Vladimir

Haha yeah it works pretty good! I started taking voice lessons and this is one of the exercises we are doing. Мне больше нравится по русски петь

Leo? What are your thoughts on this? You've had similar experience passing out that you talked about in your Perception video.

I did a 30 year juice fast like a year ago and about two weeks into it I was feeling weak and would notice intense rush of blood to the brain when getting up from the bed too fast that would make me really dizzy to the point of almost passing out. One morning I got up way too fast, was walking into the kitchen....I started feeling the very intense blood rush and dizziness and then it was just blank....I woke up on the kitchen floor with a really eerie feeling of not knowing where I am and how I got there. It took about 10 seconds to realize what happened. There was literally no memory, no sensation and no consciousness of any kind during that blank, it was as if everything that "happened" in the moment of passing out was deleted. Another time when this blank happened was when I put under general anesthesia while having surgery at 12 years old. Again there was no memory or experience of any kind, there was just a mask being put on me, me taking a few deep breaths and then waking up with a tube down my throat coughing up blood, the time and "existence" in between never happened for me. General anesthesia is said to "induce a loss of consciousness." So....what are those "states of consciousness" of absolute blank? Is that what nothingness is? Why was there no transition phase or fear of any kind in a similar way to what happens leading up to ego death?

Then why would 5meo-dmt experience be so radically different for me? It overwhelmed and terrified the shit out of me, why wouldn't I just wake up or pass out in a similar way? The only explanation I can find is that 5meo-dmt was opening my heart at the same time too because I was focusing on it and breathing into it, and so I guess what I'm terrified of is unconditional love which is different than loss of consciousness?

Yes! I think a video on Death, Pain and Fear is long overdue....

Love you Leo. (try saying that fast many times...)

Leo, why do you think the Universe thought it would be a good idea for a human being to have the potential to experience so much physical pain? Does the level of suffering increase with the complexity of consciousness? You say we are able to experience love and intelligence because the Universe is loving and intelligent, but what about pain? This means the universe can also experience pain.

This right here! Those moments when we lose ourselves are the best moments of our lives

I'll share a bit. When I lived in Russia, I remember my life as being happy, magical, easy flowing, playful and joyful, I made friends easily and was very social. I think around the age of 10 I heard a story of some people being depressed and I couldn't believe how it's possible for anyone to be depressed or sad living this amazing life, at the same time being a very curious child I wondered what it would be like to be depressed. At age of 12 our whole family went to Mallorca in Spain for vacation which was gorgeous with all it's palm trees, ocean, beaches, entertainment, tourists and a bunch of bright colorful things that I've never seen before living in Siberia. Despite all these wonders, I felt weird on the inside, I couldn't understand what it was, but I just wanted to go home. When we came back, I remember coming to my bedroom, lying down and feeling like I'm home and that everything would be okay, I felt reconnected with the world because that's what I knew and where I grew up, I felt peace and love. At the age of 14 our dad decided to send my brother and I to live in Atlanta, Georgia with grandparents and aunt that we never got along with….To make matters worse, I ended up falling madly in love with a girl just two weeks prior to our leaving. Georgia was just as foreign as Mallorca, but a lot worse….Disconnected from friends, disconnected from language that I knew how to speak, disconnected from the environment, disconnected from my roots, disconnected from parents, disconnected from the world, disconnected from people, disconnected and ripped away from a person that I truly loved. This disconnection began to snowball into all kinds of psychological traumas, shyness of speaking English developed into social anxiety, repressed anger and inability to express it turned into sadness, numbness and depression. Then we had to move again after two years, this time to San Diego with our parents, one year in high school and then it was college. In college is where I had my peak social anxiety and that's where my heavy drinking on weekends started. I would spend the next two decades in a cycle of drinking to the point of blacking out, eating unhealthy, porn addictions, video game addictions, internet addictions etc….I got to the point where I was 60 pounds overweight, sucidial, depressed, severe social anxiety to the point of being scared of people and going outside for a walk….. Anyway, I've been searching for that place of home, ever since I left Russia at the age of 14, only now I can't just go back to Russia, walk in to that apartment and feel at home, the process is now internal, and it's taking courage, trust and breaking all kinds of programming and social barriers to reconnect with that place. Only about 18 months ago, I had a 5g mushroom experience alone in the closet that opened me up to reality beyond "me in the physical world". I also felt that connection as if coming home again, I felt love everywhere permeating the environment and me connected with it all, it felt like I was taking a breath for the first time in a long time, I sobbed and cried like never before. The mushroom showed me who I am beneath the layers of fear and blockages, it showed me the power of love and how incredible my authentic self is. This is where I started taking spirituality more seriously, meditating, eating healthier etc. But then I had my terrifying Ayahuasca experience, I had a second large dose on the third night of drinking, so it expanded me a lot. The sound of buffalo drum navigated me to the heart and this is where I was going to release the pain accumulated in my heart which I wasn't ready for at the time. It then showed me the source of fear which was unlike any terror that I've ever experienced, it made me understand why disconnection from the world and the crazy monkey mind with so many bs stories about death creates fear and anxiety in people's lives. So there have been a bunch of other tripping experiences, but to keep this short, I'm taking a more gentle and gradual approach to opening up the heart as I realized it's a very delicate process that shouldn't be rushed. Going to music festivals, taking small doses of psychedelics, dancing and connecting with other conscious people helps me, though it's more difficult than I initially thought. I use symbols and strong intention in combination with humming to connect with my heart and heal the body, it's like a gentle way of re-programming self without using psychedelics. The most important thing for me is to "trust in love", love to me means connection and unity, I'm developing that trust in unity by having direct experiences. The more experiences I have and the more I learn about the connection between love and unity the more trust I develop and the more I realize that love is Truth. I have yet to experience the unconditional love that Leo talks about, but I think a gradual approach works better for me instead of just rocket launching myself with 5meo, which I did (60mg of smoked 5meo from toad venom) and I just ended up resisting it. I keep reminding myself of that trip to Mallorca, feeling lost and disconnected and then coming back home to unity and love. This remind me that I can trust in love, and that in the end there is nothing to fear because this journey of opening ourselves to love leads home.

