Elisabeth

As others have pointed out, you're not an asshole if YOU need to leave cold turkey. It's ok to do. I don't know how severe your autism/alexithymia is and how well you can feel your own feelings now. Most neurotypical people would feel very hurt by the relationship breaking up, and the touch/sight of their former ex would be re-igniting both love and pain, making it impossible to deal with the pain once and for all. That's why cold-turkey breakups are a thing and they are ok to do even one-sidedly. If YOU need to break up cold turkey for your safety and healing, you do that. Examine your inner world and try to see what's going on. Don't take unnecessary pain. If you're not that hurt by a soft transition period, sure, you can help her out. I wouldn't go on a vacation, but you could have a talk and cuddle date (or just a talk date) say every two weeks for the next two months (or in progressively longer time intervals), with the clear intention to disentangle slowly, while encouraging her to find some other friends. But definitely do separation too. Don't see each other, or even text, every day. I didn't hear from you, whether YOU would like to continue to be a close friend of her once it's over. Think about that and tell us, tell her. Maybe you don't know how you'll react. That's ok. You can try. But don't promise anything big like a vacation. Promise one date. That's it. Then watch your emotions, on the date, and days after. You'll know more hands-on. If keeping friendly with her feels good, then you can promise another meeting.

I think your gf was extraordinarily honest with you, which is good. Her feelings are not that weird. First, in long-term relationships it's quite common (for women?) that we are feeling very safe touching and kissing and being held, but the sex drive is gone. In fact, it's hard to keep the erotic spark. Romantic energy naturally declines after about two years, while this other kind of loving attachment - yes, similar to how you love your family - keeps growing over time. Even if two people become incompatible and want to break up, its not unusual to miss physical closeness (not sex) the most. Second, while breaking up over hobbies seems superficial, she's probably correctly reading an incompatibility in your expectations for life. You should take her seriously. Sometimes incompatibilities can be sorted out, but in your case, you broke up. Which is probably good. I don't think you can change her mind. Her honesty about still wanting contact but not wanting a future together gives you the freedom to choose how the dissolution of the relationship should go. Should you delete each other's numbers and never see each other again? Should you separate for six weeks (or more), then see if you can attempt friendship? Should you try some more gradual process, where you see each other less and less? (Hint: Option 2 is often recommended to give each person time to grieve, then talk to each other from a clean state; but I've also got a friend who did option 3, she said it was more painful than going cold turkey, but she learned much.) There's no one right way to do relationships, so you can choose yours. Just try to not get caught up in a limbo where you're neither together nor separated, or in an oscillation, where you attempt to be with her, then break up again several times - as this can put your dating life on hold for years. Agree on a process and head towards a separation with clear friendship-like boundaries in place. That is, if you too want to be friends after what happened.

Can you clarify what kind of "helping people" motivates you? Do you need and want to be hands-on, interact with people directly (like a nurse or doctor or even a consultant), and see the effect you have on individual lives? Or would you be happy helping in a more distant way - say, using your marketing passion to prepare educational health-care campaigns to get people to attend their preventive checkups? Both case you do something very useful, but the style of work is very different. Think about it, and if you can, get some hands-on experience with both.

Any related experience would be nice to read...

This is an important question. You should do some real-life test before enrolling for a study program. I have no idea what philosophy programs look like in India - and neither do you, unless you did your research - but I know Leo's material is very different from what is studied in university over here. They'd make you study formal logic, read various authors, write about their work etc., all very different from listening to videos. At the very least you should attend a class if publicly available, actually read some philosophy books, and generally know what the study program looks like.

I am not sure about Indian culture. I'd be direct. Tell them you lost interest and don't want to finish this school. It's better to switch now then drop out a year later with no degree. If your LP is not too crazy, that might be enough. If money is a problem, you could get a job now and pay them for the second admission fee. This will probably just add to your determination to make your LP work later. Lastly, remember, it would be nice if your parents could pay for your studies, but you don't necessarily need their permission. You are an adult, if you can pay your own way, you can just switch fields despite parental disagreement. You could get off your ass and go study to the other side of the world and not ask them for any permission evermore. If you have a strong LP you probably will have to do stuff your parents don't agree with later in life anyway, so get used to the idea.

