Natura Sonoris

Commit to doing something more productive. I play game of dota 2 in evening before sleep , but when i know i did all i could for the day. Then you will see that playing games gets duller and duller.

Get ya now. You got me confused with that post

Whats the deal about astrology ? Never undetstood it. Would you do me one ?

@Ayla This is all self-actualization in nutshell and might be the best post in this forum by far. When i realized this 1 year ago, i was shocked. It is just webs and webs and webs of lies. This is why my favorite quote "Repeat a lie a thousand times and it becomes the truth." (But in reality, it is kinda more complex that this) @Leo Gura Leo I am in strange dilemma now. As i mentioned, about 1 year ago i realized that the nature of our beliefs taken as truth are false. I was doing self inquiry for a while and i got really nice insights. But i have a gut feeling that i need to do the next thing : I stumbled upon Eben Pagan's course Man Transformation where he mentions how some really important person in his life asked him : Who are you ? What is your story ? Eben later realized that, at the school party, he was the one who was standing outside the crowd just for sake of ''looking cool.'' He wanted to be ''outsider.'' That was his so called script. The second interesting thing i stumbled upon Jed Mckeena way of asking What is true. For example : Circle has 360 degrees. I did not finish the book yet so there might many more far more interesting examples but these two stories really planted a seed inside me to ask myself. What is my story ? What is my script i tell myself i am ? So my dilemma is to start writing a journal here on forum. I am kinda scared to share every lie that i say to myself but i know if i do not know do it, i will be just stuck inside my head and i will just let my ego swing. If i write in my own journal at home, i dont know how beneficial it will be. Here on forum, it looks like i wont slack (i do not know if i will , but still i would not like to be only own judge of my thoughts ) So can you share your own opinion ? My goal is to get awareness over my beliefs and lies i am telling to my self. I want to get to my core beliefs and dig them out. This video really made question if i should really do it so i ask you now what you think ? Do you think is it worth it or not ? I am already doing good with my mindfulness and awareness during the day and i started to recognize parts of self that have tendency to react in certain way. One example wold be i hold beliefs that i am smart and my subconscious and ego seeks mild validation in certain situations and in opposite situations, my ego just cant accept to be open minded because it can not accept reality. When i get awareness over that, when there is great emotional tendency and ''negative pattern'' of thoughts come in those situations, i just let go. Sometimes i can not do it because i am not aware, but as time passes by, i am letting go more and more of control. EDIT : I got insight what i should i do. I am focusing on the wrong stuff. Even tho journaling is useful, i know which part of me is pulling me to do this and it is not right thing to do.

@Epiphany_Inspired What you take being good and evil is just some part of your personality or ego. Ego likes black and white thinking, that's how he survives in nature as far as I have observed. Leo talks about this but when you experience it, it is world view change It just depends how much openminded you allow yourself to be. Personally i am open minded when it comes to Hitler. I am not a fan boy, one day i will read about him but i allow my self to see world from his perspective.

Hello Leo I really like the concept for being cunning in order to get what you want. Now many people would take this concept as something negative, but still i think it is very important skill for personal development. I can admit to myself that i am on stage orange at the moment, even tho i have different views on life. Developing this is helpful to see other people true motives, for example seeing what is behind the mask they are placing and using that to get what you want. It can also be really helpful if someone tries to scam you in business deal. I think this is very big deep field of research, from body language reading to social engineering but still, it would be helpful to share your insights. Thanks