If you ever tap into Love with the capital L and be lucky enough to be around and experiment with other conscious people, you will realize that best romantic love in the world is a tiny glimpse of Universal Love. Guys.....it's a FORCE OF NATURE, it's the most powerful force in the fucking Universe, you connect and love people around you naturally, you dance in the moment with this love energy, people are naturally attracted to you because you are overflowing with it, life becomes effortless. Instead of chasing relationships, I would recommend focusing on opening up your hearts, this is obviously difficult to sell, listen to Leo and make Love a priority in your life, I'm telling you it's worth it! Btw women are more tapped into it, obviously because of the way they were designed, this is probably the biggest thing that makes them different from men, women "feel" when you're bullshitting, they are more intuitive because they are more tapped into love, especially women that are conscious. Most modern relationships are simply women tolerating men's bullshit.

IMO religion is what's missing in this community, making people's lives a lot more difficult during this process. "True religion is the original umbilical cord that binds our individual selves back to our larger, universal source." "Religare means to bind up, and the traditional task of religion has been to bind up the pieces that have broken away from the ecstatic Oneness."

Come to San Diego, I'm sure there will be plenty of people interested.

I have the same question, does it matter how conscious, loving and actualized we become as this perspective. Heard Leo say it doesn't matter.

Good one, thanks!

I also have to add that right after that terrifying Ayahuasca experience, I've never felt more blissful and more authentic in my life, I was a social magnet, I could feel people, I could feel the magnificent power of love Leo talks about, if this power is fully awakened in an individual....it's game over, the world as we know it will change. It's the love frequency that animals, birds and nature operates on, that's why people can "understand" animals when this love opens up in you. Also women are more tapped in to it because they're not as rational as men, that's the reason all women will fall in love with you when you tap into it, it's beyond the usual romantic love that's more like two canaries in a cage..... I also couldn't stop making fun and laughing hysterically of all the fear that I've gone through, even though just minutes ago it was the most terrifying experience of my life. Wtf?

Leo, can we be taught the art of dying?

