governor

mal--that makes much more sense.i misunderstood. could use just go ahead and define this word for me please so I don't have to go look it up?

"embody the teacher"-shit mal-that seems a little extreme :)-are you suggesting people should pattern themselves after someone else?

well, I kinda wanna hear from you on this topic-I mean after all you brought it up. what do you think?

well shoot-now i'm wondering what you have to say about the subject... perfectionism seems really safe ...problematic in lots of ways... perfectionism is one of my favorite things- also causes me massive problems . its a crazy interesting subject how about you?

I am surprised i'm about to say this but -leo has an all right video about it also brene brown has some ok ted talks... but what is it your asking? it's exhausting ,kinda silly, problematic, are you having problems with perfectionism?

let me think about that statement for a while! i mean honestly i'm still thinking about something mal said but i won't ask about it because i don't want to be rude...it's exhausting...maybe thinking to much is what "creates" this loop type feeling...idk... i do know i like the way the dirt feels under my feet, and the way the sun feels on my face ...maybe that's enough ...maybe i should be outside right now... i hate this trapped feeling...it's exhausting sorry about the negative comment at the end...i REALLY appreciate your time...thanks...

oh crap--I just realized what this will eventually come around to ... they say my "trigger" seems to be perceived weakness, so at some point I will have to speak to weakness, see what his deal really is instead of reacting to shut him the hell up....

hey, so...this big mind meditation is interesting ...there is a famous nuero scientist who I use products from, and he says basically...if your having symptoms its really hard to (basically) fight and change at the same time----the thing is these patterns ( of dysfunction) are so effective the easiest way to get a different message thru is to deliver it thru the symptom...am I explain this in an understandable way? anyway-so in this big mind technique it almost seems usable to me...I had never come across this before... I think I will start using this...I think this might be helpful...Idk...I "shouldn't" say this but...f*ck it "couldn't" make things any worse than here-they already tell me trauma is coming out on its own (even tho I tried to tell them for years that I didn't feel well)... but I can kinda tell when i'm seperating now days so I think speaking from dissociation might go kinda like- who are you , what do you do, what do you dissociate from, why...because it hurts ( ahhhhhhhh)...well then let me speak to hurt-- so on and so forth...

to be honest I don't agree or disagree with any of you at this moment...but on the surface at least I had also thought this sounds almost like controlled disassociation. but then again so does the big mind technique. idk . could it be that a person could use the disassociation to actually be a benefit? but the again it would have the potential risk of becoming unmanaged again.

I'm guessing this "something other than that" is whatever you make it to be? or am I not understanding what you're saying?

I have not-but thanks I'm sure I will take a look at that....I am glad for you (honestly)---

well- be careful out there-- all I know is the sunshine feels good and I definitely like that ....that's all I appreciate your time .

well-it is true everyone is on their own-don't care about that. irrelevant. it's a very proud, controlling thing for me to say this but...over the past thirty some years I haven proven anything is possible if you just find a way... every time "they" say you'll won't be able to accomplish this - "they" always end up down the road saying wow, something seams to be working for you. they say it's impressive...I try to tell them it's only desperation... I can't fail my children...not an option...no matter the cost...wow, that's messed up when I write it! anyway... I will find a way ....maybe you will see me on the other side...we'll see...but only if I get off this stupid internet and stop wasting time .

yea,for getting off facebook-those sites are so incredibly damaging-it seems like just another place where the negatives are so concentrated, so it's hard to manage its effects....idk... is that what you're doing? I'm a little worried for you....is it because he can make a girl squirt? lol ha ha ha ha sorry! I'm just rude like that