@Emerald Wilkins It is hard to accept it because everything is against .. by everything i really mean everything. You whole hardwiring is against it. But if you go push yourself, your INFJ benefits will flourish. Best thing to do start investigating the roots of your personality. Why you really value certain things, but be very honest. It can be the case someone very important for you, let's say your parents, unconsciously effected you to hold certain values as kid to be true. So all the things that INFJs values or any other personality can be dug up from your childhood. Then ask yourself if those values are really true or is just something you picked up as a kid to be totally valid for you because you did not know any better. Your first response to this might be : Why would i even do that ? It is me, i like it , it feels like me. I do not wanna question it. The reason why ego does not like it is because as kids our mind is a like a sponge, it absorbs many stuff at the same time, and it build up self image that suits the ego to perform the in the best possible way. Bad thing is, sometimes our mind or the ego makes self images of our selves that are completely false (until you get to the point every self image is just false). So really question your beliefs and values and ask yourself why i hold them so true ? You will notice your mind will come up millions of reasons why it is true. But now question yourself deeply > Is there possibility that my mind unconsciously was seeking evidence in the so called external world that it created a very complex map of yourself and whenever your ask yourself is that true, your mind has already made up answer ? Your mind is capable of giving you any answer you want, it just needs to make sense for you. But if you are wise enough , you will see this is flawed. Mind can take some unrelated phenomenon in reality, label it certain way, connect some dots from previous labels. So when you think you are INFJ and when you buy into this idea, you mind is capable of making a self made answer that will make sense to you and you wont leave options to be any different. You need to be completely open minded when it comes to this. Because it is small line of being stuck in life as INFJ and performing good. You need to break your habits of thinking and push your comfort zone. Your perfectionistic mind will not let you because it will it have tendency first to create best possible scenario for everything and then do the work (but you do that every day right ? ) .That's why is so radical to question yourself and push your comfort zone. So do all the opposite what INFj should do. Your new INFJ will be 10x better. Your current INFJ is weak and probably stuck in life and not living your fullest. One important thing i keep mentioning here on forum. Your ego is how you see everything. And you think like you are the one who gets and no other ones gets it. When you place yourself into someones eases point of view, it is just your point of you.Your reality is just your experiences and your beliefs and hard wired programming. If you think some other person values the same thing in same way you do, you are wrong. Each person is completely new reality. When you deeply realize this on personal level, you get openminded that you reality can be completely false and you are just holding it true just because you are hardwired to do it. This creates opportunity to break your bubble and grow. Dont be INFJ , be something else and then come back full circle. It will be 10 x rewarding.

@Epiphany_Inspired @Mad Cat @Emerald Wilkins @Simon Hello guys and girls I saw the topic, and wanted to give my insights of being INFJ. I will keep it short because after 5 years of realizing that i am INFJ i have a lot of insights what is the deal. INFJ worst flaw is being perfectionist. If you can be aware of this, you can realize it is maybe the biggest trap and obstacle in your life. And i am dead serious about this because INFJ are really stuck in their heads since they have really strong intuition. Perfectionism is something how they builds models around themselves, it is how they see life. They seek harmony but when you see that is big trap, you will get my point. In nutshell, it is a trap how they kept getting stuck in their head because only way to learn something new and to expand is not learning stuff and making everything perfect, it is just doing the actual thing. This is why i keep going from F to the T and from J to the P and this is best advice i can give you. it changed my life how i do things. I am still INFJ but i allow myself to be a thinker more now and i am shutting down judgment a lot. Once you make this full circle and it is possible to do it, you will know yourself a lot more and it will be so rewarding. Your ego will not let you, because i know you are bought really deep into this idea of being INFJ ... ''it is rarest , it feels like me , for first time i see the big picture etc. All these people like Gandhi , Luther and Hitler were INFJ so it feels great to be like them.'' But trust me, when you see really see the trap, you will thank me. Your life can function 10 times better. it is same thing Introvert really buying the idea of must being alone and not talking to people. Nah, you need talk, but you need to be alone to recharge, I hope you will use this wisely.

If you want to use your brain more the rule is simple : Learn new skills. If you are doing same stuff every day with no room for learning something else, your brain will just stack same patterns over and over again. That's why sometimes you cant solve a specific prolem doing same thing over and over and realizining that something is just not right with a way how you try to solve it. So once you reach plato, you must break it, you must chalenge yourself. So try learning piano or smt , it is one of best skills for brain to develop. My current list now is : - Learn piano - Go to gym after i am done with medical treatment - Start going on dance classes - Learn new language and i have chossen German.

You guys do realize everything here in this topic is one big paradox. Whatever you do is just more perspectives on views on life. End to knowledge comes when you realize your true nature because you see the limit of knowledge. There are no more questions when enlightement comes. Still the truth is that mind does exist and it will continue to exists to serve itself by making new concepts. It is designed to do so and it will keep doing it until something new develops in humans.MInd is a work of art if you sat down and observed how it performs.

It would be great to see it. He mentioned he will do a complete new course on it maybe but we will see.