These things have been on my mind since my 'bad' Ayahuasca trip because I've encountered this very fear that you're describing. Let's be honest, nobody wants to end up in that situation.....that's what makes it very difficult to accept. But then....it's only difficult for our human mind's construct, it is only fear of that situation and an infinite number of other similar scenarios that our minds would be terrified of, so how do we accept it? I guess this is where the power of love comes in. If you've ever been in love with somebody, did that hurt? If you ever lost yourself in sexual ecstasy ("Ecstasy is the dance of the individual with the All. Ek-stasis means standing outside “one’s self,” and so canceling out the conditioned mind.") while making love to that person, did it hurt while you lost yourself in the experience? Did it hurt and were you miserable as a child? Do you think it hurt in your mother's womb? I remember Leo talking about how our body's tension and other sickness is because we are resisting reality, something tells me we are resisting ecstasy and love so powerful that we fear and resist it. "In women’s brains there are unique neural links between the forebrain and the cerebellum, which allow sensations of physical pleasure to be directly integrated into the neocortex, or high brain center. This explains why some women experience orgasm so intense that they enter “religious” trance, or altered states of consciousness. And this ecstatic female orgasmic experience, in which the physical and the spiritual are fused and realized as one, is at the core of all mystical experience." So the only thing that keeps us from drowning in ecstasy and unlocking the power of love is our fear of all the stories the mind comes up with about what Infinity entails. I think despite everything existing, "you as ego" don't have to experience all of that, you are not the star that you're orbiting, you're a planet and I think it's super important to build a healthy relationship to the star. This is why Leo talks about cultivating more accurate understanding of reality and growing consciousness is a prime directive in life, this is what's going to allow us to navigate the Infinite Universe and create the kind of reality that we want to live in, while drowning fears with love. Also....let's be fucking grateful for our current experience, let's take out that hand and look at it, is there fear or pain here and now? No....that's actual! Everything else is imagination! (yes that's Leo talking)

Leo.....I have MAD respect for you, you crazy Russian sage. I've gotten close to ego death many times and the SHIT that my mind comes up with to prevent me from dying is so terrifying that I can hardly believe you've been able to do it. The story of what's about to happen to me keeps changing too, it seems to coincide with the stuff that I'm currently reading and environment I'm in. Would be cool if you made a video on how to go deep with psychedelics, diving all the way in without letting the mind interfere....

Thank you my Russian brother, something just clicked for me.

Leo, could you please clarify a few things....You confused and scared the shit out of me with that video. You say I'll experience everything including all the "horrors and pains" (from the ego perspective) that you mentioned, yet I won't be experiencing it from the ego perspective, so what will that be like? Will that be like watching a movie on a screen or dissolving all of it with Love? Have you already gone through this experience personally, experiencing everything?

Just saw this video right after I posted this.

So I'm extremely lucky to be living in Southern California where we have a ton of conscious events happening, probably the most than anywhere else in the entire world. I'm at a stage of spiritual development where I feel like I'm ready to be doing micro, small and medium doses of psychedelics at music festivals again for connecting with my authentic self and then exploring new talents and personality traits around other people, sharing love, finding conscious people and bonding with people on real human level. I've been experimenting with micro doses by going to dances and sound baths and I'm finding it's extremely beneficial to be around people who are on this journey, that's how I'm starting to trust people again, there is nothing that can replace genuine hug from another human being or conversation and sharing most profound insights where you know people are really listening to you and understand what you're talking about, this is huge support on this journey. There are a ton of other benefits for building community, practicing leadership, confidence, relationship, authentic friendships, unconditional love for people you meet that you don't like, building trust in unity, and all the group activities that make it x100 times more powerful like yoga, bonfire ceremonies, meditations, breath work, releasing emotional trauma activities and of course dance and music! Anyway, I could go on for another 10 hours describing all the benefits you can get by going out and connecting with conscious people. Here is the festival that I'm going to this weekend: https://desertrising.com/#lgx-schedules you can look at their schedule to see all the awesome events they're going to have there. I was curious if anyone would be interested in meeting at such events? How awesome would it be if Leo did his presentations at events like that and we got to meet up, share insights and connect while exploring all the awesome activities together. I think this is a huge element that this community is missing, we need to start connecting in real life and supporting each other, we need to start building real life community to empower each other on this journey, no matter what stage we're at or if we have become enlightened, this is the most amazing way to spend your time in life - by relating to people on human level, playing like you're kid, dancing, sharing insights, talking from the heart and just growing trust in unity and love. So? Anyone interested? Leo?

