khalifa

honestly in my experience psychedelics are like playing russian roulette with your brain

mike tyson has done 5meo, the 2nd title is misleading they were talking about 5meo at start, he describes his trip on it

@Chi_ For some reason i don't even trust meditational practices now, Like doesn't meditation mess with the energy and triggers it more instead of let the body sort itself overtime? I looked up surya kriya it feels like it may amplify what i have instead of balancing it am i wrong?

@AlwaysBeNice I just don't feel like i'm seeing any awakening happening in me, i'm just confused and i fear the vibrations since it's abnormal to me if anything that chemical feels like it's been messing with my bodies stability or brain neurons

@studentofthegame No I honestly don't trust the medical/pharma field

Update: it's been 3 weeks 2 days I still struggle to sleep every night it's a rollercoaster, some days seem easier while some days seem harder and longer nights. Mostly the symptom I'm facing the most difficulty with is the vibration intensity, it's felt 24/7, And is obvious at night especially when trying to sleep, all over my body, Spinal cord, body, ass, legs, arms, Most vibration is felt around the spinal cord to heart area. It comes up to my head too, sometimes it does vibrate close to my brain and my tinnitus gets agitated it gets loud and annoying. Although the brain always is sensitive and does have a steady vibration of it's own I'm kind of used to it, but it can get so annoying when i focus on it. No idea what to focus on when i'm on bed. My vision feels off, it feels darker like energy when my eyes are closed. I managed to get like 3-4 dreams so far so i guess i am falling a sleep. Dreams i get are nothing special just mundane life like me playing a game or having sex. Nothing spiritual nothing special. Actually I do remember a dream where i took mushrooms and i freaked out as i was losing my sense of reality, I would never take them honestly no idea why i dreamt that. I hated it on the dream it was just too insane intense and unstable that I loathe it. I prefer mundane stable life ironically.. I am improving but improvement is slow, And just 30minutes ago i felt like i was going to die on bed so i freaked out and got up here typing this. I've had another strange alternate state of consciousness last week. It's like my consciousness was frozen in time, And every thought i had would come to life, they all had weight and a certain feeling, Like when i said why? It spawned and fell on my head and i felt it on my face, When i said something nice it felt warm, and it would interact with my body, When i said something bad it interacted with my body and didn't feel good, was quite unpleasant. I have no idea what's going on with me i don't feel special or spiritual, i feel like my body has gotten sensitive and is a mess. As for my ego i notice myself being cranky at life because i can't get enough sleep. Fuck i'm afraid if this shit is permanent, Who knows maybe it'll wear out in 2months or 8months or 2 years, jeez i don't know but i do feel like i've improved on being much more grounded in my waking state but it feels like i'm just trying to distract myself all day running away from it, Moments before bed or whenever the sun sets and its dark i have these thoughts like, oh shit i'm going to have to face another painful terror long night again. It comes and goes every now and then throughout the day, mostly at night its more active before bed, How the fuck do i relax, I miss meditating, I can't do that because i feel like it triggers things in me that make me go unstable or make it longer to recover. Help : ( I forgot to mention i did do ibogaine like 2 weeks + 5 days ago before my trip, Did Ibogaine TA @ 1g, not sure if this is why my 5meo trip is different, is it because my valves were like more open and 5meo made all that energy overflow due to the clean up from the past ibogaine? Just wondering.

@moon777light For my well being right now, i'm sorry but i'm not going to answer your questions i feel like it's too early to re-explore it As for the Dark Knight link, i'm not sure anymore, i see my mind chasing for answers on how to deal with things, i just feel like letting go of control, it'll all settle in time, i don't need to copy anyone out there even if they are pieces of me, i'll just trust in my process as it'll find its place, And i've seen so many contradictions of various teachings already from don't meditate to meditate and feel yourself. It just doesn't make sense at times i feel like no one really knows what's going on, or rather my unique mindstream situation is different, i need to cope with it in my intuitive ways instead. Thank you for caring. I should quit the forums already, i keep finding myself back here because i have nothing to do lost in boredom.