You have very interesting family name Any relations to Georg Neumann, the inventor of famous microphones ?

@Sarah_Flagg Just a reminder. Remember the fact you are seeing your son as one part of yourself. This might sound little weird but give it a thought. Everything you know about your son or your husband is all inside your mind. Your mind is formed by all of your experiences and beliefs you got thru out your life. So in reality you do not actually ''know'' your husband or your son, you are just seeing part of them being filter by you. Which means you are actually seeing you in your son. For me, this is one of best insights i got for myself. So be mindful that all the stuff you want to do with your son reflects some parts of personality. I know this is obvious to people when they get mature but trust me, i learn each day about myself just keeping this in my mind. I just observe how i see other people around me. That gives a major clue about what you should do because you are aware in the moment why are you doing it This can be crucial for you since you want to be best mom possible As for cutting stuff. There are always consequences, nothing is always perfect. He will have some social struggle but here.. take a look. What part of your personality is doing all this ? It is fear. So follow your guts and see what happens.. if social struggle happens, tell your self that you will be able to work it out with your son. And yet prepare it wont work. Also prepare for the fact your son will hate you one day because he is different than other kids. Don't allow black white thinking. If i do X , Z will happen. There are many letters in alphabet I will give you my example...my mother had a really bad childhood. Uncaring mother and father who was drinking. Father was not abusive but still she was afraid of him. Her idea with me was to be super protective, loving and caring. This happened because i was born with the umbilical around my neck. She was in fear mode most of the time and she did things that really fucked my in childhood. I worked out many of those stuff in past 3 years but there is still long way ahead. Anyway that resulted me hating my mother's voice. I hated that bubble she placed me as a kid because i could not face my fears as i should. I got bullied a bit in school because i was spoiled (and it was huge social difference, i was coming from very wealthy family and all other kids had family problems with money because our country was fucked up in that period). Worst thing is i did not have a strong father figure as kid since my father was working all the time. That resulted in me rebelling against my parents like smoking weed every single day. Along with all that, because of all the stress and some other factors, before i even got to high school , my brain tumor started to grow. I became really aggressive as it grew. After i finished high school, everything faded away since i got more mature and i found Leo's videos. But when you think about it, my mother only wanted best for me. But the problem was that she was operating from fear. If you know by now, if you try to do accomplish anything in life, if you are negatively motived toward it, you gonna 100% fail one day. It is like my sister telling me she needs to check herself on the beam scale each day after she exercises because it gives her motivation to keep on losing weight. The problem happens she sees that nothing changed She gets upsets and quits. And why i explain her that she cant expect change like that, expect long term commitment, she just says : Ye ye ye you are the smartass. Yep.. the smartass who goes to gym every week and eats raw veggies he never wanted to even taste his entire life. As @Ayla mentioned, know yourself and you will be your best possible version of you, You can not be the best mom in the world , you cant be perfect mom. Your idea of your perfect mom would just probably come insecurity that comes from your childhood. You can be only best possible version of yourself.

Just read it. It is good for a reason.

Learning is behavior change not accumulation of knowledge.

Thanks. I can commit to it since i am already doing something similar.

Dude, it is normal thing to lose it. Will it ruin your life ? No. So just accept it I ll give you new perspective : i am 23 year old with brain tumor and i am about to have my 2nd operation on my head. I got one big ass scar from 1st one, i have a bump in my head for 4 years now because cut piece of the skull got lose. It will get sorted out in this 2nd operation that i am going to have next week. Other fact is have some fair loss of hair on left side of my face when i did radio therapy. And you know what ? I could not give less fuck. Funny thing is i have older cousin that had kidney removed and she only has small cut compared what i have and she cant deal with it. It can only be seen if she in swimming suit. So hair thing is not a big deal. When i see people trying to hide being bold and stuff, i just see bunch of pussies. It is nothing to be ashamed of. I am maybe crazy but when the doctor said now i could lose my feel of right hand again now in operation, i was ok with it. If that is the case, i will do my best to work it out. So accept what life brings you, you cant control it all. cheers

They are simple Be aware as much as you can. Key for personal development is contemplation, mindfulness and wisdom. Read books, do not believe and do not doubt what they have to say but take it and try to apply it your life. Experience is what counts, belief itself is a just toy inside your head. Knowing more information is not learning , changing behavior is learning. Knowing is just a web of beliefs that stops you for learning. “Knowing” can be useful, but learning not to know creates a powerful openness that is inconceivable until it is experienced.” Peter Ralston it talks about enlightenment, but it explain nature of belief to the core.

