lukmi

This is what Stallman is all about: Sadly, I have fallen into this trap.

@Martin123 Yes, I see that this is the thing to do. Thanks

I am a 22-year-old straight male and I'm realizing a pattern in my relationships. My relationships are close to 1 year long, and my girlfriends happen to ask me if I would be okay with a threesome with another guy a couple of months before they happen to cheat on me and the relationship has to end because of that. I hate the thought of my girl being touched by another man and what I want is a healthy long-term monogamous relationship. I fail to make sense at this. The closest I get is that there could be a lack of communication about something she is not getting from the relationship, yet desires. With the relationship before my last one, I could clearly see why that girl cheated on me. It was because she was unsatisfied with the kind of sex we were having. She was more into what you would see in porn and I was more into the emotions and sensations of sex. This girl cheated twice on me - once just to have sex with a guy that she knows she would enjoy having sex with while I was in hospital recovering from surgery, and later she met someone at work that she would leave me for. In my last relationship, my GF had a crush on someone she met at college and was unable to decide what she should do about it. She kind of went the middle road between him and me but then broke up with me because she couldn't take doing this to me. This was also the reason why my GF before that had broken up with me - I treated her so well in the relationship that she felt like I it wouldn't be fair to not break up with me given the situation. The fact that the exact same thing is happening repeatedly is making me think there is something with me that causes that in my relationships. I'm thrilled to read what you think the reason for that could be so that I can ion this out.

@Martin123 Wow, thank you for that pointer!

Yes, 2. That is 2/3 of my relationships up to now though. Although the one which I wasn't cheated on I don't really want to count as a relationship because I just used it as a stepping stone... I see the pattern of what I need to do. This makes a lot of sense to me and it matches the way I see the issue. Is this "anxious-preoccupied attachment style" a new concept about classifying human connections? I haven't heard of that before.

One half of those wants are less important than the other. That's why I want to focus on them.

@Sleyker Yes, I think I believe that I somehow need a relationship in my life. This would be a cause of neediness and therefore hesitancy to respect my own boundaries. This way I am accepting needy and deficient partners into my life and cling to them even though they cheat on me. So far for the theory. This is already being incorporated into my plan of fixing my situation. I expect this to be fixed with curing neediness. Thank you so far I also think this is key, especially when it comes to sex. I'm planning on monthly relationship feedback forms to cure that. ^^

@Shin Hi to you too I consider my confidence to be good - grade B My humor is pretty "unique" - I usually find my own jokes the funniest while other people can't really appreciate - that is grade C I suspect that I have insecurities from high school that tell me I need a girlfriend, probably that has to do with self-worth, yet my life is pretty great outside of dating - grade E It may be the case that nothing new and exciting happens, especially because we go on less dates a couple months after the relationship is agreed upon and I tend to be hesitant to act upon sexual ideas that come across my mind - grade D My sex has greatly improved - or has just been appreciated more - with the last relationship that I had, but it could handle some more variety and acting upon fantasies that come across my mind - grade B The non - deal-breaker wants are disregarded I see how my relationships may need more spice from this point of view, yet I don't see how lack of detachment is probable to still cause trouble like 6 months in Already helpful though! Thx

Hello people, I am in a dilemma currently. I am thinking about life purpose and have two different scenarios in mind: 1. Me building connected digital systems that we can use to build amazing space stations as in Star Trek 2. Me fighting for free and open software When I try to work on #1 and think in these terms every day in my life, I encounter situations which I feel are not right - like when I am offered to use a proprietary software to do a task. I really feel that the fact that the developers don't tell me what the software does but want me to use it and even pay money for it is just wrong. Imagine a friend of yours would hand you a USB storage with a program he has written and he would tell you: "I don't tell you what it does but please run it!" Would you trust him or would you be sceptical? I would be very sceptical unless he tells me what it does - meaning giving me the source code and proving that this really is the program he gave me the source code of. But on the other hand side, behaving like that, and starting to opt out of cloud services and other software I don't trust, is making me feel negative emotions as my world image is then governed by the concern of trying to protect myself from people that want to sell my data to advertising companies and are able to spy on me. Working on point #1 on the list, however, would make me feel more liberal - like mankind is on the same side and on the way to explore space and so on. It also makes me pretty creative as I enjoy designing electronics and programming a lot. So in a way, I want to do #1. But while doing so I am pulled towards #2 because #2 meets some values that I seem to have. Now, pursuing #2 makes me feel bad though because of the reasons I named, so I try to focus on #1 more. Which results in a loop. I am 20 years old, and study Computer Engineering - so I am at a point where I would really like to decide which track to set for myself. But I don't know what to do. I am thankful for you wanting to help me out!

