Dan Arnautu

@Joseph Maynor Yup. That's why I said it's hard to give advice. You don't know where to start. People have many blocks you may not know about.

@Joseph Maynor That's the hardest lol. I would argue that what people need is discipline, not motivation.

@Serge Thanks for the answer. All sounds good. Should I read some life coaching books to know which questions to ask when? EDIT: Nevermind. I read the reviews Leo made on the life coaching books (from his book list) and found out what to read. Should have done that before posting. But any other advice is still welcome.

@Edvard Eat one more apple then, lol. Kudos on posting on the forum instead of going straight for the candy though.

@Edvard Buy an apple. You don't crave candy. You crave carbs and sugar. Fruits have fructose, which is still sugar, but it's healthier, and they also have carbs.

@Noah Action Plan 1. Make a list of the things/methods you want to make a habit. 2. Pick only one thing from that list. 3. Do that one thing for 66 days consistently (because that is what researchers found out it takes to wire a new habit into your brain; but 30 is good enough I think) 4. Repeat with the next thing in your list 7. ?????? 8. Profit. You are not thinking long term, that's the problem. If you focus on only one method/habit for 1-2 months, that's either 6 or 12 new habits per year. Multiply that by 10 years. Insane growth. If you go around doing 100 PD methods, running like a chicken with it's head cut off, you won't even be able to reap the joy out of doing personal development.

@AleksM Thanks for the tips. Are you talking about the Riso-Hudson Enneagram?

I 50% agree with you. I honestly think from experience that a combination of yoga with weightlifting is just pure gold. You learn to generate force and learn how each muscle contracts separately with weightlifting. Then, when you do yoga and start stretching, you learn how the muscles work together and increase the flexibility to do the weightlifting exercises more safely and be more present. Also, both push your body in different ways. Weightlifting is very good to learn to push just when you want to give up. "One more rep...One more rep... I won't fail now!". It also creates discipline because you have to eat right in order to progress. You can't add reps or up the weight if you don't eat right. It also gives you transferable, real world strength. You become more self-sufficient. I love both yoga and weightlifting (my routine is 3x a week yoga and 4x a week weightlifting). And actually, WE ARE looking for a burn/tear. That's the only way your muscles get the stimulus to get bigger and stronger. The muscles are like, "OMG, those reps were tough. I need to grow bigger and stronger in order to handle that in the future." This is called progressive overload.

@Leo Gura Can we expect new updates to the book list in the future? I read a lot of the books with the 5 star rating. Really eye-opening and downright amazing. Also, when I read the quote by Carlos Castenada: ”All paths lead to nowhere. But which one has heart?”, it was like something shifted in me. I just "got it". And it was like an intuitive knowing, not something I can put into words.

@Leo Gura The new bookmarking system is amazing. Thanks a lot for the effort, Leo!

@Zeroh @Marinus Yeah, when you have a proper workout and nutrition plan, where you know everything that should happen, there is no more room for doubt and unnecessary thoughts while working out. When you know the rate you should progress at, you can't be anywhere but in the moment. If all is going well, you should feel something like this: "I know I ate properly and slept properly. Based on this and my current level of development, I should be able to add 1 rep or up the weight by X amount this workout and gain 0.25 kg bodyweight this week with no problems." Then you go and do that. After some time, this becomes second nature and you will have all your exercises, sets and reps PRE-PLANNED even weeks or months beforehand with the intensity and volume you need to hit in the workout and you just go there and attack the weights knowing that you can hit the numbers you jotted down before the workout. That's a powerful place to be. You're not one of those guys in the gym looking around disoriented anymore. You enter the gym with a purpose and move from machine to machine with full on confidence. No doubt. No monkey mind. Pure, intensive action.

@Huginn I've found some great ones. One is the Dark Triad Test, which measures your level of narcissism, machiavelianism an psychopathy. Another, more comprehensive one is the one Tai Lopez has on his website (hurry up before he starts charging for it), which is arguably the best one on the internet at the moment. It has several tests merged into one (Including the Myers-Briggs and Hexaco). It analyzes things like your level of honesty, anxiety, fearfullness, your level of anxiety in relationships, possible careers according to your personality profile, your level of conscientiousness (orderliness, industriousness, organization), patience etc. These two tests should give you a very good assessment of what your brain looks like right now. After you take them, start fixing what seems to be on the high end, but also those on the very low end (like confidence and courage for example, if you score below 50). If you score very high in anxiety, get that checked out or start working on it yourself. Also, if you score very high in agreeableness, there might be a high possibility that you are not assertive enough and that people will tend to take advantage of you. That can also be worked on. I hope this helps.

@MM1988 Every book is like a lens you use to see a certain way. But each lens will help only in very specific situations. What you need to start to do is learn which lens to use when. And that takes patience. It starts to make sense only after you read a lot and start being more comfrotable with confusion and paradox. That's the catch from all I've read up until now. It's not all that uncommon to read two books with completely opposite positions from one another, yet both conceptions compel and convince you. It's not easy. But you're here to learn, right?

