Foreign

You might be interested in the book What's Love Got to do with It? By David Wagner. Charity does not help people, it keeps them on their knees and allows the givers to feel morally righteous.

A friend gave me this book at leaf 16 years ago. He told me he thought I'd like it. Back then, I wasn't anywhere close to this path. I remembered the book the other night again and got it out. So many times I've looked at this book. I think I'm ready now.

@Marc Schinkel I have kept your words in mind every day - "I mean you'll be ok in the sense that your feet are still on the ground. Your daughter is playing in the background. Your niece is about to be born. Life is going to continue on just fine. As it always does." I know this is true, and it does bring me some serenity, it is what it is. This is life. My life is good. @Bob84 Yes, I've heard so often that time makes it easier, it's true. We also wait for time, we rush time, we never have enough time. I am better today. I don't feel depressed at all. I feel okay. Somber, but not suffering. I am anxious about what the next year will bring. Death is never easy on family, and my father left a decent size estate with no will. I'm anxious about what this will do to us. So I am focusing on letting go of the outcome of this and preparing myself to walk away, possibly with the loss of siblings as well if it gets ugly. I am curious about why I'm not suffering so much. Maybe it's because I didn't see my Dad every day, or even every week anymore? Like his fiancé who had my father built into the routine of her daily life and into her future. Or my sister who had just recently moved out. Maybe it's because I have a strong faith that he has come back in another way, and that we all come back until we die without suffering. Maybe because I have made up my mind that I will do all things with the determination of my father now and his strength is in me. Tonight I had class and we had a woman presenting on Native American culture. My dad was Native American. She spoke about her father who passed away in January, how he refused to be treated with modern medicine. He let himself die. So much like my Dad. He never told us his heart condition. He never got treatment. My Dad told me just a few weeks before that he wasn't ready to die. But still, he made a choice. This stays in my mind. I want to research death. I want to find answers. Is that attachment? I wonder if I can truly let go of any outcomes with my Dad's estate? Can I truly let go and watch my siblings make poor choices,pissing away everything that my Dad worked for for us? That he died for for us? My Dad did lead an extraordinary life. When I was just 14, he left to Sierra Leone and started a diamond mining company. A fat white man (half-breed) in Africa, mining diamonds during the break of a civil war. He survived and became an African. How could I ever give up after he went through all of that for us?

One week ago I held his hand, I looked in his eyes, said I love you, and told him it was okay. I told him he could go. Today I shook people's hands, hugged strangers, and said "thank you" a hundred times. I let people in the home he built for us, trying to hide the junkyard dog inside me. At the end, I sat on the floor where I found him, and cursed the ashes in my hand. After it all, his roaring laughter, his temper like thunder, his genius sense of humor, his smell, walk, charm, character, and his love... all we have left are these fucking ashes. His empty shoes, his dirty ashtray, his pillows. What is the purpose of this life?

My Dad died today. He was 63 years old, the same age his father was when he passed. I woke up today and started getting my daughter ready for a birthday party. Started the day like any other day. Then my sister called and said something was wrong with my Dad, that I should get to his house. She was an hour away and so was my brother. Before I could get out the door I could hear the sirens. I knew it was for him. I pulled up to the house and there cars everywhere. Then I saw the ambulance. I got inside and handed my daughter to the medic and ran upstairs, past the police, past the other medics. There he was, on the floor. They were doing CPR and kept telling me that it would be better if I wasn't in the room. They didn't understand that I knew he was leaving and I wanted to be there with him, I just wanted to hold his hand and let him know I was there with him while he left. They made me leave. In the ambulance, I knew he wasn't coming back to us. No sirens, no speeding. I would look back to see them still giving him CPR. They took him into a room and I could see their heads. They were all standing around him, working. The Dr came out to talk to my sister, brother and I. He told us we could come in while they continued to have him on life support. He was letting us say goodbye, because maybe he was still inside that body and would know we were there? I talked to him, held his hand, rubbed his head. But there was nothing. He was taking a breath every 30 seconds, sometimes he had a pulse but just from the meds they had given him. My brother and sister were across from me crying. My dad's arms came up, his head started turning left and right, his eyes opened. His brain was still registering that the tube in his throat was uncomfortable. I asked if we could let him go. They did one more ultra-sound to make sure his heart wasn't doing its work anymore. They gave him meds to make him comfortable, and they took the tube out. We said goodbye. My dad and I, we've had a hard relationship. We just started to rebuild. I just asked him if we could do weekly dinners together. It made me happy to see him with my daughter. He was good with her. Last night I called him when my daughter was crying in the store because I wouldn't buy her the remote control car she wanted. When I called, I addressed him as Santa and he played along on speaker phone. My sister is pregnant and hadn't told my dad yet that the baby is due on his birthday. She told him in the hospital. My little brother saw him this morning before he left for work and asked to take him to the Dr. But my Dad said maybe after he gets out of work. My dad had looked up urgent care on his computer and must've gone upstairs to change so he could go. Where is he now? Does he know we were there with him? I loved my Dad. I wasn't ready for him to go. Two weeks ago I asked him to go to the Dr and he said he wasn't ready to leave this Earth yet. His fiancé was supposed to be here from Brazil for Christmas. They were finally going to get married. She is lost now. My Dad started a diamond mining company in Sierra Leone when I was 14 years old. As much as I felt I hated him at times, I admired him so much. What happens next?