Inconsistency and lack of commitment is as much a problem in polyamory as in monogamy. A good polyamorous relationship feels like "I know my partner loves me, cares about me and wants to spend time with me. I also know they love and care for other people." You can't ask them to spend 7 night a week or all of their vacation with just you, but you can ask for them to give loving attention regularly, keep time commitments, make plans, and for them to know (or figure out) what kind of a relationship they are offering you (then you can take or leave the offer). Your partner doesn't sound like he can give you love consistently. How are you going to learn to trust and release control, if this particular partner isn't trustworthy? To cut him some slack, he might just struggle with the concept of polyamory (vs. monogamy) themselves. But you said he can't commit. If that's the case, he's not a person to be in a relationship with. It will not be possible to "deal with" jealousy as long as the relationship itself is on a shaky foundation. Jealousy is based in fear or envy. You can get rid of excessive fear and envy, but as long as you have real reasons to fear your partner leaving you with the other person, or neglecting you because of them, you'll won't be able to think the feelings away. I'm not telling you to give up on polyamory if you feel that might be your path. But please educate yourself, and make your soul searching so that you don't end up in relationships "somehow", but so that you can choose partners consciously. Learn to deal with jealousy and trust issues with a safe person. If you need to consult with more polyamorous people, go to polyamory.com. Also, if you feel stuck, you might want to watch this

A few times this year I wasn't sure whether I should stop watching his videos. They are obviously "too advanced" for me. But also, he's repeting himself, especially in his rants. I've been listening from 2016 (and watched all the older videos as well), by now I've heard Leo criticising science and religion in, like, 30 videos at least - I'm fed up with it. I still watch most of the new ones though, and I can appreciate some of the insights. Sometimes a feeling comes across. I also do notice Leo developing more compassion.

Leo is probably right. Also, some people (like me) have a LOT of communication and online communication going on on top of busy lives. I no longer go 'just chatting' with people on facebook. There has to be some substance, some purpose to the communication - either it's a deeper conversation with someone who's already a close friend, or there is something to discuss, a meeting to be planned etc. I no longer have the bandwidth for 'hi, how are you, what did you have for lunch', these messages annoy me and I'll be tempted to not reply.

How about you focus less on theories and generalisations, and try to understand a single person (the person you are with) more deeply. How about you stop trying to change them and let them progress at their natural pace. Acceptance and appreciation, man. Speaking of it, how about you choose a woman that you can appreciate and even admire as she is, and not see her a "below" yourself (on the spiral or in other ways).

Pick whomever you feel safe to talk to. My approach has been to go to the first session or two. If I feel anything wrong (i.e. the therapist is not smart enough to follow what I say, the therapist is judgemental, I plain and simply don't like that person), then I don't continue with this therapist. However, I trust people rather easily, so if you think you'll find a flaw about everyone, you may need to choose another approach.

@gahzito Thanks. Please keep a presence on this forum, if time permits

You're not obligated to take and keep working the job if you pass the exam. It's just a possibility you'll have. Sedentary jobs can be as detrimental to your, or more, as jobs with some physical labor involved. Think carpal tunnel syndrome, think how the body falls apart with a lack of exercise. Don't worry about working at the post office for a few months or longer, if you need to, as long as you don't give up on your other ambition. Don't worry about the next step and do the best you can on your exam. If you pass, it's a little success under your belt, in something you've been studying for. If you fail, you'll have to deal with failure.

@Holly Ann Don't worry about using the forum "right". I agree with @28 cm unbuffed, being harsh on yourself is probably not the right answer. Be very, very compassionate. My advice is, DON'T WALK ALONE, meaning get a good therapist asap. A support group like AA could also work if that's compatible with you. Surround yourself by supportive people. Take good care of yourself and your body. Have a job you don't hate. These are the basics. Do this, if you're capable of it. If you're not, work with the therapist on overcoming your bariers. As for meditation, meditation helps but maybe not all approaches to meditation are suitable for you. Be careful not to repress emotion. For trauma survivors, you need a practice which connects you to the body. Yoga, any other kind of mindful movement practice, somatic therapy or even just dancing might be a better choice than the most usual forms of meditation right now. The drugs you have chosen are not coincidental. Alcohol and weed give you relaxation, relief from anxiety and numb you to the pain you feel. Molly probably gives you a high, a peak of feeling good - I don't know if it actually contains MDMA, but MDMA has been shown effective in treatement of PTSD when combined with intense psychotherapy on the drug & it gives access to feelings of love and connection. You can learn to find relaxation, love and connection without drugs. But the process involves a) learning to feel your body, b) having self-compassion, c) facing your pain, and d) reconnecting with people, learning to receive and give back. Find a good, compassionate therapist and pick up a body-centred practice. Maybe you have to go through some addiction recovery program too, that, I don't know. Good luck.

