khalifa

Just confirmed with the nurse that ibogaine stays up in my system up to three months. Hence why i wasn't supposed to do 5meo dmt since it reacts heavily towards 5meo. As for if it's permanent damage oh boy.. we don't know yet, i'm afraid to scan my brain for it's nervous activity

This is possible however in my current experience, I'd rather say it's temp hardware re-adjusting just for being more grounded. Or you could test it yourself if i manage to make a full recovery, I really wouldn't recommend ibogaine it's very taxing on the body, but it does help you appreciate life and the afterglow feels like your health is on steroids. Which is also reported on various other re-creational drugs (atleast the being more present/peaceful part) . But that is in my experience integrating 'being content/present' is quite simple yet ego mind makes it complicated.

I notice that everytime i come home, whether it's my room or when i sit at the dark, i've noticed it's also present in all rooms around home, i can feel anxiety, it feels like my body thinks on it's own sometimes it feels like i'm about to lose control or get unstable, i'm not sure why that happens, hopefully it'll sort itself out, (i was guessing it's some sort of ptsd because of a near death experience with 5meo) I feel better when i leave home or sit infront of plants, or when i'm at the beach it's less noticeable, i noticed it comes up at the mall or when driving at night sometimes, I'm quite confused about it. I guess i'm just worried about long nights, since i spend a lot of my nights just trying to sleep wondering if i will sleep soon, and then i would experience strange sensations that i dislike, like the recent episode was around 3 days ago where i felt like my mind was just zooming/time traveling while i was still conscious and in my place. Although i'm pretty sure it's my mind playing tricks on me because i talked to a friend that did like ecstasy+ some other psychedelics once a year, where he told me a similar story regarding his consciousness would travel either to the left or right while he was trying to fall asleep, It felt similar to that. I guess i should just let go and let go overtime it should sort its self and i'll be fine? I notice when i read assurance posts that i'll be fine and back to normal eventually, it makes me feel more at peace and less anxious since my mind is racing with worrisome thoughts. I'm still confused if this is PTSD anxiety or kundulini since i do feel vibrations around my head and heart area mostly. I no longer feel any sensations in my legs at nights from the few nights before it. Those were there at the first 2 weeks mostly. I guess my symptons are lessening so that's good.. But yet it feels like a high struggle with anxiety randomly coming to my body over mind. I do fear nights from being long to be honest they are hard to endure. If their's anything i've learnt from this experience, it feels like everything will go away eventually, my health, my love, my age, my family, my friends, my degree, my job, my car, my home, my purchases, my country, everything will be taken away from me eventually, there's nothing i can do about it but be what i am right now, live being present and simple. there is no need to seek any further. life's really a cherry pick learn phase with lots of letting go to enjoy the moment. it's optimal that way, or else it doesn't feel so pleasant.

@Jordan94 What remedies? All he said was go see doctors about it

a little more detail : Ibogiane trips are 48-72hours depending on dose, I took 5meo after 2 weeks and 2 days after my trip/2 weeks and 5 days after I consumed it. 2 strongest psychedelics in the same month is not a smart idea, I just took it lightly since most shroom/lsd trips are 2 weeks apart thought it wouldn't be as bad as this, but it's another Territory Hope this helps people to avoid it, Yet i don't know if this will apply to everyone as the same, I just hope it isn't as serious, last week has been hell for me, I did have peaceful days before it but it's been a roller coaster of ambushes out of no where I find myself more grounded to think of it as just anxiety instead of kundulini or any spirtual process, it just keeps me more sane for stabilitys sake, As for being spiritual it's been a 50 50 thing, Still not sure what to think of it or rather i can't really pin point anything at it, it's beyond mind sometimes i just think i'm better off believing in mundane life/physicality and ignoring nonphysical states/believes/altered states of consciousness

a good highlight when he asked shrooms questions @Zigzag Idiot thanks for the share i enjoyed the last one

@shahar uriel everything that you mentioned can be improved without their use, in my experience it seems simple to do so yet we over complicate it and aren't content with being present with being (this might sound simple yet it took me a long ass time to actually get it) again it's optional to you it'll all unfold naturally with or without it

