Dan Arnautu

I'm gonna make editable doc documents for all the spiral dynamics videos Leo releases and I'm gonna propose a simple way to self-assess. The document for the first video is already done (17 pages long) and right now I'm 20 minutes into taking notes on the second video. The way it's gonna work is after I finish all the notes for all the videos, we are each gonna write a red X (just change the color of the font in google docs or word) in the right of all the values, essential traits or phrases that resonate with us. By the end we should have a somewhat precise idea of what stage we are at PRIMARILY and from which stages we have lingering figments or sprouting seeds. The power of marking the X's is that we will know EXACTLY what are the traits that we need to work on or evolve from. Additional suggestions are also welcomed though. I'm gonna attach the first document below so you can start doing the work if you want to. Good luck to all! -Dan Spiral Dynamics - Stage Blue.docx

Now this really piqued my interest. Sadhguru said in a video that in the last years of his life, Ramakrishna used the desire of food in order to prevent consciousness from leaving the body. What do you think of this? I don't see teachers like Adyashanti, Eckhart Tolle, Martin Ball or Shinzen Young having a problem with this, even though they are enlightened. When would a worry like this arise on one's path? Would the serious practitioners at some point need to start to consciously deploy effort in order for consciousness to not leave the body, at least until the work on earth is done? And how would one recognize such point? Just some food for thought. @Leo Gura Have you found something in your readings about this? I haven't read as many spiritual books as you have, so your insight might be helpful.

@Shanmugam I think I'm starting to get it. Great to see all sides of this. Although now I don't understand why Sadhguru would use such story. I thought he wanted to show that without Karma (as in the desire for food or something else) you can't keep the body any longer. Now I'm a bit more confused even.

@Anna1 Thank you for the input. I too have that feeling, but at the same time, after some deep spiritual experiences I've had myself, I can't call it total BS anymore. Yeah, from a materialistic paradigm, it doesn't make any sense, but after you go past that, it is totally in the realm of possibility. This can also point us to Yogananda's mahasamadhi and mahasamadhi/mukti/nirvan in general as it is called in different philosophies.

@enlightened_soup Congrats for being able to cut all of those out. Now, careful not to go to extremes. I did the same thing you did. It's ok to leave a ratio of mild entertainment. Those are not bad. There are still great movies and tv shows to watch, good events to go to, good social media content to consume and relaxing practices to do. It's just about the amount that you consume. A great movie at the end of a hard work day is well deserved, and you shouldn't feel guilty for doing it, in the same way in which chocolate won't interfere in any way with your diet as long as you limit sweets to 10-20% of your total daily calories. You need to find your balance, not cut everything out completely. Hell, even Eckhart Tolle watches movies sometimes. You can also go pick girls up at the club and use it as practice. Many ways to go about enjoying yourself in a consciouss way. You just have to be smart about it.