@Holly Ann Indeed. What approaches did you try?

Friendship usually needs meeting regularly over a longer period of time, with some unstructured talk and fun time on your hands. That is why making friends as an adult is harder - opportunities to hang out with someone regularly don't just happen, they have to be created. Half a year for a close friend is nothing out of the ordinary. With some people (not everyone though) sympathy can happen much faster and if you can be open and vulnerable you just end up talking for hours. So in that sense, sometimes the process is faster. Doesn't sound like this happens much to you, though. Maybe this will start happening if you have more experience with socializing a more trust in relationships in general. Other ways to "speed up the process" involve going through conscious sharing intense experience together. Personal development seminars typically create a lot of feelings of (partly false) intimacy between participants. More common intense experiences like sports, hiking, camping can make people go through some intense time together and can forge friendships faster, perhaps also studying for an exam together or confiding in each other. (I suspect people also use movies and alcohol to experience emotions together and get vulnerable about them, but I don't like that.) So if you want to get to know people fast, sign up for an intense time together. However, sometimes these fast created feeling of intimacy don't carry over into the mundane life - there is just no basis for the relationship except for the experience, the two people don't have enough in common. So just be prepared for that possibility, don't be too disappointed.

@Holly Ann A daily practice of self-awareness and good therapist is a must. Please get the help you need. Any psychedelic is just a complement to a path, which will take some time. Anyway, congratulation on getting out of the abusive relationship. I cheer on you!

Yeah, I believe in Czech Republic nobody thought of banning 5-MeO-DMT specifically, but DMT is certainly banned, and a DMT-type substance... well... if you make some trouble distributing it, they'd probably 1) ban it at that point, and 2) they might find some law that fits your case. This is grey zone.

@Khron Quality conscious sex CAN to lead to a variety of spiritual experiences (but is not guaranteed - in fact, for most people, it doesn't). These are not fundamentally different from spiritual experiences you can get in other ways. It's just a prefered path for some people.

Heh, thanks girls, and sorry for falling for his bullshit at the very first reading There's nothing "as natural as it gets" about slapping someone's ass and the wide range of emotions that ds opens up should be explored with respect. We've deviated far from the OP's question, but hopefully it was interesting to at least some people reading along.

@Etherial Cat Much love

Well, since you're talking strictly about sex, I obviously won't meet them as a men in the bedroom! I am from central Europe, I do get exposure to influences from both Germany and Russia. Maybe I should travel to USA to see if women there repress their desires as you claim. **** Biological evolution is hard to distinguish from cultural evolution. Since none of us has data on how much of a majority of women enjoy submission, let alone on that nature vs. nurture problem, let's agree to disagree. **** Hah, I was reminded of an extremely bizarre Russian influence! This one is for the ladies: http://hellgalerie.cz/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/ropespirit-x-2019-agience-084.jpg

Actually, I reconsidered. It's just a gross generalization. And I fell for it because my own attraction fits the stereotype to some degree. Yeah, MANY women will enjoy some dominance and will seek security through a powerful male. But no, not everyone. Women have a lot of other desires from a partner, and I know wonderful couples who don't fit the stereotype at all and have a lot of fun sexually. And no, women are not really socialized to repress their desire - if anything we're still socialized to be submissive in so many ways. In fact, I believe an integrated human being is above male and female, and can switch between passivity and activity, dominance and submission, take the lead or follow. Yeah, he/she can still have preferences but finds enjoyment in both roles.

I'm not disagreeing about your main point, but as a submissive women involved in conscious bdsm communities I must add two important caveats to your post. 1) A woman wants to be dominated and taken in bed, AND she wants a man who respects her. Respect is the background on which dominance can happen. Healthy dominance is acknowledging her wish to be sweps off her feet, it is NOT disregarding her other wishes and boundaries. 2) Believe it or not, there are genuinely dominant women, although they seem few and far between, and many, which do have a wish for submission but it is not defining to their sexual enjoyment and they can comfortably take the lead, in life and in bed. There are also PLENTY of authentically submissive men. That is the true societally repressed secret. There's no shame for a man in enjoying submission, however, it could make his partner search harder

This is the answer. I don't understand why people kept posting after this @Identity I agree, this is the answer. Look up some basic text on consent (in bdsm) if you need to, but this is the essence.