Shaun

Well no, not if what Leo says is true.

I'm not enlightened yet, so I can't know for sure myself, but I trust Leo a lot and I don't think he would lie to us.

I'm inspecting them. Every day. It was Leo that said that nothing exists though. I could find the video. Or are you saying that Leo is me and I am him so technically I did say that nothing exists whatsoever?

I get that this may be funny for you and I can understand that but please see that I am going through a very difficult existential crisis with all of this and I am seeking help as it has caused me to suffer from depression which may go on to psychosis if left unchecked. Please understand how destructive the idea that the computer in front of me right now as well as the rest of my family actually have no form of existence whatsoever. That shit can really mess people up and I hope that nobody has committed suicide after watching some of the deeper stuff Leo creates.

That's what I have heard the majority of enlightened people saying and that makes sense somewhat but Leo isn't enlightened yet and his claims are a bit different to what Osho, Thich Nhat hanh, Rupert Spira and others say.

Leo isn't dreaming though. He has had many awakening experiences and may be close to enlightenment yet he still wants to help people who he says do not exist, who are figments of his imagination. The only motivation for doing this that I can see is to ensure his survival within the empty meaningless projection called reality which he created.

I think a part of me still knows that. I would like Leo to reply to this when he returns from the retreat but I kind of know what he will tell me.

That is as contradiction though as he literally said that nobody else exists. There is nobody else there having their own experience of life according to him. And with that, there is nobody to help. I find the whole thing absurd and confusing.

I suppose that's a good way to put it and maybe I have been taking Leo's words far too literally. I have been spending so long basically thinking that nothing else exists in any way shape or form whatsoever. I hope Leo does a video on nihilism soon because that too will be useful.

I have noticed that Leo does contradict himself a lot too. In one of his videos I remember him giving a metaphor about how consciousness is like a sponge and each of us are like the empty spaces or bubbles in it. In his more recent videos he is basically saying he is the only bubble and he created the whole thing. I know this is all just mental masturbation and it just leads to arguments but I still feel that it should be discussed.

I've had that thought a few times and I am basically living my life in a sort of back and forwards state, one moment I am living life normally and getting on with it, the next I am freaking out a bit about everyone possibly not existing. I am probably just confused as different teachers are saying different things, almost like in religion.

I just can't see how living alone in an illusion of my own making can bring any form of happiness. I guess this ego must die and then I will be OK with everyone else around me not experiencing anything I do for them. I now feel like I am asking my own simulation for answers. How absurd.

I know, Leo's videos are addressing egos. If I saw myself everwhere, that would be kind of interesting but if I literally created it all and everything and everyone else is a total illusion or cardboard cutouts as Rupert Spira said, that would send me into a state of unfathomable terror and total insanity. A loneliness from which suicide would not be an escape.

So from an enlightened perspective, the other people cease to exist or are no longer experienced as apparently separate people? Does that mean that upon enlightenment they cease to exist from my perspective yet still exist from their perspective at the same time? Reality being a strange loop and all that.

But therein lies the problem. Those who believe in separation don't exist. No need to do any convincing. The enlightened people don't exist either so I can't understand why he even continues his life. There is no point in being kind, loving and compassionate if there is nobody to be kind to. There is no point whatsoever in doing anything because nobody else is there to experience life with me. If what he is saying is really true then that is the most tragic, terrifying and worrying truth there is.

That was a pretty good answer. I hope to have a discussion with everyone at length here about it as the whole thing has been causing me a lot of stress. The main thing that really upsets me is the possibility that other people are not real. They are not having any conscious experience of their own. If that is true, then basically that is like finding out that my entire family has been murdered right now because they are basically dead. Rupert and other teachers say that consciousness takes the form of all things including our "finite minds". This is different from what Leo said which sounds pretty much to me like solipsism where nothing else actually exists. Could it be that we are all co creating this same reality from consciousness?

Again this follows on from the what is god video. After watching it I felt completely detached from reality and I have zero passion for life. I am stuck between feeling that solipsism is true and that we are all god but either way nothing matters. Two days ago I tried some mushrooms and it was 5.5 wet grams. Clearly it was more than a microdose because I found everything funny, and felt a huge amount of love for everything and really enjoyed it. I became totally alive. There were times during the trip where those emotions would fade back into my usual anxious and worried state about the nature of reality and my face would just go blank. Later I went to bed and all my worries were gone for a while but they returned the next day but just not quite as strong as before. Let me point out that even though these emotions are usually not that intense they are still a very serious problem which may be treatment resistant as the problem is with the fundamental nature of reality. I really don't know what to do.

Thank you all. I am feeling better now overall and I have learned a lesson and that is not to get caught up so much in trying to understand everything and believing everything Leo says in his videos. Again, it is just more thinking, concept and imagination and it can go really wrong. The whole thing though has made me deepen my mindfulness practice so it wasn't all bad. As Nahm said, “I don’t know”, may serve you well.

I suffer so much because i can't understand enlightenment or reality. Some say you are already enlightened, some say that it's simply recognising yourself as awareness, which is where I'm at and Leo seems to say that it's such an infinitely profound experience that it will knock you to the ground and totally mindfuck you.

Weirdly, I have been feeling a bit better for the rest of today, I lay outside in the sun for a few hours and just completely allowed the emotion. I then meditated for half an hour then a whole hour but the fear may return. It has put me off using any large dose of psychedelics because if I am getting in such a state while sober, there's no telling what immense darkness and insanity these substances may bring. I know psychedelics are useful but they would probably break me.

I know that it is the separate self that is getting worse and if the so called separate self gets destroyed, there is no vehicle left for enlightenment to take place. I will consider a reiki session as there is a place near me but I don't know if that will work.

Sadly I think it's getting worse. It is like some deep terror and despair has come up within me and it's almost getting to the point where I am going to be unable to go to work. I think a complete breakdown may happen in a few days. I feel totally stuck. I can't kill myself because that is not guaranteed to end suffering plus it's possible that the people around me do have some sort of reality to them and would suffer greatly if I was to do that. I feel so trapped and helpless.

What Leo seems to be saying is that solipsism is true. That's what I have picked up from the videos and it has had a serious negative effect on me. Basically, I am the only person who is conscious and nobody else actually exists.

This follows on from another topic I started about a major depressive episode triggered by the what is god video. Leo called it an ego backlash and I think he's right. I resumed meditation after watching the video and now do two 20 minute sessions a day. The depressive component seems to have lifted and something strange has happened to my experience of reality that just doesn't sit right. I now feel intense presence and what can only be described as a higher state of consciousness. Today, as I was sitting eating my food after work, I felt as if either reality or myself was about to collapse into goodness knows what and this worried me as I don't want to upset my mum and have her try and get me so called help. My new state of homeostasis seems to be one of rather intense presence with a nagging background of existential anxiety with fear of going insane. It is as if I am now completely witnessing everything like someone trapped in a movie theatre for eternity who is still exerting some form of control over the events in the movie. I am still functioning normally in life otherwise.

I watched the video suggested and that, along with another meditation session helped hugely. So much so that I found the motivation to sort out some stuff to do with my hobbies. It seems like it was just a massive ego backlash which has lasted a week. I will see how it goes, maybe I have bipolar disorder to some extent too but I have come out of this episode more mindful with less self hatred so thanks to all for your support.