Firstly, the goal has to be really important to you, otherwise you are not gonna stick to it. Or, alternatively, a lot of pain must be involved if you don't achieve the goal you had set. That can put your feet to the fire too. Secondly, motivation as a fuel to get things done must be discarded at all costs. The days when you are not gonna feel like doing the work will be more numerous than the ones where you do. That's where discipline comes in. Through discipline you get things done. You may not feel like it, but you do it anyway. This is the mindset needed. People would normally think that after working out every week for more than 5 years, it is easy for me to do it, or at least easier than in the beginning. No, it's not. It's just as hard. If anything, it's more challenging. The workouts are longer and harder than when I started Most days of course I would rather stay at home and watch a TV show rather than go to the gym, but I go anyway. How do I motivate myself to do that? I make it non-negotiable. The second I leave myself even the option of not going, working out become debateable. That's why I just put it in the calendar like any other appointment I HAVE to go to. I treat it like an appointment with myself. Most people do not use "motivation" to go to class every day, do they? It's in their schedule and they have to go, simple as that. You just have to make a 100% commitment to your goal. No wiggle room. As an example, if I hadn't made the commitment to work out 3x a week for the rest of my life, I would have backslided hundreds of times. So, set your goal, commit to it 100% and rely on discipline, not motivation, to show up and do the work (at least until it becomes a habit). The answer is: Vision! One that should make you cry when you visualize it in your mind as being achieved. Keeping the fitness analogies, Arnold Schwarzenegger was just a poor kid living in a small town in Austria and he had created a vision of him going to America and becoming the best bodybuilder of all time. Not the best bodybuilder of his country, or of his generation, but OF ALL TIME! We can't actually even comprehend how far outside the realm of possibility this ambition was if we were to be put in his situation. Most of us would have asked ourselves, "who the fuck am I to think I can be the best bodybuilder of all time?". Thus, a vision will not motivate you unless it is big enough, grandiose, maybe not even done before. But the vision doesn't have to be THAT big. For me, I was just a weak and fat kid who wanted not to be picked on and wanted to be somewhat attractive to girls. That vision kept me in the gym, but it did not motivate me to build a great body. That's why I haven't made much progress then. But, when my vision had become positively motivated, as in wanting to achieve the physique of a greek god, the results started to skyrocket. I visioned myself having the body of a greek god, being able to showcase outstanding physical ability and turning heads everywhere, not for a narcissistic indulgence, but as a symbol of hard work. I wanted to turn people's heads because I wanted them to be inspired by the hard work put into obtaining it. Having a greek god physique would also keep me insanely heathy in my old age due to the strength training, so that was a motivator too. Visioning also helps you reprogram your subconscious mind. It gets rid of and prevents self-sabotaging behaviours when you are working towards achieving your goal. If we are thinking of picking up women, let's say for example that you are an insecure, introverted geek who is 23 years old and never had sex. Vision yourself in the future as having options with women, having sex with perfect 10's every day. Vision being able to talk in such a way that you just hypnotize women and get them wet with just your voice, enter any room and being seen instantly as the alpha male from just your presence, being able to open any woman, anytime, anywhere. Vision being able to pick up the woman of your dreams and her not ever wanting to let you go. This is a great vision that CAN be achieved. But, it has to be there in the first place in order to keep you on track with the goal. I hope this has made things clearer for you. I am still just scratching the tip of the iceberg on the subject though. We can go much deeper on this, but time is limited. Good luck! -Dan

@fireworld I know it is hard. Very hard indeed. But that's why so few get the good life. If it were easy, this forum would not have existed. Careful, because that can be an anecdotal logical fallacy. If you haven't seen the people around you getting results from self-help, it doesn't mean that self-help doesn't work . In the same way that I can't affirm that diets don't work just because all the people around me have not successfuly dieted. Most likely due to poor execution. Again, any decent program/course/book/seminar will work if you are consistent with it, if you are proactive and constantly self-optimize your aproach. I've coached many people to lose weight and put on muscle, on plans specifically made for them. The ones that experienced massive results in a very short span of time were the ones that followed what I said to a T, and when they screwed up, they got back on track the next day. Things like losing 10kg of fat and putting on 2k of muscle in the span of 2 months were easy results for these guys, because they followed exactly what I said, and they stayed consistent for a long period of time. And then there were the other ones, the ones for whom I changed the approach 20 times because they said it doesn't work and that there must be something wrong with it. No, there wasn't anything wrong with the programs I made for them. All of them worked. It was actually logically impossible for them to not work. You can't trick a caloric deficit the same way you can't trick the law of gravity. When I digged deeper, they weren't tracking the calories as I told them to, they were doing the reps to failure in the gym (when I told them not to), they were doing either more or less cardio than I advised, they were not getting enough sleep etc. Of course the programs were not working. Of course. They haven't been doing what I told them to, and thus got NO RESULTS. NONE. ZERO PROGRESS. So reassess your situation and start over again and again. Not enough action. MASSIVE ACTION IS NEEDED. You can't possibly tell me that a guy that goes out and approaches 100 girls per night won't get laid within one month. Extreme ownership needs to be taken of the situation. One can stay at home, bitch and moan about how the program doesn't work, or one can go out and implement the techniques again and again and see outstanding results because of the deployed effort and time. To get what you want you have to deserve what you want. And the work always comes first. If the pickup products would not work, they would be off the market, and in the age of social media you can't hide the defects of a product. So if a product wouldn't genuinely work, you would find it out very easily through bad reviews/testimonials and general social media backlash. Yes, again, it is very hard. You are going against the grain, against what 99% of people do and settle with. But on the other hand, 99% of your success will come from just showing the fuck up. Every. Single. Day. Only blessings, -Dan

