Roise

Correct me if I am wrong but I think that what you have illustrated here is more of a personal slippery slope fallacy than about white lies. White lies are harmless or trivial lies, usually told to avoid hurting someone's feelings. What you have described did not address the element of hurting another's feelings. Also, I would classify your response as one that is related to self perception instead of lying.

@Key Elements thank you for your response. You mentioned: After I graduated from my university, I did not find grades and academics useful at all toward work life. Does it mean that what I am doing (abandoning my academics) right now is ok? Or the right choice?

@charlie2dogs thank you for your response and advice. Right now I feel like grades aren't a good indicator about one's knowledge and many a times, people say that grades dont actually matter after they have passed through the phase and looked back. I basically lost the motivation and interest in my remaining subjects which I am sure I wont want to major/minor/ further study them in future. And the subjects are management in business, accounting, maths and general paper. I feel like the first 3 subjects which are my h2s are pointless and doesnt add value to my life. Its like how do learning complex numbers benefit me at all? I feel like good grades or not for my A level, I will get into a university and there will still be a way for me. Maybe I cant get into the autonomous ones but does it really matter? Afterall, in the world today there are people who are successful without good education. Is there a real need to follow this paper chase and rat race? You mentioned that I need to provide for my needs and wants. Honestly, I dont really need much in the sense that I dont have much materialist desires to fulfill. I desire mostly intangible things like happiness and solitude. You asked: Do you have a passion for anything in life that might give you the opportunity to do something that you might love that would take you through life? My passion is philosophy. Although I have not taken any courses on it, I feel passionate about philosophical ideas I read about, watch about online. I love all the deep ideas and the whole process of finding meaning to things, reasoning abstract ideas and considering different meanings of the simplest element of life. I think it can be a way to get my through life.

Hi, Im not sure how is this self actualisation but it relates to productivity and hence I thought this is the most appropriate category to put down. I do understand that this is a website more for self improvement in the long term but I really need some short term motivation. I had always been a hardworking student from young because my parents really discpline me to perform well academically. I just study hard as I was told to. I get all the good grades and move on to the next level effortlessly. But this year, I got hit with one of the worst times I have in my academic journey. This year I got back my results for my favourite subject and it broke up my heart so terribly that I broke down immediately on the spot (I have never done this in my life before no matter how worse my grades may be). I cried 2 days without any appetite to eat or do other basic activities properly. My star literally went out. It felt like my heart has dried up and now regardless of what grades I get, I no longer feel anything at all. I dont feel the need to change my way of life. I dont feel the need to study. I dont feel the need to catch up with my classes, assignments, homework and tests. Afterall, how important are they in life? There is sure much more to life than academics. How important are those grades? What is the point of getting them? Slowly and unconsciously, I wasted half of my year in 2016 not doing a single productive thing to my academics when it is the most crucial year. I feel like everyone is too crazy chasing this superficial thing called grades and I refuse to join. I feel like finding my own happiness and doing things I like as though I am not controlled by the education system, as though I have no obligations and I am just on my holiday all the time. I feel like doing activities to find self actualisation and stuff but not study. I have watched Leo's video about motivation in the long term. But I wonder if that would help me now more or should I use some short term tactics. The amount of work to be done to be ready is mountaining up each day, depleting my motivation to even start. Do any of you have any useful advice or suggestions? I appreciate you for reading this and to give me any useful response (:

I am guessing the sense/feeling of selfishness sets in when you reject others who are in need of your help/time/attention etc. Personally, I feel that you should set aside time for yourself on a daily basis, if not a regular basis. You need to take good care of yourself first so that you can pour into others. And taking good care means setting aside time for yourself and taking care of your mental health on top of merely your physical health. We cant give more than we have or we will deplete ourselves. Therefore we should always take time to recharge. This is v essential and recharging doesnt mean simply getting enough rest or sleep. Different people recharge in different ways. For me, I recharge in solitude, music and doing art related activities. Recharging and setting time aside for yourself ensures that you are able to give your best efforts when helping others or simply spending time with your family. Imagine if you are drained and unsatisfied, how are you able to spend good quality time with your family? In fact spending time with them when you are not in the right mood to do so may be counterproductive. Sometimes I find myself in such situations and many a times, I do get overly frustrated overly little things or try to find faults with them (I did apologise afterwards, but what I learnt is that I should know when to spend time with others and when to return to solitude better). Also, recharging allows you to be on better grounds to self actualise. It gives you time to be in peace with yourself and allows you to relieve all the stress and feelings you may have. How I interpreted the video and what Leo said is that you should cut out toxic relationships in order to self actualize, but not all relationships. As social beings we need relationships to survive altough solitary can be great. Since family consists of those who stayed by your side during your best and worst moments in life, I dont think you would classify them under toxic relationships. (You can disagree with me because there are some families which are exceptions from what I just mentioned and under those circumstances you may wish to cut them out? Maybe not completely but largely?). Another point I intend to add is that when we set time for ourselves, we are not exactly cutting loose ties. Relationships and ties thrive on the time we spend with others and also the time when we arent with them. A good relationship is one where the connection you have with another does not depreciate despite the time you guys spend apart from each other. I hope you find my response useful (:

@Pelin Thank you for your honest sharing. In a way I felt similar to what you have mentioned. What probed me into a period of overthinking and pondering and eventually asking this question here on this platform is that one of the people I have always looked up to and respected told me a white lie. I have yet to let her know that I knew the truth. Indeed, I felt hurt even though I knew she did it out of good intentions. The white lie she told helped me to get through my worst moment thus far this year. I am in a dilemma whether was it for the worse or for the better. What do you think? Definitely I do not like the idea of telling a white lie and have always tried my very best not to. And I would disagree to this opinion of yours:

@Bronsoval All the time? Even if it is deception intended for the better? What if someone lie just so as to help you get through the worst period of your life?

Hi, As easy as it is to condemn the act of lying around us, it is very easy to fall into the trap of lying. Is intended concealment of information lying? What is lying? What if the lies are being passed on without the intermediaries knowing? What kind of intention behind lying makes lies justifiable and acceptable? What about white lies, lies that are intended for the better? What are your personal takes? Feel free to share with me (:

"A good life is not a life without problems. A good life is a life with good problems. And so, despite the turbulence of the rocky waves and twisting tides, I can sometimes stare into the heart of my confusion and the crossed strains of joy and sadness, and smile and be grateful that it’s all there." "Sometimes you have to live in precarious and temporary places. Unsuitable places. Wrong places. Sometimes the safe place won’t help you." "Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life." "Most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be. Sometimes you'll put up a good fight and lose. Sometimes you'll hold on really hard and realize there is no choice but to let go. Acceptance is a small, quiet room." "Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do." "Don't you understand that we need to be childish in order to understand? Only a child sees things with perfect clarity, because it hasn't developed all those filters which prevent us from seeing things that we don't expect to see." “A stranger on a bus told me once that it’s easy to forget that all of this is temporary. He said it in the context of rain but I never stopped thinking about it. At our core, we’re a series of temporary moments. Some that last years, others only a second. Exhilarating moments. Devastating moments. Miracle moments. We’re desperate, fleeing creatures never meant to last. And yet, we try. We hold the light close to see if it sticks this time. To see if maybe we are the lucky ones. The ones meant to last forever.” “Fire is not for burning things down. It’s for giving us the brightest light.” “The time the sun fell from the sky, we all tried to get our hands on it. We were greedy, desperate creatures, wanting the chance to kiss a star. To feel an energy outside of this world. To know we had touched light in its purest form. To see if we could take it with us in our pockets & on our skin. We wanted to ask the sun what it had felt like to shine so bright in such darkness. To ask how we could do it too."

I am 19 and I just happen to chance upon Leo's videos on youtube recently. I must say that they are really applicable and I am really glad to find this community too.

Based on my understanding, "resonate" means to be able to empathise and feel in the almost same way. For instance, if I just described my experience and feelings about my recent heartbreak (hypothetical) and you say that you resonate with it, it means that you have experienced a heartbreak and felt in a similar way. But similarity is a relative concept and there may be instances where people do not use the word as accurately as it should be. This is purely my opinion and it may not be the definitely correct so do feel free to correct me (:

One academic subject that fascinate me the most right now is Literature. Literature studies about almost everything in life. It portrays a great variety of human conditions and human emotions. It allows us to explore different issues that everyone will experience in their lives and think critically about them. By learning about the nuances intended through word choice, imagery, metaphor and body languages (for plays), we learn how to empathise with individuals and look at things from their perspectives. We learn about the pains and many emotions that the generally competitive, result oriented society today may overlook in the pursuit of tangible assets and in the midst of the rat race. It has taught me how to accept different individuals for who they are (both their strengths and flaws) because of the experiences and social conditioning they have went through. As we learn about the different lives and see how living meaningfully can have different meanings to different individuals, we reflect and try to find what is our version. Literature is what begins my journey of enlightenment and actualisation. It gives me the feeling that finally there is a true way to understand things beyond the surface level and to connect people with different life experiences together. It excites me alot whenever I chance upon a literature work that resonates deeply with me. I was and is still deeply in love with this subject. As such, I feel a great sense of sadness when it is reported that there is lesser students taking up this subject at secondary level in my country. Although my vocabulary and English is nowhere near excellent, I wish to continue pursuing this subject. It has already become one of my favourite hobbies. The motivation behind this subject for me is beyond words that I aspire to teach and help others in discovering the capacity of this subject in future.

