khalifa

why not, it's just playing russian roulette with your brain after all

everytime i go to bed, i just vibrate it's like my body is in shock and afraid to go to bed thinking it's going to die, that's what i think it could be some sort of ptsd, at first i just thought it was the 5meo effect on it all day wondering when it would wear out, but people keep telling me that it's not possible for 5meo trips to go on for this long it feels like i'm tripping every random 5-10-20min at the first 2 days i felt like my body was mostly leaving/shaking itself on bed (very annoying and it makes my mind active like wide awake while body is fatigued), 3rd and 4th day it's just vibrating uncomfortably earlier tonight it's like i almost relived the experience the same sensation i had very similar to when i injected and fell unconscious, (this happened on the previous days too but for some reason this felt a little newer stronger) i just kept breathing and breathing but i could not fall asleep, at this point i'm still confused is this just a body memory that it's freaking out thinking it's about to die like ptsd memory? or is it just 5meo active in my blood stream randomly being stuck and activated at my intestine (even though i did poop more than 4 times already) my body still shakes/vibrates when i'm not in bed now, didn't feel that on 2nd and 3rd day, i'm very fatigued and losing my sanity i don't like where i am and what did i do to myself, i was already convinced that we are all one nothing and infinity not sure why i had to jump the gun, no need to prove this to anyone.. i also like logically i wasn't that scared of the trip, i just was breathing and breathing trying to stay conscious through out the trip after i injected, i didn't like letting go, but it's clearly taken clear on my physical muscle memory? i don't even know that's the case why does my body fear it more than i don't fear it mentally? i just felt like appreciating life more after the first hour and a half after the 5meo wore off, but then later on it kept hitting whenever i lay'd down on bed.. so hectic still on going bless you all i read melatonin can activate dmt? if taken within first 2 days, i'm kinda scared to take it now should i just go for xanax instead ? edit: as for dose it could be anywhere from 15mg or more i think i messed up on scaling it right estimating up to 25-28mg

@Username I am functioning much better these days, i get to sleep, the nights are much shorter sometimes not always, But the unease feelings/anxiety/worry/vibrations are always there, makes me wonder if it'll ever go away since it's already been over a year. My body doesn't feel normal like it used to be. And when i close my eyes the void seems different that what i used to have. I learnt to cope with it, but i still dislike feeling this way, i'd rather have the baseline well being and peace I once had. Feels like i can't rest properly and just have to constantly grind and distract myself from this feeling, I just can't get a break to relax. Even though it's toned down a notch compared to the first months up to 8months. it still doesn't feel good :c Martin did mention he had a client that had the same feelings i've described up to 5 years years, a smoke fixed it for him. And as for psychonaut's post above, it makes me wonder if i should give it a try, doesn't seem like it may even out that fast. plus we're all different at the same time

@Psychonaut Thank you for sharing your experience, Would you recommend me to smoke lower doses of 5meo instead? And yes mine was pretty cheap too just as you described. Do you still have to let go before blessing out when smoking or is it just instant bliss with that type of quality 5meo? @Aaron p As for 5meo are you sure it varies and it's not in your head which one makes you feel blissed out and the ones that make you terror like? You still have to let go before blissing out or its instant bliss without letting go? @Nahm I've been following abraham for quite awhile, before 5meo i felt lots of well being following her teachings, but these days it's just difficult to make myself feel good since it's not easy to do so without base well being that i used to have. Will keep trying though, thank you for your time. I'll let it go slowly, this too shall pass. @latina25 It varies from day to day, If i focus on it too much it feels shitty, If i'm distracted it doesn't feel as bad. Brain fog can be lots or less on some days too. And yes vibrations are always present, also food and fasting affects it, i've noticed, eating a lot can make it become much less or more it's weird, fasting for longer periods will make me vibrate way more.