@kalter000 Nah that's too soft for her. If she likes that stuff she likes really weird stuff so lets step it up for both ya. Tell her how about she wears socks full of onions for a day, and you take a hot sauce on your tongue and lick her ass. And lets see who is the weird one with the fetish Anyway, jokes aside, if you really love her, just do it. But try to challenge her somehow so it is bit more playful . Like kalter said, jacking you off with feet can be really good but try to come up with some more ideas.

@Quizzer Now now , let's give it a chance ... Who is kissing the feet ? Who is having the experience of kissing ? Who is sucking her toes ? Who is aware of the toes ?

@Helge Lol Now, this is huge mindfuck for me because i pictured you as a girl whole time Anyway i am glad i could help. Btw about that girlfriend thing, yep it happened to me as well. After i got this realization and i just had 20 year old flashback and i was like wtf. Now at least now you know where you fucked and trust me, your days from now on will be weirder and weirder.If you are getting depressed often now, thats good. Thats a sign that ego is dealing with realization that he is fucked. But i have to warn you, this is hardwired in you for most of your life. Do not underestimate how powerful it is... you will still be sensitive and you will see you will be reactive to same stuff. But here is a tip : Whenever you get angry, do what i do : What beliefs i hold so hard that force to behave like this in order to avoid reality. Dig the answer out and then ask yourself : Why i hold this true ? Find answer for that. And then find some opposite counter belief in your life. If you think that you girlfriend never loved you, why you hold this true ? What would be a counter belief for that ? Was there time where you could see that she really loved you ? Remember, your fear makes self image that fulfills its own prophecy. If you think you that you cant be loved, you will create sub conscious self image of yourself that you are unloving person. Your mind will keep seeking only the bad stuff. If you told me : MAN I AM UGLY. MY GIRLFRIEND CANT LOVE ME. I would ask you : Why is that so ? You would say : IT IS BECAUSE THIS THIS AND THAT. And would say : Is there any possibility that you are not and your girlfriend loves you ? You would just answer : MAN, I TOLD , IT IS JUST THIS THIS AND THAT, IT CANT BE OTHERWISE. And thats the problem... your self image of yourself is hardcore wired that you may notice it will create anything for valid answer. By anything, i mean really ANYTHING. Your mind is capable of making really good bullshits when it wants... It only needs to make sence for you. But you need to be careful because you are programed to see things differently. For example, when you hear your mothers voice , your mind might get annoyed. In reality it is sound... someone else sees it in some different way, for example, if you have sister she might sees it in calm way. Anyway, pay attention how you see things or as i would say reality. Like i said, if you are afraid of dogs, you mind will make a mixture visual of sensations inside your head that will make perfect sense. But in reality, that is just a dog and nothing more. Same goes for your girlfriend. When you see her, you will have different mix of visual sensations inside your head that makes sense. But in reality it is just girlfriend. But most important thing here is this : Can you see our relationship to your surroundings, for example , your mother , your girlfriend and lets say dog, that all you know about them is actually is what is inside your mind ? Really have deep thought about it. Everything you know about your girlfriend, her every word, every moment, they way you see her is being influenced based on past experiences and beliefs. So my point and prepare because this is real mind fuck , when you see your girlfriend, your mother, or a dog or whatever, you are actually only seeing you It is just illusion that you are seeing someone else. So when you have a argument with let's say girlfriend and you have a fight... you both for example have different views on each other. You both see yourself in each other which means that you cant deal with some part of identity that you recognize in each other. If you hate someone or smt, it is just you have one part of your personality. And now for the most important part. If you now realized that when you see other people, you actually only see you, do you see how really important is how you see yourself ? If you see yourself as someone who cant be loved, how you expect the part of you see in other person love you ?