hey, do any of you have any thoughts or tips about repressed emotions? (I know leo has some videos on emotions and specific ones too!) I've been working all work on repressed memories.a counselor and I were chatting about memories and asked me "where do you put your bad memories?" It was a shocking question that I finally had to answer with "I'm not sure" she suggested maybe you should try to find out. So I found them,but I don't think they're repressed memories,they're more like emotions.the problem seems to be that I don't know how to feel a feeling.I think thru a feeling. maybe not so much in daily life,but with hard things I do a process like this--It feels this way but that's ok because it would be natural for a person in this situation to have that type of feeling,so it's all worked out and understandable,now move on. I have no problem dealing with events and facts,memories,ect...it's feelings I seem to repress. so now I know where these memories or whatever are(which I all-ready knew anyway-heck I'm the one who put them there)-but everytime I try to go in there to deal with it I do some kind of mind trick on myself and I don't know how to get thru that... they are in a house (that's a whole different story)the first time I tried to go in I stepped up on the porch and went to open the door,suddenly I was turned around back on the steps with a glass of lemonade.my mind telling me ok you went in and saw now go on it's all taken care of now!?!?that's a mind trick. second try it seemed sooo scary,that's a mind trick,why would I be scared of what I put in there? third try-another mind trick-feeling like if I go in there it will be to overwhelming and I won't be able to handle it-the door wouldn't even open. fourth try-made it inside,it seems empty,but I don't think it really is empty...hmmmmmm I'm going to go back in and sit and try to go deeper-maybe do a simple hypnotic style induction(maybe with a staircase)-then maybe just sit and wait. any tips on preparing to deal with this...whatever "it" is?

yea I guess it's probably all about balance I guess. anyway, I appreciate it. thanks.

hey Mal, I think I see the point your making, but I could I try to ask again and explain differently... If you put aside all the labels and reasoning the fact still is-these 2 people are doing damage to each other- both probably have some reasons why (ex.-the guy is being provoked, the woman probably has her own reasons and whatever...) all that is fine, I'm not asking about the "why" . people will suffer for other peoples lack...fine...what I'm asking is, how does that feel for you-is it sad? maybe the cashier learns maybe not, the customer still walks away having suffered for someone elses lack ........is that sad? how is that for you?------------ I saw this cashier thing happen not to long ago, the customer was obviously struggling with counting her money out and becoming upset ---the cashier was rushing her and making rude comments...I happen to be struggling myself with things and was just trying to make it out of the store without having a panic attack. somehow I found myself putting my hand on this customers arm, looking straight in her eyes and saying to her "it's ok, we don't need to rush" she looked at me with this look..really wide eyes, kinda panting instead of breathing, so I said it again "it's ok". anyway she hugged me and cried and it was about 20 min. of extreme discomfort for me...also happy I could help her , also sad I can't change this for her. people are suffering for other peoples lack....is this sad? I seem to be confused by this.

hey, so I know I keep asking low level kinda questions,but I seem to be struggling over this topic of emotions and was wondering what others opinions might be. people are doing damage to each other...you can try to work that out like maybe that person is learning or maybe a lot of different things- but the bottom line is- people are doing damage to each other. ok.... I'm fully convinced I can't change that fact.....the problem is that, it IS changeable...if people would act differently a different pattern would happen and this would change that fact.... it is changeable but I can't change it... so,I'm asking how is it for you people to be in the world and accept it? for example,if a cashier is rude to a retarded customer,or a kid gets beat up every at school, how is that for you people... do you feel sad? are you somehow ok with that fact? how is it when you don't feel the need to try to change it?

why is it hiding-why can't it just be clear and say here I am,lets get to work and fix this? I keep remembering leo said in a video something like- you can't out think yourself- Hmmmmm... interesting...

I am trying to be very careful what I say-I know this website has rules and I'm really hoping I don't cross any lines here. honestly,-looking into the scriptures isn't about proving the church is wrong-they're not bad just blinded and misled by so many things. have you checked out the historic references and compared them with your bible (don't quote me on the number but I think there are about 200 of them)-maybe check out the fall of Babylon (historically I mean!)-maybe Tyre and what happened with that! I think you might want to be careful of thinking you know "everything" the church "does" - they are humans also. humans make mistakes.just don't blindly judge them-check it out for yourself. I understand feeling alone and not understood or supported by your family-I spent most of my teenage years in foster care - the rest of my family issues are no walk in the park either.....our family-they are human as well... I am not able to go to my congregation anymore - It was devastating to me when it happened (about 4 years ago)-- but again, they are only humans----we do what we can .

