stevegan928

@Sparkist yeah that's me in the pineapple, I took a selfie on the mirror in it. I agree it would be a cool album cover. Thank you.

@sarapr That's the dream we'll see if I can actualize it.

@sarapr People often peg me as the artistic type, I don't wanna say "no" because that might be putting unwanted energies out into the universe but I feel like if I say yes I'm not being entirely truthful either because I don't practice any formal art, I don't have any "technical skills" as one might say. It's probably the constant daydreaming that leads people to believe I'm artistic. Maladaptive daydreaming, look it up if you wanna know the difference between everyday monkey mind stuff that everyone deals with versus a proper daydreaming addiction that eats away at ones time in a similar way to videogames and harmful substances. That's what I have and that's probably why many people peg me as an artist, I have been existing in the same head space as an artist for as long as I can remember, constantly imagining, visualizing, daydreaming. I did horrible in school because I had access to something far more entertaining than a smartphone and it's completely invisible, my imagination. I'm not currently in an art related career, that would be cool however. No I clean poop off toilets at Walmart currently, however I'm currently putting my imagination towards the task of finding a new way for me to make money, I'm confident I'll be successful in this endeavor, however I do have a bit of a history of cockieness so we'll see if the marketplace slams me back down into the pavement. @Annica Thank you very much for the kind words and wisdom, it motivates me to be better and keep posting to the journal.

I had a pretty good day today, I feel I can attribute some of it to the nice weather, some of it to the comfy shirt I wore, and most of it to releasing "should statements". I might go back later tonight and do the exercise that Leo assigned in his episode about should statements, but I won't go as far as saying I should do the assignment . Anyway I think I'm gonna try to stick with this releasing of should statements for the next few days, maybe a week. We'll see how I do, maybe I'll actually do a minute or so of meditation or maybe I'll eat something healthy or maybe I'll continue with my old ways, we'll see. At this point I do start to wonder whats actually wrong with me, like how the fuck can someone actually be this lazy? It's not that I'm the laziest guy you've ever met or anything, actually by my more immediate family's standards you maybe could even call me a bit of an over achiever. You see the real issue is how lazy I am compared to the standards I give my imaginary self, I daydream constantly, a lot of my daydreams are me fantasizing about what my self actualized self would be like, for me it looks like a guy who actually has self discipline and will power as some of his highest virtues (I guess that means those are some of my highest virtues?) he'd be a guy who strikes a good balance between whim and will, for example he might spontaneously feel like going for a walk later in the day, then while he's on his walk he notices how beautiful the sunset looks, so he finds somewhere to sit down and watch the sun shut down for the night, once the sun is gone he notices he's getting a little tired so he just goes to sleep outside right where he watched the sun set, he doesn't even think about how much more comfortable his bed would be right now, he doesn't think about the fact that he looks like a hobo, he just goes to sleep, wakes up, and starts his morning routine from the spot he's at when he wakes up. He'd contrast this childlike spontaneity with a serious spiritual practice, probably something like really long strong determination sits while wearing an itchy sack cloth. Seldom would he accept pleasure from things like food, he'd learn to enjoy bland leaves and seeds, carrots are jolly ranchers to him. Even during sex he doesn't ejaculate most of the time so as to not waste life force energy and also to not delve too far into hedonism, he allows himself a few discharges a year and that's it. Essentially he's an ascetic but with a few hours off every now and then. Compare the imaginary guy described in the paragraph above to me, a guy who struggles to keep a 10 minute daily meditation practice. The fantasy I came up with there might be some unresolved shadow stuff who knows. But as you can see I've imagined it out quite vividly, I actually have maladaptive daydreaming disorder so I'll spend hours on end dreaming that type of stuff up. Anyway since my standards are so polarized towards the will power and discipline approach I figure I should try a more "letting go" approach that takes little to no will power. I do worry about receiving judgement for taking this approach, I don't want people to think I'm a pussy, I'm a bit insecure about my masculinity in that way. I'm a bit of a mess I suppose. Scientists should do experiments on me, I bet they'd have a blast.

Or prevent someone from entering any color stage for that matter?

I just mess around with filters until the photo I took looks sufficiently cool. I didn't take the Headache Hornet photo however.

So I decided to follow up on those synchronicities that where telling me to express my creativity. I did a little bit more but this is the one I'm most proud of, I may upload more some other time.

It's still interesting that African Americans are into the bling, body mods, and violent/ tribal type behavior. My guess is that it happened because whites abruptly thrusted them out of their homeland to bring them into civilization and the culture shock retarded their growth as a people. Maybe the same would happen to any tribe that you do that to.

@Colin Why in the actualized fuck do they do that?

@MarkusSweden I doubt you're at stage blue. I sense that you're being overly humble as a method of compliment fishing but I could be wrong.

@lmfao Well yeah I'm pretty sure 75 is entering into the mental retardation zone and 130 is technically a low level genius.

Also what stage do you think the forum is at?

@Colin I didn't mean any disrespect, however when I look at those crazy body modifications I can't help but think it's really silly.

Not to be racist or anything but African people are... No but it is weird to see that African Americans mimic a similar sense of style to Africans, they both seem to like flamboyant bling and body modifications.