@fireworld Too much theory, too little action. 10% theory, 90% action, not the other way around. I fell into that trap myself. Any diet works as long as you stick to it. Any workout regimen works as long as you stick to it. Deploy patience and consistency. There are hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of people that can vouch that the self-help books and techniques work. But only 10% or less of the people that apply the techniques actually have the discipline, patience and vision to stick to them and see the results. There is no shortcut. You can either get back to work and redouble your efforts or succumb to the victim mentality and remain stuck for the rest of your life. The choice is yours. Always assume that if the techniques are not working, YOU are the one doing something wrong. That is the case in almost all situations. It has always been for example in my case.

1. I wake up at 8 a.m. every day. 2. I go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, wash my face, brush my hair. 3. I go to the weight scale (after going to the toilet of course). I take my weight and waist measurement (and I do a weekly average) to track my cutting progress. 3. I make a cup of coffee (with some milk, cocoa, vanilla extract and cinnamon) and I also drink a cup of sparkling water (I also take vitamins if I hadn't been eating that manny veggies that week). 4. I intermittent fast until about 12 p.m. I use only the caffeine from the coffee and sparkling water stave off my hunger and push my first meal later into the day. 5. I sit on the sofa and do a 10 minute mindfulness meditation. 6. I do my brain training (how I do it is confidential though) - That's about it. Might seem complicated but it's really not once it's on auto-pilot. I might not be able to check all the items every single day. Of course, life happens. But as they say, consistency beats perfection. That's what I strive for.

So, I ain't into pursuing enlightenment right now (because I'm in a period of major transition in me life, switching from college to the work force soon + still not being clear on my life purpose). I am studying the theory though (reading books, listening to teachers etc.), doing hatha yoga 3-4 times a week for one hour (which helps me improve my flexibility and breathing for my strength training, plus helping me release blockages) and also meditating for 10 minutes and releasing emotions with the sedona method. I have a history of panic disorder, as in getting frequent panic attacks, which I've managed and tamed in the past 2 years. But still, when i go involuntarily into self-inquiry, it usually causes me to panic and make my mind fearful, to the point of a panic attack. I've experienced major backlashes from it and I feel the need to learn to manage my "negative" emotions and detach from thoughts better before I can go further. I remember that Leo once said that the average person needs years of meditation before the mind is calm enough to do 5 minutes of self inquiry. Similarly, Sadhguru said that without a certain level of stability/equanimity in the system and preparatory practice, most people can go crazy from the intermediate-advanced techniques. He used the analogy of: you can't build a skyscraper without a very stable base, which is one I am inclined to agree with (both from reason and personal experience). I feel the need to dial the whole spiritual thing back for a while because I feel very ungrounded, but I still want to keep a practice in place which will help me with my emotions, especially fear in the long term. Should I stick to a practice of 10 minutes. mindfulness meditation (this is currently the sweetspot for me - I've tried 20 and 30 but I've noticed that my mind is still too rampant for that and it fights back hard), the 1h hatha yoga 3-4x a week and releasing emotions with the sedona method, or do you suggest something else? @Leo Gura Would love your thoughts on this.

@BjarkeT @okulele @Joseph Maynor Thanks for the recommendations. I'm gonna look into them.

@Max_V @cetus56 Yeah, I've observed that for me it's much easier to meditate with music in the background. Sometimes I match my breath to the rythm and that brings me to a real sense of calm and deep awareness. So yeah, it may be that sound is my "portal". But again, music may ultimately be my life purpose medium, so it should be of no surprise.

@Leo Gura Do you go out with friends often? Are you spending 90% of your time at home, doing work?

@AlwaysBeNice When it comes to the theory and questioning the nature of reality, the self, society, religions etc., no, I'm not a beginner. When it comes to taming the mind, yes. I may know a lot about philosophy, psychology, spirituality and meditation, but when it comes to the actual practice, I'm just a newbie with advanced concepts that scare the ego mind. Haven't meditated that much in reality, and my sessions are usually short, because that's what I can currently handle. Had short glimpses of nothingness many times, and they were only scary as fuck, not blissful. Had many experiences, but I wasn't chasing them. It's like they were chasing me. I made the most progress and felt the most stable when I didn't know anything about spirituality and I was just meditating, observing my thoughts and getting into peaceful states. Also, the samadhi states I was getting into weren't scaring me. They were just intriguing at the time. Now, with all the conceptual knowledge I had gathered, I feel as though my mind is on guard 24/7.

