Elisabeth

I decided to stay with the condition of working on one project at a time only. The stay in Spain is also canceled. One last try to finish what I started.

I'm being pushed at work (physics phd) into doing numerical computation, which I hate. I means dealing with badly supported software with no up-to-date documentation, where every new task presents me with the "it's not working as it should" kind of problems, which I generally can't solve alone. I don't have very supportive colleagues either, the one who knew the software best is now in Germany, and another one decided not to speak to me. My whole life I've been your average windows user. I lack the basics of linux, bash, vim, gnuplot, C++, python, wolfram language, numerical methods & software architecture, that I would need. I lack interest in learning any of that. My physics major didn't prepare me - we had one semester of programming, I learned some LaTeX, used other software a bit, but I didn't have to deal with any complex code. I studied because I wanted to do pen-and-paper calculations (which may not have been realistic). Problem is, doing the numerics solving the "it's not working as it should" kind of problems is not solely something slightly boring or bothersome for me. Feelings of paralysis, the problems being unsolvable, huge resistance, and even despair come up. I've literally cried out my eyes for hours this week over having to face more numerics and not being the kind of physicist that I wanted to be. Any other job I would quit if they asked me do do stuff which I both hate and suck at, but a phd is special. It's basically a four year contract, I'm third year, and if I quit now, I'd have to basically start over or quit physics altogether. I might well quit physics altogether, especially if doing physics means the numerical stuff. I almost quit in November. My supervisor convinced me to stay. I negotiated with him back then about not feeling up to the programming tasks that he wanted me to do, and it seemed that he understood, but then I got more numerical tasks, because "someone has to do it". Also, he wants to get me to stay for a month with a very prestigeous group abroad. That's would give my career a networking boost, might also get me to grow personally because of interacting with different people, but guess what - more numerics. So I have the options of 1) Try to push through negative emotion and learn skills. This is very hard, especially as I'm not sure that this will put me on a life trajectory that I want. 2) Quit phd and physics. I don't feel ready to do that. Back in winter I've made a decision to finish it - although the deciding reason to stay was 'I want to fucking finally get to analytical work', which isn't happening. 3) Negotiate with my boss (who is currently abroad for two months) to do something else & letting the stay abroad slide. This might feel like betrayal to my boss, and the person abroad, since I already agreed, and we're in the process of applying for money. Quite scary now to disappoint all those people and then try stay at the same job. Ugh. Feedback please.

@Key Elements I do want to transition (though I'm not sure where I'm going), but should I just take his prompt and leave now? Thanks for the link and the book.

So I wrote my boss - over a month ago - that I'm gonna push through this stay abroad and the related project, but I don't wanna do numerics after that. I got a quite strong belated reaction now. Basically, he's asking me to "make a commitment to do whatever's necessary" , or leave now. Like, I shouldn't be picky about not wanting to do numerics, and I shouldn't be doubting whether I'll push through all the way to finish. I'm baffled, just left speechless and actionless. I understand why he might want to give me a last warning, or wouldn't want to work with me at all, but wtf am I supposed to do? Change from a doubting person who gets depressed a few times a year to someone with stamina and clarity within a few days? That makes no sense at all. It sucks because I decided to finish, and now it's "promise (something I can't promise), or leave". @JustThinkingAloud @Key Elements @see_on_see @SFRL @Aliman @universe @Shiva

So, I must continue my report by stating that combining the bufo ceremony with double holotropic breathwork afterwards proved quite powerful (i.e., it's fun, but if you don't have three weeks of vacation like me, I probably wouldn't recommend it). My breathwork sessions tend to lead to quite pronounced physical cleaning processes (coughing, see my bookmarks for past reports), so that happened again, just coming from a slightly different part of the body than before. Yet this time, I didn't get into an altered state easily, it kept feeling like work throughout, and after the session, the process didn't feel like finished. Then the next day after breathwork, I more or less spontaneously (triggered by some noise) fell into an altered state of consciousness. It was a beautiful state mostly, when I sat down in meditation, it felt like floating around, very very sensitive and subtle. Every now and then, cleansing continued, I focused on it gently, after all I wanted to finish the process from the breathwork sessions (and I'm quite sure the process wanted to be finished). It lasted for maybe 3 hours? I had my boyfriend, and then a facilitator being there for me. I consider that state a gift from the frog. In the days after, I had enhanced sensory sensitivity (or so it felt like), and the world seemed beautiful, I think I also had a few more occasions of "floating away" a little bit, then later I also had some mood swings from ecstatic to numb/depressed and glitches in my logical thinking abilities and memory. I also had a few hours of clarity and inspiration. I had been a few times unusually kind to strangers with no effort. Psychological stuff seems easier to open, though not necessarily easier to work through because of lack of focus - the mind will jump. There are some of my issues that I wasn't able to tackle despite these altered states of consciousness, and some that seem to have changed in a very short time. It really feels a bit like the brain/personality rewiring itself, with me being able to help a bit by making space, but having little influence on the outcome (the old self lacks the wisdom). Will any change stick? I need not judge prematurely.

