as a waste of time, so maybe that's why he included GoT in this frame of thought. But I do believe in the power of literature and story telling as a part of personal development.

Boiling eggs is so simple! Soft-boiled eggs with tomato and beans (you can cook or buy canned) can be a great meal any time of the day.

@AleksM thanks. I'll definitely check them out. When I listened to Cannon I thought she meant indigo and rainbow children too, but those words are way overused and I feel they've lost their meanings and connotations. Starseed though is a very new concept for me. I will definitely look further.

Reincarnation has been the closest to a belief that I hold about our existence here on Earth, when I was a child I always thought about it. Not as much now, but today, I've come across Dolores Cannon and her work. She was a hypnotherapist and in her sessions she just couldn't ignore all the patients talking about past lives and she compiled all the info, wrote lots of books. In one of her books she proposed the idea of volunteer souls. After Hiroshima, these souls (free of karma) volunteered to come to Earth for the first time in three waves. The first wave is the baby boom generation, born after the war. They were kind of lost here, so although they have jobs and raise a family, they feel they don't belong. They get depression and sometimes commit suicide. The second wave, born somewhere in the 80s (she says it's difficult to draw a line) were a bit luckier. Their job is to only be, and raise the energy and frequency. She says these people heighten the spirits when they go into a place by just being in there, but they feel so uncomfortable that they prefer to stay at home, work from home etc. if they find a similar soul they get married, but probably won't have children. The third one is the children of today, mostly geniuses although some are misunderstood and diagnosed with ADHD etc. She said these children have different and better DNAs, and are probably the saviour of the Earth. Now I hope you will keep an open mind and tell me what you think. When I listened to her I thought about Leo being in the second wave, and also myself. Especially because as much as I hate to be in a room full of people, I am always told I raise people's spirits. I'm also sceptical of course. Want to hear your ideas about this. Anyone having a similar experience? A small talk by Cannon, longer ones can also be found on YouTube:

@ajasatya thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think we should struggle a lot before reaching somewhere. You are right about making a decision every moment. (Loosely related, but I've got to share as I've been thinking about it a lot lately. There is this scene in Eyes Wide Shut, when the main character understands everything and when he goes to talk to his friend about it, the friend talks him out of it when he exactly knew he was telling the truth. I sometimes feel like this, that I find something worth considering, then all the other distractions come in the way and I deviate from it and forget about it.)

@username back to your original question, Academia, as I observed, is full of ego-fighting. Sometimes you can't even choose your area of study, and your advisor sometimes just uses you as another reference to their studies. If you find a great advisor who has the same interests as yours, then it might be worth a shot at least doing a master's or a doctorate degree. Working at a university is another issue. You'll have to compete like you're in a horse race. If you're not the competitive type, you're surely going to suffer. Being a research/teaching assistant may suck, but eventually finding a department to work as a professor may be worse. People are always trying to get to the top and it's very tiring for a person like me. All the stuff that I mention though says nothing about the love of science. I believe working deeper in mathematics or medical mathematics will expand your consciousness. But it will have a cost if you try to get by in the world of academia. I now work as a plain instructor at a university and teach academic English. I actually had the intention of studying further, especially in the sociolinguistics or anthropology area. And as an undergrad I took some grad courses, published a study in a book on social anthropology and did a number of studies. But eventually I decided against being an academician as I saw all the bullshit going on there. And I decided to work at the university as an instructor, but not as an academician (I don't know if your country has a division like that. In my country, there are instructors who do not have to carry out research, they just teach classes around 20 hours every week. Professors though usually teach 6-12 hours, they have advisees and carry out and publish research all the time. I don't work and earn as much as a professor but I have all the time and resource at my hands to research whatever I want). I'm really happy about my decision.

@Galyna check out openlibrary.org . They work just like a library so you borrow e-books for a limited time. I don't know if they have the books you want but it's worth checking out.

@MissMiki That makes me feel better.. I can't stop listing my interests when someone asks and some people just think that it clashes with my view of minimalism (like I own few possessings and no motivation to buy new stuff) as if I need only one thing to pursue.

I think the problem lies in the wrong solution? What made you think start making friends- with an identity who is not you- is better than playing video games? This is just the opposite of what Leo was suggesting. If you want to quit video games, you should do it without clinging to another habit. He suggests you simply should do "nothing". But if that's too hard (still hard for me and I'm still recovering from the video game addiction) there are lots of good habits you can start instead of using a fake personality and trying to make friends, which, in fact, never turns out well. You can start jogging, crafts, reading more about your interest topics, join a community where you can be yourself (it can even be a fantasy/video game community for starters. You can share your ideas about video games' relation to real life in an authentic way.) I personally think video games are sometimes a delusion for what we really want to achieve in our lives. Like you suggested, you can be an eternal hero, kill whomever you like, create your world and so on. Because you have nothing to lose, right? If things turn out bad, you can restart. Real life is not like this. To be a hero, first of all to save yourself, take lots of lots of courage. So if you consider life as a game, play it wisely and bravely.