Hello everyone I noticed many people around forum talk about Graves forum and talk about reaching certain stages as soon as possible. When Leo presented idea i knew, as it always happens, many people would get wrong idea about the model. If your ego is weak and your mindfulness habit is weak to be aware what is going on with your life most of the time, it will delude you do to stuff you should not do at all. Whole point of Graves model is tell you what has to be done by you in order to transform yourself on upper level. The point is not just rushing to yellow asap and doing yellow stuff. You can do them because that's where everyone wants to go, but until you are not facing the problems of yellow, you are not on that stage. So i will present to you useful program that you should check out and that is : Even Pagan and Wyatt Woodsmall - Master Map of Success This program talks about Graves and explains in depth how to use it. There are sheets how other stages see one other and it is really useful to see where you really are. This course is great. >>>>> http://getaltitude.com/products/ <<<<<

@Helge Thanks for being honest when you mentioned being bullied. I already knew that was the case from start but i wanted you to say it here so we can move on. Now to explain how to find the first boxes and to explain what they mean in depth so you get bigger picture what happened when you were a kid. I will share you my story so you might resonate with it in one way and get some ''aha'' moment. These ''aha'' moments is what i want for you to get. I am working with 2 of my friends with these issues and they improved a lot. This is going to be long post but it will be crucial for you. Now for starters, the real problem here is that all the tips and tricks that people tell you wont work for you because you are not aware how your mind is fucking you. If you can trust me i can help you get rid off it in long term. This wont happen over night, over 1 month or even 1 year, but when you start doing and as time passes by, you will see more and more things bubble up. When you reach 1 year point, you will know most common traps and pitfalls how your mind is constructed to trick you and pull you into bullshit. In order for you to be able to resonate with something else than yourself, i will share you my story. The reason why i do it is because i am aware how you mind will behave upfront when it starts talking to itself. It will keep you trapped because you are not aware how currently in control of everything you do with you having little chance to break it thru its web of bullshit. I grew up in very wealthy family in country that is consider to be kinda poor in modern standards. My father used to work his all day so i grew up with my mother and my older sister. I was living child's dream. I always had a choice to pick any toy i wanted but within reasonable amount of time (lets say for birthday or smt like that). Now, as i grew up with my mother that was really caring of me, i grew really emotionally attached to her. She always made sure that everything was fine with me and stuff like that. The reason why she started to care so much about me is because i was born with umbilical cord around my neck which is kinda bad thing for baby. To keep story short, i was being loved by my mother and i got spoiled. So this was my first personality as a kid. Someone who values love and being loved. This is my first so called first ''my box'' or in other words, my personality for which i take for granted and completely true. When i went to school i faced social struggle because my personality was so influenced by my mother so other kids noticed my spoiled behavior. Plus other kids around me did not have much money since i went to public school and it was bad situation in my country during that period of time so i know they could not deal with the fact that there is kid who lives perfect live. Second point, as a kid i learned to read before school period so i was reading encyclopedias so i valued knowledge. Other kids saw that as being smart ass and as being a nerd. So here is the point : If i valued love and being loved i could not cope with the fact that other people could not support me for being me who i am. In school i did not get support i was getting at home unconditionally. Thats when my first negative box started to appear. This would be all the bad stuff i picked from life. Now interesting fact ... my mother had very unhappy childhood. She had uncaring mother and father who used drink. He was not violent but she was scared of him anyway (thats the reason she hates when my father drinks from time to time even tho he is funniest guy when he is drunk (people say he should do stand up comedy)). But can you see the pattern here ? My mother had really bad childhood and she was seeking external validation for love. This latter ruined one part of her marriage with my father but anyway that's other story and they both worked out their issues. But because she had that childhood she thought she should be loving and caring to me as much as she could. I adopted this philosophy as a kid that i should value love and being loved all the time and when i did not get that, i was being depressed. Worst thing was that my father was absent on work, so on side i was getting made fun off from other kids and from other side i was getting unconditional love her side. As she was very protective of me, i was living living more like in a bubble for the most time of my childhood.This fucked me because i did not face some challenges as a kid as i should. Later on, i could not stand my mother talking to me when i got in high school because i was unconsciously blaming her for my dissatisfaction. This would be my example how these boxes develop a pile of boxes that you can't understand later. This is what is going on with you in nutshell. Somewhere in childhood you developed a need for love and being loved. It mostly comes from our parents. They probably kept telling you were beautiful little girl and how they love you so much. Then reality happened. Some other people said opposite but your close friends and people said otherwise. They probably told you to deal with those bullies in feminine fashion and that is by giving support but i think you lacked masculine approach to it. Thats why all the support here you get from people wont do anything. You need to fuck you ego from the root. Now for the solution : You first need to discovered the your first boxes and follow the trail. Something must click in you and you will star remembering stuff, You should get really depressed when this happens and that is sign that ego is