@iyfe There should be some nuance here. Very often, when you achieve a certain level of mastery and when you have been trained under great mentors for a long period of time, you will gain a confidence that VERY VERY often can be mistaken for cockiness, ego and arrogance. Truth is that more often than not, it is very tiring to reiterate at every single seminar the fact that they did all the mistakes that can be done in the field, to provide analogies and all of that. If they could, they would just tell you what to do without any type of persuading, argument etc because they know that their teachings work. But they know that it can't be done like that (at least all the time), because people will start to consider them arrogant, cocky, self-righteouss etc. So if they seem self-righeouss, in some cases it may be true (they are human after all), and in others they are just too tired/bored/fed up with giving all the arguments and personal analogies.

1. I suggest you plan a gradual detachment from those. You can't tackle all of them at once effectively. Start with social media. Restrict usage for one hour a day (which should be plenty for school). There are great apps for that, including ColdTurkey for desktop. Turn off all notifications from apps, except SMS. If there is an emergency, people will have access to you through SMS, but there is no reason to check instagram and facebook chat 10 times a day. Check you social media notifications and chat messages once in the morning and once at night by opening the apps (as you won't receive notifications) I was able to quit video games entirely by making a hard/cold switch to a Macbook. I used to play even 10-12 hours a day on some days and I figured this isn't worth it in the long run. So I assessed my priorities and pulled the trigger. No need to quit if you don't have anything to play the games on, hehe. For you, such a radical decision may not be ideal. But only you know. I don't know you, so I can only tell you what worked for me. If this works for you also, great. Alternatively, you can start to substitute video games with something else that gives you the same reward. Filler activities can include, but are not limited to: Meditation Journaling Reading nonfiction books Doing courses Researching Picking up a skill/hobby to work on Self-Hypnosis Having deep conversations with people Contemplating Exercising Signing up for different classes etc. Just see what floats your boat 2. Start small. You don't need to do 1h-2h spiritual practices if you are not ready. Consistency wins every single time. Start with 10 minutes, and once that's comfortable, bump up the assigned time again and again. This is not a sprint. I remember when I first forced myself to meditate for 30 minutes everyday, when my addicted mind's sweet spot was about 10 minutes at the time. It was grueling. I dialed the time back to 10 minutes, and once that amount assigned time became comfortable, I bumped it up to 15 min and then to 20, and so on. 3. I don't know who Steve Pavlina is. Hope I've been of help. Let me know if you have any other questions. Good luck, Torkys!

@Dinesh Karki It depends on what problem you have or what you want to work on. There is no one size fits all solution. If you just want a very general starting point that is gonna point you in the right direction, start with these three books: Think and Grow Rich by Napolean Hill How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey Let me know if you have any other question. Good luck!

@Max_V Maybe the book Deep Work by Cal Newport would be a god send and help you with the ADD. The whole book is about building concentration and clarity when you work. Btw, I'm curious, what are your top 5 strengths?

The element that's missing is the most important one. All the things you set up in your life are amazing and will pay very big dividents in the future, but without the life purpose (or more precisely your 4 hour zone of genius every day) you're gonna get unmotivated from lack of REAL progress in your life. I say "REAL progress" because the fruits of your zone of genius will be much more evident than those from all of the other things you do combined. Maybe 10x that. So, figure out the skill you need to master, (once you have your life purpose) and do that for 4 hours a day. All the other things are just great accesories that will support your purpose.

@NoSelfSelf Leo already covered how to do proper research. Just follow the guidelines in the video. He also emphasizes the traps.

@NoSelfSelf I suggest you avoid the trap of black and white thinking. Each perspective is incomplete so therefore you have to study dozens of them and apply your own reason to figure out the subtle nuances. It's very easy to start to take information on faith because you are starting to like a specific author or researcher or whatever. Just because for example David Deida's books may be 80-90% accurate, it doesn't mean that he isn't prone to error or that he doesn't hold specific unquestioned assumptions. You take the information, analyze it in relation to your past and current experiences, and IDEALLY, you go out and find out for yourself if the info you read on is accurate or not. Also, check in with your intuition every once in a while.