I'm slowly starting to trust people, I'm starting to open up more and become more of my authentic self. I'm starting to feel more confident and comfortable with my voice and feeling more comfortable around people. On Saturday, I went out to Trilogy for Manifestation Dance which turned out to be a great experience of exploring body's movement on a micro dose of mushrooms 0.1g. Tapping into powerful king-warrior voice On my way there in the car, since it took about 40 minutes to get there, I was experimenting with my voice and humming, at one point I started to tap into that "boss" state that I keep experiencing on Ayahuasca when I feel like my true self, I feel the King's energy coursing through my entire body and become the force of nature. At that moment I started talking in Russian: "когда я пью айяаску я чувствую в себе настоящюю, Русскую, богатырскую силу! Я ощущаю себя настоящим мужиком, я настоящий мужик! Я русский богатырь!" This was screamed out with a lot of passion and the kind of voice that I've only experienced on psychedelics, I tapped into that state and confidence without taking anything. There was a lot of fury pouring out of me and I felt awesome expressing it with this powerful king-warrior confidence, I also said: "Я хочу жить, я буду жить! Меня заебало! Я хочу жить!" This was said with similar passion but also sadness as tears poured out of my eyes. I realized I'm able to tap into that authentic, passionate place within me that is longing to be alive and live to the fullest, that is longing to express my awesome unique talents, that is longing to tell the world my story and show people that transformation is possible, that it's entirely up to us to transform ourselves and it's okay to be ourselves, live our dreams and become our full potential as humans. I also felt like English language has kept me locked up and unable to express my authentic voice because of it's weakness compared to Russian, Russian language is just so much more powerful, rich and expressive and I feel like I never truly became comfortable with English. At some point I thought I needed to speak just Russian for a while and create some YouTube videos expressing these ideas in Russian which could also help my parents with some of their problems. I came to the conclusion that I actually need to practice both, but start warming up with Russian because that's how I tap into that authentic place longing to be expressed and then transition into English while on the same Russian style wave length. Exploring new depth of dance and movement There were glimpses of fear of where this journey is leading me to as usual, but not much as I didn't let the mind wonder and just concentrated on movement and enjoying listening to the music and watching other people dance around me. I really liked experimenting with all kinds of dynamic body movement and learned some moves that I haven't tried before, I was able to tune myself in to the rhythm of almost every song and come up with a unique dance style to match it. I could feel myself resisting certain kinds of songs, but decided to work through that resistance anyway to see what would come out of it, and then was able to create new style of dances as I worked through that initial reluctance and resistance. This tells me there are old patterns of moving and behaving that I'm clinging to, so by working through that initial resistance and trying new moves to the songs that I initially don't like is a great way to explore creativity and new depths of body movement and style. I was really into it most of the time there which was about an hour and a half and felt like I'm finally starting to become that person I keep seeing on psychedelics but in a gradual, gentle way that works for me. I think taking micro doses and going out to events like that is perfect for integrating high dose experiences and empower myself so I can gradually start trusting people. Talking to women authentic style I also talked to an Asian girl who was pretty locked up and shy and was pretty hard to read with her monotonous voice and stiff body language, though I persisted talking to her and was still able to have a decent conversation with her, she told me she wants to share a poem at a open mic talk at Trilogy next weekend. Then I talked to another woman who was really sweet and playful and kept touching me as I expressed my playful and expressive side and made her laugh a few times. She kept on grabbing and groping my arm and I really liked that, she was easy to talk to and very expressive, I think I should have kissed her in the elevator, though I wasn't so much attracted to her. She invited me to come dance at a north county dance studio around here in Encinitas and told me there are "Church dances" every Sunday from 11am to 1pm, so I wanna check those out soon. We also did "chakra cleansing" and came together by touching each other's hands making the infinity sign and creating an intention to send out in the Universe, there was a sense of trust, connection and unity during that time and the whole experience of dancing with other people in non-egoic way, exploring body movement, talking to women with my new confident voice and body language, being touched by women and enjoy myself by laughing and expressing my authentic self, combined with a micro dose of mushrooms, really gave me a glimpse of life's beauty and what I can become if I keep exploring these creative abilities and continue to work on spirituality, things seem to be coming together for me finally. We parted ways with this other girl who kept touching me and I criticized myself for not getting her number, but thought it was okay because I'll still see her at a Sunday dance anyway. Talking to parents about love and their relationship Holy shit! I talked to my parents about unconditional love and told them very emotionally with tears that it would make me very happy if they fixed their relationship and started cultivating love towards each other again! I realized just how difficult it was for me to tell them that, I was very emotional with tears and sobbing while I told them just those few words, but I felt like I had real impact on them and that they're actually going to listen. I warmed them up by talking about spirituality and Leo's videos over the last several weeks that I started seeing them again and it seems that my dad is especially interested in this stuff now. So I gradually lead them, without even knowing about it myself to this very conversation. Before telling them that, I was talking about Leo's recent video on "What is Love?" and told them that learning how to