@Nahm Perhaps my complaining comes from lack of health and/or satisfaction of life, no benefit to be honest, just wishing for a better state of being or dream, i'd like to try a body with no health issues some day, When i was younger, I used to have that but i didn't really realize it's value, until i've lost parts of it. At least i learned to appreciate better but i still long for what's lost. I know lazy thinking. But then again most young kids wouldn't realize how blessed they are, hey i'm probably still blessed, it can be way worse right.. I still have a somewhat functional body compared to my ibogaine trip where i felt like i was a 90 year old man that could barely move around, and would be instantly exhausted just by moving my hand or leg. It was quite stressful, When i compare myself with that moment, i seem to have all sorts of gold around me especially this body that can still do so much. Although the afterglow appreciation doesn't last as long. I remember being so happy after my ibogaine trip. Complaining is feels different, worrisome is just me not feeling good and feeling like i have no control over my experience and it just plain sucks when i keep overthinking about it, probably amplifying it when i could just let go and be present with what is, i realize this, but it's hard to actually do, it's simple to talk about it though. Perhaps a bad learned habit. I do have days where it is automatic. >What about appreciating life more by forgetting about the baseline? Sure these come by sometimes, they feel way better to be honest, I should do that more often

@Arzack high doses will take the body longer to recover, months to years, i wouldn't recommend it but everyone's different

@Nahm I will always find something to complain about, before all of this it used to be tinnitus, but i still had lots of well being over all compared to after doing 5meo, I will be honest i am improving but it still quite doesn't feel as normal as it used to be, I cling to the baseline health i used to have. Something feels very off, life feels strange now, worrisome, but it does feel like i'll appreciate life even more when i do make it back to that baseline, I do still appreciate life more even now as i've been to depths that i can't explain how awful those first months were. But it's a rollercoaster. @Vittorio I'll have to agree with you. I wanted something new i was bored with mundane life, I wanted to see what's all this hype people are talking about all this 5meo infinity. My ego bought in, Didn't like what it saw, is trying to run away now ironically. I would like to taste some blissful tastes though, It does sound nice on paper, but do i really need it? Don't think so, I mean we'll all taste infinity once we actually physically die. So i guess there is no rush in doing it again.

@Nahm life purpose is half assed, online zoom classes have made things very easy for me for the past 2 semesters, i've missed a lot of classes, but i am able to catch up due to just re-watch recordings whenever i want to, i'm lucky because of the covid-19, i'd probably fail if it weren't, but then again, i do want to leave home back then it felt more grounding to leave and run away from home, since home was very scary back then, my room would always remind me of death, atleast now it's not so bad, but i still have fear of long nights when i look at my bed, i go like oh no not again, last night i've been able to be more calm then usual, i had a re-activation but i was able to process it much better instead of freaking out when it happened, surprisingly it was quite easy, it felt neutral, not good or bad, it did feel good at some point, but my hand hurt and i had to move it, that's when the activation just stopped, it felt much weaker then it used to be atleast, so it was easier to deal with, maybe i'm ready to face another trip, but i'm not sure if i want to now that i think about it, i don't really have a strong life purpose and i'm ok with that as i've been trying to figure that out for quite awhile, right now i'm pretty much neutral, i did find something that suits me though, so it isn't so bad as for hobbies, for days where i sleep terribly, i don't feel like engaging in them since i feel brain dead reaction time wise, like gaming for example or even watching stuff relationships, i'm not doing well, i'm mostly a loner but that's normal i guess @acidgoofy no other experience besides the ibogaine

@Aaron p no blissful sensations, only lots of terror feel like i'm about to die forever and there is no going back, my natural surviving instincts is to breath like crazy and freak out, i think if i were to be more calm and if i let go/trust in that energy state, it would've been differently, thing is i had shit foundation about the breathing and postures on how to handle and let go of it i've just read martin's book, and i understand where i went wrong because what i did was far from optimal, i should've just trusted my body to breath normally without trying to over-excert it to forcefully breath to stay alive for hours, but then again it was my bad, i didn't even take it seriously not even respect what it means to actually die using 5meo, then again i don't think can be any preparation that can get one ready for it, but i think being aware of how ego might try to control the experience and noticing it can help calm it down as a rebirth instead of pure death, then again i'm not sure any assurance can be heard by the ego mind at such a terrifying state of mind when it realizes it is dying temporarily, but it feels like that death is permanent at that moment.

