Mal

Thank you

@BHL_20 Hello, I have thoughts like this all the time. Stop trying to fix an illusion. Just watch it, see it for what it is. Know it is not you and it cannot be fixed. The irony of it is, this "witnessing" will actually put you in the present moment and life will become easy, fun, you will see the content of your mind is just nonsense. You will laugh hard! Until you can do this all you are is a victim.

Lets turn this on it's head. Right now, as a self, you have no choice in anything, you are programmed like a machine. To be more conscious means there is more space to live life as art. More lucidity to turn the mechanics of the body-mind in a direction more aligned with consciousness itself. It is apparent that you have little awareness of what consciousness is, because it's not a field of "no control", it's life itself! The "I" is a meaningless mechanical rumination controlling everything you do to keep it's self-agenda alive. As we become more conscious, life lives through us, serving life's agenda rather than the ego's agenda. The ego can be a hinderance or a help to life. In the life divine the ego is still needed, but is put in it's subordinate place and is the servant of consciousness!

@Water The gross realm is where most people live - sex, money, power. Reputation, safety, physiological needs, and all that goes with it. The problems of this world created by "ego's".

@Huz88 Hi there.. In my opinion a self actualised person would indeed be "getting some" (I presume you mean sex here). You care about the problem, you still try to fix it. But the difference is, is it really a problem? And is it worth trying to fix? Some things are just not worth fixing. Some emotional traumas are not going to be resolved either. Reputation is a game one plays for enjoyment and betterment of skill rather than a desperate neediness to project an image so that other deficient people can cling to for status and security. If you lose something it's fine, it doesn't affect you, maybe momentarily because the ego is always there and is the only way we can interact with the world and other people. Shyness and popularity go out of the equation because these are based on deficiency thinking -nothing ultimately matters because the ego is just a toy for pleasure and satisfaction rather than just a fragmented separate little lonely entity desperately seeking happiness. Mal

Yes. And this is why you can still have all kinds of addictions and delusions and at the same time be enlightened. Trungpa and his alcoholism and womanising spring to mind here. Very low on the self development hierarchy, but as long as you can make the gross realm an object then youre awakened. In fact, this can become quite dangerous because of the careless nature of realization.

@jes Oh dear jes. Were not supposed to call it "enlightenment", you know? The correct terminology is SELF REALIZATION, don'tchaknow? Charlie will not be pleased! ! !

@jes Jes, At this point the problem is not you. It takes an incredible amount of work to realize that narcissist are just wounded people and they are ultimately harmless. The darkness is only one side of them. Charlie is an enlightened being, so might not be able to fully relate to you at this point - he's probably forgotten more things than the likes of me will ever learn in a lifetime! This does not mean to say there is not wisdom in his words. Take his advice to heart for later on in your journey. They will make sense later. There will come a time when you will be able to see all perspectives are partially true. But that takes time and work. Nobody should expect you to be able to drive a ten ton lorry while you still have training wheels on your bicycle (and I mean this with the greatest respect). Mal

@jes It's OK. Just stick at this! Warm regards Mal

@jes Hello Jes Being able to construct a boundary around something is an extremely important life skill. Boundaries allow us to be able to cope with existence. Let me put some suggestions to you. I want you to think very carefully about these because if you apply this thinking it will help you, not just with seemingly uncaring relatives, but in all aspect of life until you reach higher levels of self awareness. 1) You must put a boundary around time. 2-3 months is a long time, but also from the perspective of a lifetime it is a very short time span. 2) This is an opportunity for you to learn how to cope. Yes you feel anxious that something bad is going to happen, but you can reframe this to work in your favour. Learning to cope with horrible people is necessary for self development and enlightenment. 3) Nobody is forcing you to be closed or egocentric. You are free to be whoever you are. But, there are times in life when we need to ACT like somebody else to survive. Im not an open flower when I'm dealing with a hard client at work. I have to lock my car and house in case of thiefs. It is a sad fact of life that there are people in this world who will take advantage of us, so this means we must adopt different personas in different situations. It is not forever, it is only 2-3 months, and you can cope. If you got this far you can get through another few months. You're not fragile, you are an adaptive and resilient human being. 4) Suffering is part of life. We all suffer from time to time. This cuts grooves into our soul and makes us deep and full of humility lest we become bitter and isolated. You already said you will never end up like your father - I consider this a blessing and good sign that you are a spiritual warrior and can overcome anything. 5) Find friends near your father's house. Spend time in their presence. Get out of the house as much as you can. A good friend will have a family who will take you in and adopt you as a surrogate member of the family. Make and maintain friends. 6) Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Work on and manipulate your father for your own gains and saftey. Play the game and learn how to survive in the wild. This does not mean you are evil. It means you are smart. 7) Keep in touch here and keep asking questions. Were all here to help. Mal

@Mal Electrobeam, I want to give you some more advice - You don't know this right now, you are trying to fix your self image. The reason I attached your words is for you to take a good look at what is going on in your thinking. This is your ego. You are not your ego. The ego can never be confident or any of the things you want it to be. So give up trying to improve something that isn't real. Once you do self inquiry you will be able to tell the difference between the real man you are and this boy you have made up in your mind. You will discover that you do not need to become anything else to be all those things you desire. You will forget about approval because it won't be important. The only thing that will be important to you is living your bodies purpose. Currently you have all these ideas that others have installed in you, and you imagine these are who you are. This is the insanity I'm speaking of. See through this and you will find your authentic self (the one you look at in the mirror every day). This will not make sense to you right now. But you will know if you forget about this self image and concentrate on cultivating the witness. Regards Mal

