karli

Hey there, I did it again, a Solo-Retreat, this time a bit more intentional, with more serious rewards, I think. Here is my 1st edition. No big foreword. I jump right into it: the setup: my grandma´s garden hut with kitchen and equipment a swimming pool rice, apples and carrrots drinking water warm clothes, towels, blankets a shutdown phone 100µg of 1P-LSD an electric heater my day: The whole thing took place for 10 days in january 2020 in germany (pretty cold). That´s a while ago, so I had some time to reflect upon. It feels strange writing about it now, the memories seem to be far out there. I had kind of a routine these 10 days which looked like this: Waking up, with the sun shining on my face. Getting up, going out, wrapped in warm clothes, brushing my teeth, drinking water, walking around the hut several times and welcome the new day. This was usually very peaceful and calm. The next part had more of a violent nature: getting into this freezing cold pool (2°C-4°C) for not even a minute I guess. Coming out, the fresh winter air was like a warm breeze to me. Afterwards I would get down on the mat doing a kundalini kriya for about one hour, which was at that time also my daily routine. Having cooled down from the exercise I got up and cooked myself some rice. Later I would take a walk, bore myself, stare at nature, think stuff up, enjoy my being and before dinner(more rice) I meditated for 45 minutes. Then I would usually sit in my hut, look outside at nature doing it´s thing and wonder about things. This was basically my day. starting to trip: I had planned to take the 100µg of 1P-LSD on day 7 or 8. (Before this retreat I have taken the same 1P-LSD two times, first time 33 µg and the second time 66µg). But it came a bit different then I thought. In the evening on day 4 I sat there and just felt completely at peace with myself. I was so happy having made this retreat true. I had it in mind for several months ahead. I had serious intention to see myself/god. My daily kundalini routine was strong as was my meditation and throughout my everyday life I had this pulling feeling towards higher spheres. So a lot of things came together very well for me and I was just sitting there and being so blissful. Then it struck me! I do it now! Now is the time to take it. Well, I took half the dose first. I went for a walk around the hut in my grandma´s garden. Round after round after round until it slowly began and things got a little more LSD. Visions started. I felt a little strange of course. I had a little anxiety. But nothing too crazy or mindovertaking. I went back in to my bed. I made myself comfortable. Sat there for some minutes and the spectacle started to show itself a little more. I decided to take the second half because I felt very confident with myself and the dose I have already taken. This decision was backed up by my strong and clear desire to uncover the truth, so things took me there. the pinnacle: The moment it all really started. Dude, I´m getting real emotional just remembering it and writing about it here. Didn´t expect that^^. My third eye just popped open. It was as if the membrane of my body strange looped on itself at the spot of my third eye. I kinda fell into a very open space. I lost my body completely. The room dissolved. My body dissolved. My „being a body, lying in a bed in a room, being on earth“ was completely forgotten. My Self was this very open and creative room, where everything is created. And I was the creation as well. I realized that this story about my life is a total lie, entirely thought up, created out of the blue. Also death and the fear of it, is total bullshit. There was no substance to all of it. There was still somehow an „I“ and I popped in and out of this state several times. The state was not very steady and stable. Also I had myself distracted by all those visuals. Observing the nature of reality wasn´t easy with crazy geometrical and colourful stuff flying around. This was the deepest point of my trip. Then I came back in fantastic obvious, not obvious ego-fashion: Out of this space I was in, a question appeared. „Didn´t I had to pee?“ In this exact moment my body was put together, beginning from the pressure in my bladder. Also the room restructured itself into being. Fantastic to see! Spectacular and unbelievably amazing. This pinnacle experience took maybe 10 minutes. I didn´t stop time so I don´t know. It could have been much longer as well. The trip went on in a lighter fashion for several hours through the night. A lot of smaller things keeped happening there and they are defenitely very important to me, but they are not so important for this report or for uncovering the nature of reality. the following days in retreat: The next few days I had to convince myself of not going home immediately. I mean at this point I got everything right? I had so much energy and inspiration for my everyday life, projects and goals. But I was a good student, I sat it out getting back to society: When my mum picked me up, she asked: „Are you still alive?“ My answer was simple, shocking, yet somehow true: „Again, mum, alive again.“ She reported to me later, that the look on my eyes was extremely strong and that she couldn´t even look me in the eyes for long. When we drove with the car home I saw all those other cars. All the traffic, all the people, this fast world. A beautiful song was playing and I just couldn´t hold it. I burst into tears of how beautiful I am and how beautiful all this creation is that I am. conclusion: This was a much more serious retreat than the first one. It was still chill though. For that time it was the perfect mix of challenge and skill for me. There is a lot for me to harvest and learn from this experience about almost everything (retreats, set-ups, intention, tripping, reality, …). There is so much more to talk about. I often observe myself getting tangled up in underlying assumptions of how fast I should be, what I should do, how hardcore I should work and so on. I just hope you guys set your own pace that works for you. I´m here for the long run. It feels like I´m just starting to love this. side note: I wrote all of this in June 2020. I share it with you here now. Better late then never. Greetings