This morning I had no intention of keeping a journal. One about self-actualization, no idea. Yet, I am here starting this journal, and hoping it goes well. I am a teacher and in my new school my schedule changes each semester, I can't help it. This semester I am teaching four hours every afternoon, from 12:30 to 16:30. That messed me up pretty badly. Before this job I used to have a more or less 9 to 5 schedule, which at least didn't allow me any chance to change my sleeping and eating habit. Now I find myself sleeping from 12 am to 9 am every day, at my best till 8 am. I wake up totally unrested, play some video games during breakfast, take a shower and then leave home at around 11:30. The lunch which I used to have around 12 is lost now, and I substitute it with nuts and yogurt sometimes. When I get home at around 5, I am totally exhausted, still motivated to cook some quality dinner. This is my favorite time of the day, making and having dinner with my husband. Yet sometimes I am so full that I can't find the energy to tidy and clean the kitchen after myself. Here goes my day. On Sunday while I was watching some video on Minimalism (that's one of my goals for a year now), Youtube presented me Leo's video on mental minimalism. That's when everything started basically, while I was ironing-watching people's videos on minimalist bedrooms. Sure I've had my share on self-improvement-related books and people, but I found Leo's voice and attitude really powerful. And I do believe I can myself and therefore my world. That change begins now, 22:21 local time. 31/05/16 This morning I had the alarm set at 8 o'clock. After countless snoozes, I woke up at 9. My sister is staying over for a week, so before she woke up I baked some bread rolls for us. After breakfast, I played some games on tablet and then took a shower. Before I knew it, it was time to go to work. It's the finals week, so less work for me, more work for the kiddos. After work, I met up with my sister and an old friend, we spent 2-3 hours chatting and lying on the grass. When I got home, after dinner I remembered I came across Leo's video on Sunday and digged up the forums. I realized I have some goals but they are quite vague.. I also realized that I didn't spend any of my energy towards my goals. Maybe they are too material, but I believe they will make a difference in my life. First, I would like to abandon my only addiction, video games. If I weren't playing video games, I would read the books that are piling up on my to-read list. If I read more, I would be more motivated to write, which makes me closer to my life-long dream, writing books that people fall in love with. And starting from last year, I want to make more effort on buying less and living with less. I really care about this and I will continue to make an effort to simplify my surroundings. So the list of goals: 1- Kick the video games addiction, 2- Read more books (set a number per month/season/year) 3- Write more (set a number of sentences/paragraphs/pages maybe) 4- Live a simpler lifestyle. (set more concrete objectives) 5- have a sleeping and eating pattern that can be applied everyday Let's see how it goes

September 27th. The month September passed very quickly, I was mostly at home or at my mother-in-law's due to her operation. I got interested in handwriting and ended up buying 2 fountain pens. And my father-in-law gave me two of his so I began accumulating ink and all. I don't know if this curiosity towards everything is good or am I just distracting myself from the real deal. However, I really like the mindful practice of writing with a fountain pen. As for my goals, I actually made a list for myself to stay on top of them before 2017. Here it goes: I wonder if I ever will finish all of these. But hey, maybe not finishing will show me that I shouldn't set too many goals in the first place. We'll see.

Acceptance is a long road. A lifetime even, so do not give up if it doesn't work out next time. Just try again and again, and I am really happy to see that both of you are willing to work it out There are many couples we see everyday,like my grandma and grandpa (aged 95 and 98) who are still trying to change each other! A lifetime wasted, in my opinion. Time more than 75 years was not enough for them to accept each other for who they are. The earlier we start to love each other with every flaw (of course I'm not talking about physical and emotional violence), the more we can start to bear the fruits of a nurturing relationship. About detachment, while too much attachment to the degree where you don't know yourself is clearly not desirable, too much detachment may turn into a lack of genuinity, so it is a very delicate balance in my opinion.

I agree with most people, moving out seems like the best option. While I feel how much you care about your mission and life purpose (and youtube channel for that matter), don't forget Maslow's hierarchy of needs. First, you need to earn some money to sustain yourself. Until your channel starts to provide passive income, get a part-time/full-time job, if you are a student look for dorm options/scholarship options. I used to babysit and give private lessons while I was a student. It paid decent enough to live free of debt. Observing children provides lots of insight and tests your patience as a bonus! There are lots of other options out there. When you earn some money, it will help with your self-esteem and self-confidence, too, because you won't feel dependent on anyone. You'll also improve your channel by buying professional equipment or reaching out more products etc.

