stevegan928

I want to try my own dark room retreat soon so I bought some contact lenses that basically blind you and I’m wondering if it’s safe to wear them for upwards of 3 days straight? I believe with this tech one must be in ABSOLUTE darkness for at least a couple days and blindfolds seem to always let a tiny bit of light in so i’m doubling up with Stranger Things-esque duct tape swim goggles + BDSM contact lenses. If anyone can think of a better way of going about this any suggestions would be great. Also if anyone is just knowledgeable on the subject of sensory deprivation in general any useful info would be cool. like weather or not light touching the skin has any effect or is it all just about not SEEING light? As I started typing this post I then started to check out some potentially better ways of going about this and it looks like I probably could try my hands at sleeping in a light proof grow tent. I also found an insulated tent called the Cura Cacoon and on the site it’s blackout rating is 10/10 and I messaged them asking if it’s truly completely light proof, I’ve yet to get a response but if it is that’s likely what I’ll be getting.

What (in your personal opinion) are the top 5 most profound Actualized.org videos? Here are mine in no particular order. I won't make any more threads like this so don't delete these for spamming.

I'm the worst, my dearest apologies for the clickbait. I'm probably going to be trying DPT soon and for some stupid reason I feel like I shouldn't, like it's "unearned wisdom" as Jung would say. So in some respect I'm hoping to have a really bad/challenging trip, I just want to feel like I've earned the growth I receive. Have any of you had these issues? How does one reconcile these odd thoughts? Hard mode: don't reply with some cliche ass "oh that's just your ego defense mechanism at play because it knows that this drug could spell the end of it's lifelong devilish deceit" that's probably true but I'm scanning for a fresh perspective on the issue (one I haven't considered already).

Oh you'll get spider brain. Spider brain is when you start hallucinating spiders crawling all over your fleshy pink brain. Some people enjoy this sensation however, some have even reported orgasms induced by such a sensation.

@ajasatya i saw your comment and thought "why not i'll try it also" i did it and kept dosing off, i would doze off and go into these different dreams about finishing something finishing work mostly (because i just wanted to be finished with this 20 minutes). I was dreaming about clocking out or walking out the building being relieved that the day/ task is over, then i would wake up and go "fuck it's not over, how have 20 minutes not passed yet?" this happened so many times it was actually trippy, got me contemplating forgetfulness on the spiritual path. just so funny how i got completely sucked into every one of those little dreams while i dozed off. thank you.

I have given up cooked foods, masturbation, hot showers, and eating before 12pm.

@bejapuskas I love you. <3

@LaucherJunge lol women.... that's how they are, they have basically no center. when a girl says you're the most important thing in the world she isn't lying she really means it, however that's only true for that very moment, she can be disgusted with you 10 minutes later, she could say "i hate you" and mean it. women are just too naturally attuned to the now and it makes them airy.

@Wyatt yes doing an astrology reading based on the month alone is like doing a big 5 assessment based on 5 questions. a proper reading takes into account your exact time of birth. find someone born the same minute as you.

Hi, my name is Steven and I'm a liar. I lie on here about how experienced I am with personal development, not blatant lies but I'll frame "truth" in such a way that makes it look like I've done lots of personal development, and I totally don't just spend all my time watching self-help videos rather than doing anything with my life. I've done a few things sure, gone on a 10 day meditation retreat, did a Lakota ceremony in Washington, done very small amounts of meditation and such in my own free time but really I'm a total noob. However I think I'm special, like really I do think that, I don't work hard because I don't believe that I need to, I believe when I do actually decide to commit myself I'll become enlightened in like a month because it all just comes that naturally to me. I don't know if this is true but it's genuinely how I feel deep down and it's very liberating to publicly put this all out here for others to see, I didn't do that before because I feared judgement. I'm making this journal as an attempt to be honest with others and not just be honest on my own little personal booklet that I share with no one. I'm gonna try to be honest about what I think and where I'm at. You could call this an authenticity journal. I'll say things that sound outlandish, arrogant, narcissistic, judgmental, immature, and down right racist. Okay maybe not so much the last part but I am a little bit racist so I might express a bit of my feelings and such in that department. I don't know exactly why I'm making this journal but I think it's to hold my ass to the fire. I wanna make 3 or more entries a week and let you all know exactly what I've been up to and what I've been thinking about. Maybe that'll consist of exercise, meditation, journaling, cold showers, ect. Maybe it'll consist of masturbating, eating junk food, arguing with people on 4chan, watching youtube videos, ect. I'll tell you what I've been up to and I'd like feedback, like maybe call me a lazy bitch if you don't like what I've been up to, encourage me when I'm doing well, stuff like that.

Sup y'all, still depressed. I'm making a movie with my friends though, this is a picture of some of the crew.

Didn't draw the drawings, the credit there goes to Austin Osman Spare. But I put them all together and edited my face in there and messed around with filters. So anyone need an artist for the album cover of their sludge metal band? I might be the guy.

consider that women might think differently than you.