Hello people, there is a clash going on inside my head where two things that I could be working on are competing about me. On the one hand side, there is my desire to build electronics which will enable people to make space habitable, and on the other hand side there is the idea of fighting against digital surveillance - of big corporations and governments spying on people, free and open source versus proprietary software, and the whole privacy & security concern. I am sort of trying to pursue the former goal but am distracted by the latter - I want to do tech projects at home but when I am doing my daily work on my computer, some proprietary software crosses my way which I am suspicious of. Or I am asked to use this or that service in collaboration with other people that I don't trust with my data. I heard Leo talking about me having to make a choice as to what my life is going to be about. Is this one of these situations where I have to drop one thing for the other or may there be a way where I combine both? Thank you for your opinions!

Hello guys, I currently think about how I can save things that I learned forever. I realized that I forget things quite rapidly. I am in college and most of the Math from last semester is tough to calculate and also remember although it wasn't that hard when I learned it back then. When I got into college, last semester, I started taking notes by writing them on paper in seminars and when I'm home I typed them into my computer using LaTeX. But I found it takes a lot of time to format everything. So I quit it and started just reviewing my hand-written notes and trashing them when I fathomed everything. Now that didn't work the way I wanted to either as I lost most of the knowledge that I gathered. As of shortly, I'm back to LaTeX but it still takes forever to format those notes. I would like to find a way to rework my notes and archive them for later reference and reviewing. So that my knowledge is never lost. I envision going back to these notes in the future when I need them and therefore being almost as competent in these subjects like I was when I studied them in college. Maybe you can help me with that telling me what tool or technique you use. I attach one of these reworked documents and it's source code so you can get an idea of what I mean by all this. (The TEX-file is a TXT-file because of upload restrictions.) Kind regards, lukmi functions.txt Functions.pdf

Great ideas! I think i'll just write ∫_0^2π f(x) dx At long last finally someone understands my excitement about Vim ^__^ Do you know i3, Vimium, Vimperator and Wasavi? You can Vimify a lot!

And how do you do infinite sums? ∑(i) from i=1 to ∞?

Thanks for your answer, yeah I know Vim. Actually I revolved my whole work flow around it. Unicode might really solve this problem. But don't you think one-dimensional formulas like these look somewhat confusing?

One option that I just found through research is Pandoc.

Concerning first impressions, I was out with a few dating coaches that have a start-up YouTube channel a few weeks ago. They suggested one of my problems is the first impression also. Their cure for this was to polish up my style. You might consider this - I don't know what your style is. They basically went shopping for clothes with me. I bought myself some skin-tight clothing that is 2 sizes smaller than what I had been wearing up to then. The effect of that is really good. I see more girls looking at me in public; in the club, one girl even approached me - which never happened before and when I cold-approach a girl, she is way more likely to listen to me. All you have in the beginning is the first impression. (Probably more so for cold approach than for online dating, I don't know how that works for online dating. But for the first date that's certainly a factor as well.) Also don't say that you struggle everywhere and always have. As if that was part of your personality. What are instances when you had positive first impressions? Pointing these moments out to you helps you to stop thinking like this. (As well as affirmations if this first impressions are really important to you.) I would suggest to think of that as being your past, which is not reality anymore, and to focus on how you would like to build your future - as a person who impresses on first sight maybe? Sounds like pointing fingers to other people to me. I was thinking the same for many years as I felt people as a whole don't see my inner values. It's your responsibility to correct the situation for yourself. You can't manipulate the others anyway.

You hit the nail on the head.