@sidaz10 only my first time, have not tried to again, I'm too fearful that i may lose my mind

@Aaron p before 5meo i used to meditate 15minutes a day, i didn't care about self inquiry it didn't interest me did not resonate after some sessions of it. I used to do an hour a day at times, sometimes up to 4 hours those were rare, i could feel a bliss like state when i did it for that long and it used to last for like a day, happy for no reason some of my dosage spilled out during the injection phase, not sure how much i took in to be honest it has been a year @seeking_brilliance it's not that easy. the energy is just unpleasantness, i no longer leave my body these days, i just feel off uncomfortable @ivory whenever i do that, i feel like my heart just hurts therefore i stopped trying so hard against it

@allislove please do, i'd like to ask him if it helped, that sounds very common i've had lots of nights waking up with panic attacks, even in mornings. I don't meditate it freaks me out. @Bulgarianspirit From my understanding martin says if i don't do 5meo again it may fade away but it'll take much longer for it to fade away so that suffering could be minimized within minutes if i do it right and let go. In my case it's already been a year, i can see improvement, less tripping but i'm still suffering with a lot of anxiety and ptsd like symptoms.

I've reached out to martin had an hour and a half conversation with him. He suggested that i go through his book and educate myself about 5meo and going for another trip, to allow the energy to complete itself this time. Apparently he's had a guy similar to my case where he was suffering up to 5 years, He vaped and let go and felt much better, the process was done within minutes. This sounds too good to be true for me, What do i have to lose.. Uh.. I guess I'm already suffering so i may give it a try again, I'm already traumatized enough by it and now i have to go for another one. Shit.. Argh.. I have a bad feeling about this I'm really desperate though.

@Leo Gura Why limit your theory to 1 out of creatures on earth? why not a different timezone, planet or an entire different universe that is even beyond our current understanding of chemistry/physics science As a reference to another thread, perhaps you could still win a lottery after death being an infinite god above universes.

@Ry4n I have not, I prefer to stay clean for now. @Lyubov I've checked out martins book earlier this year, He had a chapter where he wrote trama from 5meo may last days, weeks, months, or even years from the people he's worked with. I honestly don't want to deal with him i have a bad vibe about him. Will just go with my hunch and stay away from 5meo related stuff.

Update It's been a year, i feel more sensitive to vibrations around my body, i still do trip but rarely and they are much weaker than they used to be however the fear factor is still there when they do happen, although i cope with it better now since I'm used to it. I do get difficult nights from time to time but overall i'm okay. I'm alright i can function much better than the first few months after 5meo. I feel weird whenever i close my eyes, it doesn't feel like it's the same body I've been used to. I have no interest in doing 5meo since i can't handle going any deeper in this rabbit hole. I'm on denial just by calling it a drug that messed with my brain just so i can cope better, and hopefully someday i might get a full recovery.

have fun cherry picking

from my understanding these spirits guides or tulpas are just part of your own will/magicka that lets them exist, they aren't anything special unless you let them be i've been practicing lots of will/magicka years ago but i just decided that i want to go back to living a mundane life since it's more stable that way for my current khalifa character

https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Oral+Syringe&ref=nb_sb_noss https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Oral+Syringe&ref=nb_sb_noss_2 https://www.amazon.com/ExactaMed-Medication-Medicine-Dispenser-Exacta-Med/dp/B07B65FLPT/ref=sr_1_21?keywords=Oral+Syringe&qid=1555039054&s=gateway&sr=8-21 Not sure which one to get. I'm a little confused on dosing, mixing it with how much water etc, Any recommendations from people who have done it before? perhaps leo? what ratio of water to powder should it be approx? 10ml 5meo + 10ml water? How do i manage to not make it leak out after insertion? should i leave it there or just let go and close my eyes after injecting?