@Raphael Whichever you prefer. But keep in mind that if you do them only after reading the book, there is a high chance that you will procrastinate. So making yourself do the exercises before going further with the book is a good way to not procrastinate. Alternatively, you can do them in the order of importance to you. Like, temporarily skipping the ones from the pillars that you handle well and doing the ones you are the weakest at first.

Ok. I see. Well, it's great that you are willing to change your approach. I don't know which PUA's you follow, but I can recommend you "The Natural by RSD Max", if you have the money. A little bit on the expensive side, but it's totally worth it in my opinion. You will learn how to have "natural game", not needing to put up a face when you go out trying to do pickup. It will just flow. Also, if you said you are looking for the ideal girlfriend, just like I said, making a list with the ideal qualities in a woman is key. I suggest you do the exercise at page 84 from the "How to be a 3% Man" book. You can actually find it for free here (https://www.scribd.com/doc/33421576/How-To-Be-A-3-Man) or on his website. It will take you just a few minutes and it's pretty fun to do actually. And it's funny because you will start to see those types of girls instantly and they will be more attracted to you because women are attracted to men that know exactly what they want. And as you will have the list in your mind, you will know exactly what you want. Good luck, man!

@kieranperez Yeah, I answered your question there. You have the time stamps in the description.

Thanks a lot! I too appreciate yours and others' attention. I do not take it for granted. When it comes to neediness it's a really big frame issue. Most guys come across in their interactions with girls something like: "What can I do so she will let me fuck her?". The problem here is the frame itself. That means you are trying to take something away from her. You are trying to fulfill a need. Not only IS IT NOT MUTUAL, as in, at least you should both have fun, but you are trying to pump away at her and if she feel good, that's great, and if not, whatever. Imagine a girl trying to do that to you (i.e. fucking you and not letting you cum because shed doesn't care about that). This doesn't apply only to sex, but to love too. Into any interaction, not just with women, you have to go into it with a giving mentality. "I am here to give my gift." In a conversation with a friend that may look like giving advice or listening very deeply to him and with a woman it may look something like trying to GIVE her the best orgasm ever or preparing an awesome date. Not because you want something out of it, but because that's what you do. That's what you were put here to do. To penetrate the world with masculine energy. And masculine energy is all about purpose, drive, mission leading, creating and sharing your deepest essence through that. If you want to get rid of neediness in a fundamental way, you have to change from the inside out. You have to become complete within yourself as in not NEEDING a woman in your life to be happy. You have to start to see your ideal woman as just an accessory to an already great life. You could have a life just as awesome without her, but still, having her around is nice. That's the mindset you should be coming from. One pillar to solving this is creating a great life for yourself. Create an awesome career, cultivate awesome skills, travel etc. Whatever rocks your boat. The second pillar is massive self-education. I could write for hours here and I still couldn't cover even the fundamentals of male/female polarity. Read the following books 10 to 15 times, until you have all the concepts internalized and you don't have to think about them anymore. How to Be a 3% Man by Corey Wayne this one especially teaches you the fundamentals The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida The Sex God Method by Daniel Rose This one is optional, but is still important because a woman WILL leave you if the sex isn't good enough. Screwing up one of the intimate acts of the relationship will harbor resentment in her and make her want to leave you even though you may be a great guy. Also, watch this video: The third pillar is meeting and hooking up with so many hot women that your need dissolves into thin air. You burn layers of karma. You don't even think about gettin sex or love as being a problem, because you are now in an abundance mindset. You know that you can get both if you wanted to, without much effort. That's where you probably aim to be and where you CAN be if you read the books above and you start taking massive action. The most important things are so overlooked because they are so obvious. You just need to take action. You may say: Yeah,yeah. I know. That's true. I knew it even before you told me. And I say: Yeah, but are you doing it? That's about it for now. Start taking action on those 3 pillars and you're gonna start to see results. That's all there is. Sitting and thinking about your ex all day won't change anything, as you probably already figured out. Good luck! I wish you the best!