The only time when Leo does not resonate with me is when he talks about gender. It is way too western for me, way too patriarchal. Not to mention the lgbtq fellows are never considered. I find this "how to be a man" video too close-minded and culture-specific. Sorry Leo. BTW, in Turkish culture it wouldn't be very wise to fart in public regardless of your sex. And my husband can't take a shit at another house, while I have no problems. Connotations of actions are very much oriented around the society. If we want to be genuine, we need to release ourselves from labels.

@Clayman I do understand you need money to maintain your life and sometimes just following your passion is not enough to earn a living. My aunt loves painting and she's been painting for like twenty years now, she sold only a few paintings and most of them were bought by family members. But she is very fulfilled, she broadened her horizon, she gained different perspectives. There are millions of examples like that. But just earning money doesn't bring you to the point where you follow your heart's content either. You can get caught up in earning more and more and forget the first goal quickly. How about setting "being financially free" or "setting up a business" or something that you want to do as your goal? That way money won't define you. And sometimes, believe me, there are lots of ways other than money that will come along, and you can achieve your goals even without it. Working hard and consistently is the key.

As for every goal, we need to know Why we want to achieve it. If you just want to be rich, then it won't work and I have seen lots of people in my life who went for the money and failed miserably. Work out the reason, then money will be your tool. Also consider: (for any goal) what would be the difference in my self-respect, self-esteem and life quality if I achieve it? Can I improve these without the goal that I set? What are the other ways? Can there be some hidden disadvantage of achieving this goal?

A lot of things have been happening in my life, but regardless, I have been making a lot of progress regarding my goals. I guess I am internalizing them and starting to see the real value. 1. Simplicity and minimalism. Minimalism is starting to affect my whole life, not just stuff. Recently I've been contemplating a lot on slowness, stillness, and minimalism of thoughts and actions. The mindfulness that comes with it... Ohhh... 2. Self actualization. That same mindfulness is starting to affect everything. I see everything with a new light now. I am learning to judge less. Even judging the judgers less, that is more difficult. Trying to understand my hormones and emotions. Fear, especially. I am still trying to understand fear. 3. Writing My baby blog, the minimalist journal, is slowly and steadily gaining more audience day by day. I also started to contribute to a site called www.bayart.org, which is a collective blog on mindfulness and meditation. I love the sense of community there and it affected my blog traffic positively as well. I also found a community of creative writers on Facebook called Ninja Writers, and the encouragement there has really helped me sit down and continue my novel. I still don't know how I will bring it all together, but the fact that I am writing again makes me feel fulfilled. After three months of a goal setting process, now I see that my goals are pretty much interrelated. My search for minimalism led to mindfulness and soulsearching, and that led me to my passion for writing. Very neat!

I feel you @Artur . I have similar relationships in my life and sometimes we are weak and we judge people, especially if their behaviour invades our comfort zone. It is very hard not to judge. Yet we need to learn how not to judge with practice and practice. But as self-love is about acceptance, love towards other is also about acceptance I believe. It is paradoxical in nature but you can only improve if you accept yourself and you can only help her improve if you accept her as she is. Listen to her carefully. Even if she interrupts, hold yourself, don't interrupt. Just mention that being interrupted bothers you next time. Try to listen more though. Think about the therapists, they just ask the right questions and from then on, they listen and listen. They never lecture. Please don't lecture your girlfriend, don't ever say stuff like "you're not conscious" etc. That I found out very destructive, people get really defensive and resist change. Just try to set an example, most people mirror the behaviour of people they have close relationships with. This is what is happening in our 4-year-old relationship. I have become so conscious about some things thanks to him, and he has become much calmer since our relationship started.

"Life has no purpose because I'm gonna be enlightened and see that it has no purpose" is not a genuine response to me. Have you got any idea what enlightenment is like? Once you experience you can have a say about it. Info especially around 2:30, the one about ego gratification might be useful to you.

@Jelly_Shades I like the idea a lot. And I would like to see it maybe in the same triangle, like the right side is intrinsic and left is extrinsic. And for me dealing with theory came first. Idealizing and concept making, meh, so so; but dealing with fear still happens everyday. And the fear is mostly about performing and sharing. So if you decide to somehow link this into your life purpose, like you study psychology or something, you can do lots of research on it to test the credibility