@waking_dreams hey bud don't worry too much wee aren't the first ones or the last ones that may walk this phase it's just another experience/phase of life i'm pretty much going through a similar experience like yours, i just try to ground myself by saying "it shall pass" at tough moments , it's just a temporary phase we're going through rest assured you'll be fine but it'll be a rollercoaster most likely, everyone's experience is different there is no one way fit size answer for all of us since we come from different variables of perspectives experiment and see what works for you try a mantra like "it shall pass" or something you are more comfortable with to ground yourself/sanity at tough moments just do the stuff you used to like doing before all this stuff, even if it were unconscious find something you enjoy doing exercise take walks or jog/runs, hang out with people you like, family, relax in a park, maybe go to a beach if you live near by one i find walking on shore/sand feels really nice in grounding myself there, maybe even play video games or watch movies if you can handle it (for me it took me awhile since i was able to since i was just too sensitive to a lot of content that it would disturb me easily) and don't freak out if you get any new symptoms or sensations since they shall pass too as for dealing with possible new arising kundulini symptons for example, last night i've just got a new symptom out of no where, like my heads been vibrating nonstop since last night/heart started clenching in pain from time to time ( this actually has become so common it comes and goes it doesn't bother me as it used to) , but i'm still alive survived the night, so rest assured to yourself in any touch moment you face it'll be over eventually, try to drop worrying too much, since most people obsess about the phase their in that it may last forever when it will not, they make it difficult for themselves to heal up (i ceraintly am making it hard for myself but then again instinct is hard to avoid at times, so surrounding yourself with positive vibes/talks/good people may help dramatically depending on your personality of course ) sometimes i wonder if this is all really true or just some damaged nervous system/placebo beliefs/nonsense making me feel all this strange sensations about my experience good luck brother stay strong, the body/soul will heal itself give it time, take care of yourself

Themes: love and enlightenment/dream “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self. Heart, I said, what a gift it has been to enter this circle of lovers, to see beyond seeing itself, to reach and feel within the breast.” -- Rumi O I know the way you can get I know the way you can get When you have not had a drink of Love: Your face hardens, Your sweet muscles cramp. Children become concerned About a strange look that appears in your eyes Which even begins to worry your own mirror And nose. Squirrels and birds sense your sadness And call an important conference in a tall tree. They decide which secret code to chant To help your mind and soul. Even angels fear that brand of madness That arrays itself against the world And throws sharp stones and spears into The innocent And into one's self. O I know the way you can get If you have not been drinking Love: You might rip apart Every sentence your friends and teachers say, Looking for hidden clauses. You might weigh every word on a scale Like a dead fish. You might pull out a ruler to measure From every angle in your darkness The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once Trusted. I know the way you can get If you have not had a drink from Love's Hands. That is why all the Great Ones speak of The vital need To keep remembering God, So you will come to know and see Him As being so Playful And Wanting, Just Wanting to help. That is why Hafiz says: Bring your cup near me. For all I care about Is quenching your thirst for freedom! All a Sane man can ever care about Is giving Love!” ― Hafiz This is Love “This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First, to let go of life. In the end, to take a step without feet to regard this world as invisible, and to disregard what appears to be the self. Heart, I said, what a gift it has been to enter this circle of lovers, to see beyond seeing itself, to reach and feel within the breast.” -- Rumi This place is a dream. Only a sleeper considers it real. Then death comes like dawn, and you wake up laughing at what you thought was your grief. But there’s a difference with this dream. Everything cruel and unconscious done in the illusion of the present world, all that does not fade away at the death-waking. It stays, and it must be interpreted. rumki dawn dream All the mean laughing, all the quick, sexual wanting, those torn coats of Joseph, they change into powerful wolves that you must face. The retaliation that sometimes comes now, the swift, payback hit, is just a boy’s game to what the other will be. You know about circumcision here. It’s full castration there! And this groggy time we live, this is what it’s like: A man goes to sleep in the town where he has always lived, and he dreams he’s living in another town. In the dream he doesn’t remember the town he’s sleeping in his bed in. He believes the reality of the dream town. The world is that kind of sleep. The dust of many crumbled cities settles over us like a forgetful doze, but we are older than those cities. We began as a mineral. We emerged into plant life and into the animal state, and then into being human, and always we have forgotten our former states, except in early spring when we slightly recall being green again. That’s how a young person turns toward a teacher. That’s how a baby leans toward the breast, without knowing the secret of its desire, yet turning instinctively. Humankind is being led along an evolving course, through this migration of intelligences, and though we seem to be sleeping, there is an inner wakefulness that directs the dream, and that will eventually startle us back to the truth of who we are Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I’ll meet you there. When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about. Ideas, language, even the phrase “each other” doesn’t make any sense. The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don’t go back to sleep. You must ask for what you really want. Don’t go back to sleep. People are going back and forth across the doorsill where the two worlds touch. The door is round and open. Don’t go back to sleep. Remember. The entrance to the sanctuary is inside you.

