khalifa

@Hojo sometimes i wonder if it's just some sort of brain inflammation

@Salvijus rubbish long session with it till it passes

@Leo Gura chronic anxiety, PTSD, globus sensation (overwhelmed throat), panic attacks/flash back symptoms are not kundalini or are they?

@Leo Gura right now where my ego development is at, i just want to live a good simple life, as for truth/spirtual awakening, i already have a belief of god is just infinite energy doing all it's possible variables and it's already all done and no where at the same time, but it's more of a theory i've picked up from listening to you over the years, but it's the cloesest thing that makese sense to me compared to all the religious mumbo jumbo, that being said all religions could technically be right on their on plane of infinities since god does all the larping on all forms from it's formless state, which is probably something way too chaotic to my ego's liking but it is what it is, maybe part of me i'm just scared of suffering a faith of infinity loops where it'll be unfair that i can't escape it? i see these activation as just a brain error really, like what's with all these panic attacks it's so stupid and i can't make any sense out of the, there is nothing to learn here since i'm already aware of what infinity is and how deep infinity can go is endless, it's pointless for me to keep looking deeper down, i feel like my life right now is just meant to be lived in a cherry picked way and i'd like it to be more simple than just going deep down the rabbit hole of infinity since this body doesn't seem like it's built to go that deep, i'm already satisfied with the current belief/theory which i can't even prove let's say i even go down the spiritual path, i don't think the suffering of these random energy unstable would go away, maybe i'd enjoy them more making some nonsense out of them, but it's probably something i wouldn't like to have any of these, i really want my old life back but with the suffering that was learned from here, i just didn't know how good i had it, until i felt all the pain over the years, in a way it helped since i was so lost in not knowing what to do in life, i know i just want to enjoy it now since it's short, and having suffering within the mix is just unideal

@Leo Gura i had more time to think about it, it's more like i'm scared because the re-activations were very intense and unwanted and they'd come very often several times a night for weeks/months that i had no time for rest, they were exhausting, and i felt like i was basically being soul raped daily for hours, everytime i tried to sleep, there was no resting period for me, my brain was burning i was very sleep deprived tierd, and i just couldn't have any rest back then, and every time i finally felt maybe it was improving, they would just come out of no where and the terror continues, it's been like that for months, i've seen improvement up to the 2 year mark, however now it's just bottlenecked improvements and the same old randomness out no where it comes, but it's not as terrifying as it used to be, since i've just learned to laugh/adapt/adjust to it as it's happening i can't even take it seriously anymore, it's also much weaker than what it used to be

@Leo Gura i really don't know why i could be scared all the time, it's just always been like that since that trip really felt like infinite terror, it was terrifying that it just gave me this permanent on going ptsd/chronic anxiety i think my story character just wants a good life and doesn't want to die someday maybe? or maybe it was because i was treated badly by the people around me right after that near death experience, no one was really there for me either at that vulnerable state it doesn't feel like a spiritual awakening, i don't know what that is either, feels like a gamble russian roulette with my brain at this point, my brain is just very unstable i feel way dumber as years pass by, i'm no longer sharp, more memory issues keep arising, if anything on that trip, i do remember a moment where there was this peaceful light/energy where i knew what everything is or what was going to happen, but that moment was very temporary and as soon as i was back in this body i kept freaking out like crazy and trying to fight some energy just to stay alive since i felt like i was dying, i was dying before the light part and right after the light part, and just fighting with it to stay alive was very scary, i'm not sure why it would shake me this much, like to me i understand it's over logically and there is no need to have any fear? yet my body is acting very differently after that event, it's just terrified

i've had very annoying symptoms over the years from 5meo, that has affected my quality of life and mental health their's nothing i can do about it, i've tried just waiting it out but i'm just always scared for no reason deep down inside, and i can't really explain it logically, i'm just afraid always afraid, at every moment, i just try to distract myself not to think about it, but no matter what i do i'm always afraid deep down within my body vibrates at different frequencies, i can feel them more intense on some days, and less intense on other days, it's somewhat random and i can't really tell what's causing them despite i monitor food intake/exercise, it's just really random their's this strange sensation as i sleep or wake up mid sleep, it feels like a reactivation but not really, i can't find the words to describe it but it feels like my brain is being pushed? boiling push? erupting? being the burning push? towards my eyes? some stable zooming forward, a very strange energy that's persistent and annoying, it lasts for i can't even tell since my memory is just horrible, but it's long enough that it's been very annoying and consistent, i notice it happens if i delay my sleep time by 2 hours and sometimes if i even wake up mid sleep it's just oftenly there as a common thing just wanted to share, if anything taking 5meo is one of my biggest regrets in my life, i just want average health where i'm not scared at every moment of my life

enjoy the privilege of being alive, cherry pick your own meaning of what you want to get done in this limited body till your death mine's pretty simple retire early and travel to a few countries, spending more time in nature greenery

@OBEler yes i have and he's told me to take it again in a professional setting and clear the energies which sounds like madness @tlowedajuicemayne i'm clean always, i don't smoke/drink or do any drugs

i mean if you can't beat them, join them and take advantage the devil will always exist

@Danioover9000

buy 1.4k worth in kendu inu your welcome

@LordFall I'm experiencing some throat like overwhelming sensation and a tightness in chest at all times, i feel some fear/worry that just never goes away 24/7 i mostly just distract myself all day, it's becoming a chore just to survive day by day or even sleep at night @Raze that meditation stuff doesn't work for me

god damn, when does this shit go away, it's annoying i hate that i played russian roulette with my brain it's been 5 years since, and i feel like the improvement bottle-necked after 2 years and has been the same baseline with random annoying activations at night through out the year

purity values is nice but that isn't exclusive to mormons, christian and muslims have it too but these days cults do some mental gmnastics where they justify breaking some of their good old values while following others i'm not a fan of drinking/hook up culture either, what you could do is just not interact with those girls that are into that, if your not into being cucked by her men are being feminized lately that it's alright to be cuck'd by their women it's kind of weird to accept a women of low integrity/dignity imo but hey the world now accepts mental illnesses with bad behavior instead of encouraging improvement, just be careful of what thoughts you entertain marrying a mormon doesn't sound ideal imo, but who knows maybe it could work out for you personally i'd probably marry a conservative since i do like how they think, i like their pros over theirs cons, but their kind annoying on some stuff, atleast it beats liberal cons imo https://www.slideshare.net/tonysheng1/the-righteous-mind-tldr-25524905