hi!-I struggle with anxiety disorders as well-I don't have any ideas on how you can retrain your sleeping habits (I also sleep very little the past few years but meditation helps).I don't know your age or situation so I want to be careful what I say but....I just want to remind you other people out here in the world are struggling with anxiety as well,you're not alone in that area. as for your church comment - If in fact you are interested in God please remember the "church" is not God and has a habit of following traditions and things like that ( I don't think I'm allowed to go into to much detail on this site about that)- It sounds like you might be having some free time at night when you can't sleep anyway,so....why not take out your copy of the bible and start looking into this thing-you could go so many directions-maybe look at your encyclopedia as well-historical events that were recorded are very interesting,a subject as simple as holidays is good to research if you want to see how the "churches" have replaced scripture with other ideas. anyway you might find this interesting.... I noticed in a 2013 translation of the bible they had updated the language and used the word "anxiety" in many places "don't let your heart be troubled or don't be dismayed" now reading like this "don't let your heart become anxious and don't be overcome by anxiety". I hope you find some relief---:)

thanks for your comments! sorry for the delayed response,I'm having computer problems :) Corte -I think that was pretty insightful! " you don't want them to be a part of you - you will reject anything that isn't how you want it- You don't want bad!- it's all not how it should be-" funny thing is these comments helped me realize I'm not dealing with a new issue here...this is a control issue...I didn't recognize it at first. thank you... " You've attached yourself to these memories- So this is quite the internal (house) conflict between you and yourself." interesting...I was a little confused about why in a visualization type setting the only thing I could not change was this house,can't make it not be there or even put different curtains in the windows. anything else in the setting was changeable,just not that house...maybe it is because I've attached to it...I keep it really close to me,while at the same time it disturbs me that I can't change it or even make it different... could it be that simple?...thank you for your comments...seriously! A problem to work on,I'm always up for that! ;) --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Mal- thanks,I really appreciate your advice...to be honest this style of meditation is a little different than what I normally do,so I'm just not very experienced with it. It's incredibly interesting and I have lots of thoughts about it, I'm just not sure what to say quite yet... I will definitely be looking more into these types of techniques and trying the ones you suggested... thank you- I really appreciate it.

I love all music-of course it affects a person and you need to be aware of that,but I think sometimes people tend to confuse the "music" and the "lyrics". lyrics pumped into your thinking is one thing-but music itself is different (even harder style music)-think about it... the thump in the floor when everyone is tapping a foot to the beat a long slow sound that drags the note out (like a violin) my personal favorite-the way a electric guitar can be so soft and pretty,and at the same time can "scream" out so loud it fills the room in a way where nothing could possibly matter outside of this It's interesting in most scenes if you pick up an acoustic guitar and play one good song that crowd would know,usually that's all it takes for some people to kinda start to be involved,maybe sing along or something don't even get me started on jazz and swing music music is all about being "in the moment"

hey! I know this post is from a few days ago,but I'm wondering if you had a hypno session yet and how it went. I'm no expert for sure,but I have found it really useful over the past few years.sometimes hypno is really helpful in getting you to a place where you are calm and clear enough to really stand there and look at that toothless tiger and see it for what it is (like the other guy was saying)...but you are for sure not going to "get put to sleep" and get magically fixed.If your hypnotist is telling you it works like that you should find a new one.and I would suggest doing a little research on who ever you go to.it won't be a benefit to you if subconsciously kinda wonder if this is for real,is it gonna work,ect.-look into this persons info,success rate in helping people,things like that---have you looked into auto or self hypnosis?

hi everyone,I am having an issue in my meditation practice and am interested in what some opinions might be on the subject of repressed memories.I'm trying to make this short and there really is a question at the end...;) I've been working on self development stuff for a few years,I prefer a more targeted style meditation but also do more passive style meditation as well-more so lately as I have worked thru ptsd and things.I usually don't work with a therapist but I am right now just to work out a specific issue.she thought we might want to hold off on a specific type of therapy because of repressed memories-she said we might not want to "stir up a bunch of old memories when I seem to have found some stability with my past".It's not that I can't remember these things,it's just that I don't remember-more like I choose not to remember.I simply choose to move forward and have no desire to re visit the past. so my question is this...is it really necessary to drag up the past if you've found a way to be ok with it and move on -or- are we not able to truly move on until we drag up the past and really work out every problem?