Hi, I am very much an idealist who loves ideas and ideals. It has come to the point that I become very cynical of the world because many things are not my ideal. I know that nothing is perfect but as a perfectionist, I just unconsciously have this habit of having expectations and developing ideals. For example, when I make friends, I find it meaningless when people desire to form bonds based on materialist factors. I want to make friends who are willing to see beyond my education, which schools I came from, my family background and how many followers I have on social media. I want friends who accept me for purely who I am, friends who love and appreciate my personality instead of the amount of wealth I may have. I want friends who understands me rather than form judgement based on the society's standards. And I hardly find these kind of friends around. Everyone seem to be obsessed with what society wants us to desire and pursue. Everyone is chasing for wealth, fame/popularity and status. This tires me and I am really glad to chance upon Leo's videos and subsequently, this community while I was mindlessly browsing on youtube. Recently, I realise that in some of my relationship, I love the idea of a person more than a person itself. It may be because I just want to fill this void that I dont have much people in my life that connects with me on another level, a new level that the world doesnt seem to understand. Sometimes I feel like I dont belong anywhere because its reallt hard to find like minded people. Sometimes I am on the verge of giving up and just settling for solitude and independence. It seems like I dont fit into the society today because my ideas are very different from theirs and I cant bring myself to accept theirs. Whats the poin of entering this rat race where people are largely superficial? I mean there are days I feel like migrating to a place and a peaceful life all by myself. People does frustrates me. Or perhaps there are like minded and wonderful people around, just that I dont get the opportunity to meet them. Have any of you have similar experience? Do you have any suggestions for me? Thank you for reading and have a great day ahead (:

Dear Mal, Thanks alot for your recommendation. By the name of the video, I feel that it would be relevant to be because I am very used to let my mind drift off in any situation (on a daily basis). I would definitely take a look. Hope you enjoy the rest of your day (: With love, Jess

Hi zasa joey, I have gone through that phase in my life where I felt almost what you are going through right now. Having strong feelings about this subject matter compels me to take time to give you some of my advice. First, there is no such thing as having depression as a genetic. Depression or happiness is all about individual choices. It is about how you choose to perceive things. Well one may be brought up in an unhealthy environment where he is influenced to look at life from a cynical perspective but as he grows older, there is high likelihood that he is aware of other alternative perspectives he can take. At this stage, it is up to him whether he wants to be open and try the alternatives or stubbornly stick to the former due to fear or inertia to change. The force of inertia may be really strong right now because of the accumulation of negative feelings, emotions and thoughts. But I want you to try to overcome this force. Just take it as starting a new life all over again. Remove every thought and habit you are used to. Look at life through the lens of a young, innocent kid. Learn to enjoy the little things in life. It can be as simple as enjoying the peace and silence while having your favourite breakfast. No, you dont need people and friends all the time to be happy. You need to find your inner peace and self love. You need to treat yourself. What is it that you love to do but have not do in quite some time? Is it drawing? Photography? Or maybe even jogging. Make time for it. Secondly, what are the mental chains and prisons that are holding you back in life? Also, knowing whether you are clinically depressed or not has no point. You do not have to be clinically proven as depressed to take the first step to help yourself. You can do it when you feel you need it. And from what you have written, you need it. I also want you to know that everyone has their own flaws and limitations. Noone is perfect. And noone has to be perfect. "To err is human". Please, do not look at your flaws and find them as reasons to hate yourself. Instead, look at your strengths. If your immediate response is "I have no strength at all", I suggest that you give yourself space to explore. You may be good at something you have yet to learn about. Try something new. Be in rollerblading or skating. Be open to new things. You never know, it may be your strength one day. You mentioned "i feel like no one loves me, no one understands and accepts me, i feel like they are looking at me like pathetic human being, coward, worthless, and i feel like they always judge me. I can't just tell myself to change my attitude, to change my thoughts, i cant do that! jeez i wish someone could help me". I wish to tell you that you are the first person who can help yourself. No professional can help you if you are not willing to help yourself first. By saying you cant change your attitude, you are not adopting a growth or positive mindset. Instead, think how can you change your attitude and mindset. More importantly, I wish to convey to you that you are more than worthy and I want you to remember that. "Pathetic" and "worthless" are merely human contruct to bring people down. They can bring you down unless you allow them to. The first step to gain respect is by respecting yourself. I have been through the "fk everything, I jus want to go far far away where none of this shit exist" phase. I suggest that you take the effort to bring yourself out. Literally and metaphorically from all these negativity. Go to some new place, somewhere far. And start everything all over again. Forget about what you used to do. Explore and find yourself again. You are not a coward if you are willing to seek help. And by visiting this forum, watching Leo's video and typing out your thoughts, you are seeking help and I am pround of you for that. The next step is to put in more efforts and change your attitude and mindset. If you need someone to talk to constantly, I would highly recommend for you to seek professional help. Whatever you choose, strive on! I hope my words are useful in one way or another. Be positive (: With love, Jess