@Marinus I too am an INFJ. Been training for more than 4 years. Being in the present has nothing to do with introversion vs. extraversion. That's just a projection. You just ain't comfortable yet with the whole thing. My mind is blank when I exercise, with some spurts in the rest pauses, thinking fast about what's needed in my next sets and exercises. You bring as much consciousness as you WANT in the activity. If you want, you can be aware of every little fiber of your muscle contracting as you lift the weight ... or you can be thinking about lunch. It's no matter of personality.

@Marinus Most probably you are working hard in the gym and neglecting nutrition. Classic rookie mistake. You can't build muscle in a vacuum. 90% of your muscle gains will be made in a kitchen. Do your research online on the following concepts: Maintenance Calories Macros (Carbs, Fats and Protein) Lean Bulk The plan for you: Figure out your maintenance calories (the amount of calories your body needs in a day in order to maintain your weight - which is probably what you are eating right now) Add daily surplus you need over that (it usually ranges between 250-500 kcal), in order to start gaining weight You should aim to gain about 0.3-0.4 kg per week in your first year of lifting By the end of the year you should have gained 10 kg easily Have a smart training regimen There are some good free programs on the facebook group The Athlete Phisyque (made by a friend who is a certified personal trainer) Stick to the program for one year - Adjust as needed - Ask questions on fitness forums Enjoy the results! Good luck!

@Afonso The only thing you need is a vision. When the vision is strong enough, motivation won't be a problem. Spend 10-20 minutes visualizing yourself exactly how you would like to look and feel: What posture would you have? How much more confident would you be? How would people look at you differently? How would your clothes fit? What would it be like to be able to perform amazing physical acrobatics or have insane strength relative to your bodyweight? How would it be to know that you can add one more pound each week to every exercise you perform? How would going to the gym skyrocket your level of discipline? What other habits would it affect? How would exercising improve the relationship with your body? Figure what you want most, reinforce the image of the destination in your mind everyday and be patient. Also, remember that you will backslide a lot. Just get back on track when it happens and don't sweat it.

@The Monk If you have one shake a day and the whey is fairly good quality, you won't have any problems. I see an incoming trend of hating all the things that you don't pick up fresh from a tree. Truth is, there's always gonna be bad versions of any product. Pick a good product, use it and get on with your life. Too much focus on the small stuff.

@Zeroh Very good post. Though, I want to emphasize the fact that both exercise and diet need to be made enjoyable and simple, otherwise they won't stick. I've coached quite a few people and the ones that had the best results were the ones that did intermittent fasting (which allowed them to eat fewer, but bigger meals) and whom trained for strength and density (low volume, high intensity, reverse pyramid style). Fasting also allowed the guys to eat out and have a few drinks when partying while still shedding down bodyfat..

You also need to take some psychological tests. Test your level of anxiety, how often you experience negative emotions and why, certain phobias etc.

@Leo Gura Copied my bookmarks. Thank for the heads-up.

@Mrkvn8 No problem. Good luck on your journey.

I have just the thing that can help you. It's a quote from David Deida's "Way of The Superior Man". You should really ponder and contemplate the ramifications of this quote. "If your deepest purpose is to meditate and realize God, you might find that before you can totally dedicate yourself to this practice you must work your way through the concentric circles of playing with sexual partners, using drugs, getting married, raising children, developing a career, and finally, having dissolved your fascination and need to do all of that, getting down to the business of full-time meditation." This means burning off the karma/fulfilling a need/the present purpose which is distracting you You have an onion of purposes that needs to get peeled in order to get to your deepest purpose Also, here's another one. "Each pupose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded." This is not a sign of failure. This is a sign of growth

@SFRL Total Recall by Arnold Schwarzenegger - Longest audiobook you'll listen to, but I already know I'm gonna listen to it again in the future. 10/10 Practicing The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle - Good to deepen your presence The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho - great inspirational listen The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene - makes you feel confident in handling people Mastery by Robert Greene The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden The Way of The Superior Man by David Deida

@spicy_pickles It gets better as you age. I still avoid confrontation when it's not worth the win, and that's ok. For example, a guy was an asshole to me at the gym, thinking the machines in there are all his. My options were: 1. Confront him, waste my time cause a futile fight. (as he already was pretty agitated and calling the staff wouldn't have helped) 2. Walk away, have an awesome workout and not think about the asshole. There are some things that you should definitely do that will increase your level of assertiveness by itself: 1. Make sure your life is not dependent on anyone: not your boss, family etc. (financially or otherwise) When you are completely independent, you won't fear standing by your opinions because you won't fear your boss firing you or your mother stopping supporting you financially if you say something they don't agree with or if they don't like something about you 2. Start exercising People that are in shape usually don't get bullied. Bullies and dominant people naturally go for weak people. 3. Pick up a martial art When you know 100% that you can defend yourself in case something goes down, you won't fear standing up to a tough guy or to someone that tries to boss you around, no matter how big they are. That's a powerful place to be, but it doesn't mean you should go around looking for fights. It's just to make you confident to stand up for yourself

@egoless Coach Corey Wayne. You can definitely trust that guy.