Ok I know this is kind of a stupid question since no one else but me can really know if I'm ready or not, but I'd still like some informed opinions - please point out the obvious to me. It seems there's a bit of a 'transpersonal' community in my city and I got close enough to these people to learn about a Mexican shaman visiting and doing a Bufo Alvarius ceremony. This time I passed (it would be a last minute decision), but I know he'll be coming again in just two months and it got me thinking if I should go. I've never done psychedelics though. Pros: I'm really curious. Leo sings praise about the personal development psychedelics can give, which would be great, but mostly I'm just really curious about the workings of the mind and what effect this would have on me Doing a ceremony with a shaman means I've basically got a sitter if anything goes wrong I don't know for how long will this window of opportunities be open, maybe I shouldn't hesitate too long My boyfriend did it today and he's still alive, lol Cons: No control over the dosage (up to the shaman I assume) I'm really inexperienced, maybe I should start with some milder psychedelics to see how I react Doubts: I have a history of mild to moderate mental health issues. Depression, anxiety, rapid mood swings. No psychosis. I'm currently without medication and more or less stable, but not confident in my stability, meaning that there's a not-so-small chance that I do get destabilized (over-emotional or lost in obsedant thinking) for a few weeks. My phd studies require a lot of concentration, so getting destabilized would first and foremost mean that I'm not able to do physics and possibly get fired/ loose funding. The last one is a serious real-world concern - I'm not really worried about the emotional states I could encounter, but how it would affect my ability to work/survive. But I know this fear can't hold me back forever. I'm motivated to learn about reality now. So what do you think, should I take this opportunity to experience 5-meo, or should I forget it for the next year or two at least and babystep my way up? If the later, what are some steps I could take to be more ready?

Writing is a highly transferrable skill, that you will use virtually everywhere. Decide on the impact you want to have, then writing can be one of the mediums you use. If you don't love it, don't worry about making it your main thing.

I want to show people that they can connect and share and give and get support in thematic self-help groups and sharing circles, and through the bond formed there combat loneliness and get more insight into their personal issues, which will help them overcome these more easily. *Nothing new under the sun* ... but somehow not common. Some people form deep sharing and caring bonds on a friendship basis on their own, but I'd say at least 50% od today's western population can't. How do I do this? And, can I make a business model out of it without a) misusing people in a bad situation, and b) getting my intention corrupt by money? (fear expressed) Thanks.

@Leo Gura I have a similar concern, specifically about taxation of the rich. You have it today in the word: owners will outsource the headquarters of their companies into tax havens. Or move there. So it's hard to tax someone who is already very healthy and powerful, and a single country can't do it. So... how would you go about this? (Does that mean a world government first?) Maybe this is not so visible in the huge USA, but Czechia has no means at all to tax Google... well... tax the car companies producing here proportionally. (And that's exactly why we need EU - but I'm afraid even EU is small for that.)

@JohnIsDoe You will probably have to do both after school: Get an IT job, and start teaching jazz. Can you start making money now? Could you start with a part-time payed IT project, or start teaching music just for one afternoon a week? I think getting into the job world could give you a much better idea of the opportunities, than doing projects just to "put them on your resume". It will also give you confidence in your ability to get a job (I think, having studied IT, you should be just fine). It's work experience that counts out there much more than grades. Also, companies who are willing to take a student, are often doing it in the hope of getting a loyal employee after he finishes - so it means being ahead of your classmates in the hunt. Look for opportunities. Sincerely, Elisabeth

@RickyBalboa Thanks for the tip. 20-200 people is beyond what I mean, but could still be relevant. Also, a related link looks quite amazing (dropping it here, because I don't use amazon wishlist yet) https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Leadership-Mindtraps-Thrive-Complexity-ebook/dp/B07NWWRXC5/

Thanks for your post. Yeah, you're right, put that way, that would be foolish. But I don't feel up to getting the synthetic form. I think it's "legal" in the sense of "grey zone" in my country - nobody thought about banning this particular form, though of course DMT is banned - but I'm pretty sure ordering it from somewhere is risky. I don't feel up to any legal trouble. Also, intuition isn't calling me to do it. I'm going to try some more other practice.