dealing with all the bullshit he hid in pile. You should probably see how that one little thing in childhood effected you in high school, college etc. You should see how the one little shit from past made you do some really stupid stuff and behave in some strange ways. If this happens, your ego will start to crumble a bit. Now after this revelation happens, it is time unwire all bad programming this personality conflict caused. and that is your external seeking for validation. You must know now that you are not conscious when you are seeking for validation. You are completely unaware and you have no control over it and that's why all the tips and tricks is useless here. All those trick and tips you take wont work because these stuff are so hardwired into us. Now you will see how this wiring works and how start unwiring. So next time when you look yourself at mirror stop for second and just see what is going on inside your head. Some bullshit like this will come up : OH HOW BEAUTIFUL I AM . What happened here is you caught your ego doing its bullshit. If you catch one of those, it will be golden. But important thing is to remember is that think about it after it happens is not actually catching it. You need to catch when as it happens. Other good example would be when you want to post a selfie on facebook. When you start to take a photo, try to be aware whats going on in your mind. You will see something like this : OH I GONNA LOOK SO GOOD NOW AND I WILL GET 20 LIKES. Catch that when it happens and follow it as it goes. This process is will train your mindfulness muscle which is key element for personal development. As you become of aware of this, you will get more aha moment about yourself.The best advice i can give you now is whenever you are feeling depressed, angry or you just feel any negative emotional in general, try to remember to mindful and to observe what is really going on there. I will give you my example so you can get even better picture : When i get in arguments with someone, i always ask my self this : What beliefs i hold that do not let me accept reality ? I ask this because i came to the point with mindfulness practice that every negative emotion comes from the fact that mind can deal with some aspect of reality no matter what it is. And i let my mind do its own thing and observe it. For example there are situations where i think certain this thing should be done in certain way. One of best cases would be doing music project with my friend.Since i am more educated than him when it comes to music, i cant cope with him suggesting to work out some creative block we have. The reality here is that there are many solutions to a problem and my mind says it has to be this way just because of xx reasons that happened somewhere in the past (one of reasons would be my ''superior'' education). To get deeper picture how this works you need to get the next point : The way our mind works is that as we go thru our live, it labels certain things and events. Some of those might be pleasant and some of them maybe be unpleasant. It attaches emotions to them so it knows what to do next time it faces a problem. For example if you got bitten by dog the first time you saw, you will have a traumatized of dogs. Thats why fear exists and thats how mind is wired to protects us. The problem is that we have no control over it, it just happens. We do not have control how will our mind will react the first time dog bites us. Bad side of this is because fear can be both good and bad. It will protect you for whatever it is programmed for. It will cause some unconscious behavior from your side to keep protecting you. It will build more advanced self defense mechanisms that will come in future to fuck up your life. For example, if you got bitten by a dog, you will mind will creative ''negative'' labels around experiences of dogs. For example, you will hate dog persons, you will avoid dogs on street and you will be doing it without even thinking about it. It will happen automatic. The second component to it is that you mind makes a self image as ''dog hater'' and i laughed when i realized myself this. In my mind that looks like this : You are robot who is programmed to seek proof that he is dog hater, When you see a poster of dog : OH YES I AM DOG HATER and you move along seeking for me (but this happens on unconscious level) And interesting fact, this is why we have conflicts in the world. We are all sleep walking just because we feel like some things about ourselves feel as true. For me personally, it felt i should blame my mother for my dissatisfaction. My mind still interprets her voice as annoying even tho i am mostly aware what is going on inside my head most of the time. Interesting thing, my sister has same tone of voice so her voice seems annoying as well But fuck cluster of everything, i realized i interpret most females as annoying but thats other story. Other example would be overcoming that creative block with my friend. I just feel i was right because i feel i need my way has to be only way. Maybe you get it by now, but i could relate that ''need'' with value of knowledge i build when i was kid. As i mentioned other kids did not value it and i was seeing that as being bad. So my mind programmed my to validate my self image as being ''smart person.'' ( i am working on that one now at this time of life) So in your case, fear hardwired your mind to behave in certain way and it created a self image of you being beautiful person.It was necessary to do it so it would keep you in equilibrium. That is reason why you have those emotional swings. I hope you will find the root cause of you behaviors by resonating with some of my personal examples. Just think about this .. If you knew you were pretty, would you seek validation in first place. And when you realize that the answer is no, if you ask youself how some persons have no problem with being how they are, they just know they beautiful ? Because fear was not the base of that belief. So you are going thru life like a robot seeking for : OH I PRETTY LITTLE GURL. Now this sounds too serious for you, but one day you will laugh at this when you get rid of this shit. These things happen to many people in life and i am glad if i could help. I apologize if some parts are confusing but i tried to be as detailed as possible. I was writting this post for 3,4 hours as i tried to process as much stuff as i can and plan it out so it has best effect on you. This post itself helped to me journal out few of my insights out. If this helped, please dont hesitate to contact me via pm if you have more questions or just post them here.

