Shaun

Thanks for reaching out. I am in Scotland so I doubt I could meet you. I prefer to do stuff face to face. I did however find your youtube channel and I really like it.

I guess it cannot really be answered then unless I use psychedelics or meditation. It is like in Rupert Spiras the nature of consciousness where one minute he says that consciousness takes the form of each of our finite minds and then he says there are no finite minds.

I am still wondering if my ego is the only ego/point of view in manifestation? Is there a clear answer to this? Could @Leo Gura please answer this if possible?

I have recently gone vegetarian and that has helped me a bit. I am not massively fit physically but can still go to work and stuff. I definitely want to feel better, I just hope I can get myself referred to someone who can really understand what I'm going through.

Is my ego and point of view the only ego and point of view? Did god fall asleep to itself and dream only Shaun into manifestation? Leo hasn't been too clear on this.

If consciousness gets lonely and wants to create, that must mean it has a ego and thus suffers.

I'm just going to hand in a fresh, clean blank canvas, or even better yet, a mirror.

Is it like Rupert Spiras screen analogy where each of us are just appearances on the screen but have no actual separate existence as conventionally believed by materialists?

Ok, that makes perfect sense and that's exactly where I am at. I am deep in the dark night of the soul just now and I keep getting this idea that Shaun's point of view and experience is the only experience there is and it is scaring me, but I hope that part is just delusion or the ego trying to take ownership of the true I. I am terrified of reality, Leo and I don't know where to turn. There's literally nowhere to go, suicide is no escape and I don't know what to do. I am absolutely trapped.

To clarify, does this mean that you James123 are god or you infinite consciousness is god?

That's good then, I want to use psychedelics too but my mindset is always fucked now with background anxiety so I probably can never take enough to experience ego death making meditation the only way. As I understand psychedelics can give rise to pretty terrifying experiences and you don't get that as much with meditation.

By that reasoning, the entire general public should be enlightened.

From here it seems to me like a huge turn around from where you were. It seems you are now in the dark night of the soul and I most likely am too. Life for me is so utterly meaningless and I wake up every morning scared of reality. I can not yet see in any way how all the suffering and torture that goes on can be love or be loved.

The confusing thing about this is how are my thoughts not me? Consciousness is all there is so that's all they can be.

I would not feel pressured at all. All of us are here to help. See this turnaround in your life as a miracle because it's exactly that. In my life I have no direction either and don't know where to go. I just wish I could win the lottery and sit meditating and contemplating for many hours a day while making charity donations. Sadly, the lottery is a huge fraud and there are no winners of large amounts. Anyone who claims to have won millions has been paid or bribed.

It seems to me like an ego backlash, stay present, it's totally normal.

@Leo Gura I experience that I am consciousness and all else is an appearance within but I don't understand how it is legitimate to say that the thoughts and feelings are not me. Consciousness is all there is and the thoughts and feelings are also consciousness, so how can they ultimately not be me?

@Leo Gura Bhahahahaha... What a fucking a devil! Who's the real devil here?

You can PM me if you like, I am not a therapist though and I probably can't help too much, but I am someone to talk to. I only drive electric vehicles and eat mostly vegetarian food as I care deeply about the environment.

Yes, I meditate daily but I don't think I will ever be able to attain enlightenment as I work 40 hours a week.

I see hope here and things are beginning to turn around. There you have displayed strength. I too have considered a driving job as when I drive I just love the sound of the tires on the road and the movement. It would be a good change for you. I only drive electric vehicles though so I can't get a driving job yet as few companies use them. You are lucky in that you have had the experience of being with a woman. I have never had sex and my last relationship was a short one in 2007. I am 25. When my mum and dad pass away, I may never be able to cope without anyone and I would probably end up in a far worse state than you. Humans are social creatures and there's no way around that.

When you say that the emotions are not me, that's not entirely true because even the emotions appear within and are thus made of consciousness. @Paul92 Please surrender fully to these emotions and feel them consciously, let go and rest for as long as you need to.

You are right. It is very fucked up and that's because consciousness is totally impartial like the screen on your computer. Killing yourself will do nothing to solve that, I think enlightenment work is the only way.

@Mikael89 That reminds me of my insight that existence and nonexistence are exactly the same. I agree, the ego is very good at making one experience bad and another good and it is all just conditioning as you say. So end ego, end suffering. @Nahm

I know I am not the body, I am that which is aware of it but even still, the terror of being tortured or whatever is so incredibly intense that it seems to obscure that knowing and no peace is possible in such a situation unless you are some zen master. @Paul92 Paul, the very fact that you are still posting here means that there's still some hope inside you. This is a great sign, please use that and seek support. You are still with us and that shows you have strength.