@Ero Thank you. Would you mind sharing your purpose and how you go about actualizing it?

@ValiantSalvatore @abrakamowse @Samra So we did a nice private ceremony with my bf and the shaman, but I didn't meet God. I think I was not able to smoke enough of that stuff (I think the shaman burns 100-200mg of frog secret, depending on your intention and his judgement, so a fairly large dose, but I coughed some out). So my experience was nice and relaxing, but no life-changing insights. I first did "half" of a dose to relax and familiarize myself with the substance. This led to a nice blissful experience. The shaman helps guide the experience by playing Tibetan bowls, which sound almost out of this world beautiful, when you are in it. About 30 minutes later I did a "full" dose (minus what I couldn't smoke). This was less blissful and a bit more confusing, but mostly - I couldn't/didn't want to move, the mind was talking only every now and then, and I felt kinda my usual emotional mixture. Maybe it was the disappointment that nothing really extraordinary will happen creeping in. My ego definitely stayed there throughout. After the ceremony, I experienced enhancement in tactile (and other kinds of) sensitivity, and then I needed a very long nights sleep. Today I'm feeling a bit sad and tired and still sensitive, and perhaps bit more openminded/malleable than usually. I don't even feel like any particular topics (aside from the sadness) are coming up, but you can probably use these doses to tackle some of your "stuck" places in the days after. Overall I'm a bit disappointed, but what happened was well within my risk profile - I knew it's possible that I won't be able to smoke it or that the dose is not a breakthrough dose. If you're gonna get 5-MeO, I certainly recommend synthetic & a more reliable method of administration. For me, I feel this is probably not the way to go. I'll see if I can get anything interesting from the afterglow of the session. Maybe I'll do some more psychedelic experiments, maybe not, not sure. I got much from my holotropic breathwork sessions, so I'm doing one more this summer - it was meant for integrating whatever comes up with the frog, but as it is, I'll choose a standalone intention for it

Leo happened to talk about Kohlberg's stages of moral development in his politics video. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lawrence_Kohlberg's_stages_of_moral_development Please note that growing through these levels of cognitive development doesn't actually make you more willing or able to do the right thing. This is a separate effort. The few last minutes of an excellent lecture by Robert Sapolsky talking about it:

Older videos tend to have action steps in them. Go for 2015 videos (+- a year ;)). Maybe more importantly: What's your motivation? Why did you come? What are the problems in your own life that you want to fix? What video or sentence from a video caught your attention for some reason you can't quite pinpoint but feel it's important? Did you have any 'wow, that's me' moments? What's the problem you want to take action on but "are unable to"? You should start integrating from the things most relevant to YOU. One at a time. It's ok to listen to more theory if you can just make a mental note like 'ah, that's how it is' and don't feel overwhelmed, but you should always choose one thing to start integrating and only add more when you get the hang of it.

Unfortunately, I won't manage to see part III before my vacation, so if anyone else feels like writing notes, go ahead

Yeah, right, I have to think harder about how I go about this (and if). We have a progressive liberal hippie-ish party who try to be beyond left and right and push against old corrupt structures through accenting transparency, also have some great democratic control mechanisms set up inside their own party. So to me it seems their leaders are doing the best conscious politics available today. However, not everyone is as conscious as the leaders, and there's also a lot of not-so-great stuff going on.

