Elisabeth

I'm not disagreeing. I don't know that much about nofap but quitting porn addiction and get a more moderated approach can't be wrong. I just wonder where his motivation could come from to do this. You're motivated by higher consciosness spiritual values to do nofap. But what does a person who hasn't yet developed these values do?

Yeah, but imho if you're in that place it's very hard to just jump to a place where it doesn't need to happen. Sex as a voluntary intimate meeting of two human beings needs a certain level of consciousness. The trouble ofc is that from that place of need, you don't see the girl as someone to SHARE sex WITH, or as a PERSON whose needs you're also willing to meet, you just see them as a PROVIDER OF COMMODITY. You don't really give them the freedom to say no or creatively co-create. This OBJECTIFICATION seems to be a common problem of patriarchal culture, but women do that with men too. Heck, I've done this (that's why I know), and I'm otherwise very love-focused. But this approach will repel any woman who has at least some options and likes herself at least a little bit. Women are rarely this desperate. Seeing how strong this tendency in Hardkill is, I suggest he actually pay for sex with a real woman. He must break the cycle somehow, so why not BUY the commodity he's craving (and enjoy it mindfully). I hope the prostitute charges good money for her body.

Occasionally, but not to a degree where it became a problem. I can't help you much with that. I have trouble controlling other urges, like overeating on suggar and distracting myself on the internet. Addictions are a struggle, and I empathize, but and I'm not addressing that part. I also imagine the sex one has its particular difficulties. I let others with more insight talk to you about this. I'm talking about you being dependent on mom as one of the obstacles to meeting women, even for sex, but especially to form healthy adult relationships (of any kind). That's the part I understand. I can also tell you as someone who has just gotten independent in the past few years, it feels so much better.

Don't look at it as 'getting rid of your mom'. Look at it as improving yourself through getting independent. As growing up and becoming a more integrated human being (which, as a side effect, is also a more desirable man). Also look at it as tranforming your relationship with your mom from a parent - child(like) unequal relationship to a parent - adult equal one, where you still got respect for your mom but also enjoy due respect for yourself. You earn that respect by being responsible, independent, and consistent with boundaries. It's a process. By being a man of your own and not your mommy's boy anymore you begin to make space in your life for relationships with other women.

Do it. You've got your domain of mastery (graphic novels) which is great, but you likely haven't quite concretized your values, your strengths, the impact you want to have, your niche. The course also gives you some tools to be more efficient in following your path. But mostly there's nothing like a hundred hours of introspection , and the course gives you the right questions.

Crying to release emotion is healing. But I've also noticed myself allowing crying as a form of social manipulation, especially when I've done harm, I do feel pain and remorse but it's totally inappropriate to make myself the victim instead so that people don't blame me instead of owning my part. I try to refrain from that.

Depending on the nature of your work, how about writing your theses as a manual/documentation to your software? No one ever has time to write documentation, this is your chance. Good software + good documentation = something people can use and build on further. * And, you'll get a Master's leading to a higher salary. Nice bonus. *I actually have to use a software in my research which has only a 10 years and a few versions old documentation in the form of a doctoral thesis. Thanks goodness for the thesis.

Yeah, do that, if that's what is doable for you. Did you manage to get to know any fellow students? Does your school run some kind of support group, or even group therapy? You need people to talk to who know your reality. Going to some kind of group where you can discuss your trouble, or even knowing an older student from the same school would be incredibly helpful. Meditation is great but you also need to acquire the social skills and get a realistic view so that you don't struggle with imaginary problems; and there's nothing like real-life, honest, interpersonal relationships for that. Don't underestimate how stressful it is to start a demanding job and lose your social circle entirely at the same time.

Yeah, a month is a real start. As for the hours, sounds pretty insane. You might have to develop some boundaries.

Dude, if you're 30, you can't let your mom do that. Don't answer. Switch off your phone. LEARN ABOUT BOUNDARIES Move the heck out. Learn to take care of yourself. I promise you no girl is gonna ever find you attractive if you talk to your mother every hour. NO. GIRL. EVER.