Exercising regularly will help .

Such a long response and it didn't directly answer your question, I apologize. I would do my own research and try to get a second opinion. I know how frustrating the tinnitus can be. It may be totally unrelated to your teeth. You know your body, trust your intuition. I knew that my tinnitus was made worse from eating and that fluid buildup in my ear was causing the roaring sound I was hearing as well as the vertigo. I wish you the best of luck!

I had tinnitus for over a year. For at least 10 years I have had other health issues that were minor enough to not be taken seriously but still had a negative impact on the quality of my daily life. It started with chronic tonsillitis. Once my tonsils were removed, I began to have chronic sinusitis and my Dr repeatedly put me on antibiotics. His explanation was that I had allergies, despite the fact that I had allergy testing done and I had no reactions. I went on to have chronic issues with reflux and was diagnosed with IBS. Finally I went to see a specialist on my own and after an endosccopy they found that I had a bacteria in my stomach called H Pylori. I was put on 8 pills a day/ 2weeks of antibiotics. Symptoms persisted and tinnitus worsened. I knew the tinnitus was worse anytime I ate. Then I got hit with two severe vertigo attacks that completely disabled me for hours. I went to an ENT and they confirmed that I had hearing loss and told me that all of my symptoms sound like Meniere's disease. There is no "cure" supposedly. I have been doing tons of research because I'm so dissatisfied with modern medicine. I knew my gut issues were linked to the tinnitus and vertigo. I'm fortunate enough to have an excellent natural foods store in my city and they have given my tons of information and I purchased some supplements. I hadn't tired them all yet when I found this video... After looking up more information about this Dr, I realized that I had already bought the product that he is selling. I started using it and my tinnitus is gone. It's been a week. I had already started taking other supplements so I can't explicitly say that my symptoms have disappeared due to Restore. But I am pretty confident. I initially thought the mercury in my dental fillings could have been causing my symptoms also. I'm sure it could be anything, I was desperate. I have a 4 year old. I can't deal with randomly getting vertigo so bad that I'm vomiting and unable to even sit up. It's only been a week, but this is the best I have felt in the longest time. I know I have to cut out sugar and improve my diet now so that I can continue to feel better. Those vertigo attacks and the potentially shitty diagnosis of meniere's disease truly made me realize how much I take my "health" for granted. Even as a person who regularly didn't feel well. I like what this Dr says, he seems legit. And I have already recognized how fucked up our food industry is. How corrupt it is and how our government and medical industry doesn't give a shit about our health. There is too much profit to be made off illness for them to care about how our food is poisoning us.

I tried it last year. A friend of mine told me had an incredible experience. Said his mind went to an entirely different level of consciousness. I got nothin'. Not a damn thing except dosing off at the end. He meditates a lot, and it's possible he was high when he did it. I don't do do either of those things so maybe that's why we had different experiences.

@Jakeumz Beautiful! Someone once told me; "we think that we are here to teach our children, but they are here to teach us". A good reminder to slow down and listen.

@Leo Gura @Corte @Lynnel Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and supportive feedback. I could feel that I was becoming neurotic. Dealing with grad school, spending all of my time outside of class with a strong-willed 3 year old, being isolated, and not taking care of myself sets the stage for my mind to go down a dark path. Watching the videos helped me to recognize that I am in control and I have the ability to direct which way things go for us. Going to make sure meditation and exercise are added into my routine.

I have struggled with self-judgement, feelings of inadequacy, self-defeating thinking for years. Just now discovering Self-actualization after watching the victim-mentality video. My childhood experiences developed into my belief that I had to be the perfect parent, self-sacrificing, etc. The fear driving this is that my daughter will end up with no sense of self, dysfunctional, low self-esteem, and unable to have healthy relationships... like me. First 2 years of her life I was consumed in protecting her. Legitimate concerns for her well being with her father, family Court, etc. Now I'm at a place where I can recognize areas I need to start working on. I'm often overwhelmed though, and while having a fear of my own baggage hurting my daughter, I feel detached from her at times, I get angry. I have no sense of self as a single parent. My support system sucks, certainly no one around me is on a path to self-actualization. Feeling overwhelmed as I start to unfold shit and need some tips. Where you even begin. Where to even start my day.