@peanutspathtotruth @peanutspathtotruth Dark night of the soul can last up to 2 years, jeez i'm not ready for 2 years of this crap lol I don't think i'm experiencing dark night of the soul tbh, it feels like more like a sudden shock from an accident phase that i will recover from eventually @moon777light stay clean listen to intuition, i know i messed up when i went against it, my ego just wanted to prove it's cool by doing ibogaine/5meo, now i don't even dare microdosing on the shrooms i got I didn't realize i was already complete before taking any, it's always going to be perfect at every moment regardless of if you take them or not, I just have a preference for less suffering and more appreciation/relaxing into life which i was already doing before taking them, they just amplified me to do it more often now, pain helps you be grateful at least in my experience, i do not feel the spiritual benefits of what people speak off when it comes to 5meo not yet, not even sure if i ever will at this rate

@Nahm I'm confused, i have random moments of fear, even when i'm doing something that is supposed to be enjoyable like watching a series or hanging out with my dad. (Tbh i'm confused i don't even know if it's anxiety/fear all i know i'm not thinking about anything scary, but the feeling of vibrations around the heart area/spine/back/ass confuse me) I second guess myself thinking is this mild ptsd or kundalini? I even had a moment where i woke once heavy breathing. If it was kundulini i'm supposed to feel bliss right? I don't think i'm experiencing any bliss, Although there was a moment where i felt like my legs are getting massaged, Could it be a mixture of both?

@cetus56 Interesting I'm being pursued by reality, I thought we always were, aren't we always vulnerable? @Good-boy similar but different

@peanutspathtotruth skipping around instinctively

@peanutspathtotruth really liked this highlight 1:31:18, thanks for sharing

@cetus56 @Nahm Not being the same sounds a little too much to swallow, I love the old days, Vibrations through my body could take a while to get used to, i just hope it doesn't interfere with my sleep, I think i'm amplifying fear due to me thinking something is wrong with me or because i have memories of having a hard time sleeping quick. Sometimes i even get confused if i am feeling anxious or it's just the body vibrating around my heart/spine/core. I notice myself fearful sometimes when i have no thoughts or if i am doing nothing that distracts me, i focus on the pacing vibrations through my body it could be anywhere, sometimes subtle sometimes stronger, and a thought comes by fearfully Is something wrong? Am i going to be alright? Will it always be this way? As for my dream it's nothing special it was ironically a sexual dream, Probably from me masturbating before bed since i'm trying to drain out the energy via masturbation before bed. Not very spiritual, But i'm just that desperate to be back to normal mode instead of being health paranoid.

@Leo Gura @Nahm @SunnyNewDay @Freakyboo Update: I managed to sleep for the past three nights, randomly wake up sometimes 2-4 times a night, I managed to have my first dream last night so that's good. I still struggle to sleep though, Been been struggling for an hour on bed, I notice i activate my trip like when i focus on breath? I'm not sure, And it makes my mind super awake after that, How do i fall asleep if i can't meditate/focus on breath this is like a habitual normal thing for me usually.. Can it go away even if i meditate every night as i try to sleep? Or am i just prolonging it to never go away if i keep doing this habit Edit: starting to think this is not kundulini awakening since i don't feel any bliss factor from it just vibrations

man these 2 posts blend in so well, i just couldn't stop laughing at it, it's like you don't exist the we finally figured it out, no self LOL