I realized one more thing after letting all this sink in. Some if not all of this pain and struggle in the last year, as well as some of the pressure to change paths, has been releasing the identification with being a scientist. I'm definitely shifting more towards 'physics is what I do' then 'a physicist is who I am'. Interesting mechanism. I had a consultation with the holotropic breathwork facilitator today - he insisted to talk to me before the seminar, because of my psychiatric history, insecurity and all. But he said I should come, just to make sure to also have a supportive therapist and enough time for integration. I'm looking forward to it! @Nahm Thanks again ❤️

This is actually very normal, at least I remember a joga teacher saying so. I also have some issues with breathing through my nose though, I feel like its stuffed all the time, although not running. Could be partly allergy, oh yeah.

It may actually not be this intentional at all. If you're involved with academia, phd is more or less your first job. Your supervisor is bit of a mentor, but also your boss. The other professors are basically your way older colleagues. You're a total noob in a huge organization. You feel like you've accomplished something - finished your master's, yai! - but now you enter a new world, the world of actual research with all its practicalities (the office hours, the financial and administrative worries, the pressure on publishing), and in many ways, you're starting anew. So you are gonna meet all the challenges a person has in their first job + some that are a bit specific to research like the fact that you're meeting - in person or through their published work - with the best people from the whole world, while you're this total noob and it's gonna take you years to even understand what the important questions in your field are. That's how it is. So the supervisor having demands - well that's just what a boss does, after all he's responsible for the productivity otherwise the department won't get money. Of course he'll ask you to do work fast, it doesn't even have to be personal, like he thinks you're not fast enough, he just wants the result asap. The professors not being friendly and humorous ... why should they? what's up with that expectation? You're just someone new to their social circle, they don't know you yet. There are perhaps a handful new phd students each year, they're no friends with everyone, probably struggling to just keep up with names Besides, every department is different just as every workplace is different. So yeah. I'm two years into my phd. Not that convinced that I've chosen the right path with physics in the first place, not a good role model, but I can speak about some of the challenges of academia. @Solvinden When did you start? Did you also move to another country for your phd?

Wait wait wait ... if you're doing a phd at a top university, your goal should hardly be as low as merely finishing it what about doing good work? what about your contribution? where's your curiosity? are you passionate? how about getting the most valuable lessons out of working with the best and implementing them in your work? I know fairly well that we forget in day to day life, but if math is what you find the most meaningful and you're firmly on the mastery path, then other people's opinions of you (and yes, this includes your supervisor!) will hardly matter. You will know for yourself if you're doing well or not, and if you've done your best and he still kicks you out, you're not less worthy because of that. Anyway, embarrassment seems to be a fairly normal part of a phd

@deci belle Can you please point me to comprehensive resources on the topic?

How about slightly less practical ... "Is there one piece of wisdom you would like to share with everyone?" "What was the biggest surprise for you on your journey (to become a great _________)?" "What was your most important realization?"

Could anybody please provide me with the evidence that "modern" wheat is problematic? Has there been research?

You're not too old, but you're still a beginner in the field. People have a hard time wrapping their head around someone restarting their career. It can hurt when your effort is not acknowledged, especially by someone in power. But it's just his biased opinion. In fact, if you have options, which I believe you do have with programming, you could plan on changing jobs. You'll come with certain skills, the people in the new job will not remember you as the absolute know-nothing beginner, and you'll get rid of some of the prejudice. (Not an expert on this, it's just a feeling I have from the two lines you've written ;). )