Explaining God through communication is like explaining what a pig is only using sausages.

Are you sometimes afraid of what you still got to do? Especially this feeling in your belly that there is soooo much to do? Take a deep breath and be excited, because you will solve more problems in your lifetime than you can comprehend right now. Maybe it is even better to think about it in terms of creating, not solving problems.

I wanted to congratulate Leo for his enlightenment...

Your greatest strength is your greatest weakness. Your greatest weakness is your greatest strength. So watch out!

Cold showers. There is one rule: don't think - just walk under the shower turn it on full cold and freeze your ass away. The more straight forward and determined you go under the shower the less of a grind it is. That's my experience of showering for 1,5 years cold. But you will have to do the work for yourself. Lately I took a warm shower. It's strange and doesn't feel healthy anymore. And still, showering cold is difficult. Never think that it will get easy

I liked the videos about understanding something. It has the inclination that it can be understood and that you are friendlier and more open towards the topic. I think we understand certain things because we are born with this ability but still it is an ability. And you can suck at it or maybe you are kind of a natural. But anyway we don´t have a real plan on how to do it properly. Or set our environment to fall easier into understanding itself. That would be questions for the video. What is it? It´s essence? How does it work? How does it changes things around you and in your self? Why should I care and why is it important? Where does it come from? Where does it like to live? How can I use it? How to do it more efficently? How does the process looks like(maybe it has certain stages)? If we have more of a plan about it we can be more strategic about our understanding. And therefore be acting more straightforward towards it. @Leo Gura I really liked the idea of observing your own observation in Learning=Observation. It´s kind of the same metaing process(another interesting video idea - "The Metaing Process - A Useful Technique") but just for understanding. If this video will never be released I don´t mind, because I am going to wrap my mind around it anyway. And maybe it´s better to not get fed with your ideas about it

I like this video idea. Lately I tried to sit through it. Out of interest and curiosity how it actually feels like. It´s pretty interesting. Try it. Face it

Hier, Dresdner. Gerade auf Reisen in Lateinamerika. Komme im Januar wieder.