@Shroomdoctor most people believe that you can release toxins from your body. these toxins don't exist to materialists, they haven't found a molecule in the sweat from saunas and sweat lodges that they could call a toxin therefore they don't exist. massage therapy, acupuncture, and chiropractics are very common practices that normal people use, these practices all take toxins into account. do you really not know people who believe in chiropractics? do you only know STEM students?

I feel like he isn't. In fact most cultures around the world, most people, know that the spirit world exists and can effect "physical" reality. Westerners commonly are skeptical of this but don't go as far as shitting on alt healing. I feel like Joe is as open minded as the materialist worldview will let you be which isn't very.

@Mezanti @Soulbass@Sahil Pandit@Garuda @iridule I DO NOT want to see Leo on JRE EVER. Man you people do not understand Rogan at all. He's a dogmatic materialist shamelessly citing shill academic research papers and articles to prove his claims, he doesn't understand epistemology, he understands how to regurgitate popular science truisms, his arguments are formed on the basis of how prestigious the university is that did the research. The dude doesn't even believe in chiropractors. Joe is the one who started me on this journey with his conversations with Duncan Trussell about DMT, mushrooms, and simulation theory. It got me really questioning my atheistic materialistic metaphysics, looking into Buddhism, meditation, and enlightenment, which led me to Leo's work. That was the Joe Rogan of long ago, that Joe Rogan is no longer here, if he starts talking about unforeseen energies the cool kids like Sam Harris and Neil Strauss won't come on his show and he won't get to LARP as a member of the intellectual dark web. I would literally listen to JRE all day long and I still tune in from time to time as a habit but it just gets more difficult to stomach.

@Soulbass I'm not a believer in spiral dynamite but I'd imagine turquoise art is blended with the way we interact with and perceive reality. Turquoise art is seeing the beauty in the ugly, mundane, tacky, or disgusting. Yellow art is expressing this with what most people call "art" turquoise art doesn't even require expression, all it requires is the ability to perceive. http://mysticsjournal.com/favorite-photos/ Wayne Wirs was great at showing us what it's like to perceive in this way.

I posted this on TDN forum just now but I think it fits in my journal. My mind is too convincing and my will is too weak, I basically want to be the opposite of what I am. So much so that I wonder if that may be where my anxiety comes from. Because I actively feed the demiurge while yearning to be one with God. I seek comfort at every turn, comfort of all kinds. It seems everything I do is motivated by this. I might do 5 minutes of meditation and read a page out of a self-help book before I go to sleep, but I only do it because my self hatred hes come to a slight tipping point and I know if I don't trick myself into thinking I've made small progress I won't be able to get any sleep that night. It's a tipping point, but not enough to tip all the way over, just enough for a little to spill out the top and then I haphazardly adjust the cup back.

What is depression? I feel like if I can't bring myself to do 5 minutes of meditation a day or read a whole page out of a book I'm probably depressed, however I feel like I'm choosing this, but am I? Why can't I do anything or take any action? Why can't I exert any willpower? I don't know what to say without sounding like I want others to feel sorry for me. Do I want that? I'm really not sure if I do or not. I wanna say things in this journal like "I'm a piece of shit" but I don't know why I wanna say that. I want to be sorry. For myself and for others. Sorry sorry sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry. That's all I can say really. I'm the guy Leo talked about, the one who binged self help content and became mentally ill from it. I'm sorry.

On Sadness & Anger It seems as though sadness and anger are the 2 most embarrassing emotions to let out in public. Sadness being a little more embarrassing for guys depending on the context. I notice however when I let myself be fully sad on my own to the point of crying I feel like I'm being healed, anger however doesn't seem to have that same effect. I feel shameful for expressing my anger by myself because I feel like a fraud for whatever reason. I would be more embarrassed to be seen in a fit of rage than I would to be seen crying. Maybe because anger puts blame on the world and doesn't admit to having lost fair and square. While sadness humbly asks to be saved from the conditions that anger outright denies. I've had anger issues my whole life, I've gotten better at hiding it and suppressing it over the years. I'd be much happier if I had let these anger issues be sadness issue more often.

....... went high carb low fat for one month and then switched to low carb high fat the next month and just constantly rotated? Would this fuck me up?

All language is duality. Notice how calling something non-dual distinguishes it from things that are dual, notice how I've done that in this very post.

jokes and making fun are one thing, calling someone a delusional stage orange materialist for disagreeing with you is another.

SD is a big part of the problem. It's a far too simplistic model as opposed to superior models such as astrology. SD is too blatantly self referential and even somewhat racist for it's oversimplification of "stage purple". Classic imperialist trappings of "well you're clearly at this stage, I respect your opinion but you see I'm stage yellow so I see truth in all flawed worldviews and I use them as tools to ascend up the spiral and bring all other lower, less sophisticated cultures up with me, sure they never asked to be brought up, but they're ignorant and therefore don't know what they truly want" I could be wrong and I have some reading to do on astrology and SD but I'm only ever presented with this overly simplistic and imperialist POV when I see people talking about it on the forum. Leo's SD series I think changed the forum meta in a negative way.