I understand what you mean, to some degree at least. From the rationalists' perspective, physics seems to cover the very fundamentals of ... maybe not what the world is, but how the world works. There's an underlying order given by the laws of physics! Understand physics, understand the universe! I believe that's something that attracted me in the first place. As I had to deal with my own psychology (which really only happened later in life for me), I quickly understood that this mechanistic view is of very limited usefulness in the vast world of subjective experience. Lol. Thanks for sharing this. That's accurate. I struggle with gaining birds-eye view big time, and I do feel overworked despite not doing much actual work. How would you describe zoomed-in? Detaile oriented and (perhaps) goal-focused? I strongly noticed something after reading your post: I did this work of trying to find a LP while ill and and on a weekend, hence out of work, and I got into the mindset of trying to feel the big picture although not quite seeing it. I read your post on Sunday evening and intended to answer on Monday after work, yet I couldn't. I lost all sense of understanding it, and I lost all clues I had for what my vision could be. I believe this is due to being very goal-focused due to setting the intention to finish the article I'm writing (is that perhaps part of what you call zoomed in?), also anxious, and tired after work. So I can now better see the mechanics that stopped me from seeing the big picture while at university - it's a life with always a deadline ahead. Very hopeful and exiting indeed Maybe that's part of my confusion too. I got a glimpse of love/connection clear enough to shuffle my value system (and I'm sure it's gonna stay high up there), but I haven't been able to actualize it much out of my closest relationships. It's related to the struggle to shed the rest of my depression and anxiety, with the self-centeredness that comes with it. It's a journey for the coming years. I'm confused as to what you call relativity. Do you mean ... and I'm at a loss for words here too ... an experience (and constant sense of) how our perspective, our story, our thoughts, our mind or self color everything we experience and perceive about the world? Anyway, not a waist of time at all. I have a feeling that the message still has to ripen, you getting more clear, and me getting more ready to listen, so we may speak again in a few months' time. But for now, I feel very cared for. edit: @Nahm I didn't tag you.

Yes I think I can if I really focus. Maybe not with all of them, and I also feel mostly in my chest and belly, and lower abdomen. Sometimes in my head. Sometimes my limbs go numb. I think feeling emotions in the body is like the number one tool to working with them - and I need to do a LOT of that kind of work. I wonder if you might like this picture. Seems they've done research on it, I haven't read the details. Feel you on emotional eating, I noticed it too and haven't even mustered the courage yet to look into it yet.

I found that post! It was ways to change society , a thread I started and never expanded on. Yeah, I thought you were a weird person (which I don't mind) unable to come down to earth to the appropriate communication level , so I disregarded you. But I did stop to feel a sense of wonder. This long post of yours is conveying a sense of hopefulness. And something important about zooming out ... you're very right that I have trouble doing that. I have to reread it tomorrow, it's past midnight here already. Thank you. I've prayed for the insight into my purpose. Then I went and reviewed my course notes and re-phrased my zone of genius and wrote that initial post. I'll pray again. P.S. The avatar picture is the default, but now that you've pointed it out, I kinda like it.

@Serotoninluv What would you tell one of your students if you saw they are not all that passionate about science?

You look young on your photo, why do you feel you started something too late?

Thank you for the effort of reading that! No, I haven't had breakthroughs. Not beyond 'oh wow, I can really calm down / experience bliss while sitting still (sometimes)', which certainly was a personal breakthrough for me. I do have a daily meditation practice, but it's just 20 min in the evening + I recently added a breathing exercise in the morning. I haven't done psychedelics. I don't know where I would get mushrooms or some milder drug, but to be honest, I haven't searched. It's both the illegality and the riskiness aspect that's holding me back. (Ironically, a bufo alvarius/5-meo ceremony would be legal, but I've been advised on this forum NOT to start with that directly.) But I plan on doing a holotropic breathwork session soon, which should be similar to psychedelics with the breather being somewhat more in control. I already thought that finding my calling could be a good intention for that, but of course I don't know if I can get an answer there or not. Are you suggesting that one's life purpose cannot be really found without breakthroughs into the nature of self?

@Leo Gura The actualized.org forum has an annoying bug or feature when sometimes (often!) while editing my posts a whole paragraph suddenly disappears. I noticed it happens when I stop writing linearly and go back to edit some part of the text ... but now it happened when I hit enter to move on to the next paragraph! Wtf? Does this happen to anyone else? I use chrome, should I use a different browser or something?