How it going to look like ?

It kinda does because it put's things into perspective. ''Take a look at your problems. Now realize there is person who give everything to replace his problems with yours.'' Just think about it when you start bitching about something you ''need.'' Try doing gratitude once per day in the morning and you will see how happy you are and how grateful you should be to have 90% problems taken care off. @Helge About your problem : Imagine yourself when you were born. You were a baby with no clue inside its head what is around her. Imagine yourself as empty box. After some time, you started to fill your box with stuff that you found out about yourself. As you grew up ,this box got fuller and fuller with stuffed you believed you are. Most stuff we took from our parents. They told use various stuff both positive and negative. Over the time, you became aware that you like more positive stuff to be kept in ''your box'' but all the bad stuff... oh well i will just stick it inside negative stuff inside other box and move it away a bit . After some time, strange things starts to happen ... when you started engaging with other people's boxes,and you noticed that people did not like your box. You did not like that fact, so you that stuff from other people to that ''bad box.'' Now here comes the problem ... boxes are getting full and there is a lot of stuff in the bad box. So we start to make more and more boxes to full more and more stuff. After 10,20,30 years... well there is whole room full of good and bad boxes but it is all messed up and unsorted and you can not figure out what is going on here. The analogy here is that you mind are the boxes. To be precise, the boxes are parts of your identity. There is one part of yourself that thinks it is beautiful and other one thinks it is ugly. As you grew up, people told you were certain things. You are this, you are that etc. and some of those things you liked and some of things you did not like. The factor deciding here if you gonna like something or not (in your case , your ego) is your previous experience with those situations. So if your mother told that you are her beautiful little girl (and ego placed that as positive identification) you will take that as your identity. Now, some other people and probably there were few of them, that told you otherwise, ego will defend itself and put that identity aside.But after few times repeated, it becomes your identity. Now, mind this : This can also be opposite situation : You were told that you are ugly and then your ego liked period when some people thought that you were pretty. In any case, ego will develop the need to fulfill its self image or self identity that he thinks is best for himself. But he si desperate for validation in external world because there;s in huge internal conflict. The emotional part of our brain puts us into these states we are not aware of and our logical mind can understand what the fuck is going on. Now to tell you how to start solving your problem : First you need to realize that other people forms their own boxes thru life with their own experiences and world views on life. So what you need to understand that those people who had influence on your identity problem had their own box about themselves. Big point here is that people see you thru their own box (which is collection of beliefs and experiences that formed those beliefs) and when they HAD to label you in certain way (lets say ugly) it is because of series of events they had before in life. So it was maybe just bad event that you had to face someone to tell your ego that you are not what you think you are. Problem occurs when you swing between identities and thats when that pile of box starts to come. So key here : Find your first box on which on other boxes were build on. And be completely honest because remember, you need to be really honest with yourself and it will be hard if your ego needs to seek beauty in external world is strong sign that you ego is one sneaky little fucker. You need to catch when it makes excuses. The reason why he does it because when he cant find external validation, he will try to look for it inside and thats why people are stuck in past. They try to find something positive in past experiences to feel comfort. I suggest you watch ; How to stop being A Victim / How to Stop Caring what other people think about you / Self Image and all related videos,