@Surfingthewave never experienced any of that in my life, i was always stable and sane all my life, I had few moments of being shy or slightly scared about not doing well for an exam or overthinking or if i did offend someone or not, but those pass away so fast within minutes that i didn't care much about it overtime, and they would never affect my physiology ever even if my mind kept bringing them up for hours or a few days, this seems to be on another level of sensitivity + racing mind that would it affects my overall pulse/heartbeat of my body even without thought, it can go for minutes or hours

@outlandish Yeah no cannabis https://uk.huel.com/pages/the-huel-powder-formula-explained It's just some vegan meal replacement powder made mainly from Oats,Pea Protein, Flaxseed, Brown Rice Protein, MCT Oil that is supposed to nutritionally complete with it's nutrition profile. As for fasting, I thought it would be healing for it to be purified with increased autophagy this way hence the fasting, Isn't this common It's probably not as good as eating real food, but it's way better than eating the junk food i was on , I like it because it's convenient and easy to drink since i don't have much of an appetite these days

@outlandish I'm clean very clean, I don't use any stimulants. As for my diet it used to be dirty, for a while i used to eat pizzas/burgers all sorts of junk just to ground myself to lower my vibration but still none of that worked out for me my body kept vibrating regardless to what junk i ate, and i would feel like shit/worse overtime as i ate that junk so i decided to eat cleaner recently. I've replaced my junk food with huel, i've been doing 48hour fasts for a while thinking it would help, just took a break from it for 2 weeks, and will continue to do 48s but this time my refeeds won't be junk but will drink some huel instead, will see how i feel, I just started 2 days ago. I can't really see any massive difference, I feel like i've restarted my process since 2 nights ago the heartracing felt like it reset my vibrations to be so scared, not sure if it's the huel or just a random fluke ;( @Nahm Will do, although at the time of action, when hardcore feelings arise, it's difficult to interact and remember most of this, as my instinct is so resistant, but will try to keep it simple and let go and let it unfold naturally (i've failed to do so many times no idea if i might eventually get the hang out of it)

@ardacigin i'm sorry there appears to be a misunderstanding, I have not used 5meo to trip since my first use, it just comes to me and it gets trippy like without any psychedelic use, it's more of a strange mini 5meo activation but still very scary it's just an HPPD/PTSD symptom i have It used to be much stronger the first 4 days up till 2 weeks, then it started getting weaker overtime, yet it goes up like a roller coaster all of a sudden and happens over and over again in a night @Leo Gura ironically the same shit that i'm doing right now, letting go of control slowly, cherry picking small things at times, not being too attached on them if they don't go my way, loving myself as i'm aware it's all a temporary present moment, so i just trust in my process and enjoy the unfolding naturally, i go after my interests as they come up to be real like, just how i resonated with your teachings in the past strongly, but that phase has been over and i've moved on from hardcore self help practice, I feel like i have a strong base, a decent foundation to navigate life to know what i the illusionary i wants to experience and respect it for what it is and not beat up on it to die early, i feel sorry that i attacked it that hard, it clearly wasn't ready for any of this, but then again nothing is really ultimately bad so this unique road for it is still going to be great, that's what i decided i'll just take care of khalifa with some love slowly at a time, till it heals up from it's current phase and moves on to something more favorable to it while letting go of the very favorable it wants/needs. just another simple basic teaching that helps cope make mundane beautiful again imo current days go by like this for me: wake up, walking/uni/workouts/ some pc use/shower/sleep - repeat , I notice i don't have alot of social interaction besides real life university and forum use, i'm honestly content with it besides fighting for sleep at night @Nahm thank you babe, love you ❤️❤️❤️