@carlo As I read my previous comment I fear that it's not as comprehensive a statement as it could be in order to be as effective for you. If you sit in meditation as "carlo", you will never be able to regulate your emotional pain. As it is this very entity "carlo" that is causing the pain to be there. So "do nothing", allow yourself to just arise as you are. Then look at "carlo". What is he? There is a story called "carlo" Who is seeing this character called "carlo"? Notice you are not identical to "carlo" the story. Who is this watcher? Where does this watcher reside? What does it feel like to be the watcher instead of "carlo the story"? (Tip: being the watcher feels like a glow, relief, a sense of freedom from this story you originally thought you were) Sit as this glow of awareness - the watcher of the story. Then allow everything to arise. It will not be pleasant, but just stay alert and embrace the feeling in your body. This will release all the stored up material trapped inside you. Make this your daily practice. -Mal

@carlo Hey carlo, Yes, don't try therapy unless you are unable to cope with life or have paranoid ideation. Therapy is good, but it only installs a "healthy persona", an interface to cope - but inside the problems are still there. I would listen to very carefully to what Charlie is telling you, it's without doubt the best advice on this site. Mal P.S. - Dear Carlo, You might find this hard to accept right now, but I assure you that if you think about this deeply it will make sense to you. You do not have low self esteem. This is a belief, a series of thought that somebody else installed in you to explain your "situation". If you had never heard of the concept of low self esteem, would you be thinking this way? You need to understand that it is the mind (thoughts) that create emotional pain. Sit for a while and look into how the words you are using shape your experience. Is there really any point using one concept to try to "love" another concept? When you look at it like this, doesn't it sound rather insane? Yet this is how most people live. Completely trapped in words. Are you a word? Can one word love another word? If you believe that self esteem is real, then you will have to also believe all of the other concepts related to it. I invite you to sit and do nothing once more. But this observe the party in your mind. See it for what it is - welcome it, become it and then ask if this is really the truth about yourself and about life? How can a thought of you try to deal with emotional pain? Disidentify from the thought of you and just notice you are not "Carlo". Only then can you have true access to the accumulated feelings. They will arise in your awareness, you will not be involved because you are not a thought dealing with an object. Let whatever arises in the field of who you are. This is how to do meditation. -Mal

@electroBeam Tips for self-inquiry: Watch your ego (mind), notice all of it's contradictory and insane ways. Then ask yourself if this is who you want to be. Do you really want to continue to play this game of suffering one more day? Hopefully you will then notice the warm glow of awareness of disidentification from this entity called "you". Then just let whatever arises in the body and mind be there. Watch it without getting involved - it is all the beliefs and anxiety coming to the surface to be healed. Don't over-complicate this. Just stop pretending you are "electroBeam" and identify instead with who you really are.

@electroBeam Hi there... I'd like to suggest that you look into self inquiry and learn to take 100% responsibility for your perceptions. They are yours, nobody else's. This is authenticity. Warm Regards Mal

@ChimpBrain There is no need to apologize as I did not take offence. Mal P.S. - I read jes's other 18 texts here and responded to his/her assumptions and language structure. Poor vocabulary has nothing to do with it

@ChimpBrain Hi there, Therapy can provide a person who has not had the best start in life with a good set of tools on how to approach problem situations in life. I myself have had therapy, and hold the process in high esteem. My comment was not intended as judgmental or negative, in fact it's profoundly positive. I think my problem was that I didn't provide the background context (which I usually do), so one liners are susceptible to catching the negative projections of others. Warmly Mal Edit - P.S. - yes, I am male

@jes Hi jes, Please seek out a therapist.

@electroBeam @electroBeam Hi electrobeam, I don't want to come across cold and uncaring here, but have you actually watched any of Leo's videos? Watch the videos first and then come with questions about any sticking points. Take responsibility for your life. Mal

Ah yes This is what social conditioning is, we are conditioned to believe that if we just follow the herd everything will be OK...ever seen the film the Matrix?

@charlie2dogs @Actualizer @Ayla @cetus56 @Natasha Thank you all for your contributions. I felt something has shifted, a lightness of felt experience, after switching identification I had a lot of "heaviness" come up - no thoughts just "porridge" which has now subsided into a much better felt experience in my body. Many thanks!

@rrodriguez11 Hi there... This is desierable. Next month you will be posting on how wonderful life is. Then in maybe 3 months time you will feel like strangling every single person who dares enter into your proximity. The question is, which is the real you? Being able to tolerate the ups and downs of mediative life is much like an initiation period for the real work your about to embark on. It warms my heart to see that more and more of us are waking up from the illusion that meditation is some kind of relaxation method for the body and mind - it really isn't! -Mal

@cetus56 Many thanks for this instruction. I noticed a void. I don't want to be anymore, and I noticed that this wanting to not be - I'm afraid there will be nothing to replace me, that I'll be worse off without me here. Being me is comforting. I noticed the void when I thought about what it would be like not to be burdened with this person any longer. Any pointers? And, thank you in advance

@Actualizer Ego is Actualized.org Anything to support the definition of "my" existence. "Now I have it all figured out" "How do I cope with this, that or the other" Etc etc.