So I just came back from my first solo retreat. Just short to me: I begun watching Leos videos and meditation pretty exactly one year ago. I am still very new to the self-actualisation path but already got the taste of growth here and there. Also tasted some mushrooms. Right now I am solo travelling in latin america and had ever since I started the travel 4 months ago the idea to do a timeout from society, other people and distractions. Just nature and me (in my imagination something very romantic). Leos videos about his retreat and loneliness 2 weeks ago then gave me the last bit of motivation to set everything up and actually do it. the set up: a hut in the jungle(next town is 5km away) water, rice, fruits for supply sleeping bag, tent, matress, mosquito net, tarpaulin, camping chair for special luxury clothes, towel, blanket cooking stove, knives, pot other important tools like insect repellent and a shutdown phone That was pretty much it. Very minimalistic. I tried to remove as much potential distractions as possible. The plan was to stay at least 10 days and if more than even better. How my days looked like (in no order): formal meditation (I guess ca. 2 hours a day - didnt stopped time), walking when not raining, sitting in a chair, staring into the forest, cooking, eating, lying around...basically doing nothing all day, being extremely bored and confused of what to do with so much time. Here to my experience: It was strange! I was expecting a lot of certain things, i.e. that I achieve a more effortless and mindful state of being. However reality proofed me wrong in its sharp and ruthless way. I ended up just staying 8 days, later more to this. In the beginning I had to deal with my stupid fears of horror creatures coming into this house and ripping my guts out. Every kind of panic thought processes. I saw a snake in the hut - "Oh what if it is poisenous, what if it attacks you, what if it gets its friends and kill me,...blabla". Also any sound that was not the "normal" jungle background triggered those stupid thought spirals. In those cases I just didn´t move and argued a little bit with myself or concentrated on my breathing. I tried to deal with my emotions and thoughts, I mean there was nothing else to do anyway^^. In the next days I got calmer about this and it didn´t make me sweat anymore. I was getting more silent in my overall moving, thinking - being. I was getting more mindful with its peak on day 5. But it felt strange. Not so happy like on mushrooms - of course because there was no sensational flash. But it felt like I was on very suddle drugs. Everything felt a little bit uncomfortable. Maybe it was the underlying loneliness that coloured my experience there. I don´t really know. I always had to remind myself that I was alone: "Look, you are alone!". I was going through different emotions, but it was no big deal, the usual suspects. They came and went. Sometimes I had to motivate myself through it with things like: "Go dude!", "That´s where it gets interesting.", "Here is where the growth happens.". On day 5 then my friends visited me. I was getting very happy to see people and talk for 5 minutes. The difference between them and me was crazy. They were caught up in their structured conceptual minds. How they looked around and walked. They didn´t saw the things I saw. I was a lot more in the present moment. I could saw how they walked back to their car - they didn´t took the trail for what it is but as a way to get to the car and only for a way to get to the car. They also brought me a sandwich with sausage. I tasted it and it was a mixture of disgusting and delicious. On the 6th day I was in a morent contemplative mood. I had an important insight for me. It was very short: It was a deeper sense of understanding and compassion for all living creatures. I understood in this moment that everybody is giving his best all the time. The problem just is that nobody understands what really is the best. Nobody knows about his own inner structures, mechanics, functions and higher order principles. And from this point of view I developed compassion for everybody. I wasn´t able to be angry about anybody in this moment. For me this is crucial because I often judge people for what they obviously do wrong. However the 7th day was very nasty and salty in mood. I was lying on the ground and thought: "Fuck you Leo. Why are you telling people to do this shit. This really is shit." I was instantly getting that I push the situation outwards and was blaming. I just laughed about myself - not in a mean and pathetic way but more in a loving one. The last two days it was raining all day so I couldn´t get out of my little house and was dying under the lack of movement. It really made me sour. In the evening I was getting into my tent and I saw that everything was full of mould. It was extremely disgusting. I was able to sleep outside and had big thought spirals about how the mould will kill me and I die just like Chris from Into the Wild. But I made it through the night with the hard plan to get to my friends house next day. In the morning I meditated and was calmer: "Ahh those shroomies are just a very big threshold guardian." I really wanted to sit this through and ordered my clothes. I realised everything was full of mould and I got fucked up by my brain again. It was really disgusting and I chose to leave the place. So I walked the way back to town but I couldn´t because it was high tide. How ironic with Into the Wild in my mind^^ However I walked another way 7km through the jungle barefoot and crazy about getting home. Ridiculous and a testing end for me but of course it was all fun if I look back from now. What I think I learned on this more serious step into Personal Development: I think there is a lot minor things but the most important one is this one: I know a lot less as I always think. There is a fucking lot to discover and I want to explore and learn it even more, even though I could feel that it will be a tonload of work. And I didn´t felt all comfortable with seeing that it is like an endless spiral going up. It´s actually exactly like going the other easy way; infinite. But yeah, the direction is clear. It showed me how far I am away from all this fancy crystal clear theory and ideals. Life really is muddy. I hope those information help you get off your ass and do a retreat on your own. You will see how good it is for you. TL;DR: Do a solo retreat!

I have heard an audiobook called "How to win friends & influence people" by Dale Carnegie. It is very lifechanging in your behaviour with other people and your understanding of social interaction. I recommend this (audio)book for everyone and it definitely is worth a video. Not a superdeep topic, but very practical and also mind-boggling for your beliefs in social interaction. karli