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I think music is awesome I enjoy the emotions and sensations like the body chills felt when you're vibing with the music notes or lyrics that seem to resonate somewhere within you Some songs arent just heard but can be felt

Can you explain the feeling before the attacks a little better?.. First and foremost theres nothing to be ashamed of in doing this, just saying its common.. Im a big kid/grown-up and i also find comfort in sleeping with the TV on sometimes for more than one reason.. Im not sure if you feel a presence in the darkness thats scaring you.. If so i know the feeling lately ive been sleeping with the lights on.. One thing is for certain in all my years nothing has gotten me yet.. I dont know if that'll bring you any comfort.. Like Natasha says visualizing imaginary sheep following them with your eyes jumping over a fence and counting them in your mind helps.. I do that.. I say the alphabet visualizing the letters.. Sing my favorite opening theme song to a favorite tv show visualizing the opening credits.. Sometimes the best thing for me is just to get up turn on the lights walk around my room straighten something, read something, really anything to get your mind off of whatever is bothering you just for a couple minutes and then get back into bed and repeat if necessary..

They are? ?

Awe thanks @Natasha, youre going to make me cry.. Have a goodnight ✌❤

Something else thats cray cray, animals and other objects are communicating with me.. Example I have a lone peacock where i live that lost his group that sings when my thought/question is right anytime of the night or day.. 3 ducks follow me all over the city.. There are beautiful hawks flying above that ive never seen before.. Vultures :/, baby Geckos that keep clinging to me which never happened in the past, they scury usually.. Im sorry for those in the mosquitoes ? Besides reading the Bible being Christian at heart i started Thich Nhat Hanh and i plan on reading many more books including all the different religions books in time.. I think thats important, to be open minded and accepting of others beliefs even if they arent your own..✌ Changed my diet ive been a vegetarian for a week now, mainly drinking only water.. A soda here and there to help with a nicotine addiction quitting cigarettes cold turkey a month ago.. Relapsing only once since, due to a nervous breakdown/rebellion.. I still love coffee but im not drinking as much ive cut it in half atleast. If i haven't said enough heres a little gibberish for a special friend My Ox went Roar I shared all this because I feel i owe this community some love and it was time to show it.. It may hurt me in the end but i think atleast this much i can say/do I may not share again for some time

Yes @Natasha thanks for sharing that i needed that, Hugs! I feel a little less crazy now.. Ill share a little more.. I cant say much but i just know alot somehow.. I know there are some out there that dont want me here and dont want me to say anything at all anywhere and i cant talk about something's, i just cant.. but im going crazy not having anyone to talk to about some of this stuff with, anyone other than God that is.. I can compare my experiences to unfortunately being on a crazy rollercoaster of right and wrong, good and evil, religions, politics, and so forth with horrible and awesome thoughts pushed into my head.. I feel like im stuck between a tug of war match and i have to choose which side i want to be on and at times one side has more control and i lash out at the other i yell at God and curse the parties involved really not meaning what ive said and quickly asking god for forgiveness.. In fact im trying hard not to sin at all There is a relation to being tired and letting your gaurd down.. Sometimes i dont sleep or eat for days on gaurd duty @cetus56 but i know the thoughts arent mine because they are random and im very calculated.. Most of the time i can do anything with my mind i choose, see whatever i want, be where ever I want, build whatever, etc. its not really random when im driving.. As far as the crying thing.. One example was the other day i was in a class at my church and something came over me and i started shaking, twitching, tightning up, i started to weep.. I get these tingly feelings its hard to explaine they affect me at different areas at different times, same with hot and cold.. Back to being a cry baby.. In the class i tried to Be a man and i held back my tears the best i could but they wouldn't stop.. I started to think, "why am i crying", i wasnt thinking about anything sad.. I kept fighting the tears trying to hold them back so my classmates wouldn't notice.. This went on for like 10 minutes, i started to notice i heard sniffles on the other side of the class and just out of my view behind someone else was a girl crying.. A light bulb kinda went of and i realized maybe i was crying because she was and i got happy and smiled and stopped crying for a second.. Then the tears would come right back.. at this time im laughing at myself and crying because im kinda enjoying this now..

Ill share a little of my views, i dont want to argue.. First let me say i have no thoughts most of the time lately.. I do produce thoughts during self inquiry.. Something that Im starting to feel/realize is that some of the thoughts/questions arent my own but are others somehow ending up in my head.. I can stop them when im alert/awake but i have discovered when im tired about to fall asleep thoughts can be pushed in.. Same with others emotions mainly sadness i can get a real sense of and at times i cry for no reason.. synchronicity i believe it to be referred as or simply i have a connection

Yes

Youre welcome @Natasha I will i want to help those struggling with depression

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@Natasha i think you're awesome