I just went on a nice walk, it got me thinking about things somewhat relating to infinite intelligence. As I walked through a part of my neighborhood that I hadn't previously explored I just felt like reality is pretty freakin' cool, it's like this amazing MMORPG openworld sandbox game with endless possibilities, endless situations a player can find himself in. I'm in this weird situation where I feel like I've almost willingly imprisoned myself deep into my neurotic ego and I'm searching for an escape but the prison guards catch me plotting so I'm then punished and must now come up with a new escape plan. Like it sucks but just imagine a videogame developer creating a game with this level of depth, when you look at it that way it's pretty amazing and beautiful. Lately I've been thinking about how much perspective can change reality on a fundamental level, something Leo touches on a lot. Sometimes I flirt with viewing reality as a videogame, sometimes I view it as a painting, sometimes a more abstract piece of art, sometimes a biological organism. Being able to hop between such a wide variety of perspectives on a dime I can only assume is a valuable skill to develop. It really helps you see the magic of reality. An artist and mystic who has really helped me see the magic in reality is Wayne Wirs (RIP) http://mysticsjournal.com/favorite-photos/

I've tried nothing, everything works. I haven't posted on here in a long time but here we go. I've mostly been back to my old ways, I can feel my consciousness lowering, I've been growing in cynicism and negativity, my outlook on life is now more negative. I hope it's just a stage, part of this new outlook could have came from consuming MGTOW and Jordan Peterson content (which reminds me I gotta clean my fucking room). My ability to procrastinate is astonishing, I've been wanting to clean my room for over 6 months now. I've noticed myself making strange decisions like I bought a motorcycle and a cheap plot of land in Williams AZ, I don't even have a drivers licences. I'm enjoying writing this right now though, I've been getting a lot of synchronistic signs that I should express my creativity in some way but I don't know where to start or what creative skills to start developing so I guess I'm starting with this post. On a more positive note I've began going to church again (it's a new age church), also I just bought some healthy food to start cleaning my diet back up, earlier this week I was doing pretty good on my diet but I fell off hard, I might make an attempt to hop back on tomorrow, if not the next day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next day, or maybe the day after that, or maybe I'll feed the veggies to my sister's pet bunny and try again in a month. History says this will happen. Love myself more you say? My faith in gooshy New Age teachings is waning lately, this sucks because I relied on these beliefs for comfort, we'll see what happens with my new developing worldview. That's it for this post, maybe I'll post more later to keep y'all up to date, I feel sort of good about my coming week, we'll see. I feel maybe this post could be a bit contrived, maybe it has something to do with me wanting to "express my creativity" in it, maybe I should strictly focus on bare bones honesty. We'll see how I approach it in future posts. @taleen @Courtney Thank you two so much for the feedback, If I was notified months ago that you two commented on my post I probably would have been motivated (for at least one or two posts) to be more consistent with the journal. I was very excited to see feedback thank you.

You seem to think votes of the people matter. You seem to assume (they) don't just choose the puppet that'll best serve the NWO agenda. Cute.

boi

Leo made this video about homophobic stations or something I remember.

Man people freaking HATE Martin I swear. I sort of understand, he has that charlatan look to him. However I like the guy. I don't have superpowers to see other dimensions like @Muwuwei90 so when I'm judging to see if a teachers enlightened I tend to just look at there body language, how they talk, and how free they are of inhibitions. Martin checks off.

Avengers: Infinity War Thanos clearly took Leo's Life Purpose Course. Also our favorite 5meo magician Martin Ball plays a major role in the movie.

furthermore stay open to the idea that Ralston is onto something. maybe Leo showed him some and he saw evil demons appear in the room

which means technically possible. infinity is literally infinity so there are literally infinite "improbable" universes. think about this, there are INFINITE improbable universes so OF COURSE you are living in one them, the chances are 100%

ah yes, and by the looks of the rest of your comment you didn't either. listened to much of Peterson and never thought for a second he's trying to turn men into victims. he may not understand postmodernism but he understands self-help on at least a basic level pretty well. so yeah, if you have trouble listening to someone you disagree with on a few points just stop here. because on one hand his lectures are extremely helpful, but on the other hand you'll occasionally hear him say something that goes against the paradigm we populate here on the forum. however if you are gifted with the ability to pick what you like from a philosophy while leaving out what you dislike, i strongly recommend Peterson.

Do any of you know some type of school I could attend that would teach me how to be entirely self sufficient and not reliant on society/modern civilization in order to survive? I don't have faith in modern society, I genuinely believe the "shit will hit the fan" in my lifetime, It could be tomorrow, a year from now, or 30 years from now. I wanna be ready, I don't wanna be a "preper" in the traditional sense where I carry guns and stuff, I just wanna transition to a lifestyle that is sustainable independent of how fucked the world is. What's the point in life purpose and career if it's all destroyed by an EMP or economic collapse? Nothing wrong with those things but just be aware of how fragile western civilization actually is and how your career most likely depends on western civilization staying intact. I just wanna tend to my garden and my consciousness while society rips it's self to shreds.