love should be a priority for people and that love is the most powerful force in the Universe and that it's unconditional. Prior to this conversation, my parents were very nasty and cruel to each other, I could feel the hate energy between them from their body language and how they pissed each other off in every moment they interacted, it became very difficult to witness that and I started thinking about why I even started seeing them again. I then remembered that I wanted to practice unconditional love around their suffering and accept whatever is going on between them but not meddle with their relationship. I did have an emotional impact on me anyway though, and I thought that maybe I'm not ready to practice unconditional love for them in that way and I think this is the moment where the Warrior in me awakened and was able to finally openly tell them: "Mom, dad, there is something I want to tell you" at which point I became very emotional, "it would make me very happy if you could fix your relationship", this was so difficult to do and I'm so proud of myself for being able to tell them that. They became emotional too and teared up, and we all came together in a hug, feeling like we are becoming a family again after a long break up. Of course, I realize this isn't going to be easy for them, but I think they will actually try because it was related to them in such a powerful way. This made me feel like I've grown so much as a person and reinforced the wisdom of: "by healing yourself you heal others". Sound bath healing with Cloud People After visiting my parents I went to a sound bath healing which was my first such experience. I could immediately sense the kindness from these people, especially the Cloud People brothers. I have this extra sensory intuition about people when I first meet them and can immediately tell if they are kind and loving or egoic and arrogant etc. The sound bath experience was awesome, I took a micro dose of 0.1g just before coming there, they used all kinds of exotic instruments - cosmic drum, ocean drum, flute, and many others which made me go on a trip. I started having the usual theme run through me: "like this whole thing has been designed on purpose for my awakening, here we go the Kundalini energy is going to rise and I'm going to have to go through ego death, because I'm God and the only one here in the entire Universe, all the events are leading to this place, there is no escaping". I just observed all of that and let it go and was able to work through these fears as my consciousness expanded, I was able to work through it in a very much gentle and gradual way, slowly peeling off the layers and going deeper. The women's singing voice was angelic and it felt like the Goddess herself was singing to me and nurturing my inner child who very much needs this motherly, loving, nurturing and caring energy because of all the terror I have put this little child through. It triggered some emotions with me and there were tears coming out on multiple ocassions during this experience. We were then invited to share about our experiences, I could feel anxiety and tension well up inside of my body as usual at the sound of these words, but it wasn't at all as intense as it used to be, and I only felt mild nervousness. So I decided to share after some people already shared their experiences and told them how I felt the motherly, caring and gentle energy and how my inner child was longing for it after very intense experiences with Ayahuasca and multiple male shamans bombarding me with icaros while I was having an ego death. I was then approached by two women who turned out to be the mother of the cloud people and a sister, they were the most loving and kind women that I have met on this entire journey, the mom asked me if she could give me a hug and all three of us had the most loving, genuine hug that I have experienced in a long time. There was love emanating from our hearts for each other and we became enveloped in this cloud of love, I could immediately feel my body tension and fears melt away, I could feel trust in love and unity and humanity, I could feel trust on where this journey is leading me to -- more love and unity and authentic connection with real, loving human beings. We then had a heart felt conversation about this journey and I told them how I developed trust on this journey by contemplating love and unity and just what those words mean. I told them about my Spain travel experience while living in Russia and how I felt separated from the world while I was in Spain, and upon returning back to Russia immediately felt like I was home again, I felt reunited with the world and I felt safe and loved. I also told this story to my parents and I told them that since leaving Russia at the age of 14 I have been looking for that place of home, to be reunited and how this journey is leading me back to this place of wholeness, unity and love. This experience and conversation with these women reignited trust in humanity, love, unity and journey in me, I have almost lost that trust because I have ran into a lot of nasty, egoic, arrogant, low consciousness people on this journey who considered themselves authority, though I always intuitively knew these people were just bullshiting themselves and I can spot that kind of bullshit from far away. These women had powerful impact on me and I'm now confident this journey is leading me to the right place, the experiences I'm having by micro dosing, going out and exploring my creativity, authenticity and relating to people is turning out to be the most profound, most powerful way to take this spiritual development to the next level, things are finally starting to come together in this beautiful way, I'm pushing the boundaries and working through resistance, I'm working through fear, I'm cultivating love and trust in people and myself and I'm becoming more confident in the process, I'm regaining my personal power and I'm becoming more loving. I also talked to a woman who was singing with the angelic voice about voice lessons, because the host of the house told me she worked with her to develop her authentic voice and she seemed to be a perfect match for my current situation of wanting to express and train my powerful, authentic voice, she also told me about retreats and accountability partners which is another way to connect with like minded, conscious people, so I think I'm going to take lessons with her. After leaving the sound healing place, I sat in my car and thought: "this is too good to be true. The kind of life that I'm about to have is just too good to be true…."