Had these saved in a notepad on my external hard drive, going to drop them here, these are all my favorites from him, Hope you guys enjoy the read, or skip them if your not into poetry. Themes: Enlightenment, love, dream Theme: Enlightenment poetry My birthplace is placelessness, My sign is to have and give no sign. You say you see my mouth, ears, eyes, nose; they are not mine. I am the life of life. I am that cat, this stone, no one. I have thrown duality away like an old dishrag, I see and know all times and worlds, As one, one, always one. ------ To meet my thousand thousand faces I roam the world; The dirtiest grass Wears the sunlight of my skin: I stand in this stream, myself, and laugh. ------- Seizing my life in your hands, you thrashed it clean on the savage rocks of Eternal Mind. How its colors bled, until they grew white! You smile and sit back; I dry in your sun. Rumi ----- take someone who doesn't keep score, who's not looking to be richer or afraid of losing, who has not the slightest interest even in his own personality. He is free ~ rumi The quieter you become, the more you are able to hear ~ Rumi Let silence take you to the core of life ~ rumi There is a voice that doesn't use words, Listen ~ rumi Silence is the language of god, All else is poor translation ~ rumi Do you know what you are? You are a manuscript of a divine letter. You are a mirror reflecting a nobile face. The universe is not outside of you. Look inside yourself; Everything that you want you are already that. ~ rumi Rumi on dreams: "This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn and you wake up laughing at what you thought was grief" Knock, And he'll open the door, Vanish, And he'll make you shine like the sun, Fall, And he'll raise you to the heavens, Become nothing, And he'll turn you into everything I learned that every mortal will taste death, But only some will taste life. although the road is never ending, take a step and keep walking, do not look fearfully into the distance, On this path let the soul be your guide for the body is hesitant and full of fear. "My life depends upon my dying" This keeps my body and soul alive. I dream but, I do not sleep. You were born with wings, Why do you prefer to crawl through life? If no one recognizes you, I do because you are my life and soul. those who don't want to change, let them sleep. ~Rumi Rumi on love : Close your eyes, Fall in love. Stay there. “When I am with you, we stay up all night. When you're not here, I can't go to sleep. Praise God for those two insomnias! And the difference between them.” Embark on the journey of love it takes you from yourself to your self I choose to hold you in my dreams for in my dreams there is no end. Your absence saddens me Beloved between you and I, there is no seperation, its like moving into an ocean at the place where it meets the sky-- the horizon is melted. I want you, nothing else, just you There's so much of you in my heart. Anything that is beautiful, people want to break, you are beautiful and i'm afraid You are the love of my soul For you, a thousand times. You are the most beautiful fate If a hug represented how much i love you, I would hold you in my arms forever. In the evening, nothing resembles you, nothing pleases me but you. I once had a thousand desires, But in my one desire to know you all else melted away. I am yours, don't give myself back to me I will whisper secrets in your ears, just nod yes and be silent. I am so silent because i am constantly talking with you There is someone who looks after us behind the curtain in truth, we are here. This is our shadow What hurts you blesses you, Darkness is your candle. You transform all those who are touched by you Love has inflicted so many pains on me, but that's how my life became blessed. “Suffering is a gift. In it is hidden mercy.” Don't look for me in human shape, I am inside your looking. You think of yourself as a citizen of the universe, You think you belong to this world of dust and matter, Out of this dust you have created a personal image, and have forgotten about the essence of your true origin As you live deeper in heart the mirror gets cleaner and cleaner. A time comes in your life when you finally get it, When in midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks somewhere, the voice inside your head cries out ~ ENOUGH. I searched for god, found only myself, I searched for myself and found only God. God take my soul to that place, where i may speak without words. Study me as much as you like, you will never know me, For I differ a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Know the body is merely a garment, Go seek the wearer not the cloack. What's meant to be will always find it's way, Always. And if every way is closed before you, The secret one will show a secret path, No others have seen. The very center of your heart is where life begins, The most beautiful place on earth. Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange bull of what you really love, It will not lead you astray. Awake my dear, be kind, to your sleeping being, take it out, into the fields of light, and let it breath. And then die, into the love, it has for you, as pieces of cloud dissolve in it's sunlight. ~ rumi "If I love myself, I love you. If I love you, I love myself.” Goodbyes are only for those who love with their eyes. Because for those who love with heart and soul there is no such thing as separation.” “The only lasting beauty is the beauty of the heart.” Patience is not sitting and waiting, it is foreseeing. It is looking at the night and seeing the day. Lovers are patient and know that the moon needs time to become full.” “If light is in your heart, you will find your way home.” “You’ll never find me. For I have been with you, from the beginning of me.” Extras: I was inspired by rumi and i wrote : After surrendering to the beloved grace. Your ocean continues to care, for each wave hit until you reach the shore, You are given more help than you will ever know. You may be blind to it but one day, the timeless being awakens to love, it has received. Why are you knocking at every other door? Go, Knock at the door of your own heart. God writes spiritual mysteries in our hearts, where they wait silently for discovery. ~ Rumi Once you conquer your selfish self, all your darkness will change to light. You've no idea how hard I've looked for a gift to bring You. Nothing seemed right. What's the point of bringing gold to the gold mine, or water to the Ocean. Everything i came up with was like taking spices to the Orient. It's no good giving my heart and my soul because you already have these. So- I've bought you a mirror. Look at yourself and remember me. - Rumi Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor ~ rumi What you seek is seeking you ~ Rumi Don't grieve, Anything you lose comes back in another form ~ rumi why do you stay in prison, when the door is so wide open? ~ Rumi If you are irritated by every rub, how will you ever be polished? ~ Rumi There is a candle in your heart ready to be kindled, There is a void in your soul, ready to be filled. You feel it, don't you? ~ Rumi "Don't you know yet? It is your light that lights the worlds" ~ rumi With life as half taken breath, don't plant anything but love. ~ Rumi Wear gratitude like a cloak, It will feed every corner of your life. ~ Rumi You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop ~ Rumi I am not this hair, I am not this skin, I am the Soul that lives within. ~ rumi Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen. Not any religion or cultural system. I am not from the east or the west, not out of the ocean or up from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not composed of elements at all. I do not exist, am not an entity in this world or the next, did not descend from Adam and Eve or any origin story. My place is the placeless, a trace of the traceless. Neither body or soul. I belong to the beloved, have seen the two worlds as one and that one call to and know, first, last, outer, inner, only that breath breathing human being. Define and narrow me, you starve yourself of yourself Nail me down in a box of cold worlds, that box is your coffin. I do not know who I am. I am in astounding lucid confusion. I am not a christian, I am not a jew, I am not a zoroastrian, And I am not even a muslim. I do not belong to the land, or any known or unknown sea Nature cannot own or claim me, nor can heaven, Nor can china or bulgaria, My birthplace is placelessness My sign to have and give no sign You say you see my mouth,ears,nose --- they are not mine. I am the life of life I am the cat, this stone, no one I have thrown duality away like an old dishrag I see and know all times and worlds, As one, one, always one. So what do i have to do to get you to admit who is speaking? Admit it and change everything! This is your own voice echoing off the walls of God. (Re-edit retranslated) Define and narrow me, you starve yourself of yourself Nail me down in a box of cold worlds, that box is your coffin. I do not know who I am. I am in astounding lucid confusion. I am not a christian, I am not a jew, I am not a zoroastrian, And I am not even a muslim. Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu,Buddhist, Sufi, or Zen. Not any religion or cultural system. I do not belong to the land, or any known or unknown sea. Nature cannot own or claim me, nor can heaven, Nor can china or bulgaria, I am not from the east or the west, not out of the ocean or up from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not composed of elements at all. I do not exist, am not an entity in this world or the next, did not descend from Adam and Eve or any origin story. My birthplace is placelessness, My sign is to have and give no sign, You say you see my mouth,ears,nose --- they are not mine. I am the life of life I am the cat, this stone, no one. I have thrown duality away like an old dishrag. I see and know all times and worlds, As one, one, always one. So what do i have to do to get you to admit who is speaking? Admit it and change everything! This is your own voice echoing off the walls of God. I belong to the beloved, have seen the two worlds as one, one, Always one. Extras: Tear down the mosque, the temple, Destroy whatever you please. but don't kill a human heart for that is where god resides ~ bulleh shah Look into yourself - You have learnt so much, read a thousand books, have you ever read your self? You have gone to mosques and temples, Have you ever visited your soul? You have reached into skies, but you have failed to reach, what's in your heart. ~ bulleh shah Is this a fair hide and seek, you cannot be noticed. How is it that no one has noticed you, The very presence is always being there. Oh you shine yet blend so perfectly, just like a timeless god. Beyond words, Beyond time, Beyond thoughts, Beyond any identification. You cannot be traced, For you are a traceless timeless being. Playing with yourself for a thousand nights. I laugh, How silly you can be. You shatter worlds, You Create worlds. If only the mind has noticed, How can that be? The hide and seek continues for eternity. ~ me ; )

