stevegan928

@SFRL Yes the cruise ship would probably be a very cool job, same with flight attendant. I'll start looking into how to create a good resume even though my job experience Isn't very impressive, I'm sure there's some way I can bullshit my way to a great resume. I'll think more about moving in with my sister since the consensus opinion here seems to be not to live in a drug house, If I'm gonna ask for advice I shouldn't just look for people to agree with me. I'll think more on it.

@pluto there where 2 instances as a kid that I remember very clearly seeing a flying saucer, they were very cliche looking as well, one was all done up with lights like those nauseating carnival rides. I also remember a supernatural experience when I was at a playground at a burgerking where I lifted up one of those foam tiles. When I lifted it up I saw giant red ants floating around in some glowing yellow void. I screamed and then shut the tile closed.

@Sevi First off, thank you for the kind words and motivation. Yes I understand a drug house Is just about the worst place to self actualize, but I simply feel more contracted at my sister's house, I'm putting on more of a fake costume. The house is actually dirtier than the drug house (people on uppers like meth often love to clean). Also my sisters house is an animal prison, she goes through phases in her life where things are going well so she feels that frees her up to buy another pet (often times one of them just died) then she invests a good bit into giving it a good life for a short amount of time but inevitably the poor thing eventually gets doomed to a life in a small dirty cage. This is a common phase in a child's life where they convince their irresponsible parents to buy them a pet just to neglect it to death and then get a new one. I went through this phase as a child, she is still going through it but she makes her own money so she can buy as many as she wants. My point is, that house literally has "prison energy" all through it, so it makes sense that when I'm there I feel imprisoned inside a false personality. Furthermore I have no room to talk, I still have a pet turtle at my mom's house who needs a better life, I did not treat him well and I feel I need to give him a better life to repay karmic debt. I understand that reading all my posts here will sound like I'm a total victim, I won't bullshit you, I have bad victim mentality and often feel that life is set up against me. The past year I've made a lot of progress towards ridding myself of this mentality but I still have work to do.

@Greys0n @SFRL @Spiral @Leo Gura @Lynnel @ajasatya @WaveInTheOcean @Sevi Everyone seems to think I should move out as fast as I can. It seems I have 3 options in that case: 1. Get way more disciplined, get a second job, get my own place, learn to be a grown up. Although this would most likely require I live with her a little longer so I can save up for my own place. 2. Move back with my older sister and her boyfriend, a very low consciousness environment where I feel contracted and fearful to be my authentic self. I have been a certain way around them for almost 10 years now, since then I've changed a lot, they haven't as much, we changed in basically opposite directions. I'm not myself around them at all and I fear that if I was, I'd get kicked out. 3. Move back with my parents who are drug addicts and live in a house full of other drug addicts. But I do feel I can be more myself, over there. If I move in with my mom I can focus a lot more on inner work. lately I've been being called to get a lot more serious about my spiritual practice. I'm beginning to develop a nihilistic approach to growth where I believe nothing will solve the core issue of anything and all I can do is learn to love and accept myself and my situation, from this place of acceptance only then will effective action be taken. I don't know if this philosophy I've developed is true but as a guy who's always looked for magic pill solutions I feel it's what I must go through for the time being so I can maybe rid myself of some of my more childish notions of how personal growth works. Like I thought moving to a new town with this girl would solve many of my problems but it just created new ones. A year ago I thought going to a 10 day retreat would motivate me to meditate more but it didn't. I'm learning that all I can do to any effectiveness is sit down and face my fears head on by looking within, my ego tends turn anything else into a magic pill or a new set of problems. So when choosing where I should go next the most emotionally difficult thing to do is move in with my mom and focus on inner work as much as I can. But getting my own place will also be extremely difficult and it'll give me more motivation to actually hustle, as opposed to moving in with my mom I'd have to motivate myself to do the things I know I need to do. So It's a question of do I think I'll actually be diligent with my practice at my moms house? I know I'll be diligent about paying bills if I get my own place because It's that or homelessness.

I know I have heard it's easier to transcend a healthy ego (a good self-concept) than it is to transcend an unhealthy ego (a bad self-concept) but I assumed that meant one should feed their ego a bit, give it some success, give it a lot of what it currently wants, so that your True Self can see that these things aren't actually making you happy. Is this why it's easier to become enlightened with a healthy self-esteem? But my real question is, is it bad to work on enlightenment and self-esteem at the same time? Or should enlightenment be after self-esteem work? I'm currently doing self-acceptance exercises in the mirror as well as doing a bit of self-inquiry and meditation. I'm thinking of also starting to do some of Nathaniel Brandon's self-esteem exercises as well. Can this be problematic? If so, when and how specifically does it become a problem?

@Martin123 So it seems Matt is talking about self-love. Is he trying to say I shouldn't be doing the same meditation practices that I do? Or is he saying I should go about doing what I do but to stop judging myself, judging my ego, and caring what others think? My favorite self-love exercise is to look in the mirror and say with confidence, ease and assertiveness "I love and accept you exactly the way you are." I sometimes feel silly or drift off so then I love myself for that, I'll find it difficult to unconditionally love myself so I'll love myself for not loving myself. I do this practice when I'm home alone of course. I have another question though, am I showing insecurity by not wanting anyone else to hear me? I may be moving back in with my mom soon and her house is always full of people. Doing this same exercise there may do more harm than good since I'll just be worried that others are gonna hear and judge me which is the opposite of what I want while doing this exercise. Of course I could dig deeper and do it anyway whilst trying to stay mindful of my fear and embarrassment. That seems like it'd be really hard to do though.