Hey guys, I am 19 years old and study at university. I had a lack of sexual and romantic experience in my past. This has been an emotional problem for me, especially in high school. I am currently on a journey of "learning how to date". I have worries about if this will be a permanent fix of my problem. The thing is that I get emotionally triggered when I see or hear of somebody having a sexual experience, such as: My father tells me about his past sexual experiences I see some sexual action on TV / in public (like a couple, touching each other on a party) I hear rumours about a girl, that I was into, supposedly having made out with a guy on a party etc. I am worrying about if this process that I am undertaking will solve this forever. I don't want that to be creeping up later in my life. I am basically learning the techniques and mindsets needed to be successful with the opposite sex. I do research and then go out and apply it to see what works. If you have a response to this worry of mine, I would appreciate you sharing your thoughts with me. Greeting, lukmi

Thank you for these resources! I haven't heard of this side yet. Thank you, @Shin . @Martin123 This looks pretty amazing - found a highly prioritized place on my to-do list!

@Martin123 I see that solely getting laid will not solve much. What is your understanding of emotional healing?

I like that you ask this question. It's almost like coaching. I'm in this dating journey for almost a year now. I can successfully go out at daytime and to night clubs, approach girls that I like, have conversations with them, have them liking me from the interaction, setting out intentions on what to undertake in the near future and grab their numbers. Now, with the texting part and with actually having a meet-up, I am struggling. I'm sure that I will take care of that and what will come after it, judging from my trajectory. (Just two years ago, I was an over-weight video-game addict who didn't have the ghost of a chance with a girl, which was a big problem for me. So, this is amazing but makes my life seem surreal. I refuse to identify with the life that I am living to some extend.) There is more research to be done and more theory to be tested. (I am currently reading Models by Mark Manson.) Yet, the worrying never stops…

Sorted by priority: Some facial anomalies (looks like acne or something but it does not look too severe) I think she has a tough time finding a guy and that repels me (I found her to be clingy when she was around me and I saw her talking to some other guy once, which I interpreted as her trying to flirt with him. Also, I think this guy she was talking to is someone who does not have his life together.) People in my social circle said they wouldn't date someone like her but I am to decide that for myself. She is like a 3 or 4 to me.

That's a very good point So, it is possible to resolve that for me through realization of the Truth (with a capital T) and through the process of achieving and transcending. (By which I mean working on myself to reach my goals and then see how this is not what I was looking for) Right?

That you for your answers! I think that I believe I need love to feel happy. I think so because this statement sounds true to me, I emotionally refuse to admit that it's false and I see myself seeking for love with the girls I date. Thank you for these soothing words! Well, there is a girl that I could be dating right now. We almost got together in high school but I rejected her because I didn't find her attractive sexually. I know that I could be dating her since I was texting her some time ago and she would have met me if I wanted to meet her. Yet I think she is desperate. Would putting up with her show me that being loved does not make me happy? (Pretty much like with someone who thinks getting rich makes him happy and finds out this is false when he got rich) From a strategical standpoint, this seems like it could work.

Hello fellow self-actualizers, I've come across a mental problem that has to do with dating. I am currently working on getting better with women. Sadly I face approach anxiety and almost every time I don't manage to approach when I go out to public places to meet girls, I begin to beat myself up about how everyone is capable of seducing girls but me. The thing is that I never had a girlfriend or anything alike before cause I've been addicted to video games from the age of 11 to 16. (I am 18 now.) Hence I didn't socialize in that time and have hardly any experience with women. I worked out my social issues with friendships but this women thing is still nagging me. That's just for my background, the actual issue here is the beating up. It also occurs when I read or hear that someone lost his or her virginity at the age of 14, or that people have had sex with X amount of girls/boys, or gossiping that he or she had sex on with whomever on whatever party, and so on. Actually many sex related topics disturb me, even though talking about this is totally accepted where I live. And I don't like that it disturbs me as it hampers my success with women and I really like black and disturbing humor. So what can I do about that? I know that many of these things that other people talk about are wrong and or boasting but my emotional mind doesn't care, it gets offended and starts to intimidate me. So the ever-lasting cycle for me is: I go out I don't approach most of the times I get upset or even angry about it I go home My desire for women comes back up at least one day later (mostly in the evening whyever) Repeat Yet I really want to tackle this women issue, I don't want to stay a virgin forever. Nor I want to have to deal with this again when my first relationship ends. And I'm going to college now so I have all the external resources I need. Perfect time. What can I do to stop beating myself up? Tips regarding dating are also welcome! Thank you in advance and greetings from Germany!