I'm good guys, managed to sleep last night woke up a few times but fell back asleep, was in bed from 2am till 1pm. I had a strange sensation when i woke up, it's like the energy in my body was gentle towards my legs it felt like a healing massage Should be recovering slowly from here. I'm estimating I'll be good as new by next week. I love being natural over using pharmaceuticals although even spiritually pharma isn't that bad as it's part of us. Either way there is no right and wrong in any approach, I'm just going to go on my intuition and my intuition says I'm more than fine. All i have to do is relax into life and allow it all to come and go as a phase of life. Thank you all for your support. Will take a short break from this thread and just focus on more well being. May post an update in a few days to a week.

@Tetcher I read your message before i tried to attempt sleeping, my mind kept coming up with what if stories if i lose my mind what if it's too late etc etc, Ego creates a lot of doubts, I wish i didn't read your message before attempting to go to bed it was just too negative even though i'm sure that wasn't your intention, as your intention was to help. I'll try to trust in the process and let the body sort it out, i'm sure it will, i have a hunch it'll sort itself soon, i can see some improvements like i've gotten some sudden muscle jumps (hypnic jerks) which means i'm probably going to go to sleep soon.. hopefully @dmwrss It's so hard to accept, i feel like i have a lot of resistance towards what is happening, i just want to fall asleep i can't rest, i'm tired ! but i'll try and stay positive that's all i got, it's just practicing letting go is quite difficult when situations like these arise they aren't very easy to deal with when your mental mind is already fatigued without proper rest for days, but i'm sure it's recovering some strength just by me laying there for hours even if i'm aware I normally don't like listening to things or music as i sleep, but i'll give it a try, i tried listening to some music yesterday for an hour it did help, but i dislike for it to go more than an hour i feel like i'll never sleep in that way.

@Nahm that is perfect i resonate with it completely on a soul level ♥️♥️♥️ thank you♥️♥️♥️

@Leo Gura checked out Stan Grof on spiritual emergencies, i noticed when he mentioned some of the phenomena on kundalini awakenings is when we copy animals, i did have that on the first 2 days, where i would do something strange like dogs do trying to sniff the leafs on trees, it was just a weird instinct another one was when there was a song that played in the background of my head, a song i have never heard ever in real life, but it played so nicely it was a cult like song of a woman singing, she sounded lovely, at first i didn't pay attention to it didn't care was too fatigued and i was just meditating on bed i'll try and let go and trust in the process more, since i feel some instinct towards that instead of trying to figure out what's going on with me, as that's driving me crazy with all the worry thank you leo @Paulus Amadeus don't think i'll do 5meo anytime soon maybe in a few weeks if my situations does not improve i'll go seek a shaman or a retreat to do another one, clearly home 5meo isn't working out for me @Chi_ no programs of that sort where i live, thanks for the suggestion, i think the insomnia will pass it just needs time to clear itself and balance it's energies around the body @Nahm thank you i'll give all that a try

@nowimhere what is your recovery time after plugging? are you able to sleep within the next day?