@Martin123 I'm not sure if I've been on the path long enough yet to know if I'm a narcissist of a sensitive energetic being. I currently feel I have aspects of both. I love the idea of being sent from heaven to save Earth of course. So far I feel I've gotten more confident, that could be because since getting into PD I can now see confidence is a virtue. For me personally this video is entertaining but probably not helpful, I see it turning into a back and forth battle in my mind as to weather I'm a narcissist or a heavenly angel. I must add though that I love that this guy Isn't afraid to use the word heaven, even God is risky in some spiritual circles. I'll certainly check out more of his stuff.

@JoJo Although I don't fear for my life, I'm vary scared to do pickup, It's the main reason I'm doing this, to push my comfort zone, not to get laid, seldom did I even have any sexual thoughts in this process, all my energy was going towards building up the courage just to talk to a girl. The girl who was scared probably didn't think I wanted to hurt her, she was probably just disgusted by the needy energy I was carrying and wanted to get away, I understand. The last thing anyone would call me is scary if they've ever seen me in person. I understand it may get annoying for some woman to get approached by random dudes all the time, I also wouldn't doubt I put a damper on someones day by doing this. But my question to you is do you know a better way for me to get over my fear of talking to women? I would genuinely like to hear what your advice to me would be. I already stopped masturbating and watching porn, I hear that helps, but nofap alone only gets you so far.

@Toby enjoying the video, but are you and Ken basically trying to tell me that if I become enlightened as a homeless bum, I'll be a zen devil?

@ajasatya thank you.

My issue is that I'm mostly interested in enlightenment. But I'm also at a point in my life where I feel I need to develop a healthy ego that knows it can act effectively in pressing life situations. I'm not quite as motivated to work on my ego because I'm constantly thinking there's something else I should be working towards, finding out who I am and what reality is. I worry that I'm chasing 2 rabbits and therefore will catch neither. I'm really only working towards a life that frees me up for consciousness work. While I work towards this life, should I also do enlightenment work? Or will this just confuse the ego. I'll still do meditation because of the focus and calmness benefits, but even then, when I meditate I often turn it into self-inquiry and start questioning the self and reality.

@SFRL Thank you, In the past I watched a lot of pickup vids, I was addicted to RSD and took basically zero action. Now that I'm taking a bit of action, I find myself wondering how anybody applies their theory in the pressing situation of actually talking to a girl. So right now I'm just trying to get comfortable and maybe later I'll start re-watching some vids to learn how to get past "you look very pretty today".

thanks, just started cold showers but here in AZ they're only truly difficult for so long. I may try this ice bucket thing.

I do a bit of that, I mostly do self love & acceptance exercises in the mirror but also a little bit of practicing game. But I mostly only practice opening with good posture and having an authentic smile while letting my intentions known. Hah, that's likely why I have nothing to say after 3 sentences. Practice makes perfect I guess.

Also I must add there was one girl I approached who seemed really scared and actually told me she doesn't speak English LOL. I just laughed and as I turned around this tall black woman scowled at me, actually scared me a little because her and all her friends could've maybe beat me up if they wanted to.

I'm more than a week in now, when can I start expecting this? I just want to fuck anything that walks. Maybe It's because today I was deleting porn from my folder so I had to look at it? It was difficult, when I deleted most of my porn at first I did it really quickly and didn't look much at it, but today I found another file full of porn and I found myself scrolling through the file looking at all my old saved pictures and gifs. Also is meaningless sex not in true nofap spirit? Many people have called it mutual masturbation for a reason. There's been plenty of times, in fact maybe most of the sex I've ever head felt no different than a fap in the end.

@Shin congrats I read your post and deleted my porn folder. It's huge to and there was other porn scattered across all kinds of files, I might even have more to go. I haven't been fapping for a while now, at least a week at this point, but it's just been one of those very very rare periods of time where I just haven't felt like it. Probably because I've been meditating more.

What I'm currently doing is adding 1 new positive lifestyle change every month, either a new change or added meditation time. First month 10 minutes meditation 2nd month clean up diet more, 3rd month concentration, 4th month add more meditation, ect. I always saw this approach as unmotivating because when I think of PD I think of being on an epic hero's journey where I'm constantly pushing myself, so the idea of sticking to small incremental changes over time just bores me. But my approach to fixing this was to not to look at my new schedule as set in stone, but rather a safety net of sorts, to assure myself that over time I'm at the very least growing little by little and not regressing. If I want to go all In and meditate for 6 hours in a day I'm free to do that, but that's not my commitment right now. Right now my commitment Is to follow the schedule I laid out and continue following it. I also made each proceeding year more challenging to assure I'll start really digging deep when the time comes.

@Robert66 Same, also in Tucson. (Catalina Foothills) I've only been here about 3 months now, I moved from Bullhead City.

@egoless I watched and liked It. Buying note taking software Isn't currently near the top of my priorities list but maybe in the future it will be. For now pen and paper will suffice.

Steno Pad 100 Sheets 6" x 9" Gregg Ruled Made in USA

@aurum tell them to pinky swear. Enlightened beings are people with the consciousness of God's divine goodness flowing through them. God cannot break a pinky promise because the act is simply too low of a vibration, it's impossible.

@Blissout I feel like maybe whenever we start getting into what enlightenment IS we create the potential to fall into a trap and get stuck in this work. Not like it's bad or wrong to define it but it's probably just more practical not to if you actually want to achieve it. But I'm a total noob so take my words with a grain of salt.

She claims to be ESP. So that means she can see things in other realms which we can't. That's what she says is the main reason she knows so much at such a young age.