Conscious politics - part II (again, not-quite-a-transcript, I left out details and tangents) Understanding politics and government will help you understand yourself and people. This will teach you how to be in communion with other people. It will help you in your family, in your business, in your local community. These are the same problems, in politics they are just scaled up by a billion, so you see how serious they are. As you study your own selfishness, you will understand what makes other people so bad at politics and government. Key insight: Your level of consciousness development dictates your values, your morals, and therefore your politics. People vote simplistically for whoever they resonate with. It’s not very sophisticated. Your level corresponds to your values corresponds to your vote. If you’re a nationalist, you will resonate with a nationalist, if you’re a hippie, you’ll resonate with a hippie. But people are not aware, so the votes seem like a mystery. Your politics is not based in truth. You were mostly indoctrinated into your political positions. They come from your childhood and teenage upbringing, and from your culture. Chances are, you never thought from scratch. The reason why people get defensive and emotional about politics, is because their political views are very much part of their worldview, and the ego doesn’t want to give that up. Your worldview is what needs to be survived. Questioning your politics opens the door for all sorts of existential crises. I invite you to drop all your ideologies. Culture plays a major role in politics. Even serious intellectuals and scientists often can’t think from themselves. And most influential people in our culture do their best for culture to stay the same, because it ensures their survival. In fact, the majority of people will resist any kind of change. Logic, reason and facts has been coopted by the ego. They serve survival. Your political ideas are rationalizations after the fact, for positions that you adopted Important distinction: Content vs. structure Content is the content of your beliefs, like whether you are a Christian or whether you want to ban weapons. These are not important. Structure is the underlying cognition. E.g. the fact that you adopted your beliefs on blind faith. The most important piece of structure that we will talk about at length is your sense of self vs. other. This is a question of who/what is in your circle of concern? Doing more conscious politics boils down to expanding your circle of concern. (0:15:45) Developmental psychology specifically the Expanding circle of concern: Baby ... Just physical survival, only cares about needing milk, doesn’t even care what happens to his mother. Including family. Now the kid (or prehistoric human) cares about their family and their tribe. Me, my family, and my civilization (ethnic group, culture, religion, morality, country). This is the circle of concern of about 50% of people on this planet today. All decent human beings. But “not the bad guys”, not the criminals and oppressors, these are evil. All human beings on the planet, good or bad. You have empathy even for the most monstrous people, because you recognize why they went down that route. Include animals and the entire ecosystem. You care about the future of the entire planet. Not for your needs, not just because you want your children to live, but you actually care for the well-being of the entire planet (Gaia). Include all conscious beings in the entire universe. Lastly, your sense of self becomes infinite and you care for all of creation. Lowrence Kohlberg’s stages of moral development: 1. Preconventional a. Morality is based on obedience and avoiding punishment b. Self-interested orientation … What’s in it for me? 2. Conventional a. Conformity. Motivated to be a good boy/girl and have some authority figure approve of them. b. Authority and social order maintenance. You conform to the laws and orders of your civilization (and you believe they are an absolute). 3. Post-conventional a. Social contract orientation. Morality is about maximizing the greatest good for the most people… b. Universal principles. Think critically and set your own principles. Only on the post-conventional level you can question governmental laws… 4. Transcendent morality. (This stage is not Kohlbergs, but Leo’s!) Universal self-love. You love the entire universe. The reason why we put them as numbered stages is because you evolve through them. The claim is, once you evolve to the 3rd stage, you don’t devolve backwards. Most voters are at a rather low level of moral development, eg. conventional or even below.. Ex: Abortion. Is abortion right or wrong? From people at different stages you'll get answers like: 1. Fuck you. I’ll do whatever I want to do. 2. Abortion is definitely evil, because God (or my culture) says so 3. It’s complicated. We need to balance the suffering of the fetus vs. the suffering of the mother. Similarly, Susan Cook-Greuter – developmental psychologist, has 9 stages of ego development. Basically, there is convergence between various developmental psychologists. Ego development is about how selfish you are. The less developed and more selfish you are, the more you are motivated by greed, fear, ignorance, hatred, bias, prone to denial, projection, blaming, division, the more dogmatic and ideological you are. And you vote for those type of leaders. The trick to conscious politics is stepping out of your identity. (37:45) How to fix all the problems of government? 1. Taking personal responsibility for them. 2. Educating ourselves about the problem. They are complicated and require study. 