@Keyhole @Salvijus @Rinne @The Awakened Viking @mandyjw @Corpus @OBEler @Rinne @Richard Alpert @Enlightenment @NoSelfSelf @Zigzag Idiot @Nahm day 6 update no sleep, very fatigued had tripping like feeling like 4 times tinnitus grew louder, heart beat went rapid, felt weird sensations of energy, mostly around intestine it can go to other parts of the body when i observe overtime can go up to legs,ass forearm, the worst part is the brain since i can feel it pumping blood harder, mind was very active wide awake when this happened impossible to sleep it feels like a stimulant (note no feeling of leaving body slight this time) i'm starting to wonder if this is really kundalini energy or just some unknown drug turning on and off stuck at my intestine, even though i did poop as mentioned over 4-5 times by now and poop'd another one last night the method of administration was with filtered white vinegar only (ingredients on the bottle said it had filtered water + filtered white vinegar) any chance it's because of that that this is so on going? or is it really all in my head a ptsd or hppd.. i'm deseperate for answers hence i pinged eveyrone, sorry guys, i just want to rest and have peace, if anyone has any idea if vinegar messes with the meo after effects of trips let me know @Aeris i dont have the energy for sport but i'll try walking more often Edit: i Looking at phone i noted timing of when i felt like i started tripping 2:56am 3:31am 6:56am 10:22am the timing isn't always accurate sometimes i would be late by a few minutes since i'm trying to let go seeing if anything is changing

@Keyhole i managed to go get some sleep for the first time, still fatigued out of it but better than nothing had 2 or 3 trips last night i surrendered to them, they confused me i dont feel like im learning anything from them besides feeling all sorts of weird energy to my body and mind i had some pm advice to masturbate to drop the energy faster, which i did notice less vibrations but i feel more fatigued the next day, i kind of wanted a clean mindset since its so early after 5meo but i was just so desperate to lower it since i just want to sleep already, but the sleep doesnt even feel that recovering hopefully it gets better soon i did play a video game for like an hour or 2 last night too, which i feel like i should do more of but they do feel fatiguing thanks for checking on me edit: i just noticed this feeling of fatigue feels very similar to the first or 2nd day after 5meo, not sure whats eating my energy is it the mini trips or masturbation or just not sleeping enough

@Nahm thank you nahm, should i let go and let the kundalini reactivate over and over every night? i notice it trips me (almost 5meo like) whenever i lay to the side or on my back, it can be very uncomfortable because it's too often and is tiring since it's a surge of energy, i don't even know if it's kundalini i assumed it was a ptsd/mild ptsd at first, later thought it could be hppd and now i'm stuck with it's kundalini energy? hoping it's temporary and doesn't reset if it's re-activated or re-tripped in other words. these vibrations get scary because i'm just not familiar with such a feeling every night and i can't really find any peace with it yet i have a fear of it lasting longer than i want, the ego wants to know but it can't know much about what's going with me right now, bless you nahm, thank you for sharing the love "Some Things to Consider Avoiding:1.Meditation – Various meditation techniques generally serve well to still and calm the rational thinking mind and to rarify consciousness and are definitely recommended for long term integration. However, when activated the contents of the psyche can be highly stirred up and regular meditative techniques can sometimes trigger further reactivation. If the initiate’s intent is to effectively ground themselves, it is recommended to suspend any regular meditative practices until these reactivations settle." from : https://uploads-ssl.webflow.com/5d3751abc200c54724f3dbdf/5d38dc9c0ab1ce1c6a79d322_Integration-Guidelines-CONCLAVE-28.05.18.pdf

@SunnyNewDay i notice my vibrations are always present its hard to even tell sometimes if im relaxed or not even with music on i start doubting myself but im like no i feel fine, kind of confusing did u feel anything similar to this? @OBEler doubt the kundalini hype on changing me into a higher vibrational being, we're all pretty much equal as one always one