@Nahm It's just from my understanding of infinite, infinite doesn't mean love, infinite also means infinite delivery and infinite suffering, talking about it as infinite as love seems like a nice idea, i should probably believe in that placebo it would serve me good but i'm just being realistic I know it's not all dandy flowers at the end of the day ;( I wish it was, maybe i'm wrong since part of it is infinite ignorance, not knowing about itself To me conceptually, i understand that consciousness should be biased to pick more well being and love to itself and improve overtime, knowing it's alive etc, but yet again i can see aspects of itself being so destructive to itself, so that bias doesn't really stand as fact when i try to test it out, it's just so neutral nahm, i just can't see love and positive being the everything, since i'm aware there are other infinities beyond this realm that isn't just about a dualistic approach of a physical realm role play dance here beyond our current science or perspectives in this realm But it is a good card to draw out love, i mean what do we really have to lose since it's a cherry picking game in the end? sorry if i'm not understanding you, it's just bad sleep i take a while reading a big chunk of textwall and i keep forgetting what i read from time to time, atleast i'm functional but it really does take effort to process life lately, doesn't feel as natural Just as infinite love of god wins all the time, the infinite destruction of god wins too, why? because it's infinite So being happy about infinity is somewhat hard to stomach for me, but hey it's better than nothing.. Alright i'm willing to let go again, letting it unfold naturally again @Angelite my creator is a contradiction which is very neutral sometimes I wonder if that even helps, i guess in a sense that pure magic neutral is better than nothing which is nothing oh dear, back to square 1, but i do have a lot of faith in unfolding since it's the only card that i could pull and trust in since i came in this far

@fridjonk thanks, I am getting better i notice some improvements, like a few symptoms that have gone away and felt like i'm being more stable, like i've lost the symptoms of being stuck in time for eternity (can't really tell it felt like 5000-10k years ) or losing my identity or consciousness traveling/zooming while staying still in the same place ( hard to explain since it's unspeakable) , Feeling super dead 24/7 (first 4days - 2 weeks were my hardest coping weeks with increased sensitivity to life, i couldn't really function/play video games or watch anything since it was unbearable) all those are gone so i'm in a lot of relief yet, it does feel difficult with the remaining ones Edit: burning spinal cord sensation is gone although it does vibrate randomly through out the day then again it's a roller coaster i thought i lost the symptoms of tripping then boom out of no where i get more than 1 in a night like heart racing for hours followed by all the loud vibrations in my head and body [measuring my symptoms to make my self feel better about the progress as i ground myself, although i feel like it may backfire] @Leo Gura I've done so much self help for years, binged on your videos / read over 30ish books from your book list, did the find your life purpose program, Done lots of youtube spirtuality/self help binge too. I'm just so sick of it i can't seem to stomach it or do that anymore, I have no more motivation for it, I used to have that drive to go for it that's why i probably spent over 10k+ hours in the past 3 years. I can't see myself going back to that since i feel like life should be simple, as i live it by my own terms and understanding with the current phase i'm in while cherry picking in a simple way of manner, no need to try hard it out or figure something out with extra brute force, just letting it unfold naturally

@fridjonk no i really want to stay clean and let my body stabilize overtime, the 5meo seems to reactivate by itself randomly at night, or when i meditate, not sure why my neurons are firing randomly like that, the mdma would make my HPPD/PTSD like symptoms worse on me