never tripped on these but they seem to have potential pick, skip around see if you find something you like here I personally like articulate silence pt 2, i remember meditating to that album, it felt really nice IMO green would be interesting to trip to

Just remembered something significant that may be the cause of why it's different, Last night I had a dream, A dream where i plugged 5meo again, it was just as real as my first time, I let go as much as i could, It felt like my consciousness was leaving my body but it was grounded by my toes, my toes was pulling me back, it didn't let me leave I was stuck between terror and love, Half infinite expanding and half stuck that's what it felt like. I don't remember much of it but I felt half awakened and half asleep. (never had any afterglow from the dream when i woke up, compared to past night merging, I used to freak out or try to laugh it off but i was scared inside with a panic attack) I also remember nights where i tried to let go everytime i tried my best, it would reach a point till my heart would pound so much in pain that i would just get up from bed giving up sleep and saying "sorry i can't do this right now, maybe another day" trying to speak to my kundulini if it exists in a confused state. I wonder if those vibrations are just anxiety or really kundulini energy. From what it seems I do feel like this energy is alive in my body and it's part of my thoughts half anxiety of being unsure and half awake conscious energy of my thoughts that is reacting to me. You could say it's the current state of mind phase. It feels like i'm finally making a quantum leap on healing the trama but i believe it's going to take awhile since it's always going to be and up and down phase since it's too good to be true that it was an instant heal. As that's the phase of life. I'm aware of some energy leaping around my body, it wasn't there before all this. It used to bother me, now I just accept it as a part of me it just doesn't bother me it's just like feeling some blood pressure. Tbh I have a preference of it to stop gushing around, it's just distracting as i feel worried about it not being normal since it stems fear within me as i have no idea what it's actually doing. (brain damage thoughts come up here causing a restless mind being worried) It feels abnormal I don't feel used to it. But it doesn't seem to be harming me. So i've been trying to accept it lately.

I've done a a single set of 40 breaths yesterday morning on bed as i woke up, I felt like my body was burning like 5meo symptoms and my mind/consciousness felt like a vortex, It didn't feel good, i tried to endure it and let go but i stopped i didn't want to go deeper to make it any more intense, since i have developed some mild phobia in the dark as i try to sleep, these burning/vortex like 5meo sensations/symptoms they come and go with other symptoms of 5meo over the past few months since, it's like an ambush of soul rape everytime which is what caused me to fear going to bed to sleep since it felt like a chore and trying to be on guard turning on lights trying not to feel it, even with lights on they happen but the chances are less since i fear the dark more than with lights on in my room. Today i gave it ago at 40-50 deep breaths 5 sets, Within my first set of it i felt no 5meo sensation no burning sensations just a slight vortex like shaky/consciousness that was barely noticeable until i focused on it. But every time i was done with a set they felt really good, way better than all my wim hofs they felt like steroids of energy suzing through out my body, i've done wim hof in the past and it was nothing like this, it would usually feel like some energy here and there and i would think it was kinda intense but this was on a whole other level, I felt like i was being massaged/healed i felt so good and at peace, I even cried at the end of how peaceful it as i've never felt at peace at this level while staying still instead of trying to run away and distract myself running away from 5meo symptoms with phobia like thoughts being worried all the time. I still feel like it's too good to be true, i feel like it's like a rollercoaster, i still have some fear in my mind now about how my nights will go not sure, i'm over my phobia of the nights just because of a good session of this, but i plan to give them a regular go in the morning, although they do increase my tinnitus in my past which is why i stopped. And then tinnitus quiets down overtime. my mind still feels worried Slightly confused why it's so different between the 2 days, any ideas why?

