Shaun

After it passes, nothing.

No, you're not. I just saw, read and responded to your post.

I'd just sit, scream or squirm while feeling them, that's what would happen. Still, the experience is unpleasant. It all makes sense in this inquiry were are doing and thank you for that but when the actual experience comes, it is something else entirely to actually have to put in to practice. It takes skill and experience. Please understand that I am dealing with a complete collapse of what I thought my life was. My very own mother and everyone else for that matter possibly don't even know me and can't even see me because they aren't there.

I'd just feel them but I don't like having to feel them and that's the problem. That's why I can't use psychedelics because I just can't surrender, it's just not a skill I have yet. I don't know if you've ever hurt yourself or experienced something so intense, you just wanted it to stop but if you have, then you should know what I mean.

It's really the embracing part that I need to work on. If I could do that then there would be no problem and I would be able to hit the 5 MEO straight away and ride any trip with ease. I can easily embrace small amounts of discomfort and sit with that but if it gets too intense, I just moan or scream and turn into a mindless animal because I am incapable of allowing anything over a certain intensity. Basically, I am weak.

I am afraid of reality and my fear can sometimes get so intense that the knowing of awareness just gets overlooked and I suffer mindlessly. It's the same reason I only managed 11 minutes of shamanic breathing because I can't surrender to suffering and be okay with it. I am not separate from existence but it doesn't seem to be under my control either so that scares me. I will add that this understanding is only intellectual and not yet experience as I'm not enlightened. More fear is revealed when I wake up. A fear of going insane and fear of the unknown.

There is no shit appearing on the screen of awareness as far as memory tells me. I wake up in the morning and I am aware of a deep existential fear because I have no idea what the fuck existence is or what it's plans are. As far as I know, when sleeping there is no fear unless I have a dream.

Suffering ends when I sleep as far as I know and it is perpetuated whenever I am harmed physically, or feel extreme fear. I've no control over it, it just is.

Not the consciousness one. Consciousness is aware of suffering.

Please understand that I am nowhere near the level of some on here. There is I awareness and there's all these thoughts and experiences which are Shaun. Everything comes and goes within that emptiness or awareness.

I guess I just can not understand away my pain yet.

Just now it would seem so, I find it difficult to live knowing that great suffering will be experienced. Not by Shaun but it will still happen.

That's what bothers me. I don't want to come back, I just want absolute emptiness. I don't want to come back and be raped, tortured or killed in a car accident. I want it to end.

Why is it we say that dreams and reality are the same? Yes, both are dreams but sleeping dreams don't normally follow the laws of reality we are normally used to so a distinction has to be made. I have also had a vivid lucid dream where I was meditating on a beach but it was clear to me it was a dream as space ship buildings normally don't float above the sea.

I couldn't agree more, if that I that suffers would just get to fuck then there's no problem.

It's very difficult to while not knowing what is coming. I see the war, and violence and it could be my turn to suffer that next.

This life is fine, I have a job and I don't physically suffer, but the next life? That could be a whole other story.

Understanding and peace.

That's an assumption.

In my experience, it does. All I wanted in life was sex and if I didn't get it by 35, I was going to give up and kill myself. Now after delving deeper into nonduality, being a virgin doesn't matter at all to me anymore. All I am doing is surviving, meditating and contemplating. Take action to change stuff if you can, if you can't change it, accept it to the best of your ability.

One thing I'd like to add is that people on here assume that just because I can't see an object that is for example, in another room, it doesn't exist or is not real. Whether or not it is still there are assumptions. A camera can't see the photographer operating it, but there is still a photographer.

@Mikael89 What horrifying stuff have you experienced if you don't mind sharing? Were these horrifying things in psychedelic trips? @Paul92 I am not sure of anything yet as I haven't had any profound experiences so far, but one thing is possible in all these infinite possibilities, god managed to create entities more intelligent than itself called humans who can actually look at child abuse or whatever else and see that it is indeed totally fucked up no matter which way you look at it.

Nonduality is the truth on which most religions are based. The issue we face here is that a discussion about nonduality isn't really possible as those practising it can't agree on the colour of shit. You can only do the practice yourself and discuss it in the meantime.

Exactly, it can't just be mine alone. That seems absurd like Shiva denying his screen and keyboard.

"By being absolutely selfless you become all the individual selves" I just heard that as I was listening to his video about it. So there must be individual selves right now but that all collapses if enlightenment happens.