3. Expanding our circle of concern and capacity to love, through personal development, consciousness work, spiritual work. Purifying yourself from your devilry. Be an example for others. You become a better citizen and better leader. If people start doing this, we create an upwards spiral, and a beautiful society. Obviously, most people don’t want to do this … But it is really that simple. Highly conscious people take responsibility and become proactive about problems. Low-consciousness politics always blames, always has a scape-goat. If you are conscious, then you realize that this is the cards humanity has been dealt with. We are collectively trying to survive, and society is no easy thing. So a conscious person takes responsibility for the devilry of her government. This means, YOU are responsible for pollution, Donald Trump, overfishing, racism… I am not blaming you. Responsibility is a much broader notion then blame. I’m just saying, be responsible. Ex.: Even if you live in a country where you can’t vote, you can do something. No country was started with a right to vote. People got it by standing up, activism, waging wars. Ex.: Racists are not some unknown evil people, racists are your neighbors. You can think about how you contribute to a society that tolerates racism. Maybe you can teach etc. Some ways in which you might be engaging in low consciousness: 1. Trying to own or ridicule you opponents 2. Taking glee in the suffering of your opponents 3. Holding an intellectual position as an absolute. Not acknowledging that your perspective is a point of view. 4. Scheming and manipulating to defeat your opponents. Also demonizing your opponent, calling them crazy or insane, because then you’re not trying to understand their point of view. 5. Acting morally righteous. I’m not just saying this in the name of civility. I’m talking about something deeper than just behaving nicely to each other. Sometimes you have to fight. You don’t just take Hitler out to dinner to be a good neighbour But don’t fall into the same traps that make your opponents your opponents. A lot of liberals make this mistake of thinking they are above the conservatives, more evolved, so now they can act morally righteous, and demonize them and call them racist and even be glad when they suffer … this is not conscious behaviour! This is feeding the downward spiral into unconsciousness. Separate what you believe from how you behave, from the structure of your ego. Changing your ideology from conservative to liberal won’t do it. Ideology can’t solve devilry. Technology also can’t solve devilry. In fact, some of the new technology is extremely dangerous. Regulation (though necessary) also can’t prevent devilry. Spiritual development is necessary. But one of the problems of orange-stage society is that any notion of bringing spiritual development into politics will evoke resistance. (t ca. 50) Proper education is central A lack of education, study and contemplation is a severe factor contributing to the problems. If all people had just a basic sense of political history and government in other countries and times (Scandinavia, the Roman or Chinese empire) would help a lot. To understand politics, you need to understand history, to see what worked and didn’t work. The founding fathers studied history well. Back then they were the top 1% of developed people. But today we have democracy, and most people vote for ignorant stuff. So, one of my policy proposals will be much higher quality education across the board. But of course, this won’t be easy, because education becomes a political battlefield too. And the devils are trying to steer education backwards to teach their ideology (see Trumps administration). (1:05:00) Any political decision can be criticized from above or from below. It’s a question of nuance. Ex. Religion. Criticism from below: ‘Religion is deteriorating, young people don’t go to church, we need to bring the Bible back to schools.’ Criticism from above: ‘Religion presents important truths about humanity and love, but does so in a dogmatic way, and as practiced today actually often prevents its own purpose, which is to help awaken humanity and help them expand their sense of selves.’ Ex. Science. From below: ‘Science is so divorced from religion and morality…’ From above: ‘Science is locked into the materialist paradigm, and there are severe limitations to science as an epistemic method. Science is overlooking important aspects of spirituality and mysticism, and therefore can’t truly grasp reality. Also, science is stuck in group-think, and therefore isn’t questioning their own assumptions.’ Ex. Socialism. From below: ‘Socialists are just communists, trying to take away all our assets and rights…’ From above: ‘If we give workers in a corporation the right to vote and run their own corporation, there is an important problem of lack of vision. A truly ambitious founder of CEO has a vision. A committee of workers can easily run the corporation to ground due to no sense of direction, which will backfire on the workers.’ To do politics properly, you have to throw away simplistic dichotomies like left/right, individual/collective, socialism/capitalism, minority/majority, masculine/feminine… To select one is a trap. Rather you should ask whether something is coming from fear and selfishness, or from an expanded sense of self and universal love. (1:15:30) Back to developmental psychology... Spiral dynamics – stages of government/social development. (See the spiral dynamics series, or the book.) Purple. Human tribes. There might be a leader of the tribe, but otherwise the tribe is actually very communistic. Your identity is enmeshed with your tribe. But there is a lot of tribal warfare, genocide, slavery. Then, too much tribal warfare gives rise to an authoritarian rising. (Amazon and African tribes, some aspect of Afghanistan…) Red. Authoritarian, totalitarian, monarchic. Some leader unifies tribes and creates an empire through conquest and brutality. (Roman empire, North Korea, Saudi Arabia, some aspects of Mexico… but today most authoritarian regimes have to pull of at least some pretense of democracy) Blue. Theocratic, ethno-state, isolationist, nationalist. (Nazi Germany, Iran, India, China, Brazil, Israel, Poland, rural south of USA … of course in different intensity.) People think their