JustinS

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Posts posted by JustinS

  3. Posted · Edited by JustinS

    @Nahm

    2 hours ago, Nahm said:

    . Let the integration and purification do the work. Have faith in the practices.

    Hahah thank you!! This is so true. I am so ignorant that it hurts to watch. I've got thick layers of this stuff omg. It ain't gonna completely purify overnight. My body is not used to being so open. I feel so vulnerable, it's nice but also cringey. It's just love, there's really nothing else. Love! Omg it's too much at the Absolute. 

  4. Posted

    The ego that thinks it's going to get enlightened and be better or somehow more special than anyone else is the all time greatest disappointment that has ever existed. It's like getting caught cheating and never admitting it, until you give up and tell the Truth but 100,000,000x worse and cringey. Once you awaken everyone is awaken. How you perceive the world is directly proportional to the magnitude of your identity. 

  6. Posted

    Throughout the day today I've oscillated from being awake to asleep, from intuitively and experientially knowing who I really am vs. locked in the prison of the mind-body organism. It's truly a God sent gift once I pull my head out of the water, and I immediately get depressed, clingy, and desperate as soon as I forget that it's a dream. It's literally the difference of night and day. Being awake vs. asleep feels night and day... It's waking up from the dream, no other way to put it, and as an ego it's pure doubt. Like tripping and experiencing the Absolute and falling back down to your identity, not gonna lie it's kinda depressing.

    When I'm back locked in the mind-body box I just carefully and single handedly observe each thought and fully experience them. There are so many doubts, insecurities, and fears. Even if I tell myself in the back of my mind, I am not this, not that. It doesn't really penetrate. 

    I've just experimented that the only way to truly rest and relax into my Being is to let my body go on these full on Kundalini energy releases. It can be painful but it's purification at best. The energy just shoots the unconsciousness up through my body and out the top of my head. It's pretty much identical to a epileptic seizure, however, I do have control to stop it. I want to post a video here what it looks like but I'm kinda hesitant hahaha. It looks like being possessed. 

    Anyways, I'm still only beginning to realize who I Am. 

  11. Posted

    @Nahm I have not completed anything. I’ve only just started and that is why the laughs are so apparent right now. I’ve literally just started and it’s polarizing between sad and funny. Within time I know this laughing will go and deeper and deeper embodiment will have to take place. Shit’s about to get real and I feel the body needs some serious purging to do. 

  12. Posted

    Now that I see it, the deeper your search the better. What you’re creating is like a sling shot. The deeper your yearning the further you pull back on the sling, til a point where you can’t pull anywhere. The sling rips apart or swings the other way completely shattering the whole slingshot. Without this intense pulling there wouldn’t have been this breakthrough. 

  13. Posted

    @DocHoliday ? it’s a sick joke but to the separate self it’s not, and I have empathy for that too. It’s like you’re playing in the game but you know its just a game. There are other players who believe it’s very real and you can’t threaten that. I know cause it did to me before. It only made me feel more contracted and solid. In my experience Love, openness, and compassion is the key. Be vulnerable, be you. Cry and laugh alot!

  15. Posted · Edited by JustinS

    @phoenix666 I think seeking, career, relationship, money, partying or whatever that you may think will fulfill you is what needs to be dropped. Seeking or spirituality is in the same category as the other stuff. The teacher is saying drop everything. It seems to me that there is no difference between seeking and the other stuff. It’s the temperory filling of the unevitable void. Stop holding, clinging, and doing anything. Don’t think your way. Burn away all your beliefs and concepts to the feeling of “I Am” and leave the rest to grace. 

    ...BUT at the same time I would recommend 1000 hours of meditation and lots of psychedelics LOL! Oh this paradox makes me sick to the stomach. No more I’m done. 

  17. Posted

    Seems like there’s this balance that has to take place. A deep yearning for truth will eventually ripen you, and once the fruit is ripe, juicy, and sweet it will naturally want to plunge down onto the Earth’s ground and rejoice back into the whole, which of course was never separate. The fruit that initially formed on the branches, young and ignorant, needs time to ripen. When the fruit has developed faith and trust upon maturing (ripening) it will fall with grace and gratitude back into itself. ?

  18. Posted

    @Mighty Mouse It certainly does not exist but I had to find that out for myself. And yes you can’t pretend that you’re there as thats also just believing and more concepts. It’s the end of concepts and clinging to experiences. It’s a thin imaginated veneer in front of our eyes. How does one get here to there? Run, run, and run for thousands of miles til you drop dead and stop and see. See the ignorance and laugh! AHA!

     

  20. Posted

    @DocHoliday Yes, this individual, with much success and fulfillment one day may feel some emptiness that just creeps in out of the blue. At first, he just ignores it, but then it’s there again and again time after time. He starts to question himself, “hmm what is this?” He looks inwards and begins the search and after years to no prevail of filling this emptiness with answer, he just gives it up, then smack! Aha! It’s here. Now his work in the world and the fulfillment that may bring is secondary and not so much result orientated, he has become a true unconditional giver. 

  21. Posted · Edited by JustinS

    @Leo Gura Forever in gratitude Leo. Thank you!! ? ?

    Becoming a seeker was the worst thing and yet the best thing anyone could possibly do. Yet, if someone told me “should I start seeking?” I honestly would not know what to say. 

    Seeking enlightenment in a way causes so much duality, separation, and suffering, like a child taken away from it’s mother, to the point you just break. You are intentionally expanding this duality between the seeker and the sought, causing immense longing and forgiveness to the point where you’d just give the whole damn thing up, and the child finally resting with the mother in a littler more deeper way than prior to awakening. 

     

  23. Posted · Edited by JustinS

    This all happened after my kundalini awakening + mdma a few days ago. Awakening through utter forgiveness and yearning for Truth. I don’t think this is still the after glow. I now sometimes feel sick to the stomach cause my mind and body is utterly confused at this utter blankness but at the same time my intuition feels at home. Body alignment is something that just needs to catch up and burn away the false. A clenching of the stomach where it seems my fears and uncertainty are embedded. Like a really long supreme scream the ride. 

    Life has only truly just begun. Hahahaha!

  25. Posted · Edited by JustinS

    Upon realization, one looks back and wonders how and why does the seeker even come to exist? For Truth? Only to realize that once the seeking has stopped, that was liberation. To realize who and what you are. Prior to this the 4 or + years of seeking just seemed like a bad dream, yet felt so solid and real. It becomes a bad joke and there is nothing to do but laugh! But of course, PARADOXICALLY much hard seeking and yearning is needed in the beginning. To the "awakened" state, seeking just seems like a bad joke, but to a seeker, it's either life or death, a deep deep yearning. <- This deep yearning can confuse the "awakened" state, as like "for realz dude?" (This is not a disclaimer for seekers to give up there search, but at the same time it does!) I'm so confused about this and that's why I'm making a post about it!!!! HAHAHAH! O.o

    Enlightenment is just a concept that the ego attaches to as something solid or an attachment one could acquire. But it's just giving up the pretense of becoming anything. This probably doesn't make any sense to a seeker. 

    I am not saying I'm the slightest awake or my ego is just tricking me but for once in my life of 4+ years of meditation, I have no desire to meditate or look into spiritual teachings. Now reading or watching videos of teachers talking about enlightenment is just the most obvious thing ever. I don't know if this is the side effect of awakening but for the first time it just clicks and there's this deep knowing of the obvious.