@cetus56 thanks just watched it, i resonate with it, i've been feeling various insights before their uploaded by leo's, it's strange how this was once again one of them, although the detail and common sense displayed is really well done, it's a good share, however their's various videos where i just don't feel like watching or i can tell i may not resonate with it and i accept that to be so, i let it all unfold naturally, yet i still hold a lot of fear at night ;x I'm honored, thanks leo for taking the time to add more detail into the awareness about the dangers of it @fridjonk I have read a trip about some silent mushroom trip, which keeps me uneasy about tripping in the dark, even the ibogaine done at the dark wasn't pleasant for me, the visions were too annoying and unstable, i'm familiar with tripping in the dark with my mind it just isn't pleasant yet i don't have enough trips to justify that, but i'll stay clean for now since i feel like there is no reason to rush on psychs, infact i just threw away 45g of mushrooms just a month or 2 ago i can't remember Quote: anonymous pm I had: "I underwent an experience very similar to the one you're describing in that post. I was about 19 or 20 and I ate 8 grams of dried mushrooms and sat in a dark, empty, silent room for 12 hours. Went into quite the head-hole, became convinced in the objective truth of solipsism and came to believe that everything in the world was mere puppetry I'd created for myself, that all love and relationships were fake, that everything was fake, and that life was fundamentally pure suffering. You might note the truths hidden in and woven through the lies there. It was quite a trap and thoroughly fucked me up. I didn't sleep for about 96 hours, couldn't function, could barely eat - my human experience felt so alien and wrong and so jarringly unfamiliar and uncomfortable to me. Everything about "having a body" was incredibly unsettling and I couldn't rest or shake it. It took me 9 months before I was able to even smoke weed or have a beer without immediately, suddenly tripping balls again, and even now, years and years later, I can only consume a fraction of any hallucinogen that I used to (marijuana included) before getting extremely powerful effects. It's very likely permanently impacted my life. That said - that discomfort, inability to sleep, etc - did, indeed, go away. You have introduced some very powerful, new, unsettling patterns into your perceptual space - but it's extremely unlikely that they're so powerful as to outweigh the combined strength of all of the patterns you've built up in your life to this point, and perhaps lifetimes before. In other words, if you focus on going about daily life as best you can and re-immersing in the mundane, "physical" human experience, all of those patterns will soon re-emerge and these new, uncomfortable ones will submit. I can't tell you how long it will be, and I don't have any particular recipe for resolving it, but I feel confident in telling you that this is impermanent. If it gets to the point that you find yourself acting drastically irrationally, violently, or self-destructively, it's worth pursuing medical help. Don't let yourself get to the point where you're going to commit suicide without giving good ol' Western medicine a chance to have a crack at ya. But I think it's a very, very low chance this will be necessary. I think all you're likely to need is a little more time. But there will be echoes of this that will last quite a while, more likely than not. If your experience proves to be as akin to mine as it seems, some of them will bring about positive insights and wisdom, and some of them will be inconvenient or painful. But you'll be fine. Trust yourself. You made all of this. You didn't sabotage yourself. Give it time."