culture is the best. Orange. Democracy, capitalist, neo-liberal, libertarian. (Founding of US constitution, Japan, UK, ...) Most governments today, conservative or liberal, are orange. Green. Limitations of unrestricted capitalism are recognized. Corporations corrupting government, the scissors between the rich and poor opening until there’s no middle class and the top capitalist’s basically own the entire country… Money becomes a cancer. Also, we realize that science or technology won’t solve problems. So government goes more socialist. Liberalist-progressive, with elements of pacifism, new-age, hippie movement… Anarchism can be either orange or green. (Canada, Germany, the Netherlands, Iceland, the most progressive cities in the USA) Yellow. Emerging in Scandinavia. There are no solid stage yellow governments yet. We have to invent that. Probably hybrid between capitalist and socialist, very systemic and conscious of the entire spiral, somehow world-wide. Turquoise. Mystical. No idea about the type of government. For people at different stages, their reality is really, really different. These are different worlds. The tragedy is that anyone at a cognitive stage bellow stage yellow is not able to understand that there are different worlds, stages. This is lost on everybody stage green and bellow. They get hung up on the concepts, on specific policy proposals, fully based in survival. Tier two (yellow and beyond) goes meta, recognizes something beyond survival, which is being and consciousness. Perhaps only 1-2% of the world’s population is in tier two. And its only there where conscious politics can be done. Liberals will think they are tier two, but a lot of time the only reason you care about minorities is because you are a minority, or the only reason why you care about the poor is because you’ve internalized as an aspect of your own ego that you care about others. That’s good, but still survival. (Check out episodes on Spiral dynamics: Stage yellow and Intro to systems thinking.) (1:35:..) Some more points about the nature of governments. · You are part of a society, whether you like it or not. You can’t escape society. o You can’t be a billionaire and live on a private island and think you’ve escaped society, because the only meaning your billions have is because of society. Someone has to grow your food and fly your jet… o If you don’t care about money and go live as a hermit somewhere in the middle of Alaska... You’re still part of Alaska, of United States, you’re a citizen protected by the USA army, various services can help you if necessary, you can’t survive without a gun, without rope, without a manchette… all of it manufactured by society. Living by yourself for decades is virtually impossible. You’re part of a superorganism, which is your country, which in itself is a part of the superorganism of all countries. It’s easy to be arrogant with your individualism, but unrealistic. · Bureaucracy, and especially the court system, is vital to the survival of society. In USA we like to make fun of lawyers, but the courts are really vital. Here’s how it works: If you’re living in a stage purple society, say I’m part of tribe A, you’re part of tribe B. One of my pigs goes close to the territory of tribe B (there’s no clear line between the territories), and you see it and grab it without even knowing it’s mine. So I go knock on your door, but you have already butchered it and tell me to go fuck myself. But I’ve been growing the pig for years so that I can buy a bride for your son, and now I can’t buy the beautiful bride. This is bigger than just food. So I go away, but start talking bad about your tribe, and with some of tribe A warriors we take knives and murder some of your kids, because that’s only fair, you stealing my pig cost me my grandchildren with this beautiful woman. Then of course you go and murder mine … And this is clan tribal warfare and revenge, which can last for hundreds of years, to the point where people only know that the neighboring tribe are vicious enemies. This is what the court system was designed to handle. The court system is a brilliant invention. The law provides clear boundaries, and courts provide a third-party impartial perspective, so that someone can say ‘Yes, you stole his pig and you owe him XX’… preventing tribal warfare over minor transgressions. The government has a monopoly to force, individual citizens are not allowed to execute their own justice. A third-party perspective is needed. If there’s not a fair, uncorrupt process of justice, then there will be blood. In the libertarian fantasy of free markets, people will naturally form groups to get survival advantage… gangs, mafia, religious organizations, subcultures, syndicates, political parties, clubs, think tanks, cults. And if we have no court system to adjudicate their issues, if we don’t have a monopoly of force by an external third party, some of these groups sooner or later grab their knives or start a war. The beauty of our government is it allows a lot of diverse groups to coexist, so that for example we have a constitutional amendment about religious freedom, and one religion can’t take over all the schools and replace their textbooks with their bible. The major religion would do that. And they won’t have any moral qualms about it, because most people are not at that level of moral development. (1:57:37) · Society is grossly unfair, selfish, exploitative and barbaric. Today. People are in denial about how unjust society is. If you are selfish, as most people are, you don’t care about other tribes being exploited. What’s worse, the oppression becomes so internalized in one’s own worldview, that those being oppressed do not even fully recognize that they are being oppressed. Because their society tells them that’s how it should be. A lot of Islamic women will say that covering up is not oppression, just being a good religious citizen. We have millions of wage-slaves which are brutally economically oppressed, but they don’t even know. And their employers are in denial about it. ‘Hey, this is just how capitalism works. If you don’t like it, go get a better job.’ This is considered totally normal. Oppression is not thought of by some evil genius – oppression is just brute survival happening blindly. Systemic. Cultural. It’s only cool if you’re the one benefiting from it. And, the system is so out of control that even the CEO’s have limited means to change it. Responsibility has to be taken not only personally, but at a collective level. There are systemic problems, which we need to recognize and take responsibility for, even if “you’re not the one doing that bad thing”. Right now, people are mostly oppressed economically. We have people in our society that have billions of dollars, much more than they can ever use – but at the same time we have mothers working two jobs and barely can sustain themselves and their child. They are not poor because they don’t work hard – they are poor because how the whole system is structured. The poorest people can’t self-actualize, because they don’t have the resources, the education, time and money. And this regresses us as a whole society. Billions of people are not reaching their full potentials, becoming the great speakers and teachers and inventors and artists they could be, because their family is hardly able to come by. This would improve the life of everybody. That is what we’re losing by not having a better distribution of resources. Correcting oppression and inequality ironically makes the oppressors feel oppressed. If I own 100 slaves and a movement comes up and says that slavery is immoral, I’m not going to want to give up my slaves. In fact, I’m going to act as a victim. How dare you take away my slaves. I need them to pay for schools for my children. Besides, they are not human, it’s only natural I own them. This is devilry, this is how it works. The people profiting from the system manufacture narratives which will justify the system. Replace slave owners by CEO’s (or yourself, if you’re privileged). They are in denial. By definition. Selfishness is unsustainable in the long run. If things are too unbalanced, there are protests, civil disobedience, and eventually violent revolutions – many revolutions are about equalizing gross injustices – because the people doing the oppression are so stuck in their own rationalizations, that there is no other way then through violence. The government, ideally, is about reducing these inequalities. If it’s not doing that, then it itself is corrupt and needs reform. Definitely, government can be corrupt. · You should not assume that what’s good for you is good for everyone else. Many people profit from the suffering of others. There are entire professions designed to profit from it. What’s good for the country as a whole is bad for many companies, politicians, and exploiters. For example, peace is bad for the military industrial complex. Or, free health care is bad for insurance companies and for many wealthy healthcare in hospitals. This is a problem for USA. But if they expanded their circle of concern… would they be ok with people dying, because they can’t afford some overprized medication? Free education is bad for private schools. Normativity doesn’t exist. All norms are arbitrary and relative. There is no objective should and shouldn’t, no objective morality. And that’s exactly why there has to be a government. If there was objective morality, people could agree on it. It’s not hard to get everyone to agree, that there is a sun. This is not the case for ‘thou shall not kill’. The ego wants to make up the rules of the game, but then deny that they are made up. If your preference is that gay sex is dirty, you don’t only want to have it as a preference. You want it set in stone. Likewise, the ego doesn’t want to admit that murder is not objectively wrong, because the notion gives you comfort and security. Left and right is totally relative. To the culture and the era in which you are living. Overton window (wiki: The Overton window is a term for the range of ideas tolerated in public discourse, also known as the window of discourse.) … center of the gravity of the conversation … can shift between left and right in political discourse with time. It’s improper to apply our own moral standards to past ages. Slavery wasn’t bad in stage purple, red or blue. The idea had to be invented and spread. We are built on the shoulders of giants. Today, nobody would argue that slavery is proper. That’s how much the Overton window has shifted to the left. (around 2:35) · You can’t judge other cultures on the basis of being less developed. Appreciate how much harder it is to survive in some parts of the world, like the middle east, the Africa, … just the environment makes building a government there much harder. · Society is complex and counterintuitive. Solutions which seem like they will help everybody end up backfiring. · Also, don’t romanticize the past. The past was not perfect. Besides, society can’t go back. With any new invention culture must also change. · New technology requires systemic thinking. Any new invention requires significant cultural change. This is what we need from our citizens too. Because you can’t elect a systems thinker into office, unless the person voting can appreciate systems thinking. · Remember: Balance is not splitting everything in the middle. You don’t balance pro-slavery commentary with anti-slavery views. Sometimes proper balance is to decide that slavery is not something we can tolerate. Concluding: We still have to lay more groundwork. How do you know anything I’m saying is true? I suggest you become a good observer. Observe politics, observe humans, observe history. Also, have mystical experiences. When you become conscious that everything is an aspect of yourself, that we are in this boat together. In part III, we’re going to lay down principles of conscious politics, and there will be part IV with specific policy proposals.