@Moreira i've experienced only the terror horrific trip nothing blissful when i did 5meo, i just couldn't let go when i was on it, i still respect it and do not think i will be taking it anytime soon or ever since it's haunted my core till this very day, my heart still hurts every now and then when i feel or remember what it was like, i accidentally feel like 1% of it when i try to sleep i just end up in this state where i accidentally meditate, ever since (i've never had any heart pain or issues before the 5meo), it doesn't feel good i can't explain it either it just sucks like an opposite of the best possible high a human can experience, it's just that bad that is why this felt significant to have some relief off it in being still, i've never been able to stay still for months since that trip, i used to just distract myself and run away constantly with mundane activities over and over without really relaxing, mind is always worried and still is, it's learned that pattern to fear it i'm slowly getting better though i do feel a big difference compared to my first 2months after it

nice find jeez my body is vibrating like crazy when she said 'if you can't see it, then i can't explain it to you' not even sure why my body is reacting to that sentence, not sure if placebo or just my PTSD is acting up, it's long past my bed time but i'm afraid of bed as usual

Well this nonsense anxiety is still on going, still agitated, nervous, night of fears continue this battle continues every night, It's been getting better and worse rollercoaster wise. I thought everything was going fine and boom all of a sudden vibrations started to be on going since that morning where My mind/consciousness decided to troll me by merging into that wall, At first the night before it, I remember my consciousness being unstable shaky wise, trying to zoom out of the body but it eventually stood still enough for me to sleep but the moment i woke up, few minutes later on bed, i roll around and bam it just decides to leave and go through the wall and then suddenly become the wall even though it felt like the distance it went through had no location, No idea how to explain it in physical terms. I don't even know what to make out of that experience at first, I just bursted out of laughter because it was just ridiculous trying to laugh myself way into control that i'm sane, yet my heart rate was pacing with fear blood pressure seemed very high could feel it hitting my head. it was still on going till now. Not sure what the cause is could be some caffeine from some cocoa chocolate i've had, that's the only thing I've noticed being different diet wise since it's rare when i do eat some cocoa choco, but even then i'm not even sure if that was really the reason why. I honestly don't even understand what is going on most of the time, I can't really tell what the fear is about, even as I try to see it for what it is, I want to run away mostly and I just seem to come up with it's the previous 5meo hit messing up my chem state making me unstable. Even though it's clearly been 5months i shouldn't be experiencing anything this bad yet mind is so powerful placebo wise in making it seem so real. I seem somewhat stable on days, it's just when i close my eyes i feel bad when i look within me, it's like broken well being, there is no peace within me, I feel like my soul has been raped way too many times over and over with no real peace. My blood pressure seems to be quite high most of the time. Not sure if it's because of the anxiety. I feel better in mornings since i don't have to face the darkness void, but even that distraction doesn't last long since i still have to face these troubled nights at every night. Some nights i manage to drop asleep quick some it takes forever or rather i don't sleep but it feels like I'm half awake all night with paranoia of a soul rape ambush. It feels awful to be that alert trying to defend myself it feels stressful since i'm just trying to sleep. Even though i try to let go. I'm wondering why does it seem so difficulty to awaken or experience enlightenment if this is anything like what it's supposed to be and not some chem imbalances. I'm pretty sure i don't mind believing in nothing and infinity and my self is an illusion concept wise, since i went to trying 5meo believing in that before trying it out, yet practically i feel like it's taking a toll on my body, it's just so automatically stressful that I have no control but to feel shitty all the time if that is what it feels like i'm experiencing, I'm still not convinced this is an awakening process, it feels like it's just some chem imbalance nonsense to be honest. Although i will admit that I did freak out and not let go on my trip and it was just a terror trip that was on going for a very long time, that felt like death as i was trying to just breath and stay alive freaking out. Perhaps that NDE freak out is the reason why my experience is so shitty so far. Doubt i even care about getting a mystical experience or awakening/enlightenment part for now, I just want to be healthy normal and live a simple present life as khalifa being content with mundane life, approaching small things that interest 'it', taking it easy relaxing with an easy flow. I guess it's just my ego trying to stabilize itself as wanting more control even if it's content with it in simple ways like that. I understand this on a base level yet the terror doesn't even change or shift to peace, it's strange it just wants to be there, no matter what the momentum isn't changing, it does feel like maybe it's slowing down, but the phase still seems very strong, It may take up another 8 to 2 years approx for a full recovery at this point. Atleast that's what it feels like. Bless you, Just wanted to share.