@Leo Gura I'm sorry for the late reply, It didn't notify me, I wanted to wait another month before I check up the thread just checked it now since I wanted to give an update Instead of waiting another month since I tend to forget what i'm experiencing night to night. Honestly leo, I don't know what's going on I still have a lot of difficulty sleeping. I trip, My heart races, It feels very 5meo like similar sensations but the % is much lower, Like 1%?-10%? Random every night, but even this small % is quite intense. My heart races, My mind can't relax. I see strange visuals of energy. The green/red energy grows when i close my eyes. And the atmosphere of it feels very dark, darker than usual. I feel like I just can't relax. I feel like i'm fucked. Like death is coming reality is so unstable, I'm not in control and never will be. Which i'm on denial on hence i can't let go, even though i've tried multiple times every night it just made me insane. I feel like i've lost a big chunk of well being from it. I still have all these strange vibrations all around my body that come and go, whenever i focus inside or even meditate, All i feel is uneasiness and fear of life. Far away from well being. I feel like my soul has been raped, it's been like this for awhile, it's just i don't feel safe with the world, example: I showered then i tried to relax on bed and i keep sensing uncomfortable unrelaxed state of mind and body, I'm just not well i can't relax, i couldn't relax or rather i cant relax even if i wanted to, there is no well being or peace taste for awhile now. I just feel so restless. Maybe it's just a phase. And honestly I don't know what the heck was going on when i took the 5meo, it just felt like i was dying and i feared death. I don't feel any spiritual growth from it (even though i felt like i've been there many times and it was so familiar in that altered state of consciousness) . and the aftermath was just PTSD trama from that. I just try to ground myself saying it was a chemical that was messing around with my brain/nervous system and this forum just has a strange cult following that i fell under a trap from just to keep me sane. I don't know how accurate i am, I'm just trying to find any excuse to make myself feel better but nothing is working out for me so far. I just feel like shit most of the time if i concentrate on it so i distract myself from it and i keep trying to run away and run away, I find any reason to run away, even if it's an argument with someone, by walking or playing video games or even watching stuff or even going to university lately which even gets tiring eventually i can't run away forever i still have to face it almost every night it's been a roller coaster. IIt feels so good to be alive by distracting myself with anything even arguing , or to even feel anger, joy anything I just want to feel alive instead of feeling close to death which stems my fear more. I had days where it was a few days in a row i managed to sleep quick no problems, and then i have night 4x in a row where i trip up to 9 times (this was recent last week). And last night was just fucked up, heart was racing so hard i had to leave my room to keep my sanity. slept outside infront of my homes garden just to keep my sanity and i still felt like shit there with my heart racing for 30minutes+. Either way i still use this mantra, it shall pass, it shall pass. But no, it just doesn't feel like it when i'm in that experience in that moment it feels so real and shitty. Maybe i'm just dumb? Even though i see my knowledge graph isn't so bad i'm aware of nothing and infinity but my body just doesn't feel at ease with it. It's like it has an intelligence of it's own knowing it's an illusion and doesn't like it? Who knows. I think I just hate the instability of how the world can get. I'm starting to appreciate and love mundane life more, I miss it, but i can't experience it in a relaxed state as i used to due to my current fear and probably deluded beliefs. I understand concept yet i feel differently and can't cope with it to feel any different. I thought it just needs more time since it's a phase. I'm trying to take it a day at a time just like everyone else. I'm probably just attached to my ego way too much. As i dislike the suffering caused to it. It's pretty normal biologically, I don't understand the ego death part of this, In my experience i feel like the ego should be cherished since it's time is so temporary (yet it concept it could be infinite since it could be birthed over and over again) Why bother with rushing on death with psychedelics, I'll die eventually and the after math would be fine, I'm already aware in theory you could say that i'm nothing and infinite just as the oneness is. And all that's left is cherry picking in my current experience. So i can just do that now, I can just cherry pick and live it out till i die. Before enlightenment chop wood. carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water. Sure the sense of well being should be better knowing i shouldn't take this illusionary dream world seriously, But there isn't anything wrong with half assing it and not taking it too seriously from time to time right now as i'm aware in theory. But that's just my way of doing it. I resonate with half assing through it without actually harming my nervous system. I feel like, i've been cruel to myself damaging myself over some insight that wasn't worth it. If the dream lets me access it easily then it should be within my parameters. Right now i don't feel like i resonate with 5meo as other people do. I do respect everyone though when it comes to them experiencing the oneness is does sound cool and everything but that wasn't in my experience and i'm not going to try hard to make it my own. As for my personality I think what caused all this fear ramp up was because of my background knowledge. I've been living as a god from abraham hicks teachings for a while, always relaxed not taking life seriously. And that 5meo just hit me up and made me the most vulnerable state i've ever been in. I literally would not bother going to uni if i didn't feel like it, even if i failed an exam I wouldn't care much, I was so hardcore non-physicalist, I'd take ownership practising all sorts of weird magicka stuff, like If it doesn't happen my way i've probably done that to myself and Something better is coming i've written up a better story for myself etc. I even would walk down a street not caring about the cars passing by, that's how confident i was thinking it's a dream and it always works my way. 5meo just raped me out of that delusion. That i have no control in this dream. Or maybe it was my dreamy state and everything was going fine, My luck has been on top notch for awhile. unless if i was deluded. Like i've had everything i wanted with no lack in anything. Or rather i can not ever have any lack it's just a physical impossibility. I stopped playing with the dreamy illusionary state rules after my 5meo experience, and just accepted in this realm it's physical and stable since i dislike instability hence why I'm here to experience stability over dreamy state. yet i'm finding it hard to cope since my nervous system feels like a fucked brain lately. Edit: I forgot to mention i did do Ibogaine 2weeks 5 days ago before the 5meo, The ibogaine practitioner told me not to do any psychedelics for a while and let my brain rest. I ignored her. So this could possibly be due to the ibogaine being nuclear on my nervous system and the 5meo ramping it up even more.