Anxiety may arise after meditation. It's another emotion which is trying to force you to do something.

Write it down, and write down why it's not true. Try Byron Katie's process "The work". Sit with the emotional charge that that belief has, just feel it and see if you can let some of it go.

This is a point I appreciated very much in Leo's video (loose transcript of the video segment starting at 1:57:37): For me this dovetails with the concept of privilege (whether you like the term or not, this comic explains it rather well) https://www.rnz.co.nz/news/the-wireless/373065/the-pencilsword-on-a-plate The blatant or unnoticed advantages that some people have over others. Let's think about the topic out loud. How are you oppressed? What's your privilege? How much are you willing to give others to compensate for their disadvantages? What systemic oppression do you see in your society, that's perhaps not commonly commented on? Do you see any solutions to known problems?

@Leo Gura I remember your Marketing video being a bit of a revelation for me on how society works. I think it's quite on topic with conscious politics and a bit underrated, so you might also want to mention it somewhere

@Shroomdoctor I'm also sending a hug. I don't know where the root of your issues comes from, but when reading, I thought maybe habitually trying too hard (and thus swinging from extremes to extremes) may be part of the problem. A concept from Teal Swan comes to mind: The healing trap. When you are doing shadow-work or self-improvement with the goal of improving yourself, you are not accepting yourself and therefore induce massive resistance. Mark Manson writes about something similar https://markmanson.net/self-improvement . I think Leo's material is a bit tricky in that it can invoke feelings of inadequacy. Not sure if that's what's happening to you @Shroomdoctor .

To start, I'm privileged in many a way. Middle class, intelligent, educated, European, from a whole family, supported by parents and teachers. Mostly able-bodied. Having found actualized.org. I'm also at a disadvantage in some ways. Most notably having mental health problems with anxiety, depression and mood swings, that I've been fighting for ten years now, rooted partly in genetics and family history. With some minority sexual needs. Some chronic health problems. I'm not sure whether I should list being a woman as a disadvantage. I don't view women as being in a disadvantage per se, but I see how both our natural cycles and the break forced by motherhood puts us at a disadvantage in competitive careers, including science (which has been my career so far). The female cycle... there's these two days in a month where you just can't perform that well. But there's an extremely unrealistic expectation in our society for an even performance at all times. It would be nice if society acknowledged that people just don't perform perfectly every day. Just imagine you have to write your entrance exam to university at one of these days. As one suggestion, it would be more fair if people who have done badly, but believe they can do better, could re-take the exam two weeks later (this would also help if you were sick or any number of other causes why you performed sub-optimally). Motherhood... There are real systemic obstacles put in front of people who do want to master something but need to take a career break, or just don't want to go as fast. Relative to my work in science, I can also see that academia is in practice a very oppressive system build on hierarchy. And very ineffective one on top of that. You must climb the academic ladder, thinking of prestige half the time, to get to be an independent scientist, and when you do, you usually stop doing science because you have to deal with so much administration. Then you have to exploit other younger researchers to work on your chosen topic. It's insane. It's basically a pyramid scheme. I don't know how to make academia more human, but changing the financing from time-limited grants back to a more continuous one, and giving more permanent contracts to young academics instead of forcing them to job-hop from postdoc to postdoc for ten years would surely help. I realize that being employed and relatively well paid as a phd student despite my mental health issues is totally a function of my privilege. Were I not to have supportive parents, free education and available psychotherapy, and good genes in being intelligent, I would probably fall through the cracks of the social system into some-low-paying-job or unemployment. Knowing I'm this close to not being able to support myself with my work... gives me a lot of empathy with those who are worse off in my society. I also realize this empathy is still limited. I feel like a European, but my circle of concern doesn't extend all the way to Africa, I'm not willing to give up a whole lot of my income to charity to correct gross and visible inequalities in the world. Part of it is this scarcity mindset, where I'm afraid of getting sick and not being able to support myself. Uh. Just wanted to write that. Interested if anyone else is interested.