It can be synthetically made in a lab The natural extraction is usually done from a Bufo Alvarius Toad

@Wonderer Buy any white vinegar from any local shop and mix it'll dissolve easily, that's what i did to mine, although it wasn't a pleasant experience since i didn't let go

@AngeliteYes i did, it's just mundane quranic verses interpreted in different ways and thoughts and has a lot of contradictions between various muslim scholars, it's not new to me i've been muslim since i was born, left islam thanks to placebo effect realization. at late teens. Hell if i were to show the verses you have had to a local shiekh at the mosq at my country or any of the g.c.c countries some of them would argue against you no joke. If you really think a factory printed quran book holds the answers, instead of directly looking within yourself then that's alright that's just what's maktoob for you and is calling you, i don't think what your doing is wrong or lousy, and neither what i am doing, what we are doing is just what's maktoob for us, we role play here, we are still the same essence timeless beings from allah/source, I realize neither you or I is not separate from Allah so i do have that acceptance and i welcome any feeling that arises and honor it with thoughts that mind makes up. Sometimes i do cherry pick sometimes i don't but that's just me roleplaying in the end of the day as the khalifa character with the knowledge graph that the brain holds, although i do miss peaceful days of meditating, these days i'm not really at my best, i am suffering but i am well aware it's only a phase and more is to come, and i'll welcome it all, all the good and bad it's pleasant at the end of the day when you aren't too attached to any point of view, just trust in your unfolding, blessings to you again as for the lousy part, i am not above you nor below you we are pretty much the same as everything else around us, all divine ma5loogeeyn min allah same essence for a reason, a role to play nothing more or less, enjoy it's unfolding, that's the best card to play why fight it and make it miserable? unless if that's the role that's again maktoob, this is my opinion, i do sometimes tend around thinking role playing is meaningless but that's ok as well, i try to accept what is, am i stable? who knows are you? check your direct experience it can be a lying bastard you have to be vigilant if you really care that much, it doesn't take long to find god in ones heart if they look within even with a broken knowledge graph, contradicting again that is duality's beauty yet it's married itself as one always one blend subhan allah

@ivory I do open up to fear, i can't believe i had 3x mini trips last night even almost 2months later it's just wtf, i thought it would be in control by now, i'm still struggling to sleep this really sucks, i can't even see the spirituality aspect of it honestly, feels like i have a fucked brain instead, i do let go as much as i can with what i can, when i feel like my heart feels off or is beating waaay to fast i just wake up and ground myself in something to replace fear

@Angelite I sometimes live life on auto pilot from the subconscious mind i let it do what it wants, i welcome my feelings and thoughts since i trust it, i don't want to overthink, it depends on the situation i don't need to judge it harshly i just let it be being. there is no wrong or right in gods eyes it doesn't have really have biased human perspective, and i honestly thought you'd like it since you love arguing about your 'truth' and are into deciphering quran views, since it does seem like your jam to go deep into it even in gods will is contradictory ironically, why make more than one religion? they all have a reason to play neither are right or wrong, they just are in the end of the day, acceptance and peace between all seems to work for me yet i'm contradicting myself by bothering to play an old memory sometimes i'm done here hope you have a wonderful genuine life either way at the end of the day it's all maktoob from the formless state to be formed into everything that is possible

@Angelite good job on deciphering the quran in another different way from other muslims that decipher it in another different way/view/perspective. from my perspective you just seem like your in another classic belief system of the religion tree, nothing special about it nothing bad or good about it either, it's just what it is, hope you have a pleasant life with or without it either way I used to feel the same way when i used to be muslim, i used to say the same stuff you speak off, it's not foreign for me, it used to feel as if the quran and hadith had all the answers and other people just don't understand, i even used to think that people are proving my point, my mind used to come up with clever sneaky ways to always prove myself right, it kinda felt like i was on a stockholm syndrome relationship with quran/islam/allah, either way i'm glad that phase is over for me, there was more happiness found later, not that i wasn't happy in my previous phases there was always some degree of being content, it does feel like it develops overtime atleast in my experience to be an ignorant arrogant muslim again, please help me i genuinely miss it, lol, not like what i'm doing right now is any different jokes aside just randomly replying not giving any of this much thought, perhaps it's allah's will for me to drop my text here, i have no real control over it after all maybe you might like debunking these since your so interested in sharing your "truth" it'll probably increase your faith in allah which is something most typical muslim like https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Qur'an https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Qur'anic_contradictions https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Qur'anic_scientific_errors wish you a pleasant day, (i honestly have no interest in this topic no idea why i'm posting here tbh, guess i'm just killing time, although it does bring up memories of the typical religious muslim phase)

@Angelite yes special one that's why you are on the forum trying to let us